Three years earlier

I don't think I want to do this anymore

Look, you want me to ask for forgiveness again and again,
like you're telling me my love isn't complete?
I say it's more like a run-on and I guess-I guess
I don't have the right to ask for forgiveness then, right?

Unease washed over her as she slowly opened the door. Rachel was met with complete darkness. The only light streamed in from the sun behind her, illuminating dozens of beer bottles scattered across the floor. Trembling, she cautiously stepped into the apartment. Glass crunched beneath her boots. Closing the door behind her, she flicked the light switch. Nothing. She flicked it a few more times. Still nothing. She tiptoed over bottle after bottle to the sliding glass door. A moment of hesitation gripped her before she slowly pulled the curtain back.

I want to believe what I heard
somewhere a long time ago that,
that love is free and kind.
And you're trying to act like you're all
humble and wise,
but what you call love is destroying my life
and it's destroying your soul if you ever had one.

Destroying your life?

I don't even think you even know what it means to love.
Or to be loved.

As light poured in, Rachel gasped, covering her mouth as tears sprang forward. She gazed around the destroyed apartment in disbelief. The pictures that once hung above the now busted television set were scattered in millions of pieces across the blood stained carpet. He had taken his anger out on the walls, punching what seemed to be hundreds of holes. The couch was a pile of shredded leather and foam. All of the cabinets in the kitchen were open, some of the doors lay cracked and split on the floor. The glass Rachel had stepped on was the dishes her grandmother had given her mother.

See, see look, look we've got so much to learn.
It's like the strength of your little words they seem perfect
and then they corner us like this-like this Leonidas curse with a Midas touch.
Listen this is the real, that gritty, gory, and gorgeous,
it's like, it's like coco butter mixed with sandpaper.
See this is love.

Rachel stood in the middle of the living room as she sobbed. Her heart hammered in her chest. Anger boiled in her veins as she flung open the bedroom door. The first thing she saw was the bathroom mirror laying in shards all over the counter and the floor. Drips of blood speckled the tile and the carpet. The bed had also been demolished in to a pile of fabric and foam. A pile of her clothes lay on the floor, doused in blood and bleach that stung her nose with every breath she took. More holes lined the walls.

And of course your words, so enticing
and the imagery like some Messiah
living and dying for me and then acting and saving me.
But what, what about the freedom that truth brings?
What about the protection that love brings?

Running to the closet, she grabbed the biggest suitcase she owned and started throwing things in it. Anything of hers she could get her hand on. Ripping clothes down from the closet, digging through the clothes hamper. Anything she could salvage. Anything that was hers and hers alone.

"Why did you wait so long? Why the fuck did you wait so long?" She scolded herself. She threw as much as she could stuff into the suitcase. She had to move fast, she didn't know how much time she had.

See, oh, oh, yeah, so, so this is your
kiss to send me off right?
Like I ain't been no shelter!

Dashing out of the bedroom she stopped dead in her tracks. He seemed to appear out of no where. Blood stained rags were wrapped around his palms, exposing his raw, bleeding knuckles. His tousled black hair fell into his green eyes, a baseball bat laid bloodied at his feet. A.J.'s quiet, sinister laugh sent a chill down her spine.

"Come on, Rach, where do you think you're going?" A menacing smirk crept across his dry, cracked lips. He eyed the bruises on her arms.

"This is done." Rachel growled, "I'm not your fucking punching bag anymore."

Shelter?!

Like those bruises on your arms
ain't no badges of honor?
And these army of onlookers they keep
questioning my methods.
But look, this me, I am in your atriums, like ancient drums.
You used to dance with me.
Why can't you just dance with me?

A.J. cackled maliciously, "You really think I'm going to let you leave me alone?" he tread towards her, dried blood and sweat clung to his bare chest. Rachel took a step back, glaring at him.

"You really think you can give up on us this easily?" He sneered. Rachel glanced down his clenched fists.

"There is no us. I can't give up what you never gave." She hissed. A.J. chortled taking a step back, running his hands through his hair, before turning back to her.

