When We Were Young

Explaining to JJ that she was going to meet her father that wasn’t like Nancy imagined. She always told her daughter some stories about her father and when she started to ask questions, she told her that he was famous and travelling for work so he couldn’t come home. It was the truth, more or less, but it wasn’t like Nancy could tell her the truth. She was too little to handle the truth and what was she supposed to tell her? Your father and I weren’t together anymore when I found out I was pregnant with you, so I kept the secret and he didn’t know you existed until yesterday? No, it was ridiculous.

JJ was playing with her dolls and a new pair of drumsticks that Jimmy brought her from Mexico. That’s what he usually did whenever he was on tour: he’d buy and sign drumsticks in every country he visited, so JJ could have her own personal drumsticks collection. He even started teaching her to play the drums as soon as she started walking, despite Nancy’s initial opposition, and he knew that she’d eventually become a great drummer. Especially with his help.

Usually, she loved playing with her drumsticks, but that day something seemed off. Jimmy looked at her and took a sip of his coffee before deciding to open his mouth and speak. He wasn’t sure that asking questions was a good idea, she had just turned three, after all.

“What’s up, princess?” He asked, “Are you sad?”

JJ shrugged and kept her eyes down, picking up her favorite stuffed animal and holding it to her chest for a moment. He was no psychologist but he could tell something was wrong. Shit, he was turning into a parent or something? The thought of himself as a parent made him chuckle, but thankfully, he only chuckled mentally and not out loud.

“You know, sometimes I get sad too… Especially when I don’t get to see your pretty face.”

The little girl smiled softly and moved closer to him, sitting into his lap. Jimmy wrapped his arms around her and let her move her fingertips up and down the tattoos on his forearm.

“Really?”

“Oh, absolutely. I’m always sad when I don’t see you.” He said and noticed Nancy walk past JJ’s bedroom with a laundry basket. “And even when I don’t see your mommy.”

JJ leaned back against Jimmy’s chest and he couldn’t help but smile. It was almost ridiculous how that little girl could make him so weak and feel completely in love.

“And my daddy?”

Jimmy frowned at that question, definitely not expecting it. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath before replying to the girl. He and Nancy had spoken about Brian and JJ and about how much she knew about him, but he wasn’t sure he was allowed to say anything about him.

“What about him?”

“Rosie said I don’t have a daddy because he doesn’t love me.”

Rosie can fuck herself, he thought, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he held her tight and kissed the top of her head.

“Rosie doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Your daddy…” Jimmy took a deep breath and desperately hoped Nancy would walk past the room again or better, that she’d walk in so she could save him for this situation. This was not included in his job as an uncle. “You know he works a lot, he’s really busy.”

“You see daddy?”

“Yeah, I do.” He answered and part of him was glad she probably didn’t realize what Jimmy did as a job or the fact that he worked with Brian and that they were best friends, but mostly, he was glad she didn’t question why he called them or visited them as much as he could, while Brian didn’t.

“I never see him.”

His heart broke for her. It wasn’t fair that she had never met her father.

“You will, one day. When he’s less busy. I promise.”

The little girl didn’t ask many questions, instead, she was kind of looking forward to finally meeting her father and Nancy even let her picked her own dress for the occasion. Mary and Michael Kennedy went to visit some friends and they brought Gladys with them, so JJ and Nancy could have the house for themselves while Brian was over.

When the doorbell rang, Nancy wanted to disappear. She thought about not opening the door, but the excited look on JJ’s face made her change her mind. She slowly headed to the door and opened it. Brian was standing in front of her, the dark circles around his eyes showing that he probably didn’t sleep much the night before. She wasn’t the only one, then.

“Come in.” She said, and let him walk into the house.

JJ was hiding behind the couch, feeling nervous all of a sudden. Nancy closed the door behind Brian and then looked at her, “JJ? Don’t be silly, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Brian had his hands in his pockets and his heart was already pounding in his chest, but when the little girl came out of her hiding place, he felt like he was dying. She had his eyes and his cheeks, but the nose and the lips were all Nancy’s.

JJ ran towards her mother and hid behind her leg, so Nancy gently stroked the little girl’s shoulder before squatting down next to her.

“JJ, this is Brian.”

“My daddy…” She whispered and her words hit Brian hard in the chest. Suddenly, he realized that he was a father. For real. Before seeing the girl, everything seemed so distant and almost not real, but now… It was. It was so damn real.

Brian softly smiled at her and squatted down as well, intertwining his fingers.

“Yup, apparently that’s what I am.” He said.

“He’s uncle Jimmy’s friend. His best friend actually.”

Hearing Jimmy’s name made JJ widen her eyes and suddenly, she pulled away from her mother.

