Fallen

Wednesday at the zoo with Carson, Cash and Matt was an absolute blast. Carson, having a zoo keeper as a mom, grew up around the animals and was used to them. He had been behind the scenes a handful of times with almost all of the animals in the zoo. Cash, on the other hand, had only been to the zoo a few times in his life, and was blown out of his mind when he got to see a bear only three-feet away from him. The smile that was on his face reminded me of why I do what I do. I’m in this job to save animals from extinction, and inspire others to become involved in conservation efforts. I touch the lives of hundreds of people, every day, and a majority of those people leave with the though that they too will be the reason why lions, tigers, elephants, etc. won’t go extinct in the next 50 years.

Matt was so impressed with the zoo trip that he treated both Carson and I to dinner that night. We just went to a local pizzeria by the zoo, but it was delicious and I could honestly say I hadn’t had that great of a time in what seemed like forever. Being able to just have fun with my child, and someone else who had a child, was enjoyable. Being in the presence of someone else who had the same focus as I, was enjoyable. I noticed at dinner that Carson had even started to really taking a liking to Matt; opening up and asking him tons of questions. Matt was patient with my monster of a child, talking to him and even playing around with him. That’s what Car needed.

That leads me up to today… I have today off, and although my original plan was to just have a hot date with myself on the couch and binge-watch Grey’s Anatomy after dropping Carson off at daycare, those plans were cancelled. When I dropped Carson off, Matt was also dropping off Cash. He asked me what I was doing today with a smirk, and I somehow forgot all about my exciting plans and told him that I wasn’t doing anything. So now here I was, changing into a pair of workout leggings and a tank top, slipping socks and sneakers on my feet.

“What is taking you so long, woman?” Matt’s voice sounded from outside my bedroom door with a knock.

I opened the door and smiled at him, placing my hat on my head and pulling my short ponytail through it, “Sorry! I couldn’t find a pair of matching socks that weren’t work socks.”

“You have specific work socks?” He asked me with an eyebrow raised, laughing when I nodded. “Is there really a difference?”

I grabbed my water bottle out of the refrigerator and walked out the front door with him, pulling it closed and locking it behind me. “Don’t ask questions you don’t really want to know the answer to. Work socks are potent and get bleached every couple weeks. Every-day socks are able to be thrown in with my regular laundry and don’t smell nearly as foul.”

Matt scrunched his nose up as he started up his truck, driving toward our destination, “How does a pretty thing like you have feet that smell so bad you have to bleach your socks?”

“What did I just say? Don’t ask questions you don’t really want to know the answer to,” I repeated with a laugh. “After wearing them for a few months, and some animals sinking their teeth and claws into them, waterproofing on hiking boots goes away. Thus, making my feet get wet and then the thick material makes your feet sweat. Sometimes they smell so bad I just throw my socks away after I take my boots off.”

“That’s so gross,” Matt laughed loudly. “But I appreciate that you are honest about your smelly feet.”

“Hey, I work with poop for a living. I have no reservations when it comes to any gross bodily fluid or function,” I laughed along with him and looked out the window as we got toward our destination.

We were finally going for that hike today. The one that he wanted to go on last week, forgetting that three-year-olds and hiking don’t really correspond with one another. After our hike we were going to get lunch, then pick up the boys and go our separate ways. I hadn’t expected him to ask to hang out today, but I wasn’t bothered by getting to know him better. If I was going to be seeing him every other week until the next time he went on tour, which wasn’t going to be for a while since they were writing a new album, I might as well be friends with the guy.

We were halfway up the path toward the top of the cliffs that overlooked the water when we decided to take a break. The hot, California sun was beating down on us on the path, the trees slightly barren. Matt leaned over, stretching and catching his breath. I took my time to look at him through my sunglasses, the hot air causing a sheen of glistening sweat over his exposed arms and calves. I wouldn’t lie and say that I didn’t find him insanely attractive - I did. And the fact that hanging out with him and Cash just felt like home didn’t help this baby crush, either.

“I’m feeling my age,” he laughed as he straightened himself back up, stretching his arms above his head. “Thirty-five isn’t good to my knees.”

I laughed and started walking, him following behind me, “I understand. Six years of being a zoo keeper and my body is starting to fail on me, too. I wouldn’t doubt it if I needed knee and hip replacements by fifty.”

“From this view, I’d say you’re crazy. You look pretty damn in shape to me,” I could picture the smirk on his face behind me.

I rolled my eyes and turned to look at him, walking backwards, “Watch it before I have my kid beat your kid up because his dad can’t keep his eyes to himself.”

“I don’t think you want me to keep my eyes to myself,” he had a huge grin on his face as I groaned and turned around, mortified. “Liv, I’m only kidding,” he laughed as he picked up his pace, now next to me. “Lighten up, little lady.”

“You lighten up,” I smirked and bumped his hip with mine, rocking him slightly to the right. “Try to keep up, Sanders,” I said with a laugh and started up the rocky hill in front of me with a quicker pace.

He was hot on my trail, but still a few feet behind me. I could hear him cursing as my feet moved quick, my short legs taking long strides up the climb.

“I’m too old for this!” He shouted from behind me.

“This was your idea!” I shouted back, now up on higher ground and sprinting toward the edge of the cliff that overlooked the water. I stood there and admired the view; it was breathtaking. I hadn’t been able to get out in nature much and explore since I split from Brandon because I was always busy with Carson. Being able to look out, over the water and air, was peaceful and made my heart smile just as big as the one on my face. The last five months had been hard, the first three months before them were the hardest times of my life thus far. This wasn’t what I had mapped my future out to be, but these were the cards I was dealt with.

