Your Bloody Fool

„Mom, you can’t do anything right! I hate you, I want to go live with dad!” Rosie screamed straight in my face right before she stormed upstairs. It was like a forceful punch under the belt. And over what? Over the fact that I made a fucking lasagna, forgetting that she out of a sudden had decided to become a vegetarian.

I took a deep breath, boosting myself over the kitchen island. She fucking hated me... Fuck... I’ll be damned if I’d let this just blow over. She won’t fucking talk to me like this. As I crossed the living room, I noticed Ralph jogging down the stairs, packing a leather jacket around his shoulders and a backpack, hanging loosely from his shoulder.

I froze in my tracks, „Where are you going?”

„Out.” He said simply and headed straight for the door.

I couldn’t bare but frown. What the fuck did he mean ‘out’? As far as I was concerned he didn’t have friends to hang out with, so where in the bloody hell was he going? „But I just made dinner. Dad will be here any moment...”

„I don’t care,” He said putting his hand on the door handle.

„What do you mean you don’t care? You haven’t seen him in—„

„That’s exactly my point.” He stopped facing the door. A moment later he turned around with a heavy sigh, „Mom, I really don’t want to see him. He’s never here. When was the last time he visited? A year ago?”

Oh I knew that feeling all too well. I used to feel the same way about my dad. When I was his age my mum and dad were going through a divorce so my father was hardly ever around and at one point I grew bloody tired of begging for him to take me somewhere or come over at least. I was fed up with his excuses and... felt betrayed I guess, ‘cause he chose his groupies over me, so you have to understand my own surprise when I decided to defend Brian. „Honey, you know dad’s touring around, he has just returned—„

„Mom, just... just stop. If he wished to see us he’d find the time.” He replied annoyed. Well, technically he was right. „I’ll be at Jack’s. Bye.”

Right... The single friend he had from school. I sighed. Well, what could I say to this? I knew where he was coming from. And to think Brian had been his favorite person all those years ago. Yeah, it was pretty obvious things did in fact change. With a silent ‘Bye’, I closed the door after him.

As I turned around to walk back to the living room, I saw Rosie coming down the stairs, carrying her own backpack. „And where the hell are you going?”

„I can’t be in the same house with you Riley,” If I’d say I was taken aback, that would be the understatement of the century. What the fuck was going on here? How dared she talk to me like that after all I’ve been through because of her... „I called an uber, I’m going to grandma’s.”

„Okay, first of all, an uber? Where the hell did you get the money to pay for an uber? And secondly, don’t you wanna meet dad?” An uber? Traveling alone being ten years old. Yeah, ‘cause that doesn’t scream ready-for-kidnapping, like... at all.

She took the deepest breath to lay down the heaviest most theatrical sigh to show how fed up she was with the whole situation and probably even me. „Okay, mom, let me explain since it looks like you don’t get anything these days,” what. the. actual. fuck. „I called grandma, she’ll pay for the uber and I’ll meet dad later. He’s staying at grandma’s tonight either way.”

I just blinked as she peaced out me and slammed the door straight in my face. That entitled fucking brat. Okay. Fine. If she wants to get kidnapped, so fucking be it. I’m so fucking done with her treating me like I owe her fucking something. This motherhood shit? I’m out. The almighty dad’s in town so let’s just allow him to finally raise his children. Oh, sorry, one child, since Ralph doesn’t want to even see his wonderful sun kissed face.

Without second thoughts I went across the room to lean down by the mini bar and pull out a bottle of Jack Daniels. „I try so hard and for what...” I mumbled as I flunked down on the couch, unscrewing the cork and throwing it away. Who needs a fucking cork, right? Like there’s any chance I’ll leave anything in this bottle after the magical encounter I experienced with my daughter. That character of hers... That’s what you get when you combine Riley Vex and Synster Gates.

My eyes traveled to my wristwatch as I downed the first mouthful, feeling the wonderful burning sensation travel down my throat. It’s only five o’clock? Why did I think it’s way later? It seemed I still had some time for a party with myself. Getting daydrunk? Fucking check.

I leaned over the coffee table and turned on the laptop to open youtube and put Combichrist’s Maggots at the Party so loud that each and every neighbor of mine could headbang along and would know that I’m partying it up in here.

