The Music We Make

After Michelle and I took out the food, I put my clothes back on, feeling a little odd strutting around in my bikini. My surge of confidence from earlier was gone; I felt uneasy after my conversation with Michelle. I had been happy to tease him a bit with my body earlier, but now I just didn’t know. As bad as I wanted Brian to just come to me on his own, I wasn’t sure if showing off my ass was the way to do it. I was embarrassed, honestly, but just had to roll with it. I knew he had looked, after all.

Andi had put her dress back on as well, and she and I sat with Zack at one of the tables on the patio. Basically, I sat there watching the two flirt and get to know each other. I didn’t really mind, but I was probably getting in the way of their love connection. They didn’t really seem to notice me, though, so it was easy for me to slip away after I finished my meal. I went back into the kitchen to make myself another drink. Even though I promised to drive, I knew a drink or two wouldn’t hurt, and I was feeling too awkward to resist alcohol.

Brian was in the kitchen when I walked in, mixing a drink for himself. I froze, not knowing what to do or say.

“Hey,” he said simply. “Want a drink?”

I nodded and told him what I wanted. He began mixing it for me, putting way more whiskey in it that I normally would. I took a sip, grimacing as it burned down my throat.

Brian laughed, “Too strong?”

“A bit, but I’ll get used to it,” I said with a chuckle.

We stood there for a moment and I felt so weird, not knowing what to do or say. Should I just act like nothing happened?

He moved closer to me and I noticed his eyes move to my chest. The dampness of my bikini top had soaked through my tank and the outline of my bathing suit was totally visible. He swallowed as he scanned my body, making me feel hot all over. His eyes landed on my lips for a moment, then drifted to my eyes.

“I still owe you a kiss,” he said, moving even closer to me. My heart started beating faster and my lips parted as I tried to keep my breath. His hand cupped my face and his thumb drifted over my bottom lip. I wanted to protest, make him tell me what was going to come of this, but I couldn’t. I could not ruin this moment, regardless of the outcome. I was so entranced by him I didn’t think I’d be able to say anything anyways.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered to me, leaning in closer. We were inches apart now, and his hand moved from my face to the back of my neck and he gently moved me closer to him. I felt my body give in and I closed my eyes, giving myself to him.

His lips ever so gently pressed against mine, as if he was waiting for my response. I kissed him back, leaning my body into his. He deepened the kiss, touching his tongue against my lip, causing them to part. I felt his tongue inside my mouth and I moaned into the kiss. Our moment of passion ended too quickly, though, as he broke away from me. He moved his hand away from my neck and let it drift to my lower back.

I stood there not knowing what to do. I was practically out of breath from that kiss. Wow, that kiss! But now what?

We looked into each other’s eyes for a moment before Brian’s mouth turned into a huge grin. I couldn’t help but giggle a little bit from his reaction to our kiss; it was honestly adorable. But, before he could say or do anything else, I felt him jump at the sound of someone screaming his name from outside. He moved away from me then, looking at me and then looking outside to see what was happening.

Jimmy ran to the patio door, soaking wet from the pool. “Hey, love birds! Get out here!”
I blushed and bit my lip, looking to Brian to see what he would do. He shrugged and laughed, then walked outside to see what the fuss was about. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Did he just give me that kiss because of the bet we made or was there more to it?

I followed Brian outside and saw right away why Jimmy was freaking out. In the pool, Val sat on Matt’s shoulders, ready for a game of chicken. I knew what was coming next.

“I need you, Rosie!!” Jimmy yelled, pulling me towards the pool.

“Hey! Hang on!” I said, stopping. I pulled off my shorts and top, figuring I might as well just go along with Jimmy’s antics.

We both got into the pool and Jimmy ducked down so I could get on his shoulders. I felt like a giant once he raised me up all of the way; he was so tall! I could see Andi and Zack sitting closer than even before, continuing their conversation from earlier. They looked lost in each other and I couldn’t help but smile. It was nice to see my best friend look so happy!

Michelle and Johnny had moved from their spots sitting next to the pool to be farther away, which was probably a smart decision. Brian stood by the patio door still, leaning against the house with a smirk on his face. From across from me, Val was glaring me down, trying to intimidate me, but she still had a small smile on her face.

“OK!” Jimmy yelled, gripping my legs tightly. “On the count of three! ONE! TWO! THREE!”

On three, the boys moved forward and Val and I pushed against each other, trying to knock each other over into the pool. I pushed as hard as I could, but damn that girl was strong! I clearly needed to work out. With ease, Val knocked me to my side, and though Jimmy did everything he could to keep me upright, I fell off his shoulders. On my fall, I felt my hand smack against the side of the pool, scraping down the side of the slightly rough surface.

When I rose back above water, I felt Jimmy grab my hand. “Shit, you’re bleeding!”

“Oh, geez. Let me get out of the pool,” I said, not wanting to get blood in the water. It didn’t hurt too bad, but it was bleeding a lot.

Brian walked over to me with a towel, then took my hand. “Come on, I’ll get you some Band-Aids.”

I smiled as he took my non-bleeding hand and led me back into the house. He didn’t let me go the whole time as he led me into the bathroom to help me clean my wound. Once we were there, I ran my hand under water to wash off the blood, then Brian broke out the first aid kit that was under the sink. He wiped the cut with alcohol to clean my hand, then bandaged it. As he did this, his hand lingered over mine longer than necessary, his thumb brushing over the Band-Aid.

