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The Music We Make

Woman

I had eventually fallen asleep there, the tears no longer able to come. Andi stayed with me the whole time, talking to me about random things to make me feel better, like reminiscing about old times when we were still in school. I laughed here and there, and the mix of emotions eventually brought me to exhaustion. I closed my eyes as she was talking, unable to stay awake a moment longer.

I woke up the next morning, wrapped in blankets and warm and cozy. My eyelashes stuck together slightly as I finally opened my eyes because of the tears and the mascara. I rolled to my back and stared at the ceiling, knowing that I needed to get home to my own bed and away from everyone else. I didn’t want to have to face Zack and deal with thinking about what happened last night.

Slowly I got out of bed and crept out of the bed room, working my way down to the entry of his house. I slipped on my shoes and walked out the door, quietly closing it behind me so I wouldn’t wake anyone up. I quickly walked to my car and make a break for it, leaving before anyone would notice and try and stop me.

I wished that I had to work, or that I had something to do to keep my mind off of everything. I didn’t want to be around anyone who knew what was going on, who would see me weak like this. And the thought of being at home alone made me even sadder. Instead I went straight to the studio, not even caring that I looked like a hot mess. I needed to write, to pour out my emotions through song, rather than wallowing in self-pity alone at home.

I pulled in and parked, taking a deep breath before checking myself out in the visor mirror. My makeup had run and my hair was a mess. I tried my best to clean myself up, found a hair tie on the floor, and threw my hair in a bun. It was better than nothing. With one more deep breath I got out of the car and headed inside.

It didn’t take long for me to start, grabbing my guitar and playing right away. Words came out of me easily, as if they were ready to erupt from my broken heart.

You can lie to my face,
You can tear me apart.
Steal my last cigarette,
Keep on twistin’ my heart.


But, baby, there’s one thing
One thing I can’t stand

Don’t call me a
Don’t call me a
Don’t call me a woman
Cause the good times have gone bad.
Don’t call me a woman
Oh, ‘til you act like a man.


You can drink from my bottle,
You can take all I got
Like a thief in the darkness,
Get light in my thoughts.


But, baby, there’s one thing
One thing I can’t stand

Don’t call me a
Don’t call me a
Don’t call me a woman
Cause the good times have gone bad.
Don’t call me a woman
Oh, ‘til you act like a man.


I repeated the chorus, belting it over and over, tears running down my face as I sang. I was pissed, I was sad, and overwhelmed by the amount of pain I felt. Eventually I couldn’t continue; I had to stop playing and I sat there sobbing, holding my guitar in my lap. I thought of Taylor Swift’s Teardrops on My Guitar and I started laughing at myself, knowing that I probably looked like a fool.

I calmed myself down and wiped the tears from my face, still chuckling a bit. My emotions were all out of whack, but after a minute I was able to calm myself down enough to take calm, steady breaths. Just in time for me to hear the studio door open.

“Rosie?” a voice asked me. I jumped and turned to see Mudrock there, the last person I expected.

“Hey boss,” I said softly, my voice raw.

“I didn’t know you were coming in today,” he said as he walked into the room. “I came in to do some paperwork, but I couldn’t help but overhear you playing. I waited until you were done to come in.”

“Oh, sorry,” I said, shifting to get up. “I can leave if you need to work.”

“No, no. Get in the booth,” he said. He walked over to the soundboard. “And get an electric guitar. We’re recording that.”

I laughed, “Are you serious?”

“Rosie, you can fucking sing! Why did you tell me that before?”

“I mean, you knew I came in here to write sometimes,” I reminded him.

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t know if you were any good,” he joked. “But seriously. You need to get in the booth and record that.”

I nodded, telling him I needed some water before I started. I walked into the kitchen and got some, trying to sooth my voice and calm my nerves that were now making my stomach ache. I never expected anything like this to happen, but I couldn’t turn down the opportunity to have such a talented producer actually record me singing.

I went back into the studio and went straight to the back room, grabbing my favorite Gibson electric guitar. I walked into the booth, putting on the headphones. Mudrock signaled me to start whenever I was ready, and I started playing and singing my new song. I closed my eyes as I sang, really letting myself feel it so it would sound just the way I want it.

When I was done, Mudrock made me exit the booth right away, excited to have me listen to the demo. I was shocked when I heard my own voice coming from the computer; though I knew what I sounded like, I had never been recorded to sound so well. Normally I would record a simple demo track, but Mudrock really went above and beyond. Tears of joy almost came to my eyes hearing it, but at the same time, I could hear the pain and sorrow in my voice.

“Do you have a band?” he asked me when we were finished listening.

I laughed, cocking my eyebrow. “No way. I’ve only sang in public once.”

“I think you should consider it, Rosie. This could be something big.”

I shook my head and said, “I’d rather record it and give the rights to someone else. I’m just not a performer.”

