Lost It All
Prologue
Present Day - September 2008
"Haner, what the fuck is taking you so long? Grace has called me three times, so get your ass out of the bathroom." I heard Zacky yell from the other side of the door.
Grace.
Isn't it weird how a stranger can take over a significant part of your heart or life without even realizing? Surely the stranger, or in this case the girl who used to be a stranger to me, did not succeed straightaway in captivating me with her dark hair, sparkling blue eyes, or legs that went for miles. Who didn't have all those features nowadays? Hell, even Jimmy had them. He was the exact replica of her, just a male version.
And by her, I mean Grace Monroe. My Gracie. Yeah, well, not exactly mine; more like the fearless leader's if you know what I mean. And the day that I met her, is still etched in my brain as if it happened just yesterday.
A year ago - 2007 April
"Why doesn't your goddamn elevator work?" I groaned and shot a pissed look at Jimmy as I shoved yet another carton of god knows what to Zacky. "Someone's tired, and definitely on their man-period." He chuckled, making me shove him away with a hand. As he slightly lost his balance, Jimmy gasped.
"My precious stuff in in that box, idiots. And you-" he said, pointing a crooked finger at me and I raised a brow. "Quit smoking, then you probably won't get tired by climbing just eight flights of stairs." Jimmy suggested and I gaped at him. Firstly, he himself has a whole pack of cigarettes in just a day. And secondly, it ain't just eight flights of stairs. It's eight fucking flights of stairs and I was just a human, not a ninja as he assumed he and everyone else were.
As he walked to the front door, I strode towards Zack who was rested on the couch. "This is all your fault." I hissed, earning his full attention. "The fuck did I do?" He simply shrugged. "The fuck did you do? You dragged me here to help Jimmy move in to his new apartment. Why does he even need an apartment? Did his house disappear?" I hissed once more.
Zacky opened his mouth to speak but closed it, before opening it again. "Is that a rhetorical question?" I swear I'd never felt the urge to hit him this badly ever. "I'll fucking show you-"
"Language, Gates." Jimmy said out of nowhere and I turned around to see him standing at the doorway with one fit chick. I flipped him off and plopped down beside Zack. "Anyways, this is Grace, my neighbor. Gracie - can I call you Gracie? They're my friends, that grumpy fucker's called Brian, and the chilled dude is Zack." Jimmy said.
Zack got up in a swift motion and ran a hand through his hair before rewarding the chick with a smirk. "How're you doing, Gracie? Never hesitate to give me a call if Jimmy gives you a hard time." He said, earning a frown from the drummer and a small chuckle from the girl. What was so amusing? Did someone crack a joke?
Her name might be Grace, but fuck she looked nowhere near graceful. Who would say that's a hairbun on top of her head? It's simply falling apart and looks nothing like a hairbun. And the t shirt she's wearing? I believe the era of baggy clothing has expired. That t shirt won't even fit me. But probably Matt. Eh, who cares? I certainly didn't.
"I'll keep that in mind." The chick said before looking at me. Simultaneously, my friends shot me looks, and I swear I never felt this clueless ever. Was there something on my face? I cocked an eyebrow at them, boring a nonchalant look. "So...you're the grumpy one?" As soon as the words left from her mouth, I rolled my eyes.
"One, don't always believe what he says-" I thrusted my thumb towards Jimmy and a loud gasp filled the room, but that didn't stop me. "And two, I don't really talk to strangers, so excuse me." Without sharing another look with her, I got up and walked past her to the front door. "I'll see you guys at the studio tomorrow." Putting on my shades, I could hear Jimmy call after me as I left. But that didn't stop me. I had important stuff to do right now... like getting hammered.
A few weeks later - May 2007
"Gates, emergency, Gates!" Jimmy's obnoxiously loud voice reached my ears as soon as I put my phone against it. "What's wrong?" I snapped and put the phone away from my ear as he screamed something which, to me, made no sense at all. "I want you to come down here right now, with booze. Man, I'm out of my stock and the fucking movie's about to start!" In what sense was that an emergency?
"You're supposed have popcorn during movies, Jimmy." I informed. "Don't have that either, come down here quickly. With popcorn!" And he hung up. I knew that switching off my phone wouldn't stop him from crashing my date night with JD, so I drove over to his place. With popcorn, and my date along with her twin sister. I figured Jimmy would probably want one, and there was no way that I was gonna share the old number seven.