“Thanks,” I said softly, looking up at Brian. His eyes met mine and I felt myself become entranced again. There was something about how he looked at me that put me under some sort of spell. I couldn’t walk away and I didn’t want to.

I let myself move closer to him, moving both of my hands to his bare chest. His hands wrapped around my waist then and he pulled me closer to him. I let my hands slid up his soft skin and move around his neck, gently tugging him towards me. I closed my eyes as he kissed me, giving into the spell I was put under. As we kissed, his hands roamed my damp skin and I felt like I was on fire from his touch. Our tongues danced as his hands moved to my hips. As the kiss became more and more intense, I had one hand in his hair, and he lifted me to sit on the bathroom sink. I wrapped my legs around him, continuing the heated kiss.
Brian broke from my lips, but continued kissing me on my neck. I moaned from the soft kisses on my skin and his hands moving to my thighs. But, when he moved his hands to my inner thighs, I felt sirens go off in my head. As much as my body wanted to let this continue, I knew I needed to take a step back.

I grabbed his hands, moving them back to the outside of my legs. He stopped kissing me then, looking up at me to look me in the eye.

“Brian, I-“ I started to say, but I didn’t know how to finish.

Brian began to move away from me so that my legs were now at his sides rather than wrapped around him. He sighed and looked away from me, then softly said, “Rosie, I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” I asked, confused.

“I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry.”

I swallowed, saddened by this. “Oh.”

“I just don’t want you to be upset. I got lost in the moment.”

I nodded, not really knowing what to do. Did the mean this was all he wanted from me?

“Everything OK?” I heard a voice from down the hall. Brian backed away from me then, moving out into the hall.

“Yeah, she’s just going to the bathroom,” he lied.

I frowned, hopping off of the bathroom sink. He didn’t even want to admit what was going on.
I guess I couldn’t blame him too much there; with so much unanswered about what was going on here, why would he tell anyone what had just happened? I wouldn’t have either.

He looked back at me and gave me a small smile. “We should go,” he said, walking away and leaving me standing there somewhat dumbfounded.

I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was a wet crazy mess and I had a little sunburn on my cheeks. I sighed, mad at myself for what had happened. Why had I let myself get so wrapped up in my lust? That’s all it was, right? I couldn’t truly have real feelings for this man, who I didn’t even know that well. All I knew was that he was incredibly sexy, a great musician, and had a lot of pride. I didn’t really know him, so why was I getting so worked up over this?

I didn’t want to have a purely sexual relationship. That was never something I wanted from any man. But if he was not willing to open up to me and share himself with me, this would never work. I had to remind myself that it was okay if that was how this ended. Even though it made me sad to think, maybe we just weren’t meant to be.

-0-

The rest of the party went by quickly. I separated myself from Brian as much as possible, and throughout the whole night he wouldn’t look at me. I hung out with Jimmy for the most part because he made me laugh and distracted me from all of my mixed up feelings. Johnny and Brian were playing beer pong. Michelle had left early because she had to work in the morning. Matt and Val were cuddled up together in one of the chairs on the patio, talking, laughing, and kissing. It was so cute to see. Zack and Andi were still talking at the table, but I noticed they were sitting much closer together now. It was nice to see them together, getting to know each other and genuinely enjoying each other’s company. That’s what Brian and I needed, but at this rate, I didn’t think it would ever happen.

Jimmy and I were laying down by the pool. Our feet were dangling in the water and we were staring up at the sky, looking at the stars. We couldn’t see too many of them, being so close to LA, but it was still nice to pretend like we were star gazers.

“Looking up at the sky like this makes you think,” I said softly, kind of to myself more than to Jimmy. “It makes you realize how insignificant you are.”

“I don’t know, Rosie,” Jimmy said. “I don’t think we’re insignificant. But it does make our lives just seem like a work of fiction. Like how can it all be real?”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I guess what I meant was that it makes all your worries and troubles seem insignificant.”

“What are your troubles, Rosie-posey?”

“Oh, nothing,” I said, not really wanted to confess anything to the best friend of the man who was causing me this confusion.

Jimmy sat up and I followed suit. “Brian is an idiot,” he said with a laugh.

I didn’t say anything, just sat there staying at my feet in the water.

“Look, Rosie, don’t let him get you down. He just doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing.”

“Well, that’s just it, Jimbo. I don’t want to be a part of this if he’s not sure of what he wants,” I ended up confessing. I didn’t feel right getting Jimmy in the middle of this, but I figured if anyone knew how Brian operated, it was Jimmy.

Jimmy looked over to Brian and Johnny playing beer pong. I hadn’t ever really seen him this quiet before. He was usually so boisterous and talkative, but now he seemed rather contemplative. I wondered what was going through his wild mind.

“He knows how you feel, so you just need to let him figure shit out. I know it sucks, but he’s just being an idiot. He’ll figure it out,” Jimmy said.

I nodded, knowing he was right. I couldn’t let what happened earlier happen again. I needed to give him space, as much as it hurt me to do so, to figure out what he wanted. I hated his indecisiveness, but I had to try and be understanding. I just couldn’t let him use me
whenever he wanted. He either wanted me completely, or he couldn’t have me at all.

Notes