If I Knew Then
Chapter Three: Future
“The future you have, tomorrow, won't be the same future you had, yesterday.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Rant
To me you were my life.
To me you were my soul companion.
Now you are so far away.
Nothing can take away the times and the memories we had.
Second Heartbeat – Avenged Sevenfold
Jimmy woke up but immediately closed his eyes again, the bright sun hurting his blue eyes. His head was pounding and his stomach was churning. It felt like a bad hangover and he tried to remember what the hell happened.
He groaned as he tried to sit up; his back hurt as well. When he finally decided to open his eyes, he looked around, recognizing what seemed to be Huntington Central Park. What was he doing there? He couldn’t remember a thing. Actually, the last thing he remembered was going to bed with Lillian. But that happened in December and judging by the weather of that day, even if they were in California and winters weren’t that cold, it was too hot to be December. Not to mention that all the plants, trees and grass were green.
He slowly got up and cleaned his clothes from the dirt of the ground, then started to understand where exactly he was, so he could go home and ask Lillian what happened. Maybe it was just a prank from the guys. No, he was sure about that. There was no other explanation.
At first he thought he was the only in the park, but after a couple of minutes of walking, he found himself surrounded by dozens of people who were celebrating what seemed to be the 4th of July.
“The fuck?” He asked himself. If this was a prank from the guys it was well planned and he promised himself he would make them pay, even Lillian if he found out that she knew something about this, and she probably did since the guy wouldn’t plan such a great prank without letting her know.
Jimmy walked towards a woman who was taking photographs and stopped her.
“Um, hello. Do you know what time is it? And is it July 4th?” He asked, but the woman seemed to ignore him. “Excuse me?”
The woman, instead of answering his questions, simply walked away as if nothing happened.
“And then they say men are dicks.” Jimmy commented and shook his head, before stopping two guys. Maybe they would help him. He was wrong. They ignored him as well and the drummer groaned in frustration once again.
Oh, his friends were so gonna pay for it.
Ø
It took him at least an hour to get home and when he arrived, he couldn’t get in because he didn’t have his keys.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” He muttered before looked around him. “Guys, this isn’t fucking funny, alright?” He added, a hundred percent sure that his friends were somewhere around there, probably laughing their asses off.
Jimmy walked around the house and frowned when he noticed that a family was having a barbecue in his backyard.
“What the fuck? That is my house! Let me in and stop cooking on my fucking grill!”
Again, everybody ignored him.
This was fucking ridiculous.
Jimmy rubbed his face with his hands and took a few deep breaths, already feeling his heart pounding in his chest.
If there were strangers in his house, then Lillian had to be okay with this. How could she do this, to him? Jimmy was confused as hell and now he was starting to get angry as well.
He turned around and decided to head to Brian’s place. They usually spent the 4th of July at his place because it was bigger so he figured that there had to be something, or someone, there.
When he arrived, however, he couldn’t see inside. The house looked different and the ivy on the fence made it hard to see through the wooden panels.
A familiar voice caught his attention and noticed Zacky and a blonde he didn’t recognize, and certainly wasn’t Gena, standing outside the house.
“What the actual fuck, Zacky!” He yelled, but his friend and the blonde walked inside, closing the door right when he was about to step in.
“Fuuuuck!” He yelled even louder.
This was ridiculous.
He removed his black jacket and threw it on the ground, then ran on the back, and tried to climb over the fence. It wasn’t tall, not for him, at least, but he fell on the ground anyway. Thankfully, he was now in Brian’s backyard, though.
The man got up and looked around, recognizing various people. His eyes stopped on a visibly pregnant Valary.
“What…” He whispered and laughed, shaking his head.
He didn’t remember getting drunk last night, but after this, he was certain whatever he drank was now giving him hallucinations. He decided to walk towards her, but when he spoke to her, he received no answer.
“Here we go again…”
Jimmy sighed heavily and walked away, trying to find Brian or Lillian. He passed a couple of people he’d seen before, then he noticed Johnny and Lacey speaking with that girl he saw with Zacky before.
Then he saw him.
Brian was cooking meat on a barbecue.