"You better not be watching some chick flick." I said, dropping the bottles on Jimmy's lap once I was in his living room. "Only two bottles? We'll be needing more." He said absentmindedly, hugging one of the bottles. "Are you kidding me? You know what happens when we each chug down one bottle." I said with a laugh. "That's true, but Gracie's here too. What if she wants a drink?" He said, fiddling with his specs.
Who the hell was Gracie? Was he drunk already? Noises coming from the kitchen grabbed my attention and I walked over. The door was slightly ajar and my eyes traveled in first spotting a woman. Jimmy had company? Well, a hot company, judging by the fact that the girl was facing the other side, giving me a great view of her back. She was in a blue short dress, giving me access to check out her curves and long legs.
As I realized she was to busy doing whatever she was doing, I stepped inside quickly and walked up to her. The more I inched closer to her, her light perfume became more and more familiar to me and I craved to see what she looked like from the front.
Just when I was standing right behind her, she definitely felt my presence as there was hardly any space between us, and turned around. Are you fucking kidding me? Who would believe the chick who probably needed a dressing guide a couple of weeks ago, was standing in front of me, looking smoking hot in that dress.
She was breathing unevenly, probably surprised to find me so close to her My eyes fixed their gaze just below her neck, and I resisted the urge to just grab her and have my way with her. "I didn't get your name. Do you mind if I call you beauty?" I said smoothly, looking down at her. I didn't notice it the first day, but she was small, about five inches shorter than I was. She looked surprised for a split second until she spoke with clear confusion."I thought you said the other day that you didn't talk with strangers."
I did? Well, that sounded like me but how could I not talk to her now? She looked so...ravishing. "So if you'll excuse me..." she muttered before walking away from me. Holy shit, I had no problem in chasing her, if that's what she's insinuating.
A few weeks later - June 2007
Could anyone tell me what kind of guys girls liked these days? I heard gentlemen; true, modest gentlemen. So what if my plans to talk to Grace failed? There were tonnes of different other ways. For example, this one.
"Should have guessed it was you." She said the moment she opened her door. "Flattered to know that you think of me." I said and she was about to protest when I cut her off. "I had come to hang out with Jimmy but seems like he's not home." I lied innocently; of course I knew where he was. He was at his parents' with Leana. "Too bad for you; goodbye." She was about to shut the door when I stopped her.
"Grace, I'm sorry." I said, hoping she'd buy my words. She paused and looked at me as if I'd grown another head. "Excuse me?" She said, narrowing her eyes at me. I took a deep breath and looked at her innocently.
"Look, I know I wasn't in my best of moods the day we met and like a fool, behaved rudely. I feel terrible now because you're such a hot- nice person." I cursed myself mentally and she shot me a confused look. "We had a bumpy start, and now that Jimmy made me realize how great you are, such a wonderful person, I'd like to start anew. I'm sorry, Grace."
I waited for her to speak and when she did, I was on cloud fucking nine. "Apology accepted. We all have bad days, so no worries." She said, rewarding me with a smile. The next few days went by smoothly, I was in Grace's good books and she was opening up to me. I had gained her trust after all.
A Month Later - July 2007
"Oh shit, what's in the bucket? What's in the bucket but a bucket of shit, but a bucket of grapes and the grapes in the mouth. Grapes in the mouth make you happy down south. Make you get a big boner whatcha gonna do?" Jimmy slurred as Grace laughed silently, her tiny frame shaking as she did so.
She looked mouthwatering - that was no big deal - she looked like that all the fucking time. We three had just come back from our trip to Water World California. I would've never agreed on something like hat, but I couldn't miss a chance to see Gracie - yeah, I was allowed to call her that now- all wet and in soaked clothes.
As soon as we came back, she had changed into a pair of silk shorts and a black tank top. She was probably going to bed when Jimmy invited her for a couple of drinks. And now that he had just passed out, it gave me plenty of chances to seal the deal with Gracie. "Whatcha thinking of, Gates?" I looked at Gracie who was busy on her phone. The way her eyes were focused on the screen, reading something silently while she gently tapped a finger on her bare thigh made me swallow thickly.
I was tired of playing the innocent lamb, and I would get what I wanted right fucking now.
