The Music We Make

The party was already in full force by the time we got there. We had to wait for everyone to be ready before we all headed over together, and I was glad we did. There were so many people gathered around the fire that there was no way I would’ve been able to find my friends if we hadn’t stuck together.

I held Brian’s hand the whole time, not wanting to be away from him for even a moment. He found us a spot a little away from the fire and we sat, spreading out a blanket and opening up bottles of liquor. I looked around, trying to see if I could find Joe; I wanted him to know I had shown up at least.

I finally found him amongst a group of girls, all young and brunette and not wearing enough clothes. He looked happy, stumbling a little in his drunkenness as the girls flirted with him, probably only attempting to use him to meet the members of Bullet for My Valentine. I sighed at the sight, knowing that I was being judgmental towards those girls. I decided to go over there and see what was really happening. I told Brian and the others that I’d be back and headed over to him, calling his name to catch his attention.

“Rosie!” he called back, a huge grin on his face.

“Hey, JoJo,” I said. He smiled at the nickname and gave me a hug, causing the other girls around us to glare at me.

“This is, uh, Joanie, and uh… Barbie?” he started, pointing to the girls. He started laughing at himself, knowing that he had no fucking idea what their names were.

“Whatever, asshole,” the girl he identified as Barbie said. She grabbed her friend’s arms and pulled them away, off to find someone else to talk to.

“Ouch, Joe. Maybe you should remember their names next time,” I said.

“Things were going so well,” he cried. “I was bound to get laid before you showed up. Maybe I still will.”

I raised an eyebrow at his last statement, not clearly sure if he was hinting at something or not. I let it go, chalking it up to him being drunk, and continued talking to him for awhile. That is until he put his arm around me.

“What are you doing?” I asked as nicely as possible, shrugging his arm off of me and taking a step back.

“Come on, Rose,” he said. The use of Brian’s name for me mad me mad; no one else called me that but him.

“No, I have a boyfriend,” I told him sternly.

“Right,” he said with a laugh. “You’re dating a fucking rock star. You cannot tell me that he hasn’t gone off with other girls while on tour. Is that why you decided to join him all of a sudden?”

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” I said.

“Whatever, Rosie. You know we had a thing going on when we worked together. You had a major crush on me and you know it.”

I blushed a little, knowing he was right. But I still said, “That was in the past. You had your chance back then.”

“Nah, not really. You were too shy, too reserved. Seeing you here, actually letting your hair down and having some God damn fun is what turns me on,” he said, leaning into me again. He was inches away from me. I tried pushing him off, but he put his arm around my back, attempted to pull me in.

“Can’t you see that she’s not fucking interested?” I heard a voice behind me say.

“Fuck off, Gates,” Joe said, leaning down to kiss me on my neck, making my skin crawl.

“Get off of me!” I yelled, pushing him off with all of my might. “Jesus Christ! You are such a dick, Joe.”

“Yeah, yeah, fuck you too,” he said, staggering backwards as he tried to regain his footing.
Brian said, his teeth gritted together in anger. “Go find one of your blonde bimbos to take advantage of, not my girlfriend.”

“Sure, she’s your girlfriend tonight, but how about the last few weeks on tour?” Joe said, a smirk on his face. I looked up a Brian, the pit of my stomach turning into knots. What did he mean?

“You’re an idiot. Come on,” Brian said, grabbing my hand. I stood for a moment, unable to move.

“So that redhead two weeks ago? The one you pulled into your bus with you?” Joe said. I felt like I was going to puke.

“That’s not what you’re thinking,” Brian said with a sigh. He looked over at me and said, “She was hooking up with Jimmy and I was trying to get her drunk ass into the bus before she did something stupid.”

I nodded but didn’t say anything. Joe chimed in again, “And the blonde last week? Or any of those blondes the week before?”

Brian frowned and didn't say anything to Joe, not wanting to satisfy him with an answer. Brian said sternly. “Rosie, come on.”

I left the scene then, not letting Brian hold my hand. I heard Joe laughing in the background; he knew he had upset me, which I’m sure was all he wanted to accomplish. I went straight back to our friends, wanting to drink and forget what had just happened, in my head praying that what Joe had said was not true.

I couldn’t even wrap my head around it. This was something that I had feared, one of the reasons why I didn’t stay with Brian while we were apart; I knew I would constantly be jealous while he was away. But whatever he did while we were broken up, I couldn’t be upset about; I had been with others guys too. I still felt sick to my stomach thinking about it and the possibility that there may have been others. I hated to think that he could’ve been with someone else even during the time we were back together...

