Coming Home

Rae stared at me, eyes watering with unshed tears. Matt's face was bright red. I had never seen anger like that before. I thought it would have been Rae that was angry. Rae, my strong little Lady Reaper, was not angry. What I saw in her eyes was a woman who felt like she was losing a piece of herself. And that cemented to me what I actually meant to this woman. She loved me. Matt's anger also cemented that he loved me.

I could see Matt fuming. He was trying to form words. Rae was rubbing her eyes. I knew she had already formed her words. I knew she was waiting for the best way to say them. Rae was a smart woman, but a woman that knew what she needed.

"Are you fucking retarded, Charles?" Matt asked. His anger had finally boiled over. "I mean, how fucking stupid can you be?"

Rae watched Matt pace out his anger. The singer was a ball of frustration. It was like watching a tiger in a cage. He was waiting to pounce, and I knew i deserved the teeth and claws that were sure to come. Matt's reaction was expected. Anger I could handle. Rae's silence scared me. Rae was the one I wanted to react, and she left me in silence.

"Matt, I know what you're going to--"

Matt's eyes blazed as he turned to me. "No, no you fucking don't. You have no idea what I'm going to say. How can you do this? How can you do this to us? To Rae?"

My eyes trailed back over to the woman I was in love with. She blinked and looked over to Matt. The words in her brain were still spinning. She was still thinking and letting Matt take the lead. Reaper never let anyone take the lead.

"I have a good reason," I said, knowing Matt wouldn't even let me explain. There was just too much anger there.

"I don't fucking care!"

"Matt," Rae said quietly. "Sit." The singer sat as we both stared at her. We knew she was about to impart wisdom.

"Charlie, I... I'm having trouble finding words. You see, I never thought I would have to be the one to sit and tell someone this. I always thought I would be the one to hear the words. It's so strange and weird to me that I have to be the one.

"So much of me wants to be angry. I want to be like Matt; I understand where is anger and frustration is coming from. So much of me wants to hate you right now, Charlie." Tears streamed down her face. "But I have to know why. I really do. You've worked so hard to get a teaching job and to help me and Matt. Why are you throwing it all away?"

I sighed. "It's not throwing away. I loved teaching, Rae, but teaching isn't for me. Teaching is something I thought I could do. Something I thought I would love. It's not my calling. Matt has his music, and you have your social work. I have... drinking.

"Its why I've got to do this. I've got to do this for me. Rae, this is who I am. This more than anything. I want to be with you two. I know what you've struggled with, and I want to be there for you. I want to be in a relationship with the three of us. But I can't be all in if I'm miserable and drinking.

"I have to do this."

Matt shook his head. "Fuck you, Charlie." Tears ran down his face too. I had never seen the man cry before, not even on the Rev's anniversary.

"And they accepted you?" Rae asked, nerves entering her voice. She almost sounded a little hopeful.

"Yes, they did. I passed my physical with flying colors and my mental with a 90 percent."

Rae stared at me and gently stroked my cheek. "If you die, I'll bring you back to kick your ass and kill you again."

"The Marines need me, baby. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Reaper. I'm sorry, Matt. But I have to do this."

Notes

OOOOH boy what is Heretic doing???