I sunk in the cushions of the couch, closing my eyes and raising the whiskey bottle to my lips. My foot tapped the rhythm as the liquor slowly calmed me down. Getting drunk before the father of my kids come for dinner? Well... I could give Brian shit for loads of things, but I couldn’t give him shit for being judgmental, ‘cause he simply wasn’t.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Saint appeared in front of me, what it seemed like angrily shouting something at me. Sorry, hun, the music’s too loud. Without a word she bent over by the coffee table and turned the volume down.

„Party pooper.” I mumbled, drowning my words out with the whiskey.

„What the fuck’s going on, Vex? I could hear those Maggots back at my place.” She crossed her tattooed arms over her black button up shirt.

„You’re welcome,” I replied, resting my foot on the coffee table.

„Is that JD?” She leaned over and yanked the bottle away from me, inspecting it like she’d seen it for the very first time. Come the fuck on, you’ve worked as a bartender for how long? Of course that’s the lovely Jack Daniels. „Why the fuck are you drinking? Was... was Gates already here?”

„What?” I frowned, „Of course not. Haner is never on time, let alone early...”

„Then what is it? What’s happening here?” She circled her neatly manicured index finger, pointing to where I was so carelessly lounging and intoxicating myself with that very lovely mister Daniels.

„Well, if you must know, my daughter said she hates me and she wants to live with her father and well... my son on the other hand seemingly hates his father and doesn’t want to see him so he’s at Jack’s.”

„Who’s Jack?” that’s it? That’s her only question? Man, she’s such a good friend.

„Some kid from school,” I replied with a shrug of my shoulders.

„Huh,” She mumbled, squinting her eyes on me, „Didn’t know he had friends.”

„Yeah...” I mused, before taking another sip from the bottle.

„And why did Rosie decide she hates you?”

„’Cause I forgot she’s now a vegetarian,” I glared at Saint, making it known I’m not up for some ‘how to mother’ lecture. Let’s be honest, she’s not the best mum herself. I can’t count the times when she’d forgotten that she actually has to pick her kid up from school or worse... she’d forgotten her at a strip club. How? Well, that’s a story for a different time.

„Yeah, that seems a pretty big deal,” She said, barely holding in the laughter, before she flunked down beside me and took the bottle away from me once again to take a sip herself. „Look, if she wants to live with Gates, let her. A week in living with her ‘idol’,” She made an air-quote, before taking another sip, „she’ll understand how great you are and will come running back.”

„You know Saint? At this point I don’t even care,” Of course I did care, I just was pissed beyond limits to admit I actually was on the verge of tears because that little shit had broken my heart. „If she wants to live with her dad and eat Pringles, watch Hentai and do some blow each day every day, who am I to argue with her choices? She’s a big girl. She’s ten years old, Saint,” I mimicked the way Rosie always accentuated how big of a girl she was in order to get something she had set her mind onto. Ten years old my ass. If I had treated my mum the way she did me, she’d have left me at the nearest pit-stop while touring the States. And I wasn’t even over exaggerating.

„Right, right. How could I forget,” Saint chuckled, pulling a joint from the chest pocket of her shirt.

„You come packing some serious heat, huh,” I chuckled, watching as she lit up the blunt.

„Hey, this is my insurance. Other’s carry actual guns, I carry this little thing. Keeps me from solitary confinement,” She chuckled, taking a couple of drags, „And if I have to endure Gates, mister fuckin’ Shadows, you and Raven McQueen at the same place and even at the same time, I better come ready for an apocalypse.”

„And how would a joint make things better if an apocalypse would actually break out, huh, genius?” I questioned as she stretched her hand out, offering me a hit or five.

„Well...” She blew the smoke out as I took the blunt from her and puffed it a couple of times, „For starters, I’d be chill as fuck, dude. After I smoke this little magical thingy, I won’t have a single worry in the world. You all can kill each other, see if I care.”

I couldn’t bare but shake my head. It would be so bloody amazing if I could be half as chill about shit as Saint was. But wait, why can’t I? I have all the right in the world to act just as Rosie’s acting. I took a couple drags, before I gave the blunt back to Saint. „You know what? Fuck this dinner thing. Who even came up with ‘let’s have a fucking civil dinner at Vex’s house’? Oh right, Brian fucking Haner. Fuck that. I’m done being a good mum. My mum did whatever the hell she wanted and she led a great bloody life. Today I say we hit Johnny’s and get bloody shitfaced.”

