Until Proven Innocent

Alright. I know. I told myself I’d believe in Mr. Sanders’ innocence, and that I’d remain as objective as possible when googling him. But now that I’ve read some of his songs’ lyrics and seen some of the photoshoots he did… It’s hard to still believe he didn’t do anything.

Quite honestly, that was my problem with being a defense attorney: I kind of wanted the bad guys to be punished, and to go to jail for as long as possible. I really didn’t think an arsonist deserved to be free just because of the good work his attorney did. I really had the mindset of a DA, and how could I not? My mom has been telling me about her work ever since I was little. And I wanted that all, I wanted justice, I felt sorry for the victims of assault or duress.

I dialed Susan’s number. She picked up immediately. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?“ I knew exactly she was doing the same thing as I did, gathering information about the client. Susan and I went to university together, and while I had the best grades and easily passed the state exam, she failed. Twice.

That was why she was a paralegal now, and she, on the other hand, actually always wanted to be a defense attorney, which was why she went almost everywhere with me even though she was actually just supposed to do my office work. But hey, I liked having her around. Now you see, the thing with Susan is that sometimes she drives me insane.

And actually, we’re much too different to get along on the long run. My family was rich and intact, hers was not. I was the thin girl who sometimes forgot to eat and she weighed far too much. I was the thinker and she was more of a feels person. We were like fire and rain, but maybe that was why we got along so well in the first place, well, when we did.

And then there were days on which I felt I was only having her around because it made me feel better about myself. But then we had good days, too. So instead of making it too complicated, I’d just say we’re good friends and that was the end of it. After all, I wasn’t really made for friends, anyway. I was too much of a perfectionist, and while I was far from perfect myself, I held high standards for other people, and none of them seemed to meet them.

“Did you see that photoshoot with the chain and the baseball bat yet? Fucking brutal,“ I said. “Yeah but did you fucking see all those shirtless pictures and the ones from his crotch?“ Susan asked. Fuck alright man here we go Susan fucking swooning over a cold-blooded murderer, alright why the hell not?

“Did you read the lyrics to that song Scream?“
“Oh yeah definitely, I'd let him make me scream anytime. And that A Little Piece of Heaven. That’s pretty sick, I mean, he stabs her fifty times and then rapes her remains. And that line, she was never this good in bed even when she was sleeping, that’s just badass, right?“ I let out a chuckle. Way to go Susan, calling a murderer’s crazy mind badass.

“He certainly has the mindset of a murderer,“ I said, hoping she would finally snap out of her swooning mode and be able to talk normally. “Prison really suits him,“ she giggled, “did you see that video for their song Seize the Day?“ I rolled my eyes as I realized I would not be speaking to Susan about him today.

“You know what, I’m actually gonna hit the hay,“ I told her. “Is Special Force Officer Sexy with you?“ I cursed under my breath. He was the last person I wanted to be reminded of. “No,“ I said.
“Are you guys fighting?“ She asked, and I felt guilty for not telling her beforehand.

God damn it. I’m gonna have to tell her some day. Why not today?

“Actually, Susan, as of yesterday I’m single.“
I could hear it sink in. “… Oh,“ she let out after a few seconds.
“Do you… need anything? Want me to come over with ice cream or something? Need my Netflix password?“ I smiled. Then I realized I had tears on my cheeks, too. “You know what, ice cream and Netflix sounds pretty good right now…“

“Alright, open the gate down there, I’ll be right with you in ten minutes.“ I nodded, unable to say anything else. My throat felt constricted, and my fingers were trembling as I walked downstairs to the door and pressed the button that opened the gate.

As a state attorney, my mom received countless threats by inmates or their relatives if she managed to get them behind bars, which was why we had an advanced security system in the house. I walked upstairs again and chopped some strawberries for the ice cream. We had a large open kitchen which was connected to the living room, so I would hear Susan when she rang the doorbell.

“Hellooo my love,“ I heard Susan’s voice from downstairs. I immediately regretted calling her over, seeing as I couldn’t deal with her constant positiveness anymore. “I brought you Ben and Jerry’s, you owe me a raise,“ she called out. “Uhm, Vivian?“ I walked closer to the staircase and looked down at her from upstairs. “Yeah?“

“Is it normal that your door was open?“
I thought for a second. Well, I didn’t open it, did I? Must have been the wind. “Uhm, no. Just close it for me, will you?“ Suddenly, I heard a weird sound from downstairs. “Uhm, Susan are you alright?“ I asked. Her voice trembled as she answered. “Yeah, I just… I thought I saw someone in here. But it was your cat.“

“God damn it, Turbo!“ I called out, knowing Susan was severely allergic. I put Turbo outside on the balcony where he loved to sleep during the nights. “Alright, here’s your ice cream,“ she said as she finally walked upstairs with two large containers in her hands.

“Thanks for coming,“ I said. And I meant it. Even though Susan and I were pretty incompatible most of the times, I was glad we got along. And I vowed to myself I’d finally be grateful for her in the future. She was my best friend, after all. And my only one, if I may add. Certainly now that I lost all the mutual friends I had with Thomas.

“I was thinking,“ Susan said with a grin, “we should probably ditch Netflix and watch some music videos of Mr. Sexy Inmate.“ She winked at me. “You’re so gonna fuck him.“
I rolled my eyes, long forgotten was my promise to finally accept the way she was. “God damn it Susan, keep yourself together! I mean, even if I wanted to, which I do not by the way, fucking HOW?“

She grinned. ”Well, you wouldn’t be the first woman to have sex in that jail. No surveillance cameras, soundproof walls - fucking perfect. I mean, haven’t you heard of that psychologist back in 2012?“ I took a deep breath. “Sue, I’m not a psychologist. And she was raped, by the way. Not the same thing. And trust me, I’m not too keen on sleeping with someone when I’m not sure he’ll let me live after he’s done. I’m really not that desperate.“

“But you’ll admit he’s super hot! Come on, how was he? How did he look like when you saw him? It’s a bummer they didn’t let me in, right?“ Come on Susan, don’t fucking fantasize over a murderer!? I remembered my vow, so I decided to answer her question normally. I felt like talking about him anyway, just not in that kind of way.

“Well, you know. He looked a lot like a dad. Not like a murderer at all, but also totally different from those photos, I mean without that lip ring and the gauges…“
“But did he look hot?“
“Yes, Susan. He was hot! Are you happy now?“
She threw me a grin. “Now about watching those videos?“

“Alright, here are some strawberries,“ I said as I motioned towards the container. Suddenly, I froze. The door sounded, and no-one besides me and Susan was supposed to be in here. Shit. We looked at each other for a second, then stormed to the window at the same time. We saw a black flashy BMW speed away.
Shit.

Notes