"Just stuff." I said and sat around to face her She was just a hand away from me, and I had no idea how I was retraining myself. "What are you thinking of?" I asked before licking my lips. "Just stuff..." She said before smiling at me. I cocked a brow, no way was she thinking about what was going on in my mind. Or was she?
"Really? Elaborate, please." I said, trying hard not to look at her gorgeous legs. "Ugh, you'll get bored." She waved a hand at me and I grabbed it. I wasn't surprised to get no reaction from her, she was probably used to it now. "I won't." I said, not letting go of her, and she didn't seem to mind either. She sighed dramatically and narrowed her eyes at me. I had gotten used to her playfulness in the past few weeks.
"You know, my best friend Erica, her sister's getting married in a few months. And she's very happy like any other girl would be. She met her fiance-" This wasn't that boring, and I still had my hand on hers, which I slowly plan to move up towards her arm, neck and...
"...back in the 90s and they've been together since then." I looked at her, her blue eyes sparkled with excitement as she spoke. "So?" I said and she made a funny face before speaking. "So- you know, I just...ugh, you'll laugh at me." I smirked and she pulled her hand away from mine. "See, I knew it." She muttered and I shook my head in amusement.
"I won't laugh at you, Gracie." I'll probably worship you, just give in to me already. I wrapped an arm around her and she didn't exactly mind. I was finding it hard to keep my hands to myself at this point. I had waited too fucking long. "I've never told this to anyone, not even Erica, or Vic." She said, referring to her best friends. "But I kinda, sorta..." I raised an eyebrow, "Kinda, sorta what?"
"Want what her sister has." She said softly. "And what exactly does she have?" I said cluelessly. "She's got someone who's been there for her since, like forever. That one person who's gonna be true to me always, if anything like that is even possible." She said and bit the inside of her cheek as I looked at her. Her gaze was fixed in front as she pondered about probably what she had just confessed.
And for a split second, all the thoughts of having my share of fun with her was gone. Her words rang in my head repeatedly, and I drowned myself in a pool of my own thoughts. Taking advantage of her after she'd confided in me, told me one of her most personal thoughts, did not feel right at all. The fact that she wanted something pure and beautiful from life made me look at her from a different point of view.
"That's ...deep." I said, my eyes running all over her face. She was so beautiful, and I liked everything about her. Gates, don't get yourself into this. It's all bullshit; stop thinking like a chick. Just be a man, and take what you want already.
But I didn't want to crush her feelings like that. Whoa, feelings? Since when did you start giving a shit what others felt as long as you got what you wanted?
"Thanks for listening, and not making any remarks about it." Gracie said, looking at me earnestly. Don't look into her eyes, don't, don't, just don't! And the next moment, her head was rested against my shoulder, her body relaxed against mine slightly, making me tense. She trusted me, probably more than she trusted anyone else. I pulled her closer hesitantly and pressed a chaste kiss on her forehead. Whoa, that's new.
"Don't mention, Gracie. I'm gonna be there always." I heard myself say.
Present Day - September 2008
"Haner, Gracie just called me for the fourth fucking time. She wants you there and there's no way she's gonna take a no for answer." I heard Zacky say from the other side of the door.
I was puking my guts out, all thanks to getting hammered last night because it was one of those days. I had seen her with him at one of the local diners. My stomach was churning, not because I was sick, but because I would have to see her with him again if I went today. Just thinking about them being together killed me internally every fucking day.
"Just fucking tell her I'm sick. Let's see if that makes her leave him, even for a couple of hours and come to see me. She doesn't fucking care, okay? She just wants me at her stupid party." I snapped, regretting instantly. She did care, a lot. But she was his.
"You don't mean that, Haner." Zacky warned and I sighed before opening the door. "I don't....I want her." I heard myself say. Zacky's face softened and he sighed. "Brian, I-I think..um.."
"I'm kidding." I said nonchalantly; he's got to learn not to get hyper so easily. "Don't fucking lie to me. And please, try not to get into any fights with him; we're all best friends and let's just keep it that way." He said. And that's why it hurt more. My friend, my brother is happy because of her. "Just tell her that I'm sick, Zack." I said coldly, before I went to my room and shut the door behind me. Life fucking sucked.
"Haner, what the fuck is taking you so long? Grace has called me three times, so get your ass out of the bathroom." I heard Zacky yell from the other side of the door.
