Confession of a King

I had a miserable nightmare last night, and had yet to fall back asleep since 3 in the morning. That old, recurring nightmare of Matt killing me happened yet again. I hadn’t experienced this since he was released from prison, so I wasn’t aware of how much his presence in bed next to me would affect my reaction to the nightmare. I wasn’t aware of how terrified I would truly be to see his face wake me up. He used to be the first one I would call when the nightmare happened, but I would never explain to him what happened. He just knew I had a bad dream, and wanted to help me through it.

Here we were, this morning, me waking up in a panic to Matt’s large frame leaning over me, his hands held firm on my shoulders shaking me awake, his hazel eyes looking down at me. Fear took over my body as soon as my eyes opened and met his. A silent scream fell from my lips as I felt as if I couldn’t breathe, like I was having sleep paralysis. I kneed him in between the legs and jumped from the bed, screaming at him to get away from me. I couldn’t be near him as I darted out the bedroom door and down the hallway, locking myself in the hall bathroom on the main level of the house.

Matt was furious. Furious that he never knew that he was the cause of my nightmares. Furious that I refused to let him calm me down. Furious that I couldn’t look him in the face. But, he was understanding that I was scared of him. Maybe not him as he is now, but what he had been and what he was capable of becoming. So, he left after three hours of coaxing me out of the bathroom to talk to him. He told me he loved me through the bathroom door and he left the house. He would be watching on the surveillance cameras from Avenged’s headquarters. I was to call him when I was ready for him to come home.

I needed to wrap my head around itself and calm my nerves, so I finally exited the hall bath a little after an hour once Matt left the house. I went up to our room and locked the door, bringing Hunter into the room with me. He rested on the bed as I started up the bath in our bathroom, and sank into it. It was just a dream, a bad dream, but nothing more than a dream. I was going to be marrying this man and had to face the fact that this may happen again.

Alec couldn’t have his mother screaming at his father to get away from her due to a nightmare that would never come true. It wasn’t fair to him to ever have to experience this, and quite frankly, it wasn’t fair to Matt to have me scream at him and kick him in the balls when he was trying to wake me up.

Alec. All that was on my mind right now was my little boy. I just wanted to be able to hold him. It had been so long since I had him in my arms. I needed to see him today, so I texted Matt. I knew that we were trying our best to keep Alec out of the picture until the Behemoth situation was mediated, but I needed this. I was surprised to see Matt respond to me saying that he though it would be good for me to go see our son. I quickly responded to him thanking him and telling him that I loved him. When I got home from his parents house, I would let him know and have him come back home.

The drive to Matt’s parents house was longer from our current home than it was from Avenged’s headquarters, but I didn’t mind. The drive was full of anticipation, and a little bit of fear, as I continued to look out my rearview mirror repeatedly to make sure no one was following me. The minute my car got on their street, I looked around and saw no other cars around. But I didn’t want to be too obvious, so I parked on the street itself and sprinted over to their house.

“There’s my baby,” I cooed and took Alec out of Kim’s arms. I held him to my chest and kissed all over his face. Those hazel eyes looked up at me with admiration, and I felt so in love with the moment. “I missed you so much, baby boy. You’re getting so big.”

“We’ll leave you alone with him for a bit,” Kim smiled and escorted her and Gary off the porch and into the house.

I broke down in tears the minute they walked away, still clutching Alec close to my chest. I knew better than to have a meltdown with a baby in my arms, so I quietly cried while holding him. I didn’t want to cause him to cry, because that would just be a dilemma I wasn’t ready to face at the moment. I knew I wouldn’t want to leave here, leave him behind, later on today. I wanted Matt here. I wanted this all to be over. I wanted us to just go be a happy family together again, and maybe without stress my nightmare wouldn’t ever happen again.

I sniffled my nose, hearing the snot rattle around and made a disgusted face. Alec giggled in my arms, looking up at me and smiling with an opened mouth, some teeth poking through his gums now. He was growing up so fast, and it hurt that I wasn’t here to be a part of it.

“Mommy’s nose is funny?” I poked his dimple as he continued to giggle. “Pretty soon you’re going to be back home with Mommy and Daddy. We have a new house and it’s big and all yours. Hunter is going to go crazy when he sees his little brother is back.”

“Matt told me about the nightmare,” Gary’s voice spoke from behind me. I was standing up now on the back porch, overlooking the backyard. He must’ve opened and closed the sliding glass door quietly. “How are you feeling?”

I turned and gave him a sad smile, “I’m alright. I’ve had that nightmare since I met him, but it seemed to fade away once he was home with me. I know it is just a dream and will never happen, but I couldn’t help myself from reacting like that this morning.”

“Are you afraid of him? Be honest with me, Ivy. Do you think he would hurt you?” Gary sat down in one of the chairs, then pointed at the one adjacent to him for me to sit at.

