This tour was already shaping up to be better than our last. The Stage tour was so fucking cool. We had spent hours and hours working on our set and our list. This was the type of dramatic staging we always wanted to do. We wanted to be bigger and better every time we toured, and we were damn good at it.

As much as I loved touring, I was excited to be back in the States. We were touching down in LA for the first time in months. We’d get a couple of months off and then start touring stadiums with Metallica. Now that I was fucking excited for. Metallica were our idols. We had always modeled our sound around them. To be touring with them again was just indescribable. These were the guys that made metal into something other than what Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden were doing. They made shredding cool and long songs a staple.

Once we landed and had gathered our luggage, we waited for our cars to arrive. It was hot and humid outside, so we all stayed in. Brian and Zacky were talking and laughing about something. Brooks was leaning back, taking in the LA air. Johnny was on the phone. He and Sarah were working on baby number two. I smiled at them all. These were my people, my brothers, and my family. I loved them, but I was so excited to be going back to my loves.

Just before our cars pulled up, the TVs flashed on. There was a breaking news alert. Another shooting. It seemed like every day there was another shooting. It felt like every time I turned around someone else was shooting up a school or a theater or a grocery store. I was all for the Second Amendment, but something needed to change.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt your normal show with some breaking news. We have just learned that there was a mass shooting at on of the Marine recruitment offices.”

I watched as some images of emergency vehicles popped onto the screen. It was weird how numb I had become to all of these images. It just felt like any other shooting.

“We would like to warn our viewers that this content will be graphic for some viewers. At approximately eleven this morning, a man burst into the recruitment office and opened fire.”

A video played on the TV of a man entering a recruiter’s office. It was blurry and moving, but it clearly showed a skinhead looking man going in.

“They were several young people in the office that day. Police have been on scene for the past two hours, identifying bodies and contacting families. Now that family members have been contacted, we will be releasing the names of the victims.


“Early reports state that there are sixteen causalities. Six people died in today’s shooting and the other ten are being treated at the hospital as we air. The gunman was a rejected man. According to the chief of police, the man was rejected for his asthma and history of violence.”

My mouth went a little dry as they talked about the shooter. News reporters always made the shooter out to be someone with a mental instability. They never even talked about how these people were just normal guys. They were white though, so they got away with being “mentally unsound.” He was just some pissed off asshole with access to military grade weapons.

I had served. I knew what those weapons were capable of. I knew better than most others. Military grade weapons like AR-15s should never be in the hands of civilians. They were meant to destroy; they were meant to kill. The Second Amendment wasn’t talking about arming their people with guns like that. I was a proud American. I had served my country, but I didn’t own an AR. I didn’t want to. I had had enough in the military.

“We will now name the six who died today. The first victim was a nineteen-year-old from Los Angeles. His name was Marco Longoria and had been visiting the Navy base in San Diego before deciding to join the Marines. He was in the office to sign up for basic.

“Janice Granger was a twenty-three-year-old from Atlanta who was attending UCLA. She had been in the ROTC program and was interested in the Special Forces program. Henry Isaac was eighteen and fresh out of high school. Oliver Waters was eighteen and friends with Isaac. They were going to join the Marines together. The fifth victim was Kylee Davis. She was thirty and interested in the veteran programs the recruitment office offered.

“The last victim of the gunman was a big loss for the Marine community. Those who knew her when she served called her Lady Reaper.”

My head snapped up, and I stared at the screen as my beautiful girlfriend was shown. She looked so tough and so sweet. I could feel my heart beating. There was a pounding in my ears. This couldn’t be happening. I had lost Jimmy. I had lost my best friend. God wouldn’t do this to me. Rubbing my eyes, I waited for the image to disappear. They were wrong. They had to be wrong.

“Lieutenant Rae Martinez was killed today after jumping in front of two potential candidates. It has been a shock to the community and she will be missed.”

“No,” I said in a whisper. “NO!”

The guys all turned to face me and then looked up at the screen. I don’t know how they didn’t hear it, how they didn’t see it. Slowly their faces fell. I could see that it was true. Pity was written all over them. Tears streamed down my face, hot trails. I was surprised I noticed them when the rest of me felt so numb.

We had fought for years to be together. We had had so many ups and down. Why would God do this? Why would he take away my love?

“Oh my god, Charlie.” I pulled my phone out, hoping I could actually dial his number. My fingers felt like they were fumbling. “She can’t be gone,” I said, putting the phone against my ear.

“Matt?” His voice was strained. It was clear he had heard. “Matt, is it true? Did you see it?” The Marine sounded like he was crying.

“She can’t really be dead. They didn’t call us. They would call us.” I tried to rationalize. I knew we weren’t listed as her family. They wouldn’t have called us to let us know. This was the worst way to find out. My heart felt like it was being torn in half. I had no desire to keep going.

“Matt, what are we going to do?” Charlie asked. I could hear people in the background trying to talk to him.

“I don’t know. It can’t be real.” Turning back to the TV, I watched as they kept Rae’s face on screen. They wanted to really hit the loss. The Marines weren’t the only ones who lost someone. I had lost my first love, the only person I could truly love. Charlie… I loved him, but I was in love with Rae. Rae was my person. What the shit was I going to do?

Notes

HERETIC IS STILL AN ASSHOLE