The Music We Make

It was Monday morning and I was dreading going into work. I did not want to face Brian and the embarrassment that would come with having to work with him today. This was exactly what I didn’t want to happen when we started to work together. At least we didn’t sleep together yet. Yet. I scolded myself at the thought. That wouldn’t be happening, as far as I was concerned!

After the party, Andi was over the moon telling me all of the details about her night with Zack. She knew right away there was a connection, that they were going to make something of this. The way she spoke of it made me kind of jealous, which I hated to admit. I was really happy for her, truly, but selfishly I couldn’t help but think why that couldn’t be me.

Brian and I have a connection- that I’m sure of. But whether that connection goes beyond lust is unknown to me. When Andi talked of her and Zack’s future plans to hang out and go on dates, I felt sorry for myself for letting myself get wrapped up in something with Brain that wasn’t even real. Then, all of these thoughts made me feel like such a selfish bitch; I needed to be happy for my friend.

With Andi’s crazy schedule, she admitted it was hard for her and Zack to come up with a time to try and go on a date, so they settled on Sunday, the day after the party. That’s how easy it had been for them; they met, they clicked, so now they’re going on a date. I was really excited for her to see where it went because I adored Zack and knew they would be a good pair, but I still was envious.

When she got back from her date Sunday night, she told me of all of the details. He had taken her to a nice restaurant by the beach, then they took a walk on the beach, stopping to watch the sunset. Apparently he had been a true gentlemen all night. They ended the night with a kiss on our front porch, and he promised to call her soon. It honestly was the perfect first date, as far as I’m concerned.

After she told me all of this, I decided to swear off Brian. How hard is it to take a girl out on a date, anyways? We could have had that. He would seriously have to beg for me to be with him if that’s what he wanted. I couldn’t go through this back and forth bullshit. As much as I loved the flirting and the heated moments with him, I needed the full package.

I got to the studio much earlier than normal, knowing that I needed some time to work on my music. Music was my outlet and way to express myself. After everything that had just happened, I wrote a new song this weekend. I wanted to come into the studio so that I could practice this new song.

I immediately got out my guitar and sat in my normal seat in the studio, not quite ready to go into the booth and record just yet. I needed to warm up my voice and practice this new song a few times. I relaxed, took a deep breath, and began to play.

“You only know what I want you to.
I know everything you don’t want me to.
Oh, your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine.
You think your dreams are the same as mine?”

I continued to play and sing, closing my eyes while I let the music consume me. Even upon finishing, I kept my eyes closed, only to open them when I heard the sound of applause.

My eyes snapped open at the sound, looking to see who was there. To my dismay, it was the one person I didn’t want to see, and who I really didn’t want to hear the song I hate written, especially since parts about it were specifically about him.

“I like it,” Brian said with a smile as he leaned against the door frame. “I’m assuming you wrote it?”

I nodded, not really wanting to have this conversation. I went to put away my guitar, but Brian interrupted me, saying, “Don’t put that away just because I’m here.”

“Well, I came here early to work on my music alone, so yeah, I do,” I said coldly.

“I didn’t know you’d be here, Rosie. I came to do the same. I’m sorry I interrupted. I can leave if you want,” he said. It was a nice offer, but now I just wasn’t in the mood.

“It’s whatever,” I said, packing up my guitar. I stood and took it to the back of the studio where we stored a lot of instruments.

“Rosie-” Brian started. He had followed me to the back room.

“Just stop,” I said. I could feel the tension in my shoulders, the stress balling up in my stomach. I didn’t want to react to his presence like this, but I was so on edge around him now. Everything felt so awkward and weird. I didn’t want to show him how bothered I was, but I was not good at hiding my emotions. The whole thing made me feel so weak and stupid. “It’s not a big deal. You’re paying for studio time, I’m not. You get first dibs, OK? So if you need my help on anything, let me know. I’ll be out front.” I started to walk past him, but he grabbed my arm.

“Listen to me,” he said softly.

I wouldn’t look him in the eye, but I did stop to listen to him.

He continued, “Keep playing, please. I want to hear more. Just pretend I’m not here.”

I looked up at him, confused. “No, I don’t think I can do that,” I ended up saying.

“Please,” he said in a whisper. “Hearing you sing is just… It’s amazing, Rosie. I’d love to hear more, if that’s okay.”

This whole thing was so weird, but part of me reveled in it. The slight blush on his cheeks and how he wouldn’t really look my in the eye proved to me that he was sincere, but I was still surprised.

“Okay,” I agreed. “I’m not quite done, though, so don’t judge me.”

He nodded and gave me a smile before sitting on the couch in the studio. I got my guitar back out, and then sat on the other side of the couch and began to play, trying to relax. I closed my eyes and tried to forget he was there before starting to sing again.

“I wish you’d hold me when I turn my back.
The less I give, the more I get back.
Oh, you hands can heal, your hands can bruise.
I don’t have a choice, but I’d still choose you.”

I stopped after playing a few more chords, feeling like something was missing from the song. I looked up at Brian, who was staring at me intently, as if mesmerized. I blushed at the thought.

“Damn, Rosie,” he practically whispered.

I laughed a bit, looking down at my guitar. “Something is missing. I have chorus, but it’s very repetitive. It needs some harmonies or something, but I just don’t have them down yet.”

“Sing it. Maybe I can help,” he suggested, scooting over on the couch closer to me.

My stomach knotted at the thought. “Uh, okay.”

Nervously I began to play again, singing the chorus. It was a simple line repeated, “Oh, I don’t love you, but I always will.” Each time it was sung, the notes would change ever so slightly, but the impact of the line was still there.

After I finished, Brian nodded, saying, “Sing it again.”

I did, but almost stopped when I heard his voice joining mine. I couldn’t help but smile; it was so perfect. It was exactly what the song needed: a male and female voice, singing the same heartfelt line together.

Brian smiled at me when we finished singing. “I think this song was made to be a duet.”

I nodded, “It was pretty amazing, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah it really was,” he said in return. It was only then that I noticed our knees were touching. He had moved even closer to me. He moved his hand from his own leg over to mine, and he leaned in closer to me. Thank God my guitar was in the way, or else I might have let him continue.

I got up from my seat, stopping his advances. I needed to make it known to him that I wasn’t going to do this anymore.

Luckily, voices from the front room were heard, and I moved to put away my guitar. I said a silent prayer of thanks, so happy that other people showed up at the very moment I was about to have an awkward conversation with Brian. Now I just needed to get through the rest of the day.

Notes

Sorry it's a little shorter than usual, but I just wanted to make sure I could update sometime today. The song is "Poison and Wine" by The Civil Wars. :)