Take Me Back to Start

“Do you want to talk about Alex?” Dr.Benson asked Jolie from the leather seat across from the matching couch that Jolie was sitting on. She felt a bit awkward and nervously looked around the room. She bounced her leg. “How about we talk about the good things first? That’s easier, right?” he offered as a prompt. It occurred to Jolie that nobody else had asked her about the good times with Alex. She took a breath before nodding her head.

“It was…It was good in the beginning when we started dating. That was three years ago. He used to drive from LA to Huntington just to see me all the time. Alex is a businessman. He was meeting with a client in Huntington Beach at Johnny’s Bar…”

Twenty-one-year-old Jolie was sitting in a booth at Johnny’s bar between Jimmy and Johnny hoping that that would keep them from fighting for a night. Brian was next to Jimmy on the end. On Johnny’s other side was Zacky, then Val, and Matt on the other end. It was just a normal night out for the group. There were countless empty cups littering the table and everyone was telling jokes.

Suddenly, the door the bar opened and Alex Cleary walked in. Jolie didn’t know what made her look his way, but the moment that she did, she couldn’t take her eyes off him. He stood out in his expensive black suit and briefcase. It was clear that he was dressed for business, since he was indeed a businessman. He glanced around the room as if looking for someone before taking a seat at the bar. Jolie didn’t know how long she stared at him. She barely even realized she was actually staring until Val stared laughing and gave her a knowing smile. “Think he’s that cute? You haven’t stopped staring since he walked in,” she teased lightly.

Jolie’s cheeks instantly turned red as she quickly tried to look away. The guys all looked towards the bar seeing who she had been staring at and rolled their eyes. “What a pompous asshole,” Brian muttered straight away as he took a swig of his beer.

“Who the hell wears a suit to Johnny’s?” Zacky laughed shaking his head.

“Is that really your type?” Johnny asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh, leave Jo alone. If she thinks he’s so cute, she should just go over and talk to him,” Val said with a grin.

“As if she has the guts to do it,” Johnny snickered.

“Fuck, Christ, don’t egg her on,” Matt muttered as he rubbed his forehead.

The next thing that Jolie knew, she was climbing over Jimmy and Brian. She grabbed a random shot off the table and quickly swallowed it before she started heading over to the bar. Her hips were swaying as she sauntered right up to the chair next to Alex sitting down and ordering a drink without even giving him a single glance. The bartender brought the drink over. Suddenly, Alex spoke up with a smirk on his lips. “You didn’t have to order a drink and pretend you didn’t see me if you wanted to talk to me,” he said simply.

Even though Alex had caught Jolie off guard, she simply smiled. “Why the fancy suit for a bar like this?” she countered. Conversation flowed from there and numbers were exchanged. Matt came over to collect Jolie at the end of the night, not wanting her to leave with a stranger. She kissed Alex’s cheek and left the bar with Matt without a single fight.

Dr.Benson was writing on her notepad as Jolie spoke. It made the younger woman a bit nervous and curious wondering what exactly she was writing. “When did he ask you to move in with him? Or did you ask to move in?” Dr.Benson asked.

“It was a little too fast, I guess. He asked me to move in after about four months. Everyone told me it was a bad idea, but I was twenty-one and thought I could handle it myself. In reality, I think that was the turning point. Once I lived with him…that’s when he started to get controlling. I moved into his apartment in LA, so it was forty-five minutes away from Huntington Beach on a good day without traffic. He used that against me…I couldn’t see my friends and family as often, especially since I didn’t have my car with me. Alex had convinced me to leave it at home…” Jolie answered and started getting quieter as it turned into the darker side of her relationship. Dr.Benson simply asked how it got more controlling.