That scene made Jimmy laugh so much he had to hold onto the wall of the house, trying not to fall. Brian never wanted to be the cook, he always let the others cook for him, and there he was. It was simply hilarious.
“I was gone for what, a couple of hours? And you’re already a cook?” Jimmy asked his best friend, “Must have been some very long couple of hours.”
“I know what you mean, but we can’t keep going like this.” Brian said, ignoring completely his best friend.
Zacky sighed and took a sip of his beer. “I get it, but I feel shitty for kicking him out.”
“We’re not kicking anybody out. We discussed about our ideas and we just can’t agree, so it’s him and maybe you, against the three of us. Majority wins.”
“What the fuck are you guys talking about?” Jimmy asked, confused. Who was kicking who out?
“The fans won’t be happy…” Zacky said.
“The fans will understand. We need a new drummer.”
They were talking about the band. They were talking about him. In a few seconds he thought about all the reasons why they might have wanted to kick him out of the band.
“You guys wanna kick me out?” He whispered. “Alright, I don’t remember how I got in the park or what the fuck is going on, but kicking me out?” He asked again, but he still didn’t receive any answer.
He was about to speak again, when he saw Lillian walk out of the house.
She looked beautiful. She was wearing a long sundress he’d never seen before; her hair was slightly darker than he remembered; her face was as beautiful as ever even if she looked a bit older. He wondered why was that, but his eyes glanced down on her belly and there was no sign of her baby bump. Jimmy frowned, confused.
“Lillian…” He whispered, giving a hint of a smile, but he pursed his lips as she ignored him and instead walked towards his friends.
“This should be the last plate, so after that, we all can sit and eat. River already asked me when we can eat at least three times.” She chuckled and he smiled; he almost forgot how beautiful her laugh was.
“River would be ready to eat me if he could.” Matt said, watching a kid from afar. Jimmy turned his attention to the singer and started laughing out loud, holding back the tears in his eyes.
“Jesus, Matt. What the fuck is going on with your hair?” He asked, trying to stop laughing but clearly failing.
“That’s not surprising, after all it’s your kid.” Lillian said and Jimmy stopped laughing, frowning again, and looking at what apparently was Matt’s son. He could see some resemblance…
Wait. So Matt had a kid? And Valary was pregnant again?
Jesus Christ. He thought he was gone for only a couple of hours…
“Brian, your father just called. He said they’re on their way.”
“Thanks, babe.”
Brian’s words made Jimmy turn around and attend a scene he would’ve never wanted to see or attend.
Lillian smiled and pecked the guitarist before walking inside, disappearing into the kitchen.
Jimmy stood there, unable to move. His heart was beating so fast in his chest that he was worried he was going to die of a heart attack. He couldn’t believe that his fiancée just kissed his best friend. It was insane. This had to be some parallel universe or some shit like that.
“You’re fucking dead, man.” He said to Brian before trying to push him and punch him in the face. His movements, however, seemed to have no effect on him. It was like punching the air.
“What the fuck is going on!?” He yelled at the top of his lungs, but again, no one seemed to acknowledge his existence.
Jimmy walked away and walked inside, finding himself in the living room. He’d spent countless hours there, drinking with his friends, smoking and even writing songs. It was his safe place. But it was different now. While the furniture didn’t change much, there were a few things that caught his eye, such as all the photos on the fireplace. He looked at them, smiling as he found some old photos of himself and his friends. There was a beautiful photo of Jimmy and Lillian at a Halloween party and he bit his bottom lip, picking it up and wondering what happened to them. They used to be happy and in love, and now she pretended he didn’t exist.
“Barbara! Joe!” Lillian exclaimed as she greeted Jimmy’s parents.
Jimmy turned around and his hands started shaking, letting go of the photograph he was holding. The frame hit the floor and his parents, as well as Lillian, turned around towards him. He couldn’t look away from his parents, though. Just like Lillian, they looked older, almost as if something terrible had happened to them so they aged worse.
“It’s the wind. I’ve been living here long enough to know that I shouldn’t leave the door and the windows open at the same time.”
