Take Me Back to Start

A scream echoed throughout the Nickelson household. Scott woke up immediately already knowing what the scream was from. It had been occurring every night. He groggily made his way to Jolie’s room seeing her twisting and turning. After gently waking her up, she profusely apologized, like she did every night.

The next morning, the father and daughter met in the kitchen. Scott greeted Jolie softly and she did back. “Jimmy called practically begging to come over. He said you aren’t answering Matt’s texts,” Scott said lightly to his daughter. The friends Jolie grew up with were Matt, Jimmy, Brian, Zacky, Johnny, and Valary. He always loved the group and knew they really looked out for his daughter.

“I…I don’t know what to say to them, Dad…” Jolie answered honestly. Scott smiled at his daughter and slowly placed a hang on her shoulder.

“Don’t think so much about it. They aren’t mad at you. They just want to see you and you deserve a little fun,” Scott tried to insist.

“They should be mad! You should be too! I left you all behind. Threw you away!” Jolie suddenly yells. Her heart started to pick up speed and she could feel her breathing already becoming irregular. Her chest was feeling tighter and she grabbed onto the counter.

Scott instantly started to worry, not quite sure what was going on. “Honey, you have to calm down, okay? You’re okay. You’re here with me in the kitchen. Focus on your breathing. Breathe in and out…” he started to speak in a soft tone. Jolie forced herself to listen to her father’s soothing tone and listen to his directions. After a couple of minutes of focusing, she had herself under control again.

The pair were quite for a few minutes and Jolie was already feeling exhausted. “I-I’ve been getting panic attacks for a while now. I’m sorry you had to see that. They’re overwhelming,” she whispered in a tiny voice. Scott just gave her a soft smile. He slowly wrapped his arms around her loosely so she could pull away at any time. Instead, she hesitantly laid her head against his chest and closed her eyes. They fell into a bit of silence.

Suddenly, the front door was thrown open dramatically. “Hello amigos!” a loud voice announced his presence, “I’ve got two six packs!” The man came into the kitchen and froze at the door with a large grin on her face. When Jolie looked up with wide eyes, she was tense until she saw it was only Brian Haner Senior, or how she always knew him, Papa Gates. “Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes! I called the boys fucking liars when they tried to say you were back. It’s good to see you, kid,” he said honestly while he set the six packs on the counter.

Jolie broke apart from her father and gave Papa Gates a small smile. “It’s good to see you too, Papa Gates. I missed your sense of humor,” She said trying to brush off that she had just been panicking. She was used to hiding episodes like that. Alex never liked to see her like that.

“So, am I getting a hug or what? It’s been like three years!” Papa Gates pushed a bit stepping closer to Jolie. She tensed up straight away, but forced herself to hug the older man. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and she had to fight off the feeling of crying. She couldn’t understand the mix of emotions she felt. On one hand, she was overwhelmed and had to keep telling herself it was only Papa Gates. On the other hand, she couldn’t deny how much she missed the days when Papa Gates would take care of her.

“Jolie Nickelson! Stop chasing my god damn son around and get in here. I know you didn’t finish your homework yet! Do I really have to parent you?” Papa Gates called after a ten-year-old Jolie as she ran from the living room, through the kitchen, and out the back door chasing after Brian Haner Jr. Her giggle was echoing throughout the house.

Nearly every day after school Jolie found herself at Matt, Brian, or Zacky’s houses. She always loved being at Brian’s just because of Papa Gates. All she knew was that she had to go to one of their houses because her mom was sick. About a year previous she had been diagnosed with cancer. Things were looking good for the first couple of months before she started to get worse. Due to Scott’s work schedule, it was best if she spent time at her friend’s houses. Rebecca, her mother, was in no shape to watch her for hours.

“Papa! Can’t it wait till later? All I have left is to write a short story. I already have it started too. Writing is easy peasy! It’s not fair that Brian already got his done in class,”Jolie stopped running to explain.

Papa Gates shrugged a bit and asked to read what she had. A proud Jolie easily pulled the paper out of her backpack handing it over to the older man. Brian called out for Jolie, but she stayed where she was watching Papa read over her work. She wrote a story about a little girl being raised by someone else’s dad. It was pretty clear she was talking about Papa Gates. She wrote all about how the other person’s dad treated her just like a daughter and it meant a lot.

With a bright smile on his face, Papa Gates put the paper down and pulled Jolie into his arms holding her tightly. “You got a good start there, kid. I’ll let you play for another hour and then you can finish this up, alright? You’re pretty good at writing for a fourth grader,” he said lightheartedly. Jolie giggled easily and pulled away heading for the back door again. “Wait, Jolie? Thanks for writing that…” he added before she walked out the door. She smiled a little with a blush before shrugging, “Alright, go ahead and chase your little crush,” he finished jokingly to embarrass her.

“Papa! Stop it! I don’t like Brian! He’s stupid and thinks he’s cute when he’s not,” Jolie pouted straight away crossing her arms, “I’m going to play!” With that, she went running off and Papa Gates just laughed to himself.

When Papa Gates and Jolie pulled away from each other, Papa rubbed her head messing her hair. She gave him a glare and quickly tried to brush her hair with her fingers. She wanted to go straight to her room to brush it, but fought the urge, even though it nearly drove her insane to have it so out of order.

“So, why haven’t you called my idiot son yet? Or answer Matt’s texts? Jimmy has been at my house whining as well and apparently Zacky won’t focus at their writing sessions. Then, Johnny has been dealing with everyone picking on him more, because they all are worried,” Papa Gates asked without even thinking as he picked up one of the beers taking a sip.

Scott grabbed a beer as well shaking his head. “That sounds like the boys to me. They’ve been blowing up my phone. They aren’t patient, are they?” he laughed easily, “I had to talk pretty hard to keep Jimmy from barging over here.”

Jolie just gave the two men a smile. She felt her phone vibrating in her pocket. “I’m getting a call now. If it’s one of them, I promise I’ll make plans, okay?” she swore. The two men grinned and nodded their heads. She stepped out of the kitchen heading upstairs to her room. When she pulled out her phone, her heart nearly dropped. The caller ID read the name she knew would call, but she still wasn’t ready.

“Hi…” she answered barely even loud enough to be heard.

“So, you just left? This is it? You wouldn’t even tell me to my face? I had to find out through a letter…” Alex replied with a cold voice. There was clear hurt in his tone.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you…I just couldn’t…My dad came to the hospital, Alex. There was no way he was going to let me go home. I had to go with him. Just…just give me some time okay?” she stuttered quickly.

“I don’t understand, Jolie. I thought you loved me. I love you so much and I’ve done so much for you. Now you’re just throwing it back in my face! Do I really mean that little to you? You could just leave me?” he snapped back.

“You mean everything to me! I didn’t make the choice easily! You sent me to the hospital! I couldn’t cover that up and convince Dad I was okay. Just let me stay with him for a little bit, okay? I’ll come home in a couple weeks when he’s calmed down. I love you.”

“You mean that? You’re really going to come back?”

“Of course, I’m going to come back. Just give it time…”

“You’ve got two weeks or I’m coming to Huntington.”

“Two weeks, I understand. I should go. Dad needs me.”

“Okay, baby. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Notes

Hope you guys enjoyed! I know this might be a little slow at first. Let me know what you think! :)