Homepage › Stories › The Music We Make › Chapter 37

The Music We Make

The Dress

A few weeks had passed and our time on the road had its ups and downs. It was a lot of fun being on the road, seeing all of the different concerts and meeting tons of people while working in the booth with Andi and Val. Eventually it almost became routine; I was really getting the hang of living on the road. That isn’t to say that it was always easy; being in a cramped space with so many people had its challenges. But, regardless, I didn’t regret it for one second.

Andi and Val were officially bridesmaids in the wedding, Andi being the maid of honor. They had been taking their duty seriously, getting as many bridal magazines as they could whenever we stopped at different stores, going over the different dresses and flowers and the many, many other details that were apparently extremely important. I let them have fun with it, listening to their ideas, but as we approached Ohio, I began putting my foot down a bit, telling them my true desire to just have a simple, small wedding.

“Oh, but why no flowers?” Val said to me as we looked through yet another magazine. “Roses are just so beautiful!”

“Also a little cliche, don’t you think? Her name is Rosie after all,” Andi chimed in.

I was looking out the window at similar scenery. It had been so long since I had been back home and I felt nervous and strange about it. But I knew that we would be seeing my mother soon and she would want answers as well.

I turned my gaze back to the girls and said, “They’re really expensive, is all. I might just want small bouquets for us and that’s all.”

“That would be nice!” Andi said, being the supportive maid of honor. Val was a little more pushy, thinking about what her own dream wedding was like, but typically listened to me once Andi backed me up.

“Hate to interrupt the party, but we’ll be there soon,” Matt said, leaning down to kiss Val. Andi put the magazines away then, moving out of her seat to be with Zack.

“Hey,” Val said, grabbing my hand. “Sorry if I’ve been pushy. I just have a vision in my head of what I want my own wedding to be like, you know?”

“Oh, I get it,” I told her, squeezing her hand. “Don’t worry about it.”

The bus came to a halt then and everyone got up, eager to get out and stretch their legs. Brian came over to me, helping me out of my seat and led me out of the bus, his hand in mine. As soon as we exited, he reached for a cigarette, lighting it as he squinted from the summer sun.

After an exhale he said, “Home sweet home, huh?”

“Yeah,” I said quietly, biting my lip. “Kind of anyways.”

“Tomorrow you’ll actually be at home,” he reminded me, smiling with the cigarette hanging from his lips.

I sighed and leaned against him, breathing in his cologne and the smoke. He rubbed my back and ran his hand through my hair, squeezing my arm. I told him I was nervous before kissing his neck softly.

“You’re nervous?” he said with a laugh. “I’m the one meeting your mom for the first time.”

I looked up and said, “True. Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Stop, I get it. I’ll make sure to put on the charm, my Rose, don’t worry. And I’ll wear long sleeves if you want.”

I giggled. “Maybe that’s a good idea for now. She’s really not that bad, I promise. She’s just apprehensive about all of this.”

The rest of the day resumed as usual without any complications. It went by quickly and luckily kept me distracted by all of the worries I had concerning tomorrow. We were so busy at the merch booth that wedding talk came to a halt even. When the show was over, we wrapped up at the booth and immediately went back to the bus, exhausted from the mad rush. It seemed as though Ohio had a lot of A7X fans.

I went to my bunk right away, not wanting to join the parties that the girls were getting ready for. I was tired, and not just sleepy; my mind and body ached in exhaustion. I was almost asleep when I felt a weight at the edge of my bed.

“Rosie?” I heard Brian’s voice call.

I turned to face him and waved, almost too tired to even speak. He laughed and kissed me before asking if I wanted to join him at the party over at one of the other band’s busses.

“Too tired,” was my answer, my eyes closing right after.

“Okay, my love. Sleep easy,” he said before kissing my lips. I fell asleep the second I felt his weight leave the bed.

He was there again at the altar, but this time there were more people around. Men on the right and girls on the left, who should have been our friends, but looked liked lifeless blobs. I stood in the middle of the aisle alone, dead flowers in my hand, looking around at the blobs in the church pews. The only person I could see was Brian, but even he looked weird; his smile was strange and his eyes were bright yellow like a demon’s.

I finally got my legs to move and made it to the end of the aisle, but before I could grab his hand, I was pulled backwards. I turned to face my mother, tears streaming down her face. She kept whispering, “What would your father say?” over and over again, pulling my down the aisle away from the altar and away from Brian. She put her hand on the door-

“Rosie!” a loud whisper came into my ear, making me jump awake from yet another wedding nightmare. I had been having them a lot lately; it was as if the closer we got to visiting my mom, the worse the got.

