Lost and Found

Before the ‘game’ began, everyone was seated, waiting for a massive interview to take place. It wasn’t until about two point five seconds until I started to ask my first question was it I realized this whole interview could change my life. The answers meant everything to me, I found out. Certain answers meant certain fates and so on. I cleared my throat, preparing myself for my first question, asking it in my head to phrase it right.

“Why didn’t you want me?” popped out of my mouth.

Val tried to smile, but it seemed fake. “It’s not that we didn’t want you,” she explained. “It’s just that we couldn’t take care of you. At that age, Matt and I didn’t have that much responsibility or money or know how to be parents. I had you for less than 24 hours and I couldn't even look at you or hold you. I didn't think I was good enough to be a mother, I was too young. We, we were too young.”

“They were too busy drinking and fucking,” Brian joked, earning a slap in the arm by Michelle. “Ow,” he muttered. I turned my attention back to Johnny, who was asking the next question already.

“Were you even planning on telling me?”

“Shut up, Johnny,” Matt said with a laugh. "This isn't about you."

“Were you even going to try and find me?” I asked after a brief pause.

“We decided to when you were 18,” Val said.

“Can you adopt me?” Danny asked.

Marianne slapped the back of his head. "This isn't about you either, dumbass."

“Don’t answer that. Anyway, what was going through your mind when you found out you were pregnant?” Marianne asked.

“I was utterly shocked. I was on birth control and… I thought I couldn’t get pregnant. I didn’t know what I did wrong,” Val said. "It wasn't until later I found out I got pregnant because I was on some antibiotics which counteracted the birth control."

“How did Matt initially take it?” Gena asked.

“I didn’t take it so well. Like Val, I was shocked,” Matt said. “I was freaking out, too. I mean, I didn’t know how to take care of a baby… I wasn’t ready to be a dad.”

“Did you actually intend on getting pregnant?” Johnny asked.

Val rolled her eyes, and Zacky slapped the back of his head. “Have you been listening at all?” Johnny mumbled something, rubbing his head.

“Take it easy on the guy,” Gary, Matt’s Dad laughed.

“Did you ever want me?” I asked.

“Yes and no, I'll be honest,” Val told me, “Like I said. We lacked the responsibility and we were still in high school. I was scared.”

“Was I a mistake?” I finally blurted out. The whole room went silent, my eyes on Matt and Val’s, while everyone else’s on me. Val paused for a moment, as did Matt, as shocked as I was that I asked this question. “I was,” I said, tearing up but not letting them fall. “Wasn’t I?”

“In a way no…” Val said softly, looking down. “In a way, yes. Everything happens for a reason. We were sixteen, it's not like you were planned. You’re a very well brought up girl. You’re smart and beautiful and you’ve got the whole world ahead of you. You’re intelligent and have a wonderful personality. Heather and Nick did an excellent job bringing you up.” Heather and Nick… they were there for everything that Val and Matt gave up, weren’t they? Nick… Dad taught me how to ride my bike. Mom taught me how to make sugar cookies in the shape of hearts… they put me through school. Val and Matt missed out on everything. “They should be proud of you. I know I am and look how long I’ve known you.”

“I am too,” Matt said.

“But we gave you up because you were our mistake, and I didn’t want to abort you. I had a feeling you’d make some couple very happy, and you did.”

“You were thinking about aborting her?” Danny asked, the first smudge of hostility I’ve ever seen him use to these people. “[i]Our[/i] Elizabeth?”

Matt and Val solemnly nodded. “I had a dream though when I had first found out,” Val said. “And I couldn’t do it.”

“Let’s get back to the questions,” I muttered. “Why didn’t you try to contact me? Why didn’t you want to know anything about me? Why a closed adoption.”

“It was a closed adoption because it’d be too hard on us, on Val,” Matt said.

“Do you know my birthday?” I asked.

“Do you think Danny’s a creep?” Marianne asked right after.

“Is this whole thing a huge lie?” Jimmy asked.

"Why was I never told?" Johnny asked once more. "Hey, don't hit me."

“August fourth, sort of, no, this isn’t a lie, and you weren't told because it was never brought up. Happy?” Matt answered.

“Do you regret not raising me?” I asked.

“Very much,” Val said.

“Is it just because you see me now, or what?”

“It’s because I had the baby, I had you, and I bonded with you, but I didn’t see you after that, and it tore me up,” Val said, tears leaking out of her face. Matt put his arm around her and caringly rubbed it. "I would yell at you because you would step on or kick my spine or be laying on my bladder or whatever."

“She was so heartbroken,” Michelle said.