"Look, Rach, go unpack your bag, we'll-" he paused glancing around the apartment, "clean the place up, and you'll stay."

"And we'll be happy." A nasty grin spread across his face. This was not the person Rachel had met two years ago.

"You dumbass why didn't you call someone? Why didn't you just turn around and leave?" She scolded herself.

"Happy?!" She barked. A.J.'s eyes narrowed, his nostrils flared.

"Come on now, Rachel. I love you, I don't want to hurt you." He warned her, clinching his fists even tighter.

You mean slavery?!

Slavery? YOU OWE ME YOUR LIFE!

"Is that a threat?" Rachel challenged. She felt like she was going to be sick. Anxiety swelled up inside her chest, making it difficult to breathe. Her grip in her suitcase tightened.

"That's a fucking promise." He roared. They stood there glaring at each other as he took another few steps towards her.

"Now, Rachel, go unpack." He warned her again.

Rachel rolled her eyes and shouted through gritted teeth, "I. am not staying. I am done, this-" she pointed to the two of them, "this is done. This not love. This is toxic. You are so fucked up, you don't even know what love is!"

I don't belong to anyone but me!

A.J.'s eye narrowed, his nostrils flared, "Rachel I love you, I don't want to hurt you, but I will because you clearly need to be taught another lesson."

"Go to hell." She growled. A.J. let out another maniacal cackle, he vigorously ran his hand back and forth through his hair. Unraveling the makeshift bandage from his hand, he squeezed his palm to release fresh blood. Glaring up at her, he rushed over and took her by the throat. Her hands clasped around his wrist as he wiped his bloody palm across her face.

Nose to nose, he spat in her face, "Listen here, you little bitch-" He was cut off by Rachel spitting in his face. A.J. released her as she coughed and wheezed, clutching her throat.

Oh wait which, which one of us is being selfish here?

Who could be selfish?

Yeah, you trying to rob me?

Wiping his face, A.J. came nose to nose with her again, "You make me do this!" he bellowed. As he raised his hand to strike her rage took over Rachel, as her fist came in to contact with his nose. Stumbling in to the wall, A.J. stared at her in shock, blood pouring down his face. It was now or never, leaving her suitcase behind, Rachel made a break for the front door. She wasn't fast enough as A.J. tackled her on top of the shards of glass plates, cutting her arms and chest. Rachel struggled underneath him, she could feel the warm blood from his nose dripping onto her back. He picked himself up off of her, snatching her by the hair as she tried to stand. A.J. slammed her back down to the floor, the glass cutting her back.

I can't owe what you never gave!

Landing two right hook in Rachel's jaw, he bellowed, "You made me do this!"

Raising his fist he hit her again, "We could have been so happy if you weren't such a selfish bitch!" he shrieked.

"Fuck you!" Rachel screamed, mustering up all the strength in her body to drive her boot right in to his groin. A.J. collapsed beside her, howling in agony. Rachel rose, her face bloodied, the sting of glass under her skin.What a pathetic, writhing creature he was laying before her in a pool of his own vomit and blood.

You will always owe me.

Rachel grabbed him by the hair and pulled his head up, he grimaced in pain. Examining him with contempt, she came nose to nose with him, "I'm taking back my life." She hissed.

And the love you gave was never love!

"If you so much as try to call me." She gripped his hair tighter, pulling his head higher.

Echoing one of his many threats to her, "I'll fucking kill you." Throwing his head back down to the floor, landing with a dull thud, she staggered over to the suitcase laying in the living room.

You are gonna always live with my sacrifices!

Turning the handle, she cracked the door. In a moment of reflection, she slammed it shut. Glancing back at the wretched being, groaning in pain on the floor. Stepping over to him, she reared her foot back to give him a sharp kick in the ribs. A.J. winced, awaiting impact. Rachel let her foot drop, crunching on the glass.

You don't know anything about love! You are twisted and warped!

"If I did it, I'd be no better than you." She growled.

You will always know my sacrifices!

You're so full of your own lies!

Notes

Featuring Vanity by Lacey Sturm
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