Lillian shook her head at herself as she picked up the glasses and the broken frame, then looked down at the picture. Her heart started beating fast and smiled sadly. Barbara walked up to her and smiled sadly as well. Jimmy stood there, watching them. He was confused as why the two women looked so… Miserable.
“He was beautiful.” Barbara Sullivan said as a tear fell down her cheek. Immediately, Joe wrapped an arm around his wife, kissing her temple.
It had been over four years since his death, but apparently no one really moved on from it. Certainly, not his mother.
“He really was.” Lillian whispered, swallowing the lump in her throat and blinking a few tears from her eyes. She and Barbara usually called each other at least once every day and sometimes they would meet up and talk about Jimmy. Neither of them willing to let him go.
Jimmy started at them, his whole body shaking. They were fucking with him, right? He wasn’t dead. He was there. Alive. Sure, there were a few things he didn’t remember but… He was alive.
This had to be a dream.
“Jimmy!”
Joe’s exclamation brought Jimmy back to earth and he looked at his father, almost hoping that he would confess that this was just a bad joke. Instead, he saw his father pick up a young kid. He was blonde, blue eyes, a dinosaur shirt and a pair of black glasses. If this was another occasion, his friends would’ve joked about him being Jimmy’s long lost kid, but the drummer knew that the kid was his son. He could feel it.
“Hi!”
The kid laughed as both his grandparents kissed his cheeks and that laugh, so warm and beautiful, made Jimmy feel like he was home.
“Jimmy, honey. Go play with River. He’s waiting for you outside.” Lillian said. “But please, remember that he’s little so be careful.”
“I know, mommy. I’m a big boy.”
Jimmy couldn’t help but laugh at those words. The kid was so small and couldn’t have more than four years, but yes, he was a big boy. He watched him run outside with his grandfather and looked back at Lillian.
“So you’re telling the others today?”
Barbara’s question made Jimmy frown, wondering what she was talking about.
“I think so. Brian just can’t wait. He’s like a kid on Christmas morning.”
The older woman chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, when something good happens to him, he just can’t wait to share it with the others.” Barbara took a deep breath and put her hands on Lillian’s forearms. “I know it might not mean much, but I think James would’ve been happy for you two. He loved you both very much and I’m sure he would’ve wanted you two to take care of each other.”
Her eyes were filled with tears and as soon as Lillian noticed this, she felt her own eyes getting watery again.
“This means a lot, Barbara.”
Ø
Jimmy didn’t know what to think anymore. If this was his future, or present, or whatever it was, he wasn’t sure he liked it. He wasn’t alive. He didn’t get the chance to marry the woman of his life, nor to see his son’s birth. He didn’t get to see him grow up, to hear his word or to see him take his first steps. He missed so much and he couldn’t imagine what Lillian, his family and his friends had gone through…
He rubbed his eyes and noticed how they were filled with tears.
“Fuck…” He groaned and took a few breaths. Did he even need to breath if he was dead?
I wish I could live a little more
Look up to the sky not just the floor
I feel like my life is flashing by
And all I can do is watch and cry
I miss the air I miss my friends
I miss my mother I miss it when
Life was a party to be thrown
But that was a million years ago
A Million Years Ago – Adele
“If I only knew that I would die so soon…” He whispered and shook his head, trying to stop thinking of all the things he missed, that he was going to miss and that he was already missing. There was not one single thing he didn’t miss from his past life.
He was in his son’s bedroom and smiled when he noticed a few pictures of himself and Lillian around, as well as pictures of Lillian, Brian and the kid together. It meant that even if Lillian and Brian were together, they still told his son something about him. He was still somehow his father.
“Guys, shut up! Gates got an announcement!” Zacky yelled and caught Jimmy’s attention.
The drummer looked out of the window and noticed how his friend was trying to shut everything up, not exactly succeeding. He ran downstairs and then outside, wanting to hear what the announcement was about. Maybe it was something about the new drummer? Shit, he really did want to know who got his place in the band and why they were replacing him.
“C’mon, don’t make me wait like this.” Valary said as she leaned against her husband.
“No big deal.” Brian said. “It’s just that this pretty lady and I are getting married.”