Grace.
Isn't it weird how a stranger can take over a significant part of your heart or life without even realizing? Surely the stranger, or in this case the girl who used to be a stranger to me, did not succeed straightaway in captivating me with her dark hair, sparkling blue eyes, or legs that went for miles. Who didn't have all those features nowadays? Hell, even Jimmy had them. He was the exact replica of her, just a male version.
And by her, I mean Grace Monroe. My Gracie. Yeah, well, not exactly mine; more like the fearless leader's if you know what I mean. And the day that I met her, is still etched in my brain as if it happened just yesterday.
A year ago - 2007 April
"Why doesn't your goddamn elevator work?" I groaned and shot a pissed look at Jimmy as I shoved yet another carton of god knows what to Zacky. "Someone's tired, and definitely on their man-period." He chuckled, making me shove him away with a hand. As he slightly lost his balance, Jimmy gasped.
"My precious stuff in in that box, idiots. And you-" he said, pointing a crooked finger at me and I raised a brow. "Quit smoking, then you probably won't get tired by climbing just eight flights of stairs." Jimmy suggested and I gaped at him. Firstly, he himself has a whole pack of cigarettes in just a day. And secondly, it ain't just eight flights of stairs. It's eight fucking flights of stairs and I was just a human, not a ninja as he assumed he and everyone else were.
As he walked to the front door, I strode towards Zack who was rested on the couch. "This is all your fault." I hissed, earning his full attention. "The fuck did I do?" He simply shrugged. "The fuck did you do? You dragged me here to help Jimmy move in to his new apartment. Why does he even need an apartment? Did his house disappear?" I hissed once more.
Zacky opened his mouth to speak but closed it, before opening it again. "Is that a rhetorical question?" I swear I'd never felt the urge to hit him this badly ever. "I'll fucking show you-"
"Language, Gates." Jimmy said out of nowhere and I turned around to see him standing at the doorway with one fit chick. I flipped him off and plopped down beside Zack. "Anyways, this is Grace, my neighbor. Gracie - can I call you Gracie? They're my friends, that grumpy fucker's called Brian, and the chilled dude is Zack." Jimmy said.
Zack got up in a swift motion and ran a hand through his hair before rewarding the chick with a smirk. "How're you doing, Gracie? Never hesitate to give me a call if Jimmy gives you a hard time." He said, earning a frown from the drummer and a small chuckle from the girl. What was so amusing? Did someone crack a joke?
Her name might be Grace, but fuck she looked nowhere near graceful. Who would say that's a hairbun on top of her head? It's simply falling apart and looks nothing like a hairbun. And the t shirt she's wearing? I believe the era of baggy clothing has expired. That t shirt won't even fit me. But probably Matt. Eh, who cares? I certainly didn't.
"I'll keep that in mind." The chick said before looking at me. Simultaneously, my friends shot me looks, and I swear I never felt this clueless ever. Was there something on my face? I cocked an eyebrow at them, boring a nonchalant look. "So...you're the grumpy one?" As soon as the words left from her mouth, I rolled my eyes.
"One, don't always believe what he says-" I thrusted my thumb towards Jimmy and a loud gasp filled the room, but that didn't stop me. "And two, I don't really talk to strangers, so excuse me." Without sharing another look with her, I got up and walked past her to the front door. "I'll see you guys at the studio tomorrow." Putting on my shades, I could hear Jimmy call after me as I left. But that didn't stop me. I had important stuff to do right now... like getting hammered.
A few weeks later - May 2007
"Gates, emergency, Gates!" Jimmy's obnoxiously loud voice reached my ears as soon as I put my phone against it. "What's wrong?" I snapped and put the phone away from my ear as he screamed something which, to me, made no sense at all. "I want you to come down here right now, with booze. Man, I'm out of my stock and the fucking movie's about to start!" In what sense was that an emergency?
"You're supposed have popcorn during movies, Jimmy." I informed. "Don't have that either, come down here quickly. With popcorn!" And he hung up. I knew that switching off my phone wouldn't stop him from crashing my date night with JD, so I drove over to his place. With popcorn, and my date along with her twin sister. I figured Jimmy would probably want one, and there was no way that I was gonna share the old number seven.