“Alex was smart in the way he would start having little rules. He never outright said them in the beginning. It was little things like the way I looked. When we were going out, he’d ask if he could pick out my outfit. In the beginning, I thought he was just being cute. In the end though, it ended up being him dressing me how he wanted and insisting that I wear make-up at all times. There was a certain way to do my hair as well. I’ve become so use to it that even though I’m not with him, I still do it. He told me that I was sloppy when I didn’t take care of myself or put make-up on. That I looked much better with make-up. So, when I look in the mirror at myself, I see what he’s told me…”

“But the worst thing was that he slowly cut me off from my friends and family. I was isolated in his apartment. It started with the move. Then it was little things that seemed like just small bits of jealousy, so I blew it off. Holidays came around and he guilted me into staying with him instead of going home. Eventually he started claiming I wanted to be with the guys more than him. He would question if I loved him at all. We’d fight about it, but he always made me feel like it was my fault. So, I started talking to my friends less and less until I stopped all together. Later on, when they would occasionally try to call, Alex would be furious…” Jolie explained more.

The closer Jolie got to having to talk about the physical abuse, the more she would clam up. It was easier to talk about the early times, before they became quite so toxic. Dr.Benson could see the way that the younger woman was squirming in her seat and looking around the room. Instead of pushing more about Alex, she changed the direction. She asked what brought her back to her friends and family. As soon as the question was asked, Jolie looked down at her feet hesitating to answer at all.

“I…I was in the hospital and my Dad came. He was still my emergency contact. Because I arrived at the hospital unconscious, they called him. He insisted that I come home with him. I was in no place to fight, so I did. I ran into Matt as soon as I was back. He invited me to his and his girlfriend Val’s house when all the other guys were there,” Jolie started explaining and then starting to bite her lip as she got quieter, “But I went back to Alex. That especially made Brian really upset. He found out I was leaving and was pretty hurt. I left anyways. It was probably his words that finally really knocked some sense into me though. Alex was sweet when I got back, but changed right away…then after a certain night, I knew I couldn’t stay anymore. I called Matt asking him to help me.”

The thought of the night of the party at Alex’s apartment made Jolie start to shake a bit. She tried to put her hands under her legs to hide the tremor. Dr.Benson was too observant and made note of the shaking straight away. She was nervous that she might be pushing the younger woman a bit too much for the first session. Trying to get a bit more, Dr.Benson asked about Matt and Brian.

“Matt and I grew up together from the start. His parents lived across from mine and they were good friends. We met Jimmy in elementary school. It was Matt, Jimmy, and I. Then, we met Brian and Zacky. Then, I met Val and introduced her to Matt in seventh grade. At some point, we met Johnny last. All our families are friends. At this point, they’re more like family,” Jolie answered giving a brief overview. She was closing up quickly.

Dr.Benson closed her notepad slowly and gave Jolie a polite smile. “That was a great first session. You really shared a lot. We can dive deeper next time. On your way out set up a schedule for your appointments. I’d love to see you on a regular basis,” she said professionally. Jolie nodded her head standing up quickly and heading out. She stopped by the secretary to schedule before stepping outside.

The fresh air helped calm Jolie down and she tightened her grip hoping the shaking would stop. She was grateful that she didn’t drive herself. She had been afraid that if she drove, she wouldn’t have brought herself here. Talking about everything she kept secret for the last three years felt odd and wrong. It was hard to force herself. She managed to get a text out to Brian as she waited for him to come pick her up.

Jolie hopped into Brian’s car as soon as he pulled into the parking lot. Without even thinking, she grabbed his right hand tightly. He was surprised to see how shaky she was, but gave her hand a little squeeze. “Was it bad?” he asked in concern. She shook her head right away and forced herself to give him a small smile.

“It’s not bad. Dr.Benson is a good doctor. It’s just hard to talk about the stuff I have to talk about. Don’t worry, okay? I think my reaction is what often happens after the first session,” Jolie tried to make Brian less nervous about her. He was happy she decided to see a therapist, but was nervous that Dr.Benson might not be the right doctor for her. He asked if she was sure and she nodded. So, slowly, Brian pulled out of the parking lot never taking his hand from her.