“Really? You know Jimmy?” She asked, smiling widely.

“Yeah, he–” Brian took a deep breath, wondering if he was supposed to use the past tense or not, unsure whether Nancy told the kid Jimmy was dead or not; and even if he used it, would she understand? “Your mother’s right. Jimmy is my friend.”

JJ smiled at him for a moment then ran away. Brian looked at Nancy with a questioning look on his face, but she simply shrugged. JJ came back holding a stuffed elephant in her hands and when she showed it to Brian, he felt his heart sunk in his chest.

“Please, tell me what the fuck we’re doing in a toy store.” Brian said, looking around. Some women were looking at them as if they were out of place and they were. Two tattooed guys in a toy store, it could be the start of a joke.

“We need to find a toy.” Jimmy answered.

“No, Sherlock. I thought we're in a toy store to buy fucking alcohol.” Brian rolled his eyes as he followed his friend. “Who the fuck wants a toy, though? Is it Johnny? Please, tell me it’s him.”

The guitarist was ready to laugh, but Jimmy’s answer made him frown instead.

“It’s for Leana.”

“Why would she want a toy?”

“She just does so shut the fuck up and help me.”

Jimmy walked around and Brian laughed, “You sure she didn’t mean another kind of toy?”

The drummer rolled his eyes and nodded. “Yes, thank you very much.”

The two walked around for a while until Jimmy found a stuffed dog toy. Brian frowned and looked around, noticing an elephant. He handed it to Jimmy and the drummer smiled. That was it. That was the toy he wanted to get for Nancy’s kid.

“Is this good?”

“Yeah…” Jimmy said, “It’s perfect.”

Brian immediately recognized that stuffed animal. He forgot about that trip to the toy store, it had been years but now that he saw that elephant, everything came to his mind. He smiled softly as JJ showed him stuffed animal for a brief moment then held it to her chest.

“Jimmy gave it to me.” She said shyly, before looking at her mother when she spoke.

“It’s her favorite toy; she doesn’t sleep without it.” Nancy said, “JJ, tell him his name.”

“It’s Elwin.”

Brian raised his eyebrows and looked at Nancy, who simply shrugged.

“Jimmy picked the name.” She explained.

“Well, that’s a beautiful name for a beautiful elephant.” Brian said and Nancy couldn’t help but chuckle at his words.

“Why don’t you guys sit on the couch? I’ll be right back, I made cookies.”

JJ widened her eyes and looked at her mother.

“Really, mommy? Cookies?”

“Yeah, honey. Your favorite. Just don’t tell grandma.” She said and kissed the top of her hand then watch JJ take a few steps towards Brian. She took his hand and the man took a deep breath, surprised by that little touch.

The two sat on the couch and Nancy watched them for a little bit before heading to the kitchen. She thought it was better for them to be left alone, this way they would get the chance to know each other and Brian wouldn’t get the feeling that she was staying there just to control him.

JJ sat down next to Brian and smiled at him, immediately starting to speak about Gary. At first he was confused about who or what Gary was, then he realized he was a dog. He smiled down at her and tried to listen to her words as much as he could, but in the meantime he was also noticing all the little details of her chubby face and hands, as well as her pink dress. He was sold. He knew it.

At some point, she moved her hands to his arm, her fingertips gently touching the colorful tattoos. She looked mesmerized.

“Do you like them?” He asked.

“Yes.” She said, her eyes glued to his skin. “Mommy has colors too.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Brian smiled slightly, remembering Nancy’s tattoos. Jimmy was with her when she got her first tattoo and he always loved telling people how she almost fainted. She eventually got used to it since she got other two tattoos. He wondered if she got any more tattoos in the meantime… It was none of his business.

In the meantime, Nancy was in the kitchen checking her cookies when her phone rang. She pursed her lips when she noticed who was calling her.

“Linda, hey.”

“Hello, stranger.” Linda said, “Glad you picked up.”

“Actually, I’m kinda busy.”

“I know, Brian told me he’s there. Actually, he told me to call you so he could have some time with… Well, his daughter.”

Nancy swallowed hard and looked out of the window. “Look, Linda… I meant to tell you, it’s just…”

“Nevermind, Nancy. It’s okay. I’m not the one you should apologize to.”

The girl closed her eyes for a brief moment and sighed heavily. “I know but it doesn’t mean I feel less guilty though.”

“It’s okay. Nobody here is mad at you.” Linda said, “Well, they’re not exactly happy about what you did but everybody’s excited about meeting little–what’s her name? Brian wouldn’t want to tell us.”

“It’s JJ, but wait. Who is everybody?” Nancy asked before groaning, “Jesus, Linda. Did you tell everybody?”