"You better not be watching some chick flick." I said, dropping the bottles on Jimmy's lap once I was in his living room. "Only two bottles? We'll be needing more." He said absentmindedly, hugging one of the bottles. "Are you kidding me? You know what happens when we each chug down one bottle." I said with a laugh. "That's true, but Gracie's here too. What if she wants a drink?" He said, fiddling with his specs.
Who the hell was Gracie? Was he drunk already? Noises coming from the kitchen grabbed my attention and I walked over. The door was slightly ajar and my eyes traveled in first spotting a woman. Jimmy had company? Well, a hot company, judging by the fact that the girl was facing the other side, giving me a great view of her back. She was in a blue short dress, giving me access to check out her curves and long legs.
As I realized she was to busy doing whatever she was doing, I stepped inside quickly and walked up to her. The more I inched closer to her, her light perfume became more and more familiar to me and I craved to see what she looked like from the front.
Just when I was standing right behind her, she definitely felt my presence as there was hardly any space between us, and turned around. Are you fucking kidding me? Who would believe the chick who probably needed a dressing guide a couple of weeks ago, was standing in front of me, looking smoking hot in that dress.
She was breathing unevenly, probably surprised to find me so close to her My eyes fixed their gaze just below her neck, and I resisted the urge to just grab her and have my way with her. "I didn't get your name. Do you mind if I call you beauty?" I said smoothly, looking down at her. I didn't notice it the first day, but she was small, about five inches shorter than I was. She looked surprised for a split second until she spoke with clear confusion."I thought you said the other day that you didn't talk with strangers."
I did? Well, that sounded like me but how could I not talk to her now? She looked so...ravishing. "So if you'll excuse me..." she muttered before walking away from me. Holy shit, I had no problem in chasing her, if that's what she's insinuating.
A few weeks later - June 2007
Could anyone tell me what kind of guys girls liked these days? I heard gentlemen; true, modest gentlemen. So what if my plans to talk to Grace failed? There were tonnes of different other ways. For example, this one.
"Should have guessed it was you." She said the moment she opened her door. "Flattered to know that you think of me." I said and she was about to protest when I cut her off. "I had come to hang out with Jimmy but seems like he's not home." I lied innocently; of course I knew where he was. He was at his parents' with Leana. "Too bad for you; goodbye." She was about to shut the door when I stopped her.
"Grace, I'm sorry." I said, hoping she'd buy my words. She paused and looked at me as if I'd grown another head. "Excuse me?" She said, narrowing her eyes at me. I took a deep breath and looked at her innocently.
"Look, I know I wasn't in my best of moods the day we met and like a fool, behaved rudely. I feel terrible now because you're such a hot- nice person." I cursed myself mentally and she shot me a confused look. "We had a bumpy start, and now that Jimmy made me realize how great you are, such a wonderful person, I'd like to start anew. I'm sorry, Grace."
I waited for her to speak and when she did, I was on cloud fucking nine. "Apology accepted. We all have bad days, so no worries." She said, rewarding me with a smile. The next few days went by smoothly, I was in Grace's good books and she was opening up to me. I had gained her trust after all.
A Month Later - July 2007
"Oh shit, what's in the bucket? What's in the bucket but a bucket of shit, but a bucket of grapes and the grapes in the mouth. Grapes in the mouth make you happy down south. Make you get a big boner whatcha gonna do?" Jimmy slurred as Grace laughed silently, her tiny frame shaking as she did so.
She looked mouthwatering - that was no big deal - she looked like that all the fucking time. We three had just come back from our trip to Water World California. I would've never agreed on something like hat, but I couldn't miss a chance to see Gracie - yeah, I was allowed to call her that now- all wet and in soaked clothes.
As soon as we came back, she had changed into a pair of silk shorts and a black tank top. She was probably going to bed when Jimmy invited her for a couple of drinks. And now that he had just passed out, it gave me plenty of chances to seal the deal with Gracie. "Whatcha thinking of, Gates?" I looked at Gracie who was busy on her phone. The way her eyes were focused on the screen, reading something silently while she gently tapped a finger on her bare thigh made me swallow thickly.
I was tired of playing the innocent lamb, and I would get what I wanted right fucking now.
