Confession of a King

Everyone has heard the saying “bored out of my gourd” before, some of us have maybe even used those words to describe the way we were feeling. I could honestly say that after being cooped up in this house with no cellphone, my son on the other side of the country and Matt locked away in his “office” for hours on end, I was officially and completely bored out of my gourd. One more episode of The Real World and I was going to smash the flat-screen television mounted on the wall to a million pieces with my bare fists, just so that I could maybe, just maybe, take a trip out of here and to a hospital for some excitement and change of scenery.

“Grilled cheese for you madame,” Johnny’s voice pulled me out of my brain-dead trance of staring at the two women with fingers entangled in hair extensions. I looked to my right to see him with an eyebrow raised, his right arm extended out with a grilled cheese sandwich on top of a white plate, a pile of barbecue chips on the side. “How do you watch reality television sixteen hours a day?”

I shrugged my shoulders as I took the plate, biting into the gooey, cheesy goodness, “What else am I supposed to do while I’m stuck in this house with no connection to the outside world or my husband?”

“He should be done with his phone conference in the next half hour. We have all been reminding him that he needs to pay as much attention to you as he does to making sure you’re alive,” Johnny sank onto a bean-bag chair by the couch. “Gates has been ragging on him about it.”

“Matt’s back to work and is busier than ever. What else could I expect, right?”

“You sound bitter,” the short man added. “As if the marriage isn’t all that it is cracked up to be.”

I placed the sandwich back down on the white plate and pulled my eyes from the television, setting them on Johnny Christ himself. I narrowed my gaze, “I’m not sure what you’re trying to say, or why you want to poke the bear. I’m happy in my marriage and I love my husband, but I want to go back to our life that is happy and safe.”

“You knew that your safety wasn’t going to be satisfactory the day you met him,” Johnny ran a hand through his flattened mohawk. “You have been compromised since. Yet you stood by his side, bared his child, took his last name with that knowledge. Encouraged him not to leave the gang world if he wasn’t ready for it. Now he is back in and it’s trouble in paradise. Ivy has lost her white, picket-fenced world and is moping around like a stray dog with mange.”

I stood quickly from the couch, allowing the plate with my lunch on it to crash to the ground. Chips crunched on the hardwood floor as the cheese of the sandwich stuck to the floorboards. The plate shattered into an array of porcelain pieces. I ran a hand through my dark hair before stepping away from the mess, “I’m not going to waste my time or breath having this conversation with you. I understand that your life became your position when he was thrown into jail, but holding a grudge against me because he focused on something more than your money-hungry gang is not my issue.”

“You’re just going to leave this mess on the floor?” He called after me as I exited the living room. “Are you fucking serious?”

I said nothing as I marched myself down the hallway toward Matt’s office. It was interesting to me that the golden death bat and name Shadows was still engraved into the dark, cherry door. Brian hadn’t taken over the head-honcho spot upstairs, nor down here. I believed it to be a respect thing; that he didn’t want to take credit for all that Matt created, but part of me thought that my dark-haired friend knew Matt wouldn’t stay away forever. What would be the sense in taking over his bedroom, his office, if he would ultimately rejoin the troops?

I swallowed the saliva collecting in my throat as I grabbed onto the golden doorknob, turning it without knocking on the cherry wood. Call it what you want - stupid, bold, praying my husband wouldn’t choke me while on a conference call - I was too aggravated from the conversation with Johnny Christ. I had no patience to knock on the door and be ignored, or told to wait five more minutes. I found that the door was unlocked, and I pushed it open to see Brian and Corey sitting in front of Matt at his desk. Neither man turned around as the door opened, but Matt’s hazel eyes immediately tore into my brown ones as he raised an eyebrow, questioning why the hell I would barge in on something I knew I wasn't supposed to impose on.

“Thank you for all the information, Lachlan. I appreciate your help in the matter,” Matt spoke calmly into the receiver, phone to his ear, although his eyes were heated with anger. “I will have Vengeance wire your share to you this afternoon. Take care.” He pulled the phone from his face and placed it on the desk, opening his mouth to speak.

I was quicker than him, “Look, before you yell at me for coming in here. You either need to get a hold on Christ, or I will kill him my-fucking-self, Matthew.”

A giggle fell from Brian’s up-turned lips, while Corey sat stone faced. Matt smirked and ran a hand through his growing faux hawk. “What am I going to do with you and that attitude?"

I scowled, “I’m serious. I don’t need a midget with a gun trying to be my anti-marriage counselor. He literally delivered me lunch and sat there ragging on me about my unachievable expectations in marrying you. Can’t we go back to when you ordered him not to make eye contact with me, let alone speak to me?”

“I'll take care of it,” Brian spoke before Matt, turning to look at me with a small smile. “That midget with a gun has actual work to be taking care of instead of badgering you, Iv. I should’ve known better than to leave him with free reign of the house while we're in here and Vengeance is on a call.”

“If you need secondary enforcement,” Matt began.

Brian looked at him then back at me, “I don’t. I think I can induce enough fear without your presence, Shads. I did it without you long enough.”

Matt’s right eyebrow raised to the sky, “What are you implying, Gates? If that were the case would all of this still be occurring?”

