A7X One Shots

MATT'S POV

We all had a love/hate relationship with December 28. In a lot of ways, December 28 was the most painful day we would ever have as a band. It was the day that changed who we were as a band, as friends, and as people forever. How can you not change when you lose someone so integral to who you are as a person? And I think that's also why we love it. December 28 is a day we can remember and somewhat celebrate, a day we can look on to celebrate his life and the lives of others we loved and lost. December 28 holds so much meaning to us and our fans. I love and hate that.

I love December 28 because I can freely cry and sit back and drink and take in my very fond memories of the Rev. I can sit back with Brian, Zacky, and Johnny and just fucking remember my best fucking friend. I love that we can take this day to celebrate (in a way) a man who made us who we are. And everything we do, we do it in part because of Jimmy.

But I also really fucking hate December 28. It brings back so many fucking bad memories. It's been eight years, and I can still remember 2009 with vivid detail. I remember how I reacted when I heard, what I dealt with. I remember thinking it couldn't possibly be true, not our Jimmy. And I hate it because it means he is gone. Jimmy has been gone for eight years, and we pushed on without him. It almost feels like a betrayal, but it's not. I just want him back.

People always ask me what my favorite memory is of the Rev. It's really hard to choose. There are so many great memories with him, and I always talk about our time on stage. I think really my favorite memory of Jimmy is just Jimmy. He was so completely himself, and I miss that. I miss him.


BRIAN'S POV

December 28 is a hard day for us. It's a hard day for me because I cannot fathom my best friend being gone for eight years now. We always talk about foREVer but remembering him is different than having him here. It's so hard to swallow the fact that he's gone. It just doesn't feel real ninety percent of the time.

I miss him. I miss him every day, and I know people can tell this. I am told all the time how I look upset, how I don't react the same anymore. Of course I don't. How can you when someone who meant so much to you is suddenly and cruelly taken from you? A world without Jimmy is a world that is sometimes hard to live in.

Writing Nightmare helped, a little. I thought that would be our last album as a band, I really did. Without the Rev, what was Avenged? When we had Portnoy or Illejay, we still weren't what we used to be. Nightmare was going to be my last album, but the other guys pulled me through.

I think it was really "So Far Away" that pulled us through. It was for him. It is his. Nightmare is for Jimmy, and no one will ever say otherwise. With everything we do now, there is a touch of the Rev. We all have our Rev tats, we all see our fans with Rev tats and signs and a lot of love comes from them.

I miss him. Since the day we met, my life has been changed. I will always thank Jimmy for that. I wish I could give him one last hug.

ZACKY'S POV

Freed of the world, shed of the weight. I think that's perhaps one of the most accurate descriptions of James "the Rev" Sullivan that I have ever heard. I have no idea what was running through Matt's brain, but it was genius.

Jimmy was, without a doubt, one of the best men I ever knew. He was full of so much light, love, energy, and life that it was hard to not feel joyful around him. He was so affectionate, and it helped make A7X so damn fun and delightful to be in. I am so fortunate to have known him and to have learned about his love from him.

I miss him, as we all do, but I have come to terms with him being gone. As callous and as painful as this is to say, I think Jimmy's death helped us a little. He is the reason we keep playing now, and I think The Stage is some of the greatest work we have ever put out. It's for and because of him.

I wish he was here, sometimes. Don't get me wrong. It's hard not to miss your best friend. But after eight years, it's not as wounding as it once was. It's finally starting to scab over, and I think we needed that more than anything. We were finally healing, and I think that was a good thing.

Jimmy, I know you're up there listening... I just miss you and love you. I hope you captured that stallion duck and have the best fucking drumset ever. I love you, brother.

JOHNNY'S POV

December 28, 2009 will always be the worst day for me. Jimmy was my friend, my brother, and one of the greatest musicians I will have ever known. He was so much more to me than I can ever actually put into words. He was a great friend and a better person.

We all felt his death. We all dealt with it differently. Obviously, we never competed about who hurt more. We all hurt fucking equally. He was our best fucking friend. I think it hit me as hard as the others, but musically, I might have been hit harder. Bass and drums work together. It's hard not having him to play off.

I miss Jimmy every day. Something happens at least once a day that I wish I could tell him about. I wish he was here when Brian, Zach, and I got married. I wish he could have seen Matt and Val when they found out she was pregnant. Or when we all met River for the first time. I wish he had seen Franklin or Tennessee or Cash or little Baby Syn. He would have been the best fucking uncle.

Man, Jimmy, I wish you got to live all of your life. I wish you were married with your own kids. I wish you were passing down those crazy genetics, teaching us how to drum and telling them stories of the good "ole days." I wish you got to show people the stallion duck, tell them about all the crazy shit we did on Warped Tour. There is so much I wish for you, Rev.

It's hard without you hear, but I know you are watching us and helping us through what we normally would never have to do without you. You are always here, Jimmy. I miss you.

Notes

I finally got my Wi-Fi back on the day for Jimmy. How freaking ironic is that? Thank you St. James for allowing me to write about you. We miss you. FoREVer.