Confession of a King

My “staycation” was more painful than I had expected it to be. I hadn’t been planning to do anything very exciting on it… just get some shit done around the house and out of the house… but since a little present was dropped off on my door in the form of a kitten three days in, the last couple of days were spent getting that kitten acquainted. He was a very sweet little cat, already knew to use the bathroom in the litter box, but like his name, he really was my shadow. I couldn’t leave a room and walk into another without him trailing behind me. A few times I would get up to go pee or get a glass of water in the middle of the night, then turn around and have the crap scared out of me by the little guy. Needless to say, on the final day of my “staycation” I went out and got him a bell for his collar. It was a green one that matched his eyes, and would allow me to navigate throughout my apartment in the dark without having a heart attack.

Today was the first day that I was leaving Shadow home alone, so I made sure that I had loaded him up with things to do. I went all out and bought the little dude his very own teepee, a scratching post, some toys, and even an automatic feeder that would shoot a couple treats out at different times of the day. I didn’t want him to tear up the apartment while I was gone, but I also didn’t want to have to lock him in my bedroom and come in to shredded feather pillows everywhere.

I refilled Shadow’s water bowl and placed it on the floor, then crouched down to his level. “Please be good today,” I gave him a scratch behind the ears and a kiss on the top of his head. He responded with a purr and rubbed against my knee. I brushed the cat hair off my pants, grabbed my bag, and made my way out the front door. 

I had noticed that Vengeance’s car was not in the parking lot this morning when I got to mine. Maybe he was officially too bored of me not leaving the house that he decided to drop my “case” for a little, or maybe he knew the routine that I would be going to work today and nothing was going to be out of the ordinary. I brushed the thought out of my head as I cranked the radio up and listened to some Pantera on my ten-minute drive to the prison.

When I pulled up I saw a matte-black BMW with tinted windows in the parking lot and thought to myself that maybe I was wrong about Vengeance not tailing me anymore. Assuming that, I walked inside to be greeted than none other than my favorite inmate’s lawyer talking to Ken. “Brian,” I said with a soft smile. “It’s a Monday.”

He turned and looked at me, a smile spreading across his own face, “Hey, Ivy. I wasn’t able to make it in on Friday so I rescheduled to meet with Matt today. How was the week off?”

“Uneventful,” I shrugged then laughed. “I had plans for myself, but something came up.”

He smirked, as if he knew what I was talking about, “I heard you got a kitten.”

I froze; the image of the car in the parking lot this morning came into my mind. He’s the one Vengeance was talking to on the phone with in my apartment… He asked Vengeance if I got the kitten. I stared at him for a moment, the name Gates on the tip of my tongue, but I knew better than to say it out loud with Ken standing right here. He just smirked at me as I stood there unable to speak.

I ran my hand through my hair, “Yeah, I did get a kitten.” I tried to fake a smile so that Ken didn’t notice how uncomfortable I was, although it had to have been obvious as I kept shifting my weight on each leg. “I’m going to head to my office. I’m sure I have a lot to catch up on. Are you going to be coming in with Matt later?”

“No. He requested us to meet early this morning so that you two could talk in private,” Brian smiled. “I’ll see you around, Ivy.”

“See ya,” I said a little too enthusiastically, then practically ran down the hallway to my office. I passed by one of the corridors that lead into a common area. I saw Big G staring at me, his eyes full of hate. I diverted my attention back to the hall in front of me, walking a little quicker than before to my office.

Once inside I practically slammed my door behind me then sunk into my desk chair. Once again finding myself mumbling “God damnit, Ivy,” realizing that I had somehow sunken deeper into things I didn’t want to know about. I was supposed to be completely unbiased in my profession, especially in the position that I was in… and as much as I had been trying to look at the good in all that was Matthew Charles Sanders and trying to help him out, this gang affiliation was getting way too personal with me. I knew that Mr. Morgan was still trying to bust the rest of Matt’s so-called “kingdom” and get them all in here with them, and knowing that I have one of them “protecting” me and the other acting the part of Matt’s lawyer trying to get him out of here, was really weighing down on me.

“Mind if I come in?” Red’s head poked in my door and took me out of my thoughts.