When Brian got to Jolie’s house, she saw that her father was still at work. Not wanting to be alone at the moment, she invited Brian inside. He accepted and they walked in together. She decided that she should get food in the oven for dinner. As she got ingredients out of the refrigerator, Brian turned on some light music and offered to help. She gave him some small jobs to take on. Cooking and Brian were good distractions, but her mind kept drifting back to the session. By the time the food was in the oven, she felt like she couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Brian, I need to tell you something,” Jolie stated out of nowhere after she turned around from the oven. He looked at her in surprise and gestured for her to continue, but she was already losing her courage. She glanced down at the floor. “There were two really bad nights at Alex’s…” she began, “They left me scarred and haunted. I can’t escape them. It’s what made me react so badly after the session today.”

Jolie stepped back from Brian and turned around. She slowly lifted her shirt showing him the scars on her back. Brian covered his mouth so he wouldn’t make a noise and had to keep himself from being visibly angry. He couldn’t believe that Alex could hurt her so bad. She quickly pulled her shirt back down, but kept her back to him. “Alex saw some pictures of me with you guys and he assumed I wanted to sleep with you guys. He thought I needed a lesson, so he beat me with his belt,” she explained surprising herself with how she could get it out at all.

Brian took a step closer to Jolie, but she moved away. “Don’t…please…I need you to stand over there. I don’t think I’ll be able to tell you anything else if you come over here, okay?” she quickly stopped him. He instantly complied to her and stayed quiet so she could keep talking. “Then, Alex decided he should throw a party. Whenever his friends were going to be around, he got more…handsy. He picked out my dress and made sure to leave a hickey on my neck. He insisted that I wear my hair up…” she started explain with her voice cracking, “Later that night, I went into the bedroom to take a moment. One of his friends came in and…”

The heavy feeling, like elephants sitting on her chest started to consume Jolie, but wanted to finish this. She needed to tell someone before the memory ate her alive. “He was drunk and pushed me against the dresser. He tried to…he touched me and said these nasty words that I can still fucking hear in my head! I can feel his breath on my skin!” she started to frantically explain losing all control. She felt visions of the moment flashing before her eyes. “I told him no though. I begged for him to stop. I promise I did. I promise I said no. He wouldn’t listen to me. He didn’t care what I said,” she started rambling saying the words that she had pleaded with Alex to believe.

Brian couldn’t stand the distance any longer. He stepped in front of her kneeling down to try to look her in the eyes. He gently placed her hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat. “Listen to me, sweetie. I believe you. I completely believe you, but you have to focus on me right now. You’re okay. He’s not here and can never hurt you again. Just focus on your breathing for now. Take a breath in…and out…and in…and out…” he tried to calm her down.

It took a bit, but Jolie started to calm down. Finally, she fell into Brian’s arms nearly knocking him over. She felt exhausted and had tears in her eyes. “He didn’t…get all the way though. Peter, my friend, came in and got him off me. Alex wouldn’t believe me. He thought I lead Trevor on. He wouldn’t believe me,” she whimpered into his shoulder. He just gently rubbed her bath whispering soothing words and whispering that he believed her.

“How about we lay down and take a nap before your dad gets home? You’ve had a long day,” Brian suggested keeping Jolie in his arms. She nodded her head and held onto him as he picked her up carrying her into the bedroom. He laid her in bed pulling the blanket up on her.

“You’re staying with me, right?” Jolie asked in a small voice.

“Always, sweetie, I’ll be here for as long as you need me,” Brian promised crawling in next to her. She scooted against him and he held her tightly until she fell asleep.

Notes

And here's the next chapter! Some more progress! I honestly really want to just say thank you all. The continued support, even when I'm not confident in myself means a lot to me. You all are the best! <33 Hope you enjoy this update! The next chapter features a lot of Jimbo, so I'm excited to post again! :)