Confession of a King

“From A to Z, they said to me. I didn’t understand what they meant. I still don’t understand what they meant. Do you know what they meant? Ivy, are you listening to me?” Jimmy asked me with a frown.

I nodded, “I’m just trying to follow what you’re telling me. Why did they say from A to Z?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know!” He cried out, shaking his head. “That’s why I asked you.”

I let out a muffled laugh, “Alright, alright. Let’s start from the beginning then…”

“I’m not going over this a third time, Ivy,” he pouted in the chair in front of me. “You are preoccupied and not listening to me. It makes me a sad Jim-Jim.”

“Don’t be a sad Jim-Jim,” I frowned. “I’ve got just as much in my head right now as you have in yours,” I pointed at his head.

“You need to visit the ducks,” he stated matter-o-factly. “I can tell you where to find them.”

I smiled, “Thank you, Jimmy. I don’t think the ducks are going to help me.”

“The ducks always help. They’ll tell you what you need to do. They are our friends,” he nodded, as if he was trying to prove that to himself. “I miss the ducks. Ivy, can you bring me a picture of the ducks if I tell you where to find them?”

I took a breath and caved, “Fine. If you tell me where I can go to talk to the ducks, then I will take a picture of the ducks for you.”

He rattled off an address of where I could find his favorite ducks and I jotted it down. “Make sure you take a picture of the one with the white tail! That one is my favorite of all favorites. His name is Oscar and he really likes romaine lettuce. Don’t feed them bread because the bread will kill them, Ivy. If you see anyone feeding them bread you tell them to come see me.”

“You got it,” I smiled softly at him. He was absolutely insane, and talking to him was a lot like talking with a child, but it was always enjoyable. The innocence behind someone who was a stone-cold killer and cannibal was something you would’ve never expected. “Jimmy, we only have about fifteen minutes left. Do you want to call it a day early?”

“Ivy, they are talking in here. They’re all talking. Us. Them. They’re talking. They know.”

I raised an eyebrow and looked at him puzzled, “Who is they and what do they know?”

“All of them. They know,” he nodded again feverishly. “Shadows. They know about Shadows.”

I felt my breath hitch in my throat and I tried to swallow and keep my composure. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yes you do,” he smirked. “I told you he was going to have a lot of fun with you.”

“I still don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said quickly, turning off the tape recorder.

“That’s why you turned the tape recorder off?” Jimmy raised an eyebrow at me like I had done to him moments before. “Look, I don’t judge you for sleeping with big, bad Shads, but you know they’re going to all use it against you. Then it’s going to get him in more trouble. Then sooner or later someone’s going to get killed. You’re playing with fire, Ivy.”

I groaned and ran a hand through my hair, “Who told you this? Him? Big G?”

“Red, actually. I overheard him talking about it with Ken. The guards started talking first. Big G has been saying it for weeks, but now that it came from someone else in here everyone is talking. Shadows has been silent about the entire thing. He’s been pretty silent for the past two weeks. Keeping to himself for the time being.” He paused for a second and stared at me as I looked down at my lap, feeling my eyes begin to fill. “Things will be okay if you play it safe.”

“Jimmy, I’m done for today, okay?” I sniffled and stood up from my seat, then asked Ken to escort Jimmy out of my office.

I sat at my desk for about an hour with my head in my hands, trying to grasp everything that Jimmy had said to me. Somehow I knew that my little mistake would’ve gotten out and everyone would’ve found out that I slept with someone in this damned place. There had to be a way to make it seem like it was all a lie, and that Red was just jealous that he was scummier than some of the inmates in here. Last week, when Matt and I had our session, we just talked like a normal day. He hadn’t talked about what went down the week prior, or made any sexual comments, we just talked. Talked about when he was younger, when I was younger. Talked like friends. Talked about what he wants to do when he gets out of here. It was pleasant to say the least. I wasn’t sure if that mistake we made ultimately made him open up, or if he was just doing this to try to get in my pants again. It wasn’t going to happen again.

I tried to clear my mind and type up a report of today’s session with Jimmy, as well as go through some e-mails and get some busywork done that I just hadn’t had time to do. My mind kept wandering back to how everyone knew about something that was supposed to be a secret. How was I going to fix this? Did Mr. Morgan know? Was I going to lose my job? There had to be something.

“Ivy, you have a visitor,” Ken’s voice sounded from the door and I lifted my head up from my laptop. My eyes met Matt’s as Ken took the cuffs off of Matt’s wrists. “Two hours.” I nodded and he exited the room.

“Matt.”

He cut me off, “I know.” He sunk into the chair in front of my desk, “Is it off?”

I nodded, “I’m going to lose my job because of you.”

“Because of me?” He huffed, “I’m pretty sure you had just as much to do with that as I did. What are you going to do? Charge me for rape?”

“That’s not what I meant,” I sighed and closed my laptop. I put my head back in my hands, “I just need this to be hushed before it gets to my boss.”

“I’m working on it,” he folded his arms across his chest. “I haven’t said anything, and if anyone asks it didn’t happen.”

“Thank you,” I gave him a small smile. “The issue is Red.”

