Take Me Back to Start

Jolie couldn’t focus. The only thought in her mind was Brian. She had no clue how one revealed secret could drive her completely insane. In the back of her head, she knew she had to talk to him, but she was terrified. Everyone knew something was going on. There was a weird tension in the group whenever they were all hanging out, only Jimmy knew exactly why though the rest could guess.

The time came when Brian stopped over her house days later. Scott let him inside on his way out. He had plans with Papa Gates and James Baker, Zacky’s dad. Jolie was in her art studio once again trying to force herself to work, but she was blocked. She threw a brush against the canvas and huffed in frustration as Brian knocked on the door. He noticed her mood straight away and gave a small smile. “Want to take a break? We can go to the beach,” he offered without hesitation. She glanced back at the canvas before quickly nodding her head.

The sun was setting as Brian and Jolie started walking down the beach. He could tell there was still something up, but he had no clue what it could be. As much as he tried to make it seem like he didn’t notice the tension that had been looming, he was far from oblivious. He noticed every look that Jolie sent his way. There was something going on, but he just didn’t know how to approach it. So, he chose to let her bring it up when she was comfortable. Every step down the beach, he could see she was deep in thought.

Suddenly, Jolie stopped walking and turned to Brian quickly. “Jimmy told me you’re in love with me,” she rushed to get out. As soon as it slipped, she covered her mouth with her hand and glanced down at the sand. That was far from the way she imagined bringing it up.

To say Brian was caught off guard would be an understatement. Out of all the possibilities, he never would have expected that to come from her mouth. “Oh,” was all he said at first before shaking his head. He kicked the sand a bit before laughing. “Didn’t really plan on Jimmy being the one to tell you, kind of always though I would tell you,” he finally added. He ran a slightly nervous hand through his hair.

Jolie looked up at the man in surprise. “You aren’t going to deny it?” she asked.

Brian smiled a little bit. It wasn’t the infamous smirk he used to seduce women. It was just his normal Brian Haner smile. “Why deny it? It’s not a bad thing and he’s not wrong. I’m more surprised that you’re surprised,” he said remaining calm. He was freaking out on the inside, he could feel his heart beating so fast it could jump straight out of his chest. From the outside, Jolie had no clue how he could seem so calm. In a sense, it was like a weight was lifted knowing that his feelings were no longer a secret.

“I…” Jolie began before trailing off. She took a step back towards the water without looking at Brian. “You can have any girl around. You’ve never had a hard time. I’m…I’m broken, Bri, I’m broken,” she rambled a bit. Her nerves were getting to her and she felt that familiar feeling of panic starting to rise inside her. She closed her eyes tightly and tried to center herself. “Why would you want some broken girl when you’re a fucking Rockstar?” she added in disbelief.

“You don’t see what I see when I look at you, when I’ve always looked at you. I could go on about how beautiful you are. God, even when you’re at your messiest, I’m speechless. And trust me, I’ve see you pretty messy. But it’s your eyes and smile that get me. That smile you give when you’re happy or the one when you’re laughing. The little wrinkle at the side of your eye that forms when you laugh. Fuck, and your giggle. But, your eyes, when they have that spark when you’re up to something. Or…fuck, I’m rambling,” Brian interrupted him and nervously tightened his hands into little fists. He could believe what he was admitting all this after so long.

“Jesus, fuck, this isn’t me, but I can’t stop talking, because it’s more than that. It’s your heart. It’s the way you treat everyone around you. When Matt and Val starting dating, you threatened Val with murder if she hurt Matt. When you befriended Jimmy because the other kids didn’t understand him. The time you stopped that group of guys from beating Zacky up. The times when Johnny first started hanging around and we all busted him, you made sure he knew everyone was just kidding. You look out for everyone in your life. You protect and love them with your entire heart with no regard to how it would affect you. I saw you do it when your mom got sick and when your dad could barely take care of himself. I love that about you, that you care so much, even though I’m always nervous you’re going to push yourself too far. “

“And it’s the way you lose yourself in your art. The way that you put everything you’re feeling into it. Just by looking at one of your pieces, I could feel everything you’re feeling. When you’re working on a piece, you barely know what is going on. You get this look on your face that is so focused. Your eyebrows scrunch and your lips tense. It’s the cutest face. But even more than that, I love your strength. You’ve been through a rough time, even when you were younger, but especially the last three years. Even through everything Alex put you through, you’re here now. You wanted to get better and you did. You’ve grown so much,”

“Just look at the way you affect the people in your life. Look at me. I’m here rambling for so long over how I’ve fallen so fucking far in love with you. I’ve been lost in it for years. I don’t even know how to not be in love with you, I can’t remember what that’s like. This feels so foreign, spewing my guts like this. I’m Synyster Gates, but when I’m with you, I’m only Brian Haner Jr,” Brian finally took a breath. He dropped down into the sand chuckling to himself as he rubbed his hands over his face. It was as if the pent-up feelings he had locked inside just suddenly exploded from him.

Meanwhile, Jolie was completely overwhelmed. She knew Brian was her best friend, but she had no clue he saw her so well. He didn’t just know her, he saw her, the her inside. But, he was right when he said she had been through a lot.

