Coming Home

It was rare I got angry anymore. It was rare that I let anger consume me like it used to. Now, well now, all I felt was the kind of furious people only wrote about. This was the entire all-consuming anger that I didn't want to deal with anymore.

"Rae, are you okay?" Matt stroked my arm. "I haven't seen you this pissed off since your shoulder injury."

"Who the fuck just calls and drops that on you?" My eyes blazed. "And why the fuck did they call you and not me?"

Matt raised an eyebrow at me. "You're pissed off because they called me and not you?"

I sighed. "Matt, I was emergency contact."

"So I am!"

Why did it always end up like this? Charlie was our buffer. He was the one that kept us from fighting all the time. And without him here, I was surprised Matt and I had lasted this long without fighting. But the fact that we were fighting over something so stupid? That was what really pissed me off. I was in my thirties. Why couldn't I act my age?

"I don't know, Matt. I just... I'm worried about him."

Matt pulled me in for a hug. The smell of his chest was so refreshing, so comforting. A sob escaped me as I took him in.

"Babe, I know you're worried about him. I know you're freaking out, and I am too. But we need to be calm for him. They said they would call us when they knew something. Clearly, they don't know anything."

Stroking my hair, Matt rocked us side to side. He lead me to the couch and pulled me against his chest. He rocked me to sleep, petting my hair and singing to me. It was everything I had always pictured our relationship to be; it was everything I wanted our relationship to be.
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My sleep was restful, well as restful as it could be given what my mind was thinking about. Instead of trying to get my brain to think about that, I focused instead on my first impression of each man I had met. Well, at least those important to me: Charlie, Matt, Jimmy, Brian, Brooks, Johnny, and Zacky.

Charlie: the first time I met him, I thought he was big. This man was about a foot taller than me and had me by about a hundred pounds. He was hairy and just a full man. Like he was the image you got in your head when you thought of a man. When he opened his mouth, I basically drooled. He was smart, witty, and sweet.

Matt: all I thought when I saw him was about his dimples. Those dimples could disarm anyone so quickly. They were magical. And then there were those amazingly strong arms. He was dark and brooding and tall. He was absolutely lickable.

Brian: he was a weird dude. He had that long hair and eyeliner thing and just exuded fly boy. I mean the Navy pilots were a bunch jackasses, but Brian was not that bad. He was actually kind of sweet, and the way Laura talked about him made him seem like the best kind of person.

Johnny: Short shit to the max. He was my size in height and nearly weight. He was funny and always full of mischief. Johnny seemed like the best of the group, always ready to throw down to protect his friends. It was what made him so much fun to hang around.

Jimmy: the wildest, most insane person I have ever met. I was so fortunate to have him in my life. It was the best few years to get to know a man with so much creativity and drive and passion. He was, without a doubt, the best person to have on your team.

Zacky: the quiet one. He didn't always share his feelings, but when he did, it felt like someone had imparted amazing wisdom to you. He knew what it meant to be on someone's side and was filled with loyalty. Zach was a genuine human.

Brooks: the dad, the older brother. He was the person I felt most comfortable running to. That was all that needed to be said.

Notes

Short and weird, mostly a filler. Not feeling it today.