I sat down and sighed, placing Alec on the ground to play with a few toys. “If we’re being honest, yes, sometimes I am afraid of him. I know Matt loves me with his whole heart, but I also know that there’s a part of him that he can’t control. He tries his best, but he has a breaking point and sometimes I have pushed him past it.”

“But do you think he would hurt you?” Gary asked again.

“He’s hurt me before,” I said quietly. “The first time, he didn’t mean to. He has a tendency to hold me by my neck when he needs to make a point, talk to me about something when I’m being incoherent and refuse to cooperate with him. The first time he did that I retaliated and punched him, and it was just a reaction for him to come back at me and slam me on a table, threatening my life. He snapped out of it, and didn’t mean it. I accepted that.” I closed my eyes, reliving that whole memory in my head. I let out a shaky breath, “The second time, it was all on purpose. He was so mad that I was leaving my job. He thought I was just playing with his emotions. I talked a coworker into taking me into his cell to speak with him, and he did want to kill me. He was going to kill me until I told him I was pregnant. Then he nearly fainted. He hasn’t done anything since then, but there’s always the thought. I’ve talked to him about medication, but he’s not ready to be medicated. I think there is a power trip there, and he doesn’t want to feel weak by taking something that will help with the chemical imbalance under his thick skull.” I ended my sentence with a laugh, wiping a stray tear off my face.

“Kim and I had the same issues when we got together,” he said while drinking whatever was in his glass. Probably gin. “I only physically put my hands on her once, but she was afraid of me for a very long time. We worked through it, and I accepted that I had that weakness. That’s when I joined the military. I needed something to take my frustrations out on, and something that taught me how to control myself when need be. Matt is my son, and his personality is damn near the reincarnation of mine. He followed in my footsteps to where he is now, although, I never landed myself in the slammer like an idiot.”

“You were involved in the gang world, too?”

Gary laughed, “I used to control it. Matt was two when I hit Kim, but he doesn’t remember any of it. I think he was actually at his grandparents house that night. That’s when I decided to join the military and shield my kids eyes from what surrounded them. I handed all of my business over to Brian’s dad.” He sighed, “I found out Matt was in a gang when he was seventeen. I found a gun in his room and we had a serious talk together. I wasn’t happy that this was the future of his dreams, and Kim most definitely wasn’t either, but I helped him build his empire. Amy was fortunately able to keep her eyes away from all of it. She didn’t learn about Matt’s career until he was arrested, and we have never told her about my past.”

I wanted to say I was surprised, but I wasn’t. The way both of Matt’s parents accepted him back home after prison with open arms was unusual to me in the beginning. The way that they casually asked him about how things were going, how the Behemoth situation was. It all was adding up now. This is why Gary had offered his assistance if need be. We continued to talk a little bit about the situation, and he told me that I needed to have a serious talk with Matt. Everything needed to be out in the open about me being afraid, and how I would prefer it if we could explore the medication options for his issues. I planned on calling Matt the minute I got home tonight and telling him to come home.

I had ran to the grocery store to get stuff to make dinner for the two of us. I wanted us to eat and have an adult conversation about everything. Hopefully without either one of us getting physical, unless it was physical in the form of me smothering him with love when he agreed to be medicated. I pulled my car into the driveway and went through the front door a few times, carrying bags into the kitchen. I had one more bag to grab, then I was going to pull my car around back to wash it. I grabbed that bag and brought it inside, putting all of the groceries away. I headed back out with my keys in hand. I closed the trunk and froze, hearing someone’s voice from behind me.

“Hello, Ivy,” a cold voice spoke.

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t turn around. I couldn’t run away. I couldn’t answer. I closed my eyes, feeling tears already forming and flowing down my cheeks. I opened my mouth to speak and I couldn’t. I could barely even breathe.

“I’ve been waiting for this moment,” they laughed. “I always thought it would be harder than this. I didn’t think you’d be such a good girl to just let me take you so easily.”

I was grabbed, a hand placed on my mouth as the other took both of my wrists. I heard the sound of another pair of footsteps, then the hand on my mouth was replaced with duct tape. Duct tape to block out the screams that I couldn’t even produce. I was shoved against my car as rope was tied around my wrists. I was jerked into a 180, my eyes officially meeting the monsters in front of me. He was huge, and I didn't just mean tall. He was ugly. I could see why he was called Behemoth. Suddenly, I was shoved into the back of an SUV, my head slamming on the backseats. The sound of doors closing and squealing wheels took over my mind as I kept my eyes closed, tears burning them as I felt my fate sealing itself. This was it.

Notes

The moment we've all been waiting for...
Ivy has officially met Behemoth.

But shouldn't Matt and Zacky be watching the cameras?
Where the hell are they?