“I…I don’t know what to say Brian. I think you have this idea of who I am, but I’m not that girl. I’m not the girl you might have fallen in love with when we were kids. This me, the one I am now, is just pieces of the girl you knew. I’m broken still and I don’t think I can ever get completely better. I can try to put the pieces back, but they’ll never really fit the right away again. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who can love you back without any inhibitions. Someone that’s better, better than me,” Jolie mumbled softly feeling tears building in her eyes. There was no holding them back.

Brian leaned forward taking her hand in his and gently pulled her down. She slowly dropped down into his lap where he caressed her cheek with a small smile. “You are not broken. You are not unfixable. Do you understand that? I don’t want to hear that. You’re strong and you’ve already come so far. I love you. I love the you from childhood, the you from our teenage years, the you from three years ago, and the you that you are now. You know why? Because, no matter what, you’re you,” he said with such honestly in his eyes.

Jolie let out a small cry and buried her face into the crook of Brian’s neck. She couldn’t understand how he could love her so easily. He had no regard for any of her flaws. She tightly grabbed onto his shirt as tears slipped out.

“I…I’m not admitting this because I expect you to feel the same. Honestly, it’s okay if you don’t. Just tell me you don’t love me the way I love you. That’s fine. Maybe hearing that will finally make me move on or maybe I’ll just always be crazy for you. It’s just…if you can’t love me or just don’t, I need to hear that,” Brian hesitantly said.

Jolie held onto Brian even tighter and started shaking her head. Everything inside her wanted to love this man. To love him completely in the way he deserved. “I can’t tell you that. I can’t tell you I don’t love you,” she whispered into his neck. She couldn’t lift her head to look at him. “But I can’t be with you the way you deserve. I’m terrified. I know you aren’t Alex, you’re the farthest thing from him, but I get triggered so easily. I don’t know if I could do a relationship again,” she finished biting her lip.

There was bad news for Brian entangled in Jolie’s confession, but only one thing caught him. “Wait, you do love me?” he asked.

“Of course, I love you. I would be stupid to not be in love with you,” Jolie murmured.

“Then the rest we can work on. That’s all that matters to me. Just let us try. We can break this off at any time it become too much for you,” Brian tried to ask hopefully.

There was no answer from the small girl in Brian’s lap at first. He could feel the neck of his shirt getting wet. Softly, he started to rub her back trying to sooth her gently. She pressed herself against his touch more. “I don’t know if I even know what a healthy relationship is anymore,” she admitted in a tiny voice, “But I want to try. I want to be with you, so bad.”

Without any hesitance, Brian lifted Jolie’s head from his neck. Her eyes were still wet with tears. “We’ll figure it out together, I promise,” he whispered. Moving slowly so Jolie could back away at any moment, he leaned into her and gently pressed his lips against hers. She couldn’t help, but tense straight away. The last person she had kissed was Alex. He was the only one for three years.

Feeling Jolie tense up, Brian instantly started to pull away. He didn’t want to push her at all. To his surprise, she took a breath before pressing her lips back against his. The kiss started off gentle and innocent. Both were trying to be careful. Slowly, it turned into something more. There was a bit of need and passion, as if they were both pressing for the thing they had been missing out of for their entire lives. It got more intense and Jolie pulled away. Her hands were shaking as she tried to hide them by holding onto his shirt tighter.

“A little too much?” Brian asked gently as he went back to rubbing Jolie’s back. He could feel the small shakes. She gave a sheepish grin.

“It was perfect, but maybe we should keep it a little more innocent for a bit,” Jolie sad softly. Brian nodded his head and gave her forehead a small peck.

“We can do that. Don’t be afraid to say those kinds of things, okay? We have to be honest with each other if this is going to work,” Brian said with a nod.

Jolie agreed with Brian and fell silent for a moment. Suddenly, a big grin spread across her face. “Your fans are going to be so jealous. They won’t believe the real Synyster Gates is actually off the market,” she joked. He rolled his eyes at her joke. The fans were his last concern.

“His heart has always has been. It was never an option for anyone, because a little girl stole it from him when he was just in elementary school,” Brian smoothly replied with a smirk.

“You’re so cheesy. I’m telling your fans you’re actually just a huge cheeseball,” Jolie playfully threated. Brian instantly told her she better not. He started to tickle her making her laugh until there were tears in her eyes. After she promised to keep it a secret, he finally stopped. She dropped her head down on his shoulder and the two just peacefully sat together.

After what felt like hours, Brian and Jolie finally found their way back to Jolie’s house. She pulled him into her room straight away. Scott found the two hours later when he got home. He was heading to bed when he noticed Jolie’s bedroom door wasn’t completely shut. He stuck his head inside to see his daughter fast asleep in Brian’s arms. Brian kissed the top of the small girl’s head and looked down at her with admiration. Before he could notice the older man at the door, Scott stepped back quickly.

With a big smile on his face, Scott headed to his room shutting the door behind him. He dialed the familiar number of Papa Gates. When the other man answered, Scott laughed, “Yeah, I know, I just left. I thought you might want to know I’m pretty sure the kids finally figured it out…Yeah, they just needed that little push. Always knew the Haners and Nickelsons would merge one day…”

Notes

Well...woah. That one was an emotional one :P I hope it's lived up to what you all were hoping for & wasn't too cheesy :P Let me know what you all think :) P.S. This might be happy, but next chapter got a bit of a surprise coming...