Erin

It was an early morning for me at the studio, I liked coming in this early so that I could get familiar with the band, the studio room, the equipment. Changing bands was hard but it was all Hannah and I knew. Me personally, my life was based around music, I had no family left.. Well no blood relatives left because Hannah was my family. I had always relied on music to get me through the worst days of my life. Mic checks were always the first on my list and I would always do the first song that came to mind.

Plans on what our futures hold
Foolish lies of growing old
It seems we’re so invincible
The truth is so cold

A final song, one last request
A perfect chapter laid to rest
Now and then I try to find
A place in my mind
Where you can stay
You can stay awake forever

How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it’s burned
Place and time always on my mind
I have so much to say but you’re so far away

I stepped back from the mic taking a moment just rubbing my chest and playing with the necklace my father gave me. I was fine briefly but the tears struck and I turned to rub under my eyes.

Zack

Hungover… that was the word that I was going to use for my current mood. I needed coffee more than anything but of course I hadn’t gotten any so I made my way to the studio for the day to make some. I stopped in front of the door and heard the most beautiful voice. I cracked the door and saw Erin doing mic checks and watched her for a moment and then saw her turn with tears coming from her eyes. I came in and put my hand on her shoulder and she jumped and turned around.

“Zack what the hell! You scared me!” Erin snapped and rubbed her chest breathing heavily.

“Hey whoa Jesus Christ! I was just seeing if you were okay! My god calm down!” I scolded her and she turned and wiped her eyes frustrated.

“Wow I'm so unprofessional, jeeze I need to suck it up” She said and I just scoffed.

“I'm trying to be nice what is your deal!” I snapped hard at her and she grabbed her papers and walked away to do the next task on her list and I just shook my head going to get the coffee starting my day. God she was so frustrating but somehow her voice made me feel a little more comfortable around her. Today was going well and the guys had made progress with some of the new songs, we kept decently busy and that's what kept my mind straight but towards the end of the day that's when my mind would stray. We were stuck on a guitar rift and I was getting frustrated, extremely frustrated, my mind kept straying and my fingers ran through my beard.

“Are we gonna spend all damn night on this fucking rift?!” I said raising my voice nearly slamming the guitar back into its holder.

“Dude stop whining we are going as fast as we can it’s a fucking process” Johnny chided me back, Matt just looked over at me and I just rolled my eyes and stormed out of the room. Goddamn the later it got I knew Meaghan’s mother was going to give me such shit for not picking Tennessee up on time… perfect…

Third Person

Zack angrily stormed out, tears starting to well up in his eyes, his only thought was that he was the biggest fuck up and incapable of even taking care of his child, the last piece of Meaghan he had left. Erin turned in her seat as Zack passed her and just as she was going to run after him Matt patted her shoulder.

“Let me deal with him, go ahead and help the guys pack up for the night and you and Hannah can head home, thank you for the help” Matt was sweet because he knew truly what Zack was going through. Erin just nodded and went back to the guys while Matt went to the back where Zack was getting some air now sobbing.

“Why do I even bother Matt, why do I keep thinking that I'm gonna magically fucking be a good dad, that I'm gonna do something right! Every single day Meaghans mom figures out another thing to bitch me out on and now I'm not gonna be there on time for him. Face it I'm a worthless father.” Zack sobbed banging his hand against the brick wall, Matt placed his hand on Zacks back and tried to get him to just breathe.

“I understand your frustrations, god knows since Val walked away it's been a nightmare, and I can't imagine the pain of losing Meaghan that way… and her passing took it's toll but you are an amazing father just by keeping on, by loving Tennessee, I need you to just be the strong dude I know and learn to move forward, we will do it together” Matt said and although it didn't change that Zack was struggling, Zack knew he wasn't alone in this, that Matt was there for him. Zack was quiet for a moment before straightening his back and fully snapping and shifting back into his normal self.

“Hey by any chance have the girls left… I need to apologize for my shitty behavior… well.. just to Erin…” Zack asked and Matt raised his eyebrow.

“Everyone is on their way out… I think some of them are going out for drinks” Matt was walking back in grabbing his bags with Zack and he studied that Zack was thinking really hard, most likely about his behavior towards Erin.

“Ya know.. she reminds me of Meaghan” He said and Zacks head stayed forward and he paused, his muscles tensing and he seemed agitated by the comment but Zack saw it too… that was the problem.

“Yeah… I know” Was all that left Zacks mouth before he left for the evening, all he wanted to do was be with Tennessee right now.

Erin

The whole group was having drinks, but I ended up at home, I was in need of a hot bath and just some time to myself. I was still struggling from this morning, I shouldn't have ever let that song get to me. I sipped my wine and rested my head back in the tub and rubbed my head with my free hand.

“You have one job Erin… one fucking job which is to not fall apart” I started crying a bit chugging the wine. I was struggling still to this day with the loss of my dad, he was the one who got me through the hardest childhood ever. Losing him have me PTSD basically… the grief tended to make me fall into a downward spiral. Hannah was always my saving grace though.. she pulled me back from the edge during my down days. I heard my phone buzz and smiled a little as Hannah texted me.

*Keep strong my American lass, you've got this*

I took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, I pulled myself out of the bath and wrapped the towel around as I looked at myself in the mirror.

“You've got this…. You have totally got this… I think” I whispered. It was late and I was wide awake, I grabbed my sleeping pills and lied on the bed watching old A7X videos… truth was I wanted Zack to bond with me like Matt was with Hannah… guess it wasn't going how I hoped.

“Suck it up E… just suck it up, you've got your Scottish lass of a best friend, you've got an amazing career… things are in your favor” I said getting sleepy pulling my hair out from its bun, starting to drift off a bit.

So if I had it all going for me.. why was there still a piece missing..

Notes

Ta da!! Hey all sorry for the long wait for my update and yes it's a little dark but I felt as if I would actually use some personal stuff in here to make this story really interesting!
I know that a lot of people deal with Depression and just as LMV says to me and just as I say to her... You are not alone. We are all with each other.
I wanted to give a personal thank you to not only LMV but to all of you for reading our stories! We love you and we hope that you stick around reading our stuff for a while!
More from LMV soon<3

--elovebakervengeance2 <3