Coming Home

Brian, Brooks, and I sat on the couch, waiting for our interview to start. We had just released "The Stage" single. It was kind of crazy how much it had blown up. We didn't have a video yet, but we had ideas. And here was Kerrang! ready to interview us about our new song and our new album.

"You okay, Matt? You look a little pale," Brooks said. He always had to be the dad.

I nodded. Part of me was worried about Charlie. The man was insane to even think about going back to war. Though I knew I would always be a SEAL, I could never go back. War was hell. That's what they said at least.

"Okay, welcome!" Our interviewer smiled at us. "Let's get started."
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Brooks and Brian answered most of the questions about the new album and song. Normally, I took over the interviews, but I wasn't feeling it this time around. While I was proud of the work we had done on our new album, I was in a bubble.

"Matt, let's go to you now. We've got a fan question. Michael from Utah says: 'They say war is hell. What are your feelings on that?'"

I shook my head. It was really weird that an interview question was basically reading my thoughts. Taking a deep breath, I stared at each person in the room. "You know that question reminds me of something from the TV show MASH. Hawkeye says that war isn't hell and the father asks him why. Hawkeye basically gave the best response I've ever heard. He asked the father who went to hell. Obviously, it was the sinners. So then Hawkeye said: There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. War is chock full of them-- little kids, cripples, old ladies. In fact, except for some old brass, almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander.

"So war isn't Hell. War is worse than Hell. In war, you see things you'll never un-see. I don't talk about my time in the military a lot. None of us do. And the fact of the matter is that most guys and gals you meet who were in the military aren't going to talk about their time. So, war isn't hell, Michael. War is worse."

Silence greeted my ears for a second and then the interviewer jumped right back into it. "Let's talk a little bit about that, Matt. You recently tried to kill yourself. Do you want to explain that?"

I took a calming breath. This wasn't exactly something that I wanted to discuss. I was over my depression for the moment. "I really don't, but since you won't drop it until I do... I tried to kill myself. I have major depression and fairly severe PTSD. Things got out of hand."

Brooks rested a hand on my arm; he was trying to calm me down. "Look, we all have issues. I was a Green Beret. I'm not always in the best head space either. The military isn't our lives anymore. Can we focus on the album?"

The interviewer nodded, but I could tell he still had many more invasive questions and he would find a way to ask them. "Does the album pull from any of those experiences?"

Sighing, I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Not this one. Waking the Fallen and City of Evil had a tone of references to our life in the military. MIA is one obvious example. Gunslinger from the white album is another. Dear God even touches a little on it. Nightmare was all about Jimmy and some of that does come from our time in the military. The Stage is a concept album. We didn't go into it with an idea of war in mind. This was purely about AI and the beauty of Carl Sagan and others' work."

"Do you see yourself doing another album about the war?"

"Drop the questions about the war and the military," Brian said on a growl. "We appreciate the military. We are proud to have served and we respect those that are still in it. But that is not why we are here. Move on."

I shot my guitarist a look, thanking him. I was already worried about Charlie, and this interview wasn't making anything better. I hated this, and I didn't want to be here anymore. Fuck Kerrang!
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"I had no idea that they were going to be like that." Brian grabbed a water and handed another to me.

"It's fine. I'm gonna go call Charlie now. I have this weird feeling." I pulled my phone out just as Rae's name flashed. "Hey, babe."

She sounded slightly panicked. "Charlie... something happened to him, Matt. Please, hurry home."

Notes

Short again... and a cliffhanger!