I shifted in the little bunk and turned to see Andi there, which was odd; I figured it would’ve been Brian sneaking into my bunk with me. “What, Andi?”

“I love you,” she said, snaking her arm around me and snuggling into me.

“You’re drunk,” I said, my voice gruff from sleep.

“And sleepy,” she confirmed, clearly not moving.

“Oh nice! Girl on girl action!” I heard Johnny’s voice as he walked by, heading towards his own bed.

“Fuck off, little man,” Andi grumbled. “Night night, bestie.”

“Goodnight, weirdo,” I said, falling back into a thankfully dreamless sleep.

-0-

I woke up the next morning to my best friend snoring in my face, making me chuckle a bit. I needed to get out of the bed but she was in my way and waking her up was not a good situation to be in; she was definitely not a morning person. I shifted to kind of sit up, seeing if I could climb over her without waking up, but before I could move, I heard a snicker from another bunk. Looking over I saw that it was Zack, clearly amused by my situation.

“You don’t wanna do that,” he laughed, getting up from his own bunk. He walked over to Andi, gently kissing her on the cheek and rubbing her back. She shifted slightly, clearly annoyed to be awakened, but this response was much more peaceful than ones I had seen in the past. He was able to get her to move from my bed to his, giving me my escape. I rolled out of the bed, whispering thank you before skipping to the bathroom.

The bathroom on the bus was tiny, hardly a real bathroom, but it was just enough room to do your business and get out. I missed my vanity at home, room for my makeup and hair products, but I knew that those things weren’t a priority when on the road. But looking at myself in the tiny mirror made me realize how badly I wished I had those things on the day I introduced my boyfriend- no, my fiance- to my mother, who I hadn’t seen in a really long time.

I exited the bathroom, almost smacking the door into someone on my way out. Before I could even apologize, I saw that it was Brian, so instead I laughed, biting my lip to stifle the noise. He rolled his eyes at me before entering the bathroom himself. I decided then to go finish getting ready at the campground shower house, saying a silent prayer of thanks that they had one.

Brian was waiting for me when I returned, leaning against the bus while he smoked his morning cigarette. He had a bag packed and sitting on the ground next to him, ready to go. He put it out as soon as I approached, grabbing the bag off of the ground.

“I grabbed some of your clothes for you,” he said, lifting the bag in the air. “You ready to go? We said we’d meet her at ten.”

I nodded and grabbed his hand, letting him lead me to the parking lot where we had a cab waiting. We had arranged to meet my mother for brunch; I had thought that a public place might be better for this. I felt nervous and sick to my stomach, terrified to think that things wouldn’t go well. Brian sensed my anxiousness and held my hand the whole way, squeezing it every so often as he talked about the tour and new music they had been working on, trying to distract me.

Eventually as we approached the restaurant, Brian changed the subject. “Any tips for me? Topics I should avoid?”

I laughed a bit before answering, “You know, the usual; politics and religion.”

“Fair enough,” he said. “Nothing else?”

“Well, my dad would be a topic to avoid. I mean, she might bring it up, but don’t be all ‘sorry for your loss.’ She doesn’t like that. Try to be as empathetic as you can. I don’t know if she’ll bring it up. I think she might, though, seeing as though we’re getting married and he won’t be there-”

“You’re starting to panic, Rosie. It’s going to be great, really,” he said, squeezing my hand.

I took a deep breath just in time for the car to come to a stop, the driver telling us that we had arrived. Brian paid the man and we got out of the cab. I saw my mother’s car parked outside. Brian took my hand and led me inside, practically pulling me the whole way.

She was sitting in the waiting area, picking at her nails like she did when she was nervous. It made me smile, honestly, knowing that she was anxious about this just like I was. As soon as she saw us she jumped up from her chair, coming to me to wrap me in her arms.

“Oh, Rosie,” she said into my ear, rocking me back and forth. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, Mama,” I said softly, tears creeping into the corners of my eyes. “I’m sorry it’s been so long.”

“Me too,” she said, moving away from me. Her eyes then shifted to Brian. “You must be the rockstar.”

“Mom-” I started, annoyed.

“I’m joking,” she said, even though she wasn’t. “I’m Mary Lou White. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Brian Haner. It’s nice to meet you as well,” he said, extending her hand to hers as he smiled.