Jimmy’s eyes widened at those words, but he wasn’t hurt or surprised. Instead he felt happy for them. His mother was right; he would’ve been happy about this. If he couldn’t stay with Lillian, then his best friend could. Also, they looked very happy together and so did his son.
Everybody in the backyard started congratulating the newly engaged couple and he took the opportunity to kiss Lillian’s cheek for one last time. She froze and for a brief moment he thought he felt her or something.
“I love you.” He whispered. “I always have and always will.”
Tears were falling down his cheeks and he felt like a little girl, but he didn’t care.
“Are you okay?” Brian asked as he noticed Lillian’s sudden change.
“Yeah, I just…” She whispered, not really know how to explain her feelings. For some reasons unknown to her, she felt Jimmy’s presence there. It was a strange feeling and if she told someone, they’d probably think she was crazy. “It’s nothing.” She ended up saying, not wanting Brian to worry.
Jimmy smiled softly and right when he was ready to tell Brian something, he felt like someone was pulling him from his jacket. His vision started to get blurry and he felt like he was going to faint.
“No… Not yet!” Jimmy yelled, not wanting to leave his friends and family yet. There was still so much he needed to tell them, even if they really couldn’t hear him. There was so much…
“The pulse is back, doc!”
“Give me that syringe of naloxone! Now!”
Thick darkness and vague voices were all around him as he was fighting to come back and get his life back. Part of him, however, wanted to give up. Unlike what he had thought when he was alive, he didn’t end up in purgatory or hell, that was some sort of limbo before the afterlife. Never in a million years he would’ve thought that he would get the chance to live in first person one of those songs he wrote for nobody and everybody – Afterlife. But if the guy from the song eventually escaped from the afterlife, Jimmy wasn’t sure he’d get the same opportunity. After all, this wasn’t a song.
It was life and death, an ever ending circle.
― Chuck Palahniuk, Rant
To me you were my life.
To me you were my soul companion.
Now you are so far away.
Nothing can take away the times and the memories we had.
Second Heartbeat – Avenged Sevenfold
Jimmy woke up but immediately closed his eyes again, the bright sun hurting his blue eyes. His head was pounding and his stomach was churning. It felt like a bad hangover and he tried to remember what the hell happened.
He groaned as he tried to sit up; his back hurt as well. When he finally decided to open his eyes, he looked around, recognizing what seemed to be Huntington Central Park. What was he doing there? He couldn’t remember a thing. Actually, the last thing he remembered was going to bed with Lillian. But that happened in December and judging by the weather of that day, even if they were in California and winters weren’t that cold, it was too hot to be December. Not to mention that all the plants, trees and grass were green.
He slowly got up and cleaned his clothes from the dirt of the ground, then started to understand where exactly he was, so he could go home and ask Lillian what happened. Maybe it was just a prank from the guys. No, he was sure about that. There was no other explanation.
At first he thought he was the only in the park, but after a couple of minutes of walking, he found himself surrounded by dozens of people who were celebrating what seemed to be the 4th of July.
“The fuck?” He asked himself. If this was a prank from the guys it was well planned and he promised himself he would make them pay, even Lillian if he found out that she knew something about this, and she probably did since the guy wouldn’t plan such a great prank without letting her know.
Jimmy walked towards a woman who was taking photographs and stopped her.
“Um, hello. Do you know what time is it? And is it July 4th?” He asked, but the woman seemed to ignore him. “Excuse me?”
The woman, instead of answering his questions, simply walked away as if nothing happened.
“And then they say men are dicks.” Jimmy commented and shook his head, before stopping two guys. Maybe they would help him. He was wrong. They ignored him as well and the drummer groaned in frustration once again.
Oh, his friends were so gonna pay for it.
Ø
It took him at least an hour to get home and when he arrived, he couldn’t get in because he didn’t have his keys.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” He muttered before looked around him. “Guys, this isn’t fucking funny, alright?” He added, a hundred percent sure that his friends were somewhere around there, probably laughing their asses off.
Jimmy walked around the house and frowned when he noticed that a family was having a barbecue in his backyard.
“What the fuck? That is my house! Let me in and stop cooking on my fucking grill!”
