Coming Home

Finally, finally, finally, we were back in California. I never had been so excited to see my home state as I was today. We had been touring in Europe for months, and I missed the States. Don't get me wrong, overseas was great, but there was nothing quite like home.

Not to mention, we had just been asked to be an opener for Metallica's tour Hardwired. It was going to be weird to pack up the Stage materials and open again, but it was Metallica. If Metallica asked you to open for them, you didn't fucking refuse. It was FUCKING Metallica. We were all stoked.

I sighed as my driver pulled up to my house. Yeah, I had a driver. Normally, I would have driven myself but I was so tired after our flight that all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and lay down for hours. We didn't have rehearsal or anything for at least another week which meant I could sleep for a week... hopefully.

Six years I had been out of the military... six years and I couldn't get any of the shit I had seen out of my head. I still couldn't get the feeling of shooting Bin Laden out of my head. It was almost like muscle memory. Sometimes when I held the mic, I thought it was the gun I used to shoot UBL.

Six years and I still thought about the first time I killed someone, the way their head snapped back and blood seemed to soak the ground. Six years and I still thought about my first tour and what it was like to be a scared teenager. Six years and I still thought about how Jimmy died in the air. Six years and I still thought about seeing Rae after she lost her leg. Six years, and I still didn't want to seek help.

I knew the guys heard me when the nightmares got bad. Even Brooks had asked about it. He'd been with us for six years, and he had tried to help me. Out of all the guys, he knew what I was going through. Zacky sort of knew... they all did, but Brooks had seen what I had. He knew what life was like in there.

My head hit the pillow and I sent a silent prayer for a peaceful sleep tonight. Please, just one night of no dreams. I didn't want to relive any days in the military, or Jimmy's death, or seeing Rae. Please, God, no dreams of Rae.

Rae... shit, I hadn't really thought about her in five years. I say five years because that was when we finally got divorced. She had refused to see me and just accepted all of my terms. Five years was the last time I thought of her, but the entire time we were in Europe she had been on my mind. I really didn't need that.

"Please, Lord, just one night of peaceful sleep. Just one."

Notes

It's short, I know, but we get to see where Rae is versus where Matt was. I'm an asshole.