"Just stuff." I said and sat around to face her She was just a hand away from me, and I had no idea how I was retraining myself. "What are you thinking of?" I asked before licking my lips. "Just stuff..." She said before smiling at me. I cocked a brow, no way was she thinking about what was going on in my mind. Or was she?
"Really? Elaborate, please." I said, trying hard not to look at her gorgeous legs. "Ugh, you'll get bored." She waved a hand at me and I grabbed it. I wasn't surprised to get no reaction from her, she was probably used to it now. "I won't." I said, not letting go of her, and she didn't seem to mind either. She sighed dramatically and narrowed her eyes at me. I had gotten used to her playfulness in the past few weeks.
"You know, my best friend Erica, her sister's getting married in a few months. And she's very happy like any other girl would be. She met her fiance-" This wasn't that boring, and I still had my hand on hers, which I slowly plan to move up towards her arm, neck and...
"...back in the 90s and they've been together since then." I looked at her, her blue eyes sparkled with excitement as she spoke. "So?" I said and she made a funny face before speaking. "So- you know, I just...ugh, you'll laugh at me." I smirked and she pulled her hand away from mine. "See, I knew it." She muttered and I shook my head in amusement.
"I won't laugh at you, Gracie." I'll probably worship you, just give in to me already. I wrapped an arm around her and she didn't exactly mind. I was finding it hard to keep my hands to myself at this point. I had waited too fucking long. "I've never told this to anyone, not even Erica, or Vic." She said, referring to her best friends. "But I kinda, sorta..." I raised an eyebrow, "Kinda, sorta what?"
"Want what her sister has." She said softly. "And what exactly does she have?" I said cluelessly. "She's got someone who's been there for her since, like forever. That one person who's gonna be true to me always, if anything like that is even possible." She said and bit the inside of her cheek as I looked at her. Her gaze was fixed in front as she pondered about probably what she had just confessed.
And for a split second, all the thoughts of having my share of fun with her was gone. Her words rang in my head repeatedly, and I drowned myself in a pool of my own thoughts. Taking advantage of her after she'd confided in me, told me one of her most personal thoughts, did not feel right at all. The fact that she wanted something pure and beautiful from life made me look at her from a different point of view.
"That's ...deep." I said, my eyes running all over her face. She was so beautiful, and I liked everything about her. Gates, don't get yourself into this. It's all bullshit; stop thinking like a chick. Just be a man, and take what you want already.
But I didn't want to crush her feelings like that. Whoa, feelings? Since when did you start giving a shit what others felt as long as you got what you wanted?
"Thanks for listening, and not making any remarks about it." Gracie said, looking at me earnestly. Don't look into her eyes, don't, don't, just don't! And the next moment, her head was rested against my shoulder, her body relaxed against mine slightly, making me tense. She trusted me, probably more than she trusted anyone else. I pulled her closer hesitantly and pressed a chaste kiss on her forehead. Whoa, that's new.
"Don't mention, Gracie. I'm gonna be there always." I heard myself say.
Present Day - September 2008
"Haner, Gracie just called me for the fourth fucking time. She wants you there and there's no way she's gonna take a no for answer." I heard Zacky say from the other side of the door.
I was puking my guts out, all thanks to getting hammered last night because it was one of those days. I had seen her with him at one of the local diners. My stomach was churning, not because I was sick, but because I would have to see her with him again if I went today. Just thinking about them being together killed me internally every fucking day.
"Just fucking tell her I'm sick. Let's see if that makes her leave him, even for a couple of hours and come to see me. She doesn't fucking care, okay? She just wants me at her stupid party." I snapped, regretting instantly. She did care, a lot. But she was his.
"You don't mean that, Haner." Zacky warned and I sighed before opening the door. "I don't....I want her." I heard myself say. Zacky's face softened and he sighed. "Brian, I-I think..um.."
"I'm kidding." I said nonchalantly; he's got to learn not to get hyper so easily. "Don't fucking lie to me. And please, try not to get into any fights with him; we're all best friends and let's just keep it that way." He said. And that's why it hurt more. My friend, my brother is happy because of her. "Just tell her that I'm sick, Zack." I said coldly, before I went to my room and shut the door behind me. Life fucking sucked.
Notes
Hey guys! I'm new here and this is my first story. I'll appreciate every comment and try to update as soon as I can. Let me know your thoughts!
Ohhh this is nice! What a great start to this site! :)
5/13/17