Coming Home

I watched Rae curl into Matt. Seeing the two of them together like that made me feel like I was intruding. I knew that they wanted me here, but sometimes they just seemed so perfect together. It was like watching the woman I was in love with fall for another man. The thing was, she had fallen for him a long time ago. I just had to keep reminding myself that they both loved me and wanted me.

They both understood where I was coming from though. Rae never really confronted her depression. She just hated her body. She thought she was ugly. If only she could see the woman Matt and I loved. Rae was smart, funny, and talented. Her body was broken from years of being a warrior. Where she saw failure and ugliness, I saw a warrior. That was why she was the Reaper.

Matt... Matt was a hard one to read. He was such a strong guy. He tried his best to ignore his PTSD and depression. In the end, that wound up being the near death of him. He thought he could solve his problems with death. If he only knew what his death would do to those who cared and loved him. It would kill the Deathbats. It would kill everyone he loved. It would kill them.

Those two... they didn't know the real struggle of it though. Reaper was able to hold it together most days. Her PTSD only shone when she was hating herself. Her depression only came through when she was feeling down about how she looked. Matt's depression mainly stemmed from the Rev's death and his time in DEVGRU. It came in waves. Mine... my depression was constant.

It's why I drank. I had been in the military through it all just like those two. Where Shadows and Reaper were able to handle it, I turned to alcohol. Reaper had her friends and her work. Shadows had Avenged. I had no one.

Alcoholism ran in my family. It was the reason I was so afraid to drink in the first place. And when I did, I knew. I knew that I would wind up like my father and my mother. I would succumb to the alcohol. I would become a slave to it.

"Charlie." Rae's voice was soft as her chocolate eyes stared at me. "Come lay down with me."

A small smile ghosted my lips as I curled into her, placing my arm over her and Matt. "I'm here for you, Reaper."

Matt smiled at me, those dimples popping. "Are you okay, man? You were really deep in thought there. Rae was calling you for awhile."

"Just thinking about my drinking."

Rae combed a hand through her hair. I could see her little brain spinning. She was always trying to help others before her.

"Today isn't about me, Rae. Today, we're focusing on you. You and Matt have waves of depression is all. I can manage until you're better."

She kissed my cheek as Matt held onto my hand. "We care for you too, Charlie. We're here for you too."

Notes

My damn fingers taking over the computer again.