I wanted to tell him no, but I knew that at this moment things were a little too risky. I also wanted to punch him in the face, but that was obviously way too risky of a move. So I opted for a forced smile, “Come on in.”

He took a seat in the chair that Matt usually sits in, across from me, but a little more to my left. He looked around my office for a couple seconds and then his eyes landed on me. “What’s got Shadows on such good behavior in here lately?”

I shrugged my shoulders and frowned, “I’m not sure I can answer that question for you.”

“I think you can,” Red laughed. “Not everything in here is necessarily confidential. Why don’t you hand those tapes over to me so I can figure it out?”

“If you want to listen to the tapes I have with Mr. Sanders, you can go right ahead and do that.” I pointed to the drawer on the filing cabinet to the left of my desk that had Matt’s last name on the label. “I’m not sure if you’ll find the answer you’re looking for, but be my guest.”

Red rolled his eyes, “Look, I don’t know what kind of deal he struck with you, or if he’s really fucking you that good, but you need to cut the shit. He’s in here for life and you’re an idiot for falling for his charm and feeding him information on how he can supposedly get out of here.”

“I’m not telling him to behave any certain way, and if you want to sit here and make false accusations regarding what goes on inside of this office than how about you get the fuck out of it?” I snapped.

“I’m on to you,” Red said while standing up and staring at me. “You probably want to talk to Mr. Morgan about getting some blinds put up on that window.” He smirked, “Someone might see something.”

Growing completely enraged I stood up from my desk and opened the door to my office, “Get the fuck out!” I barked at him.

“Ms. Miada!” Mr. Morgan’s voice boomed from the hallway. “What the hell is going on in here?”

“Get him out of my office. Now,” I spoke lowly. “I’m not going to have him coming in here and harassing me.”

“Red, get out and leave the poor girl alone,” Mr. Morgan looked at Red, his eyes cutting through him. Red got up and walked out of my office, making sure to give me a dirty look until he rounded the corner of the hallway. “Let’s have a talk, Ivy,” Mr. Morgan ushered me into the office and closed the door behind us. “Care to tell me what just happened?”

I sighed and rested my back against the bookcase on my wall, “Red came in here demanding to listen to the tapes between Mr. Sanders and I. I offered them to him. He’s blaming me for being the reason why Sanders hasn’t gotten into trouble lately, and made extremely rude and false accusations regarding me and him…”

Mr. Morgan sighed, “Ivy, I’m starting to think that you working with Shadows is causing more grief than it is worth. Maybe we should work on a dismissal form for him.”

“What? No!” I said abruptly, then caught myself. “Mr. Morgan, don’t do this to me. I’m actually getting somewhere with him.”

“Ivy, I’ve heard from multiple officers that there is word going around about you trying to help his case get dropped. Now, I’m not going to assume that those rumors are true, but I think it would be best for your well-being to stop communicating with him for a while.” Mr. Morgan said quietly, not trying to offend me.

“This is my job. I’m not trying to help anyone’s case. I’m just trying to get the facts and help him cope. Mr. Morgan, I failed Jeremy Scott. I know I did… no one gets on me about that. I am really getting somewhere with Sanders. Take the tapes; listen to them… tell me that I’m trying to get him out of here.” I pleaded, not truly understanding why I was doing so.

Mr. Morgan sighed, “Fine. I am taking all of the tapes you have thus far of you and Shadows sessions. Every week, I want you to drop all of the tapes off from that week, as well as have a thorough inmate report in my e-mail inbox by Friday afternoon.”

“Thank you, sir,” I sighed and pressed myself off of the bookcase. “I really appreciate it.”

“This is just going to be temporary until I decide if I am going to allow you to continue on working with him, or I will be filing a dismissal form and giving you notice afterwards. Prove them wrong, Ivy,” Mr. Morgan smiled at me then grabbed the tapes sitting in Matt’s drawer. He gave me a nod then headed out of my office.