Again, everybody ignored him.
This was fucking ridiculous.
Jimmy rubbed his face with his hands and took a few deep breaths, already feeling his heart pounding in his chest.
If there were strangers in his house, then Lillian had to be okay with this. How could she do this, to him? Jimmy was confused as hell and now he was starting to get angry as well.
He turned around and decided to head to Brian’s place. They usually spent the 4th of July at his place because it was bigger so he figured that there had to be something, or someone, there.
When he arrived, however, he couldn’t see inside. The house looked different and the ivy on the fence made it hard to see through the wooden panels.
A familiar voice caught his attention and noticed Zacky and a blonde he didn’t recognize, and certainly wasn’t Gena, standing outside the house.
“What the actual fuck, Zacky!” He yelled, but his friend and the blonde walked inside, closing the door right when he was about to step in.
“Fuuuuck!” He yelled even louder.
This was ridiculous.
He removed his black jacket and threw it on the ground, then ran on the back, and tried to climb over the fence. It wasn’t tall, not for him, at least, but he fell on the ground anyway. Thankfully, he was now in Brian’s backyard, though.
The man got up and looked around, recognizing various people. His eyes stopped on a visibly pregnant Valary.
“What…” He whispered and laughed, shaking his head.
He didn’t remember getting drunk last night, but after this, he was certain whatever he drank was now giving him hallucinations. He decided to walk towards her, but when he spoke to her, he received no answer.
“Here we go again…”
Jimmy sighed heavily and walked away, trying to find Brian or Lillian. He passed a couple of people he’d seen before, then he noticed Johnny and Lacey speaking with that girl he saw with Zacky before.
Then he saw him.
Brian was cooking meat on a barbecue.
That scene made Jimmy laugh so much he had to hold onto the wall of the house, trying not to fall. Brian never wanted to be the cook, he always let the others cook for him, and there he was. It was simply hilarious.
“I was gone for what, a couple of hours? And you’re already a cook?” Jimmy asked his best friend, “Must have been some very long couple of hours.”
“I know what you mean, but we can’t keep going like this.” Brian said, ignoring completely his best friend.
Zacky sighed and took a sip of his beer. “I get it, but I feel shitty for kicking him out.”
“We’re not kicking anybody out. We discussed about our ideas and we just can’t agree, so it’s him and maybe you, against the three of us. Majority wins.”
“What the fuck are you guys talking about?” Jimmy asked, confused. Who was kicking who out?
“The fans won’t be happy…” Zacky said.
“The fans will understand. We need a new drummer.”
They were talking about the band. They were talking about him. In a few seconds he thought about all the reasons why they might have wanted to kick him out of the band.
“You guys wanna kick me out?” He whispered. “Alright, I don’t remember how I got in the park or what the fuck is going on, but kicking me out?” He asked again, but he still didn’t receive any answer.
He was about to speak again, when he saw Lillian walk out of the house.
She looked beautiful. She was wearing a long sundress he’d never seen before; her hair was slightly darker than he remembered; her face was as beautiful as ever even if she looked a bit older. He wondered why was that, but his eyes glanced down on her belly and there was no sign of her baby bump. Jimmy frowned, confused.
“Lillian…” He whispered, giving a hint of a smile, but he pursed his lips as she ignored him and instead walked towards his friends.
“This should be the last plate, so after that, we all can sit and eat. River already asked me when we can eat at least three times.” She chuckled and he smiled; he almost forgot how beautiful her laugh was.
“River would be ready to eat me if he could.” Matt said, watching a kid from afar. Jimmy turned his attention to the singer and started laughing out loud, holding back the tears in his eyes.
“Jesus, Matt. What the fuck is going on with your hair?” He asked, trying to stop laughing but clearly failing.
“That’s not surprising, after all it’s your kid.” Lillian said and Jimmy stopped laughing, frowning again, and looking at what apparently was Matt’s son. He could see some resemblance…
Wait. So Matt had a kid? And Valary was pregnant again?
Jesus Christ. He thought he was gone for only a couple of hours…
“Brian, your father just called. He said they’re on their way.”
“Thanks, babe.”
