When We Were Young

When Nancy let him have JJ for the day, Brian usually took her to the park or to his father’s. Papa Gates was incredibly surprised when his son showed up at the door with the little girl, but like everybody else, he quickly fell in love with the girl. That day, however, Brian decided to show her his place. Michelle told him she’d be out of town with Valary for the whole day, so why not take show his daughter where he lived?

The moment she walked in, she completely lost it. Pinkly ran towards her, greeting her and giving her kisses and JJ couldn’t help but laugh and try to pet the dog.

“A dog!” She exclaimed and Brian smiled at her.

“This is Pinkly, my dog. I already can tell he likes you.”

JJ sat on the floor and started playing with the dog, completely ignoring her father. Brian couldn’t blame her, though. He loved that dog with his whole heart. He smiled and sat on the couch, lightning a cigarette. As soon as he did, though, he turned it off. He was used to smoke in the house when he was alone, even if Michelle didn’t like it, but he couldn’t do it if JJ was there. He licked his lips and closed his eyes for a brief moment before staring at some photographs that were on a shelf not far from where he was sitting.

There were pictures of Brian and the band, Brian and Jimmy, Brian and Michelle. He didn’t remember putting that photo of himself and Michelle on the shelf so he figured she did. They had been living together for two years more or less and she changed so many things of his apartment, but he didn’t mind. He spent most of his time with his friends or on tour, so it wasn’t like he’d have to enjoy those stupid floral curtains Michelle picked for the kitchen. Sometimes he still wondered how, or why, he decided to live with his girlfriend. Maybe it was just something that happened without putting much thought in it.

“What the fuck, dude.”

Jimmy was glaring at him and Brian didn’t know what to say. He’d just told his best friend he was moving in with Michelle and apparently, Jimmy didn’t take this well. Not like when he and Nancy told him they were moving in together in that small house that had been their home for so long. Now things were different. Brian had bought a new apartment and asked his girlfriend to move in with him, mostly just to have her around whenever he wanted.

“It’s what I gotta do, you know.”

“No, I fucking don’t.” Jimmy said, “Explain this to me, please. Because I remember that when you and Nancy broke up, you said you’d never move in with a woman and less than a year after this, you move in with bitch-Mich?”

Brian took a deep breath and brought his cigarette to his lips, taking a long drag. “It feels like it’s the right thing to do. It’s different than what I had with Nancy, I can see having a future with Michelle.”

Jimmy opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He felt like Brian just slapped him in the face. What did ‘I can see having a future with Michelle’ even mean? Maybe this was the real reason why he and Nancy broke up? Because he couldn’t see a future with her?

“Do whatever the fuck you want.” The drummer said, “Just don’t come to me when she starts being a bitch to you.”

Michelle had never been a bitch. She wasn’t the friendliest person nor the nicest one, but that didn’t make her a bitch, not even when she was so jealous that Brian felt like he was in a cage. He loved her and she loved him. It was enough for him, even though he was starting to reconsider what love really meant. Nancy loved him, he knew it, and yet she had lied to him for years. He wondered if that was what people who loved each other did – lying to each other until it’s impossible to keep the secret anymore.

Brian glanced at JJ who was still playing with Pinkly and smiled softly. Never in a million year would he have thought he’d have a kid so soon. Michelle brought the idea of wanting children in their conversations more than once, but they both agreed they were too young for them, not to mention that Brian was pretty sure she wanted to get married before having kids and he wasn’t sure that would happen anytime soon.

“Daddy, I’m thirsty.” JJ said after a while and Brian got up, heading to the kitchen to pour some water in a glass. When he came back, he found both JJ and Pinkly on the couch. Handing the glass to his daughter, he suggested to watch a cartoon. Obviously, she agreed, and they ended up watching two Disney movies. McKenna gave him some of her own DVDs, thinking her niece would enjoy them and she was more than right. What she didn’t know was that Brian was enjoying them too.