I sunk onto the floor next to my bookcase and yanked at my hair. I probably sounded like a total and complete whack-job trying to keep Matt as one of my regulars. I didn’t really know why I wanted to continue on working with him so bad. Why I was begging Mr. Morgan like that… I was disappointed in myself for acting like a lunatic, but I also really wanted to prove Red wrong. I didn’t like that he was throwing rumors around about me, even if I did sleep with Matt once. It wasn’t anyone’s business. Part of me wanted to request to get Matt’s arm restraints back on during our sessions, but I knew that would piss him off and that it would just look slightly sketchy since he had been on his best behavior. Instead, I made a mental note to get black-out curtains for the window in my office after I rearranged my furniture so that it wasn’t easily seen. I wasn’t sure what Red might have seen through that window, if anything, he could’ve just been saying it to get under my skin, but god knows I wasn’t going to let him see anything now.

My session with Jimmy went by fairly quickly today. I had him sit in a chair on the far side of the room as I re-arranged my furniture around. He was being my “office stylist” as he called it, and told me what looked best and if it got too much sunlight. I didn’t tell him I didn’t want it to be visible from the window, but I did tell him I didn’t want the sunlight hitting me in the eyes anymore. He went along with it, and kept saying that he wished they wouldn’t “wrap him up like a crazy” so that he could help me move things around. They hadn’t filled a gap for Jeremy’s slot yet, so I had the time to get done some paperwork, read some e-mails and a few other things that I had missed from my week off. I had just finished a few minutes before it was time for Matt to be shoved in my door.

“Knock, knock,” Ken said while opening my door, pushing Matt in roughly. Ken’s usual smile wasn’t there. I guess Red must’ve said something to him. “You changed the set up?”

“Creative thinking session with Jimmy this morning,” I smiled. “I like what he came up with.”

Ken looked from the window to my desk, “You chose the corner in the room that gets the least sunlight.”

“My eyes have been sensitive lately,” smooth, Ivy, real smooth. “I’ll let you know if I need anything,” I smiled, nicely kicking Ken out of the room.

He uncuffed Matt then stepped out, closing the door behind him. Matt eyed me for a minute then looked around, eyeing me again. “Creative thinking with Jimmy? Why don’t we ever do creative thinking?”

I sighed, “Because it’s stupid. Red was in here earlier pestering me about you. He mentioned something about getting blinds because someone might see something through the window… so I needed an excuse to move my desk as far away from the window as possible.”

“I swear if I ever get the chance, I’m killing him,” Matt said as if it was normal conversation and not anything out of the ordinary. His hazel eyes looked at me, changing from hard to soft, “I really missed you, Ivy.”

I frowned, “Matt, Mr. Morgan wants you dismissed from me.”

“What?” he responded, looking like he saw a ghost. “Why?”

“Because he’s under the assumption that I’m trying to get you out of here. I fought him on it, but now I have to deliver him all of our recordings and a weekly report on you every Friday.” I looked at him and noticed his demeanor, then frowned again, “You’ve been… better… you’ve been staying out of trouble… you’ve been way more compliant… They think that we have some deal going on.”

Matt took a seat on my desk and hit the wall next to it, making me jump. “If I have to go back to starting fights and almost killing people in here so that I can keep seeing you, I will.”

“No… you won’t. This isn’t about us continuing to see each other. I’m not fighting him for that reason,” I said quietly, trying not to anger him.

“Don’t fucking lie to me,” Matt hit the wall again then grabbed me out of my chair, slamming me against the wall. “Go ahead, lie to me again,” he held my wrists tight with each of his hands. “Tell me I’m not the reason,” he shook me then slammed me hard against the wall again.

“Matt, please, you’re hurting me,” I cried out.

His hazel eyes softened as he realized what he was doing. His grip on my wrists loosened, then he set me back down on my feet. He took a step backward, away from me, and stared at me with pained eyes. I fought back the few tears that were trying to escape my eyes as my breathing returned to normal, no longer shaky.

“Ivy… I didn’t…”

I cut him off, “I know you didn’t.”

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he reached his hand out for me and I stepped away.

“Don’t touch me,” I said quickly. He retracted his hand and looked at me with sad eyes. Internally I was frowning. Part of me actually wanted him to wrap me in an embrace, but he didn’t need to know that. I contemplated throwing the “I want your restraints back on” line at him, but he looked so broken I didn’t want to set him off, or have him snap… again. After a few moments of silence, he took a seat in one of the chairs across from my desk. I sat down and we didn’t say a single word for the next hour and forty-five minutes of our time together.

Notes