“Deep in thought?” Matt’s voice pulled me out of my trance and I looked next to me to see him standing about a foot away. “Want to share?”

I sighed and plopped down onto the dirt, extending my legs and crossing my ankles, “Are you sure you want to go on this bumpy ride down Liv’s memory lane?”

Matt sat next to me, in the same position and laughed, “I’ve got all day. Lay it on me.”

With a smile I spoke, “I was always said I was never going to have children. I never even liked kids. I still don’t really like kids.” I laughed, “I was with my ex for a while and found out I was pregnant, we both vowed to step up and be the best parents we could be. Things were going really well until Carson turned two. Then all of a sudden it was like he didn’t have a kid anymore. He was always drunk, high, snorting coke off the counter top with his lame friends. He tried to make it up to me by saying he would change, and proposed. I fell for the shit just to find out he had been cheating on me since before the proposal.” I paused and sighed, “I had an inkling all along, but never had proof. Then his dumbass sent a video to all of our friends of some random girl sucking him off and it got back to me. I dumped him, packed up my shit and moved the fuck out of LA. He didn’t even fight for custody of Carson… instead he showed up to court with a nineteen-year-old hanging on his arm a few weeks ago.”

Matt was silent, but nodded and continued to look toward the view in front of us. He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but instead licked over his lips and closed it.

“The break up isn’t even what gets to me. I don’t care about Brandon and his stupid choices because quite frankly both Carson and I are better off on our own. It’s more so that I can’t believe where I am today and how far I have gotten. I’m not the best mom out there, but I’m alright for a twenty-seven year old single mother. I’ve still got my career that I’m flourishing in, and my kid is pretty normal. I think I just expect more out of myself than I should, when in reality I’m doing just fine.”

This time Matt talked, “You’re a great mother and Carson is a great kid. You shouldn’t beat yourself up over trying to be perfect because no one is. Everyone has to struggle their way through something. I was terrified when I divorced Val that I was making the wrong decision for my children. At one point we had a conversation about literally staying together just for the sake of the boys, even though neither one of us had love for the other anymore. It was the fear that I would be on tour and my kids would think I’m a deadbeat. Ultimately, I went with my gut decision and I’m still able to tour, and spend time with my boys who love me even if I’m not around as much as I should be.”

I looked at him with a half smile, “Why are you so understanding?”

“With age comes wisdom,” he wagged his finger at me and chuckled. “Because I’m human, just like you.”

We ended up staying in that spot for longer than anticipated, just talking about life and different things we had gone through. I was pleasantly surprised that Matt was an open book, and that I felt comfortable talking to him about personal subjects. The hike back down was quicker than the one up there, mostly because it was downhill so it took less of a toll on our bodies. Once we got in the car we realized how late it was, and that we didn’t really have time for lunch at this point. We were both starving, though, and decided to just get Taco Bell on the way to pick the boys up from daycare.

“You have lettuce on your shorts,” I laughed as Matt got out of the truck. He quickly looked down and brushed himself off, giving me an embarrassed smile. He followed me into the daycare, running to hold the door open for me before I went through it. I rolled my eyes at him, “Seriously? Chivalry is dead, Matthew.”

He grinned, “Have it your way and I’ll let it hit you in the face next time.”

I bumped him with my hip again when we reached Mrs. Ridley, a smile on her face. “I’ll go grab Cash and Carson. Be back in just a minute,” she headed out of the common area and into the actual daycare.

Another mother that I knew from some functions was standing in the room waiting for her daughter. Her name was Kennedy and her daughter was McKenzie. Bleach blonde hair, tan skin, fake boobs… rich California mom to the T. She walked over to Matt and I, a smirk on her face. “Matt, I didn’t know you were home!” She spoke in an excited, fake tone.

He took a step back when she got a little close to us, and became awkward, “Yup.”

“Maybe we can arrange a play date for Kenzie and Cash,” she smiled at him, her pearly white teeth sparking.

“I don’t think our kids are friends,” Matt said a little louder, less awkward. “So I don’t think so.”

Kennedy’s smile faltered for a minute, but then was back in full force, “Well what about just you and I have a play date then?”

“No thanks,” Matt smiled and then all of a sudden wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me into his side. My breath caught in my throat at the action, but then I realized what he was doing. If what he said to me was true a few nights back, about women wanting to get in his pants, he was using me as a nice way of saying he wasn't interested without turning down one of his son’s classmates’ mothers in the middle of the daycare.

Kennedy pursed her lips, “I didn’t know you two were together. You weren’t home when she enrolled Carson here.”

I put my hand on Matt’s chest and looked up at him with a smile, “Actually, Matt’s the whole reason I moved up here. I had just been so busy at work our schedules didn’t match up. But now that he’s home everything is perfect.”

Matt leaned down and kissed my forehead lightly, not knowing that it was sending sparks through my entire body. Well, this crush wasn’t going away any time soon. Kennedy looked far from happy at our actions with one another. He was so going to owe me for playing along to this.

“Momma!” Carson’s voice sounded as Matt pulled his lips from my forehead, a surprised look on my son’s face. Cash behind him with the same expression. Even Mrs. Ridley was standing there looking slightly shocked. How the hell would I explain this?

Notes

Second update in one day!
Make sure you read the previous chapter (chapter five).

Matt & Liv alone time has happened!
What's up with Kennedy, though?
Liv has a crush (awwwww).