„And tomorrow?” Saint shot me one of those stoner smiles, with her eyes barely open and the corners of her lips staying permanently upwards.

„Tomorrow I’ll probably die of a fucking hangover.”

„Well if that’s what you want, I say let’s fucking do it.” She said as she leaned forward and threw the remainders of the joint in the single half drunk cocoa mug neatly sitting on the coffee table. „I’ll just quickly text that Raven chick and we can be on our merry way.”

„You do that, in the mean time I’m gonna finish this lovely bottle, can’t let it go to waste and go find my boots.” I said pushing myself up as she pulled out her iPhone from the back pocket of her shorts.

„Hey, what do we do about Syn?” Saint questioned when I sat down by the coffee table, running my fingers through my messy hair as I drunkenly waited when the laptop will wake up from it’s slumber.

„Fuck if I know,” I mumbled, shifting my eyes to the screen when it lit up and quickly put on Issues cover of Bieber’s Boyfriend. „I can buy him a pack of M&M’s since he wanted to come over for dinner so fucking bad.”

„Sounds like a plan,” Saint’s shoulders twitched right before I turned the volume back up and got up to walk over to the nearest mirror which happened to be in the hallway.

My blurry vision fixed on my reflection in the body length mirror. Oh hell no, this miss-good-two-shoes look ain’t gonna do. My hands went to pull out the corners of my 9-5 shirt from my jeans right before I simply pulled it over my head and let it land by my feet. I was standing in my bra, debating over what to wear, when my eyes connected to the hangers next to the mirror where some of my leather jackets were sitting and the same leather vest I had been wearing the other day.

The front door opened just as I reached for the vest.

„Whoa... This is what I call a welcoming,” Brian was standing in the door isle, his hand reaching for his shades as he took them off and hooked behind his collar. It was super unfair how well preserved he look, it seemed like time had only made him even more handsome than he was before. Was it even possible? At my state? Hell, everything was possible.

Just when I noticed the Merlot bottle which he probably picked up at some 7/11, I remembered I had actually made dinner. „There’s lasagna on the stove if you’re hungry, tho we’re not staying in.”

„Yeah, I figured. You’re already drunk and the whole place smells like weed, hi Saint,” His eyes drifted towards the living room. I looked back to see Saint simply waving at him, before my blues connected to him. „Weren’t we supposed to talk about Rosie’s school problems?”

„Fuck that,” I waved him off, before finally I took the leather vest and put it on, zipping it up, but not enough to actually hide my boobs. Brian cocked his eyebrow. „Okay. Fine. She got expelled. Want to go to Emma’s school, but you already knew that.”

„And this is where I step in since the expenses are cosmic, right?” He came in and closed the door after himself.

I looked up at him, pulling my hair out off from behind of the collar of the vest, „Well yeah, they’re your kids too.”

„Where are they by the way?” His eyes burned a hole in my scalp, but I ignored the questioning stare and simply went to walk upstairs. Of course he had followed me, the reflection in the vanity mirror was a dead give away that he was determined to bug me with loads of irrelevant questions. I sat down, deciding to fix my make up a bit. If he decided to torture me with his stunningly annoying persona, I’d at least look good.

„Well, Ralph doesn’t want to see you so he’s hanging out with some friend and Rosie on the other hand doesn’t want to see me, so she’s with Suzy and your dad,” If I had been sober I would’ve never made a statement as such, but hey Mary Jane and Jack Daniels had a little yet steamy rendezvous in my system and who could blame them?

Stunned. Shocked. Confused. He walked over to the bed and sat down, looking at me with the deepest frown. „I’m a bit lost... Say that again?”

I took a deep breath, before I turned to face him, „Rosie said she hates me and she wants to live with you and by the looks of it, Ralph hates you. God... is it that so hard to understand?”

„But... why?”

„Don’t know – don’t care. Ask them.” God, I sounded like such a fucking bitch, well... I guess it was bound to happen, this little break down of mine. „Since you’re back I think Rosie could as well live with you for a while if she can’t stand me so badly...”