“I had to! Brian told me and Zacky and well, Johnny and Matt are family, as well as Lacey and Valary.”

Hearing the blonde’s name made Nancy shiver. Did Michelle know about this? God, how she hated this situation. If Brian and Michelle weren’t together now, she wouldn’t have felt like this, but they were together and this made things slightly different. At least for her and Valary.

“Anyway,” Linda continued, “Like I said, everybody is eager to meet the kid, so we decided to throw a little party at Johnny’s place. You up for it?”

Nancy glanced down at the floor as she leaned back against the counter.

“When is it?”

“Saturday afternoon.” She said, “We thought we should give Brian adjust to this situation at last a little before throwing the party.”

It was Monday, so she had five days to get ready to meet the rest of the band and figure out what to do. She knew they were going to ask questions about these past three years, about JJ and she wasn’t sure she was ready for them all. Actually, she knew she wasn’t but she couldn’t hide anymore. Not now that Brian knew the truth.

“Sounds good to me. Does Brian know?”

“Not yet, feel free to tell him.” Linda said, “But if you don’t want, we will.”

“No, it’s fine. I will.” Nancy said, “Bye, Linda. Thanks for the call.”

Nancy hung up and sighed heavily, placing her phone on the counter. She didn’t think that coming back to Huntington Beach would turn into such a dramatic situation. It was almost funny. He wondered what Jimmy would’ve done if he was here. He probably would’ve laughed, then slapped the back of Brian’s back before starting to arguing with him about what happened; then he would’ve picked JJ up and would’ve played with her.

The girl took a deep breath as she took the cookies out of the oven. She still hadn’t told JJ about Jimmy and she had no idea how to tell her. She thought that maybe she could speak with Brian and they could tell her together, but she wasn’t sure he’d be okay with it.

“Are the cookies ready?”

Brian’s voice made Nancy jump and she nodded.

“Yes, they are.” She said and turning around she noticed that he wasn’t looking at her. “Do you want something to drink?”

“No, I’m fine.” He answered and left.

When Nancy brought the cookies to the living room, JJ immediately took one and started eating it, while showing Brian some of her drawings. She smiled softly and sat on the chair, watching them. JJ seemed to have forgotten her mother, which was perfectly fine to Nancy since she knew that she needed her time with this stranger who was part of her in such a beautiful and deep way.

When Brian announced he had to leave, JJ started crying, not wanting him to leave.

“Honey, he can’t stay. He’s got stuff to do.” Nancy said, looking up at Brian, asking for help.

“Yeah, your mom is right.” He said, scratching the back of his head. “But I–I can come back another day if you’d like?”

When Brian looked at Nancy, he met her gaze. He swallowed hard, hating this thing between them, but he couldn’t help it. He hated her.

“Of course, you can come whenever you want.” She said with a nod.

“Good.”

Brian quickly waved at JJ and when she ran towards him and hugged his legs, he looked at her for a brief moment before picking her up and kissing her cheek. She giggled and ran away when he put her down.

Nancy sighed and walked towards the door; her hand was on the handle but she didn’t open it yet.

“Linda called me earlier.” She told him, “She told me they know about JJ and they’re planning some sort of party because they want to meet her.” She licked her lips and shrugged, “I heard you’re dating Michelle and I don’t know if you wanna tell her about JJ or not, just let me know so if I can let the others meet her or not.”

Brian stood there, listening to his words. Michelle. He was surprised Nancy knew about Michelle, but not that much. Jimmy must’ve told her; or maybe someone else. Hell, there were their pictures all over the Internet. Either way, that was not important. What was really important was that he had to tell her about JJ, the bad thing was that he didn’t want to.

“I’ll tell her.” He said, “When’s the party?”

“On Saturday.”

“Okay. I’ll call you tomorrow so you can tell me when I can see JJ again.”

“Alright.” Nancy said and watched him walk out of the house. “Brian?” She waited for him to turn around and smiled a little at him. “Thank you… For wanting to see her. It means a lot to her.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

The brunette watched him leave then closed the door and leaned back against it.

It means a lot to me, she thought before her daughter distracted her from her thoughts.

“Look, mommy!” She exclaimed, handing her some paper sheets. “Look at what daddy did for me!”

Nancy picked the sheets and smiled, noticing how he drew a few things on the paper. She glanced at her daughter who had the liveliest eyes ever.

“Want to hung up these on the fridge?” She asked and when her daughter smiled widely and happily nodded, Nancy added, “Alright, let’s go!”

Notes

And so Brian and JJ finally met :D This chapter, as you probably noticed, is slightly longer and it's probably because it features two different flashbacks. Hope you enjoy!

A huge thank you to Kimmie, Avengedlover6661, Hollie and EmilieAlyosha for their comments <3