“Matt,” I warned, knowing that jealous tempers were about to start flying around the room any moment.

“I’m not speaking to you, Ivy. I would like to know what it is that Gates is trying to say here. Please continue, boss,” Matt crossed his arms over his chest and stared at his second-in-command.

Brian pursed his lips and crossed his own arms, “You’re taking that statement the wrong way.”

“I don’t think I am,” Matt laughed. “You honestly think that you can run this as well as I did. If that were the case I wouldn’t have been asked to jump back in and lead the battle, right? You could have figured out all of this on your own, ensured Ivy’s safety and pulled all of our clients back in? You think so? Then why didn’t you stop it from happening in the first place, oh great one?”

“You wouldn’t have been brought into this if it wasn’t for the fact that Ivy’s safety is at stake,” Brian spoke through gritted teeth. “This has nothing to do with who is a better leader. I was just saying that Christ knows better than to cross me…”

“You're the reason her safety is at stake in the first place,” Matt practically growled from across the table.

“Would you quit talking about me as if I am not standing in the same fucking room as you!” I shouted, causing all three men to look in my direction. “I’m tired of your attitude. Get this shit figured out and take care of whatever you need to take care of. I want to be with my child and go the fuck home. If you can’t do that, then I’ll pack my things and leave on my own.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Matt’s face dropped.

“That would be a death sentence, Ivy,” Brian said quietly.

I shrugged my shoulders and turned for the door, “I’d take my chances. Anything to get me out of this house and the two of you trying to rip each others heads off. Sorry for the child-like behavior, Corey. Maybe they’ll both change out of their pull-ups the next time you come by.”

I was nearly positive that my outburst, and threat, from Matt’s office would come back to bite me in the ass. I decided to grab an apple from the kitchen and lock myself upstairs for a few hours. I took a long, warm bath to relax both my muscles and my mind. After the bath I gave myself a thorough once-over in the mirror. My skin looked dull from being stuck inside the house at all times, but the bags under my eyes were nearly invisible. I guess having nothing to do but watch television and nap helped me catch up on all the sleep I lost from having a child around. I wrapped myself in the warm, cozy robe that Matt had speciality ordered for me back when I first had to be taken in here. Thinking back to those times, times when he was still in jail and there was a bounty on my pregnant head, they actually seemed easier than now. Now I knew what life was like outside of this. Outside of the gang world. What life was like as a happy, married couple with a beautiful little boy. We needed out of Orange County, California when this was all said and done. Sure, people across the nation knew who Matt was, what he did, but things would be different in the Carolinas than California.

I opened the bathroom door and raked my eyes across the carpet, up to the bed, to find Matt lying on his back with his arms folded behind his head. His eyes were shut until I closed the bathroom door behind myself, his hazel gaze focusing in on me.

“Do you mean what you said?” He asked quietly, something I wasn’t expecting, as he sat up and rested his elbows on his knees. He had changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, something I hadn’t seen him in since we got here. Matt was either dressed to go out and beat someone to death, or in his boxers. It was nice to see him look comfortable for a change.

I nodded and crossed over to the bed, climbing in next to him and sitting in front of him with my legs crossed. “I do,” I sighed and pulled my hair down from the bun it was in, letting it cascade down my back. “I’m sick and tired of being stuck here. You grilling Brian and playing the blame game doesn’t make it any easier. It’s no one’s fault but our own that we were able to be tracked. I went back to work, your guard dropped because Behemoth was gone. Life was easy and we weren’t hiding anything. Is that really his fault or our own, Matthew?”

Matt let out a deep breath and ran his hands down his face, rubbing his eyes and slightly scruffy cheeks, “You’re right. I’m the one that failed you.”

I grabbed his wrists and pried his hands off that beautiful face, “You did not. I knew what I was getting into the day I requested for your restraints to be taken off. But that doesn’t mean I won’t risk my own safety for my happiness or sanity. I miss normalcy… I miss Alec.”

“I do too, honey,” he frowned. “Don’t think for a minute I want to be here any more than you do.”

“Sometimes I think you do. In the past four days the only time I’ve seen you is when you come in here at two in the morning and immediately go to sleep. Wake up at seven and disappear into your office, only to repeat the pattern again the next day. I’ve seen you more today than I have in a week, and that’s only because I barged in and rained on your parade.”

“I’m sorry,” muscular arms extended for me and I was pulled into his chest. “I haven’t been the best husband in the world the past couple weeks, have I?” I shook my head at his statement and he pulled my face to his, lips hovering over mine. “Let me make it up to you," he mumbled against my skin before kissing me gently.

The kiss was warm, it was filled with love and caring, and it was something I hadn’t received in a number of days. My hands found their way up to his slightly-waved faux hawk, running through the hairs as I pulled my mouth from his, “We’re not trying for a baby while we’re living here.”

“I’ll pull out,” he said between breaths as his lips traveled from mine to my jaw, teeth nipping ever-so-slightly at the skin.

“Don’t lie and ruin the moment,” I laughed quietly to myself, then groaned as his lips moved to behind my ear with small movements.

Teeth grazed my ear, and his tongue flicked at my ear lobe, “You’re right. I’m not going to pull out, just like I’m not going to let you escape this house.”

Notes