“I remember that,” Brian added.

“Yeah,” Jimmy added. “She wouldn’t come to school that next school year for a couple weeks, either.”

“I was real worried,” said Zacky.

“Does she have any siblings?” Marianne asked.

“No,” Matt answered. “Only child.”

I looked down at the white carpeting, and then back up to their eyes. “Why didn’t you find a way to take care of me? There must’ve been some alternative.”

Matt and Val just stared at me guiltily. "There was no other alternative," Val said, trying to get me to understand. I shot up and ran out the door. I needed out of that atmosphere. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I felt like I didn't know who I was.

“Elizabeth!” Marianne called after me. I wiped the tears that had spilled by the time I reached the middle of the drive, but didn’t turn around to her.

“Can I be alone for a minute?” I asked quietly.

“Are you okay?” she asked, ignoring my request.

“No,” I replied bluntly. “Just… I need a few minutes.”

“O-okay,” she said. I heard the door shut and I twirled my cell phone around in my hands. I contemplated on whether or not to call Mom and Dad. After a few moments of internal fighting, I finally decided to press the number one for speed dial. I put the phone up to my ear, hearing it ring only once before it was picked up.

“Elizabeth?!” Mom frantically answered. “Elizabeth! Are you okay? What all happened?”

“Mom,” I started. “I’m fine. We’re going to head home tomorrow,” I replied.

“You… you don’t sound fine. Are you really okay?”

“We’ll be home in a few days. I’ll talk to you then. Bye.”

“Uh… Bye sweetie. I love you. Remember that.”

“I know. I love you too.” We both hung up and I just stayed outside for a bit longer. I didn’t want to go inside just yet. Not after what I had basically found out. My mind led me to believe they didn’t want me. If Val and Matt did, then they would find a way to make it work. I was just a bump in their life they wanted shaved off. Their life wasn’t meant for me. It was meant for someone like Danny, who could accept anything. I couldn’t. I wanted the truth and I got it. The cold, harsh reality of everything.

The sun begun to set and I didn’t care. I just lay in the middle of the drive way.

“Elizabeth?” a voice said softly. I looked up, seeing Brian upside down. He crouched at my head and pushed the bangs out of my eyes. “So I guess you’re my niece now, huh?” he asked.

“By marriage, I guess,” I replied quietly. I looked away, toward the half day, yet somehow half night sky.

“You know,” he started, but I cut him off.

“I was their mistake,” I quoted.

“Val and Matt weren’t expecting you. Val didn’t even tell us until she started showing. That’s when she had to explain what was going on. I remember being in the waiting room while you were born, and I first saw you. Neither Matt or Val wanted to see you, because they were too heartbroken. The first time I saw you was in the nursery. I think it was Heather that was holding you.”

“What’s this have to do with anything?” I asked quietly. His position changed and he was now sitting near my head, stroking my hair with his fingers.

“Nothing, really,” he admitted. “Just wanted to tell you.”

“I want to go home, Brian,” I told him. “I want to go back with my family.”

“It’s your choice, kid,” he said with a light laugh. “But if you want, we can be your family too.”

I didn’t reply. I just laid there letting Brian work his fingers through my hair as I stared up at the sky. I sighed heavily and did nothing.

After a while, the temperature started to dull and a cool breeze sifted through my body.

“Wanna go inside?” he asked.

“Not really,” I said.

“C’mon,” he laughed. “They’re making dinner, by now. You should get something to eat.”

I was hungry, and hadn’t thought about eating anything all day. “Why’d you come out here?” I asked.

“Matt and Val don’t want me to smoke in the house.” I semi nodded, understanding.

“Well you only have to worry about that today,” I said. “We’re leaving tomorrow.”

“When did you decide this?”

“When I came outside.”

“Oh… you know that’ll break Val’s heart?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “But I have to do it. If she and Matt want to come visit, I don’t care, but I can’t live with them knowing they didn’t find another way to take care of me.”

Brian was silent for a moment. "They chose the best option they could think of. They knew if they kept you they couldn't be able to give you a very good life. Avenged might've not even been made if they kept you." I stayed silent, thinking about what he had said. “So how did you end up with asthma?”

I laughed and looked up to him. “I don’t know. I was born with it, I guess.”

“What sends you into an attack?”

“Allergies, running, smoke… things that limit your breathing.”

“Oh,” was his reply. “Well, wanna go in?”

“I don’t care.” We both stood up and walked in.

Notes

Yikes! So sorry its been this long! On top of losing my computer at a relatives house, I started a new job, so I've been extra busy.