A7X One Shots

It was weird not being with my boys anymore. Instead of enjoying life down there with them, I was up here watching them live life. It was painful most days to see them grow old together without me. I would forever be twenty-eight while even little Johnny was now older than me. And thought most days were sad and painful, I was always so happy to see them live their lives.

The day Matt had had his first son and named him after me, I had nearly broken apart. Then they all did it. They were all James or Owen. I had watched them get better together, learn their style and mourn. They still clearly loved me, but I could see how their music got better without me there. And then they had added Brooks Wackerman into the band and I almost fucking lost it.

It was hard to be here without them. I was thankful that I still got to watch them live their lives, but I wanted them here. I wanted to be back down there with them. It hurt me that I didn't get to grow up and old with them. They were so many things I would never be able to do anymore because I was dead.

I had lived a lot of life, but when I watched the rest of Avenged, I realized how much I missed out on. All of them were married, something I never got the chance to do. All of them had children, something I never would have. I would never get to hold my children or name them. I would never be able to teach them about my favorite drummers or musicians.

There was so much I was missing, and it sucked. I hated being up here, but I knew I would never be able to be back there with them. I was meant to be here, and the boys were meant to move on with their music without me there. I had never really believed in God or the like, but I knew that Fate had destined them to be without me. And I think that sucked most of all.

I wanted to be there with them. So much of me wanted to be able to drum with them, to write with them, to teach their children about everything I knew. Instead, I was here, watching them from above. I couldn't even guide their lives; I could only watch. They were so many things I wanted to help them with, but I would never get that chance.

Sighing, I watched as Gates sung along with Shadows. They were singing one of my favorite Rolling Stones' songs, "As Tears Go By." I had some idea that all of the extra songs they were putting on The Stage were for me. I knew for sure that "Wish You Were Here" was undoubtedly a dedication to me. And I loved and hated that.

After my death, it seemed like all they did was tribute me. The entirety of the Nightmare album was for me. They brought in Mike fucking Portnoy for my parts, and I had no idea how much they fucking loved me. "So Far Away" would make me cry if I could. And then there was "St. James" on Hail to the King. By far, that was my favorite song on the album. And then there was The Stage. Of course, there was a lot of speculation on what songs were for me, but I thought they were only the covers. It was finally time for them to move on... maybe.

Would I always be in their hearts? Of course. I was their best friend, and they had lost me so young. But it was almost a decade ago now. They were still allowed to miss me and make music for me, but they needed to accept I was gone. And I liked to think they finally had. Whatever they came out with next, I couldn't wait for it. Though I would always wish I was there with them.

Notes

So all my updates are just going to be sad today because I fucking feel like it. Enjoy loves.