„I don’t think that’s the best idea, but hey, your call.” He shrugged. Didn’t the fact that his fucking son hate him affect him in any way? Like... how was that fucking possible? Or maybe he knew something I didn’t?

„Just... don’t take her to Vegas, okay?”

„Why would I take her to Vegas?” He frowned as he stood up and walked to stand behind me, resting his hands on my shoulders.

„Brian, I know you. You will take her to Vegas, mark my words... God why am I planting these bloody ideas in your head?” My eyes dropped from his reflection to the expensive make-up bottles which were scattered around the vanity.

„Maybe ‘cause you’re bloody drunk and out of your bloody mind?” Suddenly his warm breath hit my ear as he whispered, a smirk being prominent in his voice. His face was a mere inch from mine. This all felt too... seductive. Why the fuck was he in my room and standing behind me, not even talking about whispering shit in my ear? With a tasty laugh he patted my shoulders as he straightened himself, „besides, it’s no fun if she’s not twenty one, I can’t actually be her pimp.”

My eyes went wide as I turned around to look at him.

„I’m joking, Clarke,” His hands shot up in defense, „Jesus, ask Saint for another joint, you seriously need to loosen up.”

„Some of us have responsibilities. I’m not entitled to a monthly whore-cation like your super responsible self.” I snapped, powdering my face while I spoke.

„Now I know where that word came from.”

„You seriously had your doubts?” I looked at him through the mirror, to see him going through my underwear drawer. What the—

„Why haven’t I seen this?” He was holding a black lace lingerie dress by it’s straps, forcing me to jump to my feet and yank it out of his hands, gaining a suppressed laughter from him.

„Because you married a stupid bimbo ten years ago,” I glared at him after I had thrown the piece of lingerie back in the drawer and slammed it shut.

„Oh right, Jennifer,” His eyes trailed to the side as he remembered his previous marriage with a wide grin, „See... now that’s one crazy chick.”

„Regret filing for divorce?” I asked in between putting on my boots which had been laying by the bed. Knowing with what had been going on between us all those years ago, did he realize how much of a douche he actually sounded like right now?

„Of course not,” A confused frown shaped his features, „Tho I wouldn’t mind meeting her for some late night activities...”

When I looked at him, he had this dreamy smile on his face. What on earth made me think this man would actually change? „Are you actually aware how much of a dick you sound like?”

„Fully aware, babe.” He winked at me.

„Maybe take it a peg down, huh?”

„Why?” He asked as I walked over to my bag to take out my wallet. „Leave it,” He instructed. I looked at him like he was from a completely different planet. In what galaxy could you go to a bar and get drunk without a single penny on your soul? Apparently fed up, he pulled the wallet out of my hands and pushed me out of the room.

„What are you—„

„I told you to leave it.”

„How the hell am I going to pay for shit?” I exclaimed, turning in his hands and tilting my head back to look at him.

„I’m paying, now get your bony ass downstairs.” He turned me around, but I wasn’t the one to comply this evening, I turned back around.

„You think you’re smart...”

„Jesus, here we go,” He rolled his eyes.

„That you can buy me whatever and I would let your... your asshole nature just slip by.” At this point I realized how drunk I actually was, but did that raise a red flag and made me realize that it would be wise to just stay home? Of course fucking not.

„Fucking fine,” He mused obviously irritated as he stormed back in the room and just moments later returned with my wallet, „Here. Happy?” He shoved the leather piece in my chest and simply walked around me.

„You know what?” I turned around slowly, to see him stop with his foot already on the first step of the stairs. His hand raised from the railing, before he let it drop to it once again as he turned around with a heavy sigh.

„What, Riley? What?” There was no glimpse of his signature smirk. His face was the straightest they come as he looked me dead in the eye. „You want to tell me that you dread the day you met me? Or the fact that we have kids together? You’ve told me all those things, Clarke. And many more. Twenty years is in fact a long time.”

„How can you even live with yourself? You intentionally hurt so many people, Haner...”

His eyes lowered, before the sliest smirk mirrored on his face as he raised his eyes at me, „You confuse me with someone who actually gives a damn.”

Notes