Brian’s words made Jimmy turn around and attend a scene he would’ve never wanted to see or attend.
Lillian smiled and pecked the guitarist before walking inside, disappearing into the kitchen.
Jimmy stood there, unable to move. His heart was beating so fast in his chest that he was worried he was going to die of a heart attack. He couldn’t believe that his fiancée just kissed his best friend. It was insane. This had to be some parallel universe or some shit like that.
“You’re fucking dead, man.” He said to Brian before trying to push him and punch him in the face. His movements, however, seemed to have no effect on him. It was like punching the air.
“What the fuck is going on!?” He yelled at the top of his lungs, but again, no one seemed to acknowledge his existence.
Jimmy walked away and walked inside, finding himself in the living room. He’d spent countless hours there, drinking with his friends, smoking and even writing songs. It was his safe place. But it was different now. While the furniture didn’t change much, there were a few things that caught his eye, such as all the photos on the fireplace. He looked at them, smiling as he found some old photos of himself and his friends. There was a beautiful photo of Jimmy and Lillian at a Halloween party and he bit his bottom lip, picking it up and wondering what happened to them. They used to be happy and in love, and now she pretended he didn’t exist.
“Barbara! Joe!” Lillian exclaimed as she greeted Jimmy’s parents.
Jimmy turned around and his hands started shaking, letting go of the photograph he was holding. The frame hit the floor and his parents, as well as Lillian, turned around towards him. He couldn’t look away from his parents, though. Just like Lillian, they looked older, almost as if something terrible had happened to them so they aged worse.
“It’s the wind. I’ve been living here long enough to know that I shouldn’t leave the door and the windows open at the same time.”
Lillian shook her head at herself as she picked up the glasses and the broken frame, then looked down at the picture. Her heart started beating fast and smiled sadly. Barbara walked up to her and smiled sadly as well. Jimmy stood there, watching them. He was confused as why the two women looked so… Miserable.
“He was beautiful.” Barbara Sullivan said as a tear fell down her cheek. Immediately, Joe wrapped an arm around his wife, kissing her temple.
It had been over four years since his death, but apparently no one really moved on from it. Certainly, not his mother.
“He really was.” Lillian whispered, swallowing the lump in her throat and blinking a few tears from her eyes. She and Barbara usually called each other at least once every day and sometimes they would meet up and talk about Jimmy. Neither of them willing to let him go.
Jimmy started at them, his whole body shaking. They were fucking with him, right? He wasn’t dead. He was there. Alive. Sure, there were a few things he didn’t remember but… He was alive.
This had to be a dream.
“Jimmy!”
Joe’s exclamation brought Jimmy back to earth and he looked at his father, almost hoping that he would confess that this was just a bad joke. Instead, he saw his father pick up a young kid. He was blonde, blue eyes, a dinosaur shirt and a pair of black glasses. If this was another occasion, his friends would’ve joked about him being Jimmy’s long lost kid, but the drummer knew that the kid was his son. He could feel it.
“Hi!”
The kid laughed as both his grandparents kissed his cheeks and that laugh, so warm and beautiful, made Jimmy feel like he was home.
“Jimmy, honey. Go play with River. He’s waiting for you outside.” Lillian said. “But please, remember that he’s little so be careful.”
“I know, mommy. I’m a big boy.”
Jimmy couldn’t help but laugh at those words. The kid was so small and couldn’t have more than four years, but yes, he was a big boy. He watched him run outside with his grandfather and looked back at Lillian.
“So you’re telling the others today?”
Barbara’s question made Jimmy frown, wondering what she was talking about.
“I think so. Brian just can’t wait. He’s like a kid on Christmas morning.”
The older woman chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, when something good happens to him, he just can’t wait to share it with the others.” Barbara took a deep breath and put her hands on Lillian’s forearms. “I know it might not mean much, but I think James would’ve been happy for you two. He loved you both very much and I’m sure he would’ve wanted you two to take care of each other.”
Her eyes were filled with tears and as soon as Lillian noticed this, she felt her own eyes getting watery again.
“This means a lot, Barbara.”
