Gunslingers

"Hey bitch! How was the fly boy's wedding?" The first words said to me always included the word bitch for some reason.

"Eh, before you answer that, did you record a new album?" that was Captain Wallace. He thought that me singing was ridiculous and a huge problem. For me, it was just something I loved, but not enough to give up this life. And I knew that tore at the other guys, except Jimbo who was hiding that he still flew.

"Record is done. Brian loves being married which is funny considering he used to be such a damn playboy. And, Mikey, can you stop calling me bitch?"

Mikey turned and looked at me, sneering at the mere thought of changing his preferred name for me. "Bitch, no."

I just shook my head and went to my room. We were going to Iraq soon. Planning was starting tomorrow to make sure we had plans A through Z and to make sure we knew each plan by heart. It was my least favorite part about the team. We planned more than we did anything else. We were just cogs in the giant machine of SPECOPS but more importantly the military.

"Hey, Shadz," my jump buddy, Levi, said. Levi was a cool dude. He was black, like the richest of ebony and had the kindest dark eyes. I was so lucky to have him as my buddy because I knew he would always have my back like I would always have his.

"Hi, Levi. How was your leave?" All the guys got the same time of leave. Well at the least the ones on my main team.

"It was good. Mom was excited to see me, and my dog nearly pissed himself from excitement. Dad was... he was Dad."

I nodded as I started to unpack my bag. "Well, at least your two most loved ones were excited to see you."

Levi laughed and came over to help me. He was the kindest and most helpful guy on the team. Everyone loved him, and no one had a bad word to say about him. "Did you finally tell Rae you loved her?"

"Yeah... and then we fucked... and then nothing."

Levi slapped the back of my head. "You're a god damn dumb fucker. You had this woman in the palm of your hand when you told her you loved her and then you done fucked it up by fucking her. Jesus, Matt, you don't ever fucking learn."

I didn't have a response. How was I supposed to respond? Levi was right, just like all the guys were right. I was in love with a woman who still hated me. She had straight up said she wanted me for my dick, not because she felt anything. And I was a damn fool for believing we could be something else. There was too much baggage there. There was too much pain on her part, and I was holding onto it because I still loved her. I still wanted to marry her. I wanted to wake up every day to her, but she would never want that. She would never want me.

Notes

Short update, but an update!