Later that day, Brian and JJ were sitting on the floor of the living room, surrounded by paper sheets, pencils, old plastic bottles, pen markers and one of his guitars. If someone stepped in, they would’ve thought something exploded. And that’s exactly what Michelle thought when she walked into the living room.

Brian looked at her and immediately got up, surprised to see her there.

“Hi…”

“Hey.” She said, looking around. “Not sure what happened here, but I hope this room will be back to be my living room at some point today.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll clean up.” He said, running a hand through his hair. “Uh… Mich, this is JJ.” He added, then looked down at the child. “JJ, this is Michelle. She’s my girlfriend.”

The child frowned and looked at the woman who was slowly walking towards them. Brian could tell Michelle probably reminded her of Valary, but it wasn’t the right time to explain her that they were twins. He wasn’t even sure she understood what the word ‘girlfriend’ meant.

“Hello, JJ.” Michelle said, sitting down on the floor. “It’s really nice to meet you.”

“Hi…” JJ gave her a small smile, but quickly sat closer to Brian.

“You really look like your father.” The blonde said, smiling softly at Brian. She had tried to ignore the child’s existence for a while and she thought that even when, or if, she met her, she’d keep ignoring her; but now she couldn’t do it. Not when she was Brian’s copy. “But also like your mother.”

Brian caught the hint of hurt in the tone of her voice and immediately wrapped an arm around her. He was glad she decided to meet JJ, even if it was unexpected and she probably wasn’t ready yet. Brian kissed her cheek and Michelle leaned her head on his shoulder. If this scene would’ve been nice to seen on the outside, JJ didn’t like it that much, feeling slightly jealous of her father.

“So, what have you Haners done today?”

“Kennedy and Haner.” Brian said, knowing that JJ’s last name was, indeed, her mother’s. “We watched a movie, drew a few things, slept for a while, I played a few songs and what else?”

“Play with Pinkly.” JJ added, smiling widely at the dog who hadn’t left her side since when she walked in.

“I was wondering where he was, I barely noticed him.” Michelle said and chuckled. “Hello, Pinkly. Not even a kiss to mommy today?” Pinkly simply wagged his tail and the woman smiled before turning her attention to the child. “JJ, would you like to help me make dinner?”

JJ smiled widely once again and nodded, getting up.

“Wash your hands first.” Brian said and watched his daughter head to the bathroom to wash her hands. He had left a small box she could stand up on to reach the sink and wash her hands, he hoped she wouldn’t fall or hurt herself.

He turned his head and met Michelle’s gaze. He softly placed his lips on hers and then smiled. “You decided to meet her.”

“Yup.” She said, “Valary kinda forced me to.”

“Oh.”

“I’m happy I decided to come home early and meet her, though. She seems great.” She said, “Looks a bit too much Nancy for my likings, though.”

Brian chuckled. “She’s her daughter, what did you expect?”

JJ ran back into the living room and showed them her clean hands, letting them know she was ready to help Michelle make whatever she had in mind. She stayed there until after dinner, when Brian brought her back to Nancy’s. He shared a few words with her mother and none with Nancy. He couldn’t help it. Each time he saw her, he’d try to speak to her and tell her at least a few words, but he couldn’t do it. He was still so mad at her.

On his way home, he stopped at Sandra’s diner to take two pieces of cake. When he walked in, Sandra immediately noticed him and she looked behind him, thinking, or maybe hoping to see Nancy with him.

“Where’s Nancy?”

“Home.”

“Why hasn’t she come?” Sandra asked, leaning against the counter. “I haven’t seen her since that night when she was here with you.”

“Guess she’s busy with her daughter.” He answered and sandra raised her eyebrows, looking at him, surprised. “Oh yeah, she got a daughter. Guess what? She’s mine.”

“Oh my God.” Sandra said, covering her mouth with her hand. “I… Wow, that’s surprising. I had no idea. When did you find out?”