He nodded and looked at me sternly before saying, “Think about it at least, okay? You have real talent.”

“Thanks,” I said. We chatted a little longer and I told him about my other songs. He offered to record those for me as well, but I told him I already had demos. I mentioned that I had tried to be a songwriter for years, but had not been successful with actually having anyone else want my songs.

“I know this group that might be interested. You said you recorded a duet?” he asked.

“Yeah, with Brian Haner,” I said softly, biting my lip. I tried not to give away how much it hurt to even mention the name.

“Can I listen to it?” he asked me.

I nodded and went over to my computer where I had some of my demos stored and then selected the song to let him listen. It wasn’t the best recording quality, but as a demo it worked just fine.

“This is a lot different from the one we just did,” he said, surprised. “I pictured some hard rock coming from you and him.”

I laughed, “Yeah, it just depends on my mood, I guess.”

“That makes you a versatile songwriter, Rosie. That’s a good thing. I really do think I know a group that might be interested in this if you don’t mind letting me show it to them.”

“That would be amazing,” I told him.

We agreed that he would let me know as soon as possible and would ask other groups if they were not interested. I told him how grateful I was to have his help, and that he was the best boss I could ask for. I meant it too; not many producers would record a song for you for free.

“In the meantime, I recommend going to open mic nights and stuff so people hear your music. Only singing in public one time doesn’t get you anywhere,” he said, giving me a smile.

I nodded, knowing he was right. We chatted for a few more minutes before he told me he needed to really get back to work, so I packed up and left the studio, facing the rest of the day alone. I was so grateful to have that distraction for a few hours, but now that I was alone again, all of my negative thoughts and emotions crept up.

I hadn’t even realized that I had left my phone in the car while I was in the studio. When I checked it, I saw I had several texts and phone calls, mostly from Andi. None of them were from Brian, to my dismay. I had one from Matt, telling me that he was sorry about what happened, and one from Val saying the same thing. Zack told me to let him know if I needed him to kick Brian’s ass. No one else sent anything so I figured they didn’t know yet, but they’d find out soon enough.

I called Andi back, feeling guilty that I missed her calls.

“Oh my god, are you ok?” she said when she answered, not even bothering to say hello.

“Yeah, sorry. I was at the studio and left my phone in the car,” I told her.

“Oh,” she said, calming down. “I was worried when you weren’t here this morning.”

“I just needed to be alone,” I told her. “I went to the studio to write.”

“How’d that go?” she asked.

I told her about what happened with Mudrock, leaving out the Taylor Swift joke; it was mildly embarrassing. She was surprised and excited, asking me if she could hear me sing it soon. I told her I planned on singing at open mic nights more often so she could come then. We pretended like she wasn’t leaving to go on tour in the next few weeks and that I wasn’t going to be here all alone.

“Well, that’s good sweetie,” Andi said. “I hope tomorrow goes just as well.”

Tomorrow, shit. I didn’t even think about having to go back to work tomorrow. “Yeah, it will suck.”

“Just ignore him the best you can. Be strong. You don’t want him to see that you’re hurting,” she said, telling me what I wanted to hear.

“Do you think I did the right thing?” I asked her after a moment, practically whispering into the phone.

“I think you need to do what you think is right, Rosie. This is really important to you. Brian should have been able to compromise with that,” she told me. “I wish you wanted to come, selfishly, but I understand why you’re not.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I just needed to hear that I’m not a crazy person.”

“Not at all. You gotta do what’s right for you,” she said. “I love you. We’ll keep in touch the whole time. You’ll get to talk to the guys as much as you want.”

“Okay,” I said, not wanting to talk about it anymore. “I’m gonna hang up- gonna start driving home.”

“I’ll see you there,” she said, which made me happy. Finally I would have my roommate to myself.

The ride home was silent; I kept off the radio and was merely lost in my thoughts. With what happened today I felt so good about my singing and my songwriting that I knew I needed to stay here to make this happen, at least for now. Maybe Brian couldn’t accept that, but this is what I needed to do. I just hoped that one day he would see that.

Notes

The song is Woman by Dorothy. If you haven't listened to them before, I HIGHLY recommend them! She is an amazing singer.

I know none of the guys were in this one, but they'll come back in the next chapter.

xoxo JJ

Comments

@Nicole
I had some ideas in mind but nothing’s on paper yet. I am actually working on something else now... :)

@Ghost-On-A-Sea-Of-Wine
thanks! <3

J.J. J.J.
4/3/19

Loved loved loved this story! Are you still thinking of a sequel???

Nicole Nicole
3/16/19

Sorry I disappeared on ya, there. But I just caught up and finished this today. Cute ending. :)

@overneaththepathofmisery
Thanks <3

J.J. J.J.
12/23/18

So. Frickin. Sweet. <3 <3 <3