“I can fix that, too,” Matt smirked, his eyes shining playfully.

I rolled my eyes, “No. You need to stay on your best behavior if you think you’re going to be getting out of here anytime in the next year. You met with Brian on Friday?”


Matt nodded and rested his arms behind his head, leaning back, “Everything should be smooth sailing if I can manage to stay out of trouble. Which means you need to stop wearing low cut shirts and skirts to work because I’m not sure how long I can go without knocking someone out for talking about you.”

“Matt,” I groaned. “No.”

“Ivy. Yes,” he mocked me. “You’re mine when I get out of here.”

“If you get out of here,” I corrected him.


He smirked, those dimples forming deep into his cheeks, “You didn’t say no.”

“I didn’t say yes,” I smirked back. “Can we talk about more important stuff now? You know, things that are going to get you parole? Things I can put on the recorder?”

“Fine,” he frowned. “Turn the stupid thing on. What do you want me to talk about today?”

I smiled to myself and pressed the record button, “Whatever you want to talk about, Matthew. Let’s talk about the accusations in your last trial.”

He furrowed his brows and glared at me after calling him by his full first name. “I pleaded guilty to the murder of Roger Clements.”

“How did you kill him?”

Matt pursed his lips, “I gutted him alive with a switchblade. Tied him up in his penthouse with cable and put electrical tape over his mouth. Started on his upper abdomen and made the incision downward. He bled out before I was able to finish, but his last moments were with a blade in his large intestine.”

He must’ve noticed that his description made me uneasy, and mouthed the word “sorry” to me. I nodded and spoke again, “Can you tell me why you murdered Mr. Clements?”

“He was in debt twenty-thousand dollars to us. It was past due by six months and I was tired of waiting. I started small with trying to my money back from him. Using threats, a couple of shots fired, a few times holding people hostage. Then he hired an assassin to try to take me and my men out. One of my men got a shot to the back. That was the end of it. Something had to be done.”

“So you brutally killed him?”

“I did what I had to do.” Matt huffed and crossed his arms over his chest again, “I didn’t say I enjoyed doing it. I just had to do it.”

I nodded, “Did you do this to anyone else?”

“No,” he said sternly. “I didn’t kill the other two that they try to say I killed. They were involved in Clements’ business, but they didn’t die by my hand, or the hand of anyone affiliated with me.”

“Do you know who killed them then?”

“No, I don’t… and I don’t care who did. It has nothing to do with me. Any other questions?”

I shook my head and turned the tape recorder off. I took a sip of my water and watched as Matt’s demeanor changed back to soft instead of the hard one he had taken on during our recorded conversation.

“I really don’t like talking to you about that stuff,” he complained. “You looked like you were going to puke.”

I tightened the lid on my bottle of water, “I know you don’t, but you have to regardless.”

“I disgust you.”

I rolled my eyes, “No, I think it’s so sexy hearing about you shoving a switchblade into someone’s intestines.”

He glared at me again, “This is why I didn’t want to tell you any of this shit in the first place…”

My door opened and Ken stepped in, “Ivy, I hate to pause… this,” he spoke while looking between Matt and I. I was sitting at my desk, leaning against it with my head in my hands looking in Matt’s direction. Matt was sitting back in his usual spot with his feet kicked up on my desk. “But, we just got news that Jeremy committed suicide this morning. Guards just found him. Mr. Morgan wants you to file his reports away with the rest of the suicide cases.”

I nodded and Ken closed the door. I sat back in my chair, throwing my head back and closing my eyes. “God damnit,” I muttered to myself, feeling my eyes start to well up with tears for the second time today. This is the worst part of the job. Feeling like you failed someone.

After about the second tear rolled down my cheek, I was engulfed in Matt’s arms and held against his chest. I should’ve fought it, but I didn’t. I failed the kid who really needed my help. Jimmy didn’t really need my help, he was mentally deranged. Matt didn’t need my help, he could do this on his own. Jeremy did need my help. He was hurting. He didn’t truly mean to do wrong. He made a mistake, a big mistake, and I couldn’t relive him of the pain that it was causing him.

“This isn’t your fault,” Matt said softly.

“I failed him,” I sniffled and rested my head on his chest. I took a deep breath, “I didn’t want to push him too much, but I knew he needed help. I hadn’t even realized I missed my session with him today. God damnit, Ivy,” I grumbled the last part to myself.

“You can’t save everyone,” he took his right hand and ran it through my hair, tucking it behind my ear. “As much as I like to think of you as an angel, you’re only human.”

I let out a small laugh through my sniffles and looked up at his hazel eyes, “Thanks, Matt.”

“You should take some time off,” he said while rubbing my shoulder. “Clear your head. Have a staycation at home.”

“You think you could handle a whole week without me here?”

“No, that’s why you’d call me every night so I know you’re alive.”

“I thought that’s why you sent Vengeance to watch over me?” I raised an eyebrow.

He rolled his hazel eyes, “Talk to your boss. Take a week off. I’ll get things cleared up around here and you can get things cleared up in there.” He pressed his lips to my forehead.

Notes