“A few weeks ago.” Brian answered and took a deep breath, “Look, I don’t mean to be rude but I really gotta go, so could you give me two pieces of whatever is today’s cake?”
The woman nodded without saying a words and after a couple of minutes handed him a bag with the cake in it. “Take care, Brian.”

Brian nodded at her words and walked outside. On his drive home, he couldn’t help but think of Nancy. He had so many questions to ask her, like who was with her when she gave birth, who helped her when she got home from the hospital, if she had a new man in her life and if he met JJ, what exactly she had told JJ about him and just why, why she did something like this to him.

Later that night, when Michelle was already asleep, Brian got up and headed to the small soundproof room he built so he could play without bothering the neighbors. He sat on the couch for a while, the grabbed one of his guitars and started playing a song he wrote the year before when his grandfather passed away. Less than an hour later, he found himself with a new song. It wasn’t really new since it was originally for his grandfather, but after changing the lyrics, he ended up writing it for Jimmy.

Rereading the lyrics made him feel the need to tell Nancy about this song. He wasn’t sure why he felt like this, but he did, so he grabbed his phone and quickly searched for her number in the contact list. It took her a while to reply and when he heard her voice, he could tell he’d woken her up.

“I woke you up.” He said, more like a statement than a question.

“It’s fine. What time is it?” She asked and he heard her move around, “Brian, it’s 3:37 AM. Is everything okay?” It was like they could only speak to each other at 3 in the morning.

“Yeah, I just–” Brian started speaking and shrugged, “I wrote this song and I kinda want you to listen to it.”

“Oh.” That was the only thing she could say about this. She was speechless.

He shook his head, calling her had been a bad idea. “Look, forget it, alright? Sorry I woke you up.”

“Wait, what? No.” She said and took a deep breath. “I’m just surprised you called me, that’s it.”

She wasn’t the only one. He was quite surprised as well.

“So, what’s the song about?”

“Jimmy.”

“Oh.” She whispered again and stayed quiet for a couple of seconds, making Brian wonder if maybe she hung up. “I’m sure it’s beautiful.”

“Wanna hear it?”

“Now?”

“No, in about 30 years.” He said, “Yes, now. Do you wanna hear it or not?”

“Yeah, sure. Sorry.”

Brian didn’t say anything else and turned the speakerphone on, so he could play and she could hear him with no problem. Nancy sat up in bed and pressed her phone against her ear, not wanting to lose a single note of the song. As soon as Brian started singing, she felt her eyes get watery. She forgot how good he was at singing and at this point, even at songwriting. He wasn’t a big songwriter, he’d rather leave the job to Jimmy or the others, but when he wrote something, he made sure to make it perfect.

Nancy listened to the song without making a single noise, holding back her tears. She was sure Jimmy would’ve loved that song.

When Brian was done, Nancy swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

“It’s beautiful, Brian.” She whispered and he immediately noticed she had been crying. Fuck, he hated that.

“Thanks.”

“Are you going to tell the others about this song?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“You should, it’s really beautiful. Jimmy would’ve loved it.”

Brian turned the speakerphone off and sighed, unsure if his best friend would’ve loved a song like that.

“Can I ask you something?” She asked.

“I guess.”

“Why did you call me? I mean, why did you make me listen to this song?”

Brian bit his bottom lip and stared at his guitars, trying to find a good answer, but truth was, he didn’t have any.

“Because you used to be the first one to read the lyrics of my songs and Jimmy was your best friend, too.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah.” He said and as quickly as he called her, he hung up.

Notes

Hi! Here's a new chapter. What do you think of it? I know most of you are upset about Brian ignoring Nancy but as you noticed, things are slowly changing so stay tuned for the next chapters ;)

As always, thank you to my loyal readers, especially Hollie, Kimmie, Avengedlover and EmilieAlyosha who left comments. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough for your kind words <3