We were then led to a table where we were served coffee and water. I sat quietly as my mother and Brian made small talk, pleased at their attempts to try and get to know each other. She asked about his family, how he became a famous rockstar (which she brought up several times), and what he liked to do for fun. Honestly, it was pleasant conversation. That is until the wedding was brought up, at least.

“So have you two set a date?” she eventually asked in between bites of her eggs.

“We were thinking next spring,” Brian answered, looking over at me and smiling. “We will be done touring by then.”

“Ah yes,” she said. “Doesn’t give you a ton of time to plan. It must be hard to do while you’re roaming around the country.”

I swallowed, noticing the passive aggressiveness in her comments. “I’ve been able to do a little bit of planning on the road. Andi and Val are there helping me. You remember Andi, right?”

“Of course, you lived with her. Who is Val?”

I explained, telling her that they would be bridesmaids. She began wondering if any of my family members would be included in the wedding party. When I said no, because I hadn’t talked to any of my cousins in years, she was annoyed, telling me to reconsider. When I told her what colors I was thinking of or what flowers, she also had negative comments to share, clearing disapproving of everything I had already came up with. I bit my lip, knowing that I didn’t see her that often so I could live with it for the day, but I could tell it was annoying Brian.

“I’m sure Rosie will plan an absolutely beautiful wedding,” he said after discussion of a venue. She was not pleased with the fact that I didn’t really want it to be in a church, but I didn’t feel like explaining my nightmares.

“Oh, I don’t doubt that,” she said, offended. “But, black dresses? Really, Rosie? What about something more cheery, like yellow? Or Rose! Wouldn’t that be lovely?”

“Mom, no. I don’t like pink, you know that. You know what, though, Andi came up with a really good idea. There’s a wedding dress boutique near here and she was thinking that maybe we could all go dress shopping together. That way you could come too. What do you think?”

“Oh, I don't know, Rosie. I probably won’t like any of the same things as you,” she said, looking down at her coffee.

I took a deep breath instead of saying something nasty to her. “I’d really love for you to come, Mama. It would make the day more special for me.”

She looked up then, smiling. “Oh, alright.”

The rest of the breakfast went smoothly before we were on our way back again. I knew that tomorrow shopping for a dress would be an ordeal, everyone shooting their own opinions at me while I stood there trying on dresses I probably wouldn’t even like. But I owed that to my mom and my friends and couldn’t help but be excited for it.

-0-

Val, Andi, and I met my mother the following afternoon at the dress store and I was happy to feel more excited than nervous. As soon as we entered the store it felt like a frenzy. I told the girl helping us what I wanted briefly, but soon after I was taken back to the dressing room she was bringing my dresses that I had no desire to wear, apologizing as she pulled out each one, telling me it was a pick from my friend or mother. To please them I tried them all on, coming out of the dressing room laughing or with a grimace, explaining to them each time that it was all just too much and I wanted something simple.

Finally they stopped when I begged them to let me show them a dress I actually picked out. As soon as I put it on I was in love, tears forming in the corner of my eyes. It was a simple a-line dress with a tulle skirt, all lace top with cap sleeve, a low back and the cutest little bow before all of the buttons that went down the small train. I took a deep breath before walking out to see my friends and mother, a huge smile on my face as I got onto the pedestal in front of the mirror.

Andi had hopped out of her chair and grabbed my hand, tears rolling down her face. “Oh my God! That’s it, Rosie.”
I nodded, looking back at my mother, who sat emotionless. “What do you think?”

“I love it,” Val said with a smile.

“Here, try it with this,” the saleswoman said, placing a veil lined with lace at the crown of my head. She even gave me a bouquet of fake white roses.

Seeing the whole picture, my mother stood, her hand moving to her face. She walked over to me and saw tears in her eyes. “Rosie,” she whispered.

I got off of the pedestal and hugged my mom, so elated to see her happy about all of this and that she wasn’t arguing with me about this detail of the wedding, which was honestly one of the most important things to a bride. She kissed my cheeks, telling me she loved me, which made me smile; it wasn’t something I heard from her that often, honestly.

“If only your father could see you in that dress,” she said after she backed away from me, looking at the dress again.

“I wish he could too, Mama,” I told her before turning my head to gaze into the mirror.

“I think Brian will love it,” she said, taking my hand and squeezing it. I knew he would.