“Rosie-” Brian started as I approached our friends, trying to grab at my arm. I shook him off, sitting next to Andi and Zack in the grass.

“Not now,” I said sternly, looking away from him.

He mumbled something under his breath and walked away, clearly pissed off at me and the situation at hand. I watched him walk away, Jimmy in his wake as he headed towards the kegs of beer near the fire.

“What the fuck?” Andi asked as soon as Brian was out of earshot. “What just happened?”

I shook my head, “Nothing. I shouldn’t say.”

Zack chimed in, “You can’t let us witness that drama and then not explain it, Rosie. Are you okay?”

“Not really,” I sighed, pulling my knees to my chest.

“Brian practically ran over there when he saw Joe all over you. Did something else happen?” Andi said, rubbing my back to try and calm me down.

“Joe just spilled the beans that Brian slept with other girls over the duration of the tour,” I said simply, trying not to sound upset about it. “It just surprised me, I guess. He made it seem like it was a regular thing.”

I glanced over towards Andi and Zack to see them share a look. I furrowed my brows at them, knowing something was amiss. So, Zack said, “Well, you two were broken up.”

I nodded and looked away, biting my lip. It made me a hypocrite, but I was pissed off to the point of tears.

“And remember what you told me, Rosie,” Andi said, referring to me confessing how I had slept with other guys.

“I know,” I said through a sigh. “It’s still weird. Joe made it seem like it was still happening last week while I was gone.”

“That I don’t know,” Zack admitted. “I’d be shocked if it were true. Brian was hung up on you; he only slept with girls that looked like you when he was really drunk or stoned. Otherwise he wasn’t interested in anyone else.”

“You’ll have to talk to him about it,” Andi said.

I sighed and stood up from my spot, not wanting to pout anymore. I gave a short wave to my friends and walked off in search of Brian by the bonfire. It didn’t take long for me to find him; he was chugging a beer with Jimmy, who was a head taller than everyone around him. I slipped up behind him and put my hand on his back, startling him a little.

“Sorry I was rude back there,” I said to him. “I was just surprised.”

Brian sighed before looking at Jimmy, who nodded at him as if to tell him it was okay for us to leave. Brian grabbed my hand and we walked away from the fire back towards the buses where there were some picnic tables. A few people sat at them but we were able to find our own and we sat on the table, our feet resting on the bench as we looked out onto the party.

“While you were gone,” he started, searching for words to say, “I wasn’t myself. I was pissed, sad, and lonely. I got drunk a lot, smoked a lot of weed, and fucked around with a few girls. I should’ve told you before, but I didn’t want you to be upset. We were broken up at the time. No girl has ever been in my bunk since we’ve been back together. That I promise you.”

I nodded, still nervous about the entire situation. But I knew I had to come clean. “I slept with a few guys while we were broken up too. Basically the exact same situation, except it was at studio parties instead of on tour.”

I looked at him, nervous to see his reaction. He didn't seem upset, but he certainly wasn't happy either.

“I really thought you’d be pissed at me,” Brian said eventually and I agreed with him, saying the same. “Are you OK?”

“Yeah,” I said softly, playing with the end of my hair.

“Something is still bothering you,” he said.

“Joe said last week,” I said, biting my lip as I looked into his eyes.

“That was Jenny,” Brian said, rolling his eyes. He ran a hand through his hair before saying, “I had hooked up with her earlier in the tour one night when I was practically blacked out drunk. She’s a groupie following us around. It was a huge mistake; now she keeps hanging around trying to hook up again. Matt and Jimmy had to physically drag her out of the bus last week. You can ask them.”

I nodded and looked away, not sure of what to think about his story. Was it true or just something to make me feel better? I hated feeling like I couldn’t trust Brian, all because this guy I used to like said some bullshit to piss me off. Why should I believe him over the man I love?

“I’m sorry, Brian,” I said, leaning against him. “This is all weird. I know I shouldn’t be mad because we broke up, but it still bothers me. I can’t lie.”

“I get it,” he said, wrapping his arm around me. “As soon as you said you slept with someone else I felt the urge to punch the table.”

I laughed then and adjusted myself so I could look up at him. “Is it always this hard?”

“No, baby,” he said, kissing my forehead. “It will get easier. I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said softly, letting him lean down to kiss my lips. I let him deepen the kiss, trying to let myself go, even though I still had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Notes

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