Ø
Jimmy didn’t know what to think anymore. If this was his future, or present, or whatever it was, he wasn’t sure he liked it. He wasn’t alive. He didn’t get the chance to marry the woman of his life, nor to see his son’s birth. He didn’t get to see him grow up, to hear his word or to see him take his first steps. He missed so much and he couldn’t imagine what Lillian, his family and his friends had gone through…
He rubbed his eyes and noticed how they were filled with tears.
“Fuck…” He groaned and took a few breaths. Did he even need to breath if he was dead?
I wish I could live a little more
Look up to the sky not just the floor
I feel like my life is flashing by
And all I can do is watch and cry
I miss the air I miss my friends
I miss my mother I miss it when
Life was a party to be thrown
But that was a million years ago
A Million Years Ago – Adele
“If I only knew that I would die so soon…” He whispered and shook his head, trying to stop thinking of all the things he missed, that he was going to miss and that he was already missing. There was not one single thing he didn’t miss from his past life.
He was in his son’s bedroom and smiled when he noticed a few pictures of himself and Lillian around, as well as pictures of Lillian, Brian and the kid together. It meant that even if Lillian and Brian were together, they still told his son something about him. He was still somehow his father.
“Guys, shut up! Gates got an announcement!” Zacky yelled and caught Jimmy’s attention.
The drummer looked out of the window and noticed how his friend was trying to shut everything up, not exactly succeeding. He ran downstairs and then outside, wanting to hear what the announcement was about. Maybe it was something about the new drummer? Shit, he really did want to know who got his place in the band and why they were replacing him.
“C’mon, don’t make me wait like this.” Valary said as she leaned against her husband.
“No big deal.” Brian said. “It’s just that this pretty lady and I are getting married.”
Jimmy’s eyes widened at those words, but he wasn’t hurt or surprised. Instead he felt happy for them. His mother was right; he would’ve been happy about this. If he couldn’t stay with Lillian, then his best friend could. Also, they looked very happy together and so did his son.
Everybody in the backyard started congratulating the newly engaged couple and he took the opportunity to kiss Lillian’s cheek for one last time. She froze and for a brief moment he thought he felt her or something.
“I love you.” He whispered. “I always have and always will.”
Tears were falling down his cheeks and he felt like a little girl, but he didn’t care.
“Are you okay?” Brian asked as he noticed Lillian’s sudden change.
“Yeah, I just…” She whispered, not really know how to explain her feelings. For some reasons unknown to her, she felt Jimmy’s presence there. It was a strange feeling and if she told someone, they’d probably think she was crazy. “It’s nothing.” She ended up saying, not wanting Brian to worry.
Jimmy smiled softly and right when he was ready to tell Brian something, he felt like someone was pulling him from his jacket. His vision started to get blurry and he felt like he was going to faint.
“No… Not yet!” Jimmy yelled, not wanting to leave his friends and family yet. There was still so much he needed to tell them, even if they really couldn’t hear him. There was so much…
“The pulse is back, doc!”
“Give me that syringe of naloxone! Now!”
Thick darkness and vague voices were all around him as he was fighting to come back and get his life back. Part of him, however, wanted to give up. Unlike what he had thought when he was alive, he didn’t end up in purgatory or hell, that was some sort of limbo before the afterlife. Never in a million years he would’ve thought that he would get the chance to live in first person one of those songs he wrote for nobody and everybody – Afterlife. But if the guy from the song eventually escaped from the afterlife, Jimmy wasn’t sure he’d get the same opportunity. After all, this wasn’t a song.
It was life and death, an ever ending circle.
Notes
There it is, the last chapter of these short story! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. As you noticed, it's longer than the previous two and it features a third song but I had to include it in the story.
Even if this story is over, I'm open to write some sort of sequel. However, since I have different ideas, I kinda want to ask for you help. First of all, do you think I should write a sequel or it's not needed? Secondly, if you think I should write a sequel, here's a survey where you can read my ideas and help me picking one out! Obviously, you can either use the survey, or let me know in a comment or even a private message!
A big, big thank you again to all the people who read my story, commented and subscribed. I'd send you cookies if I could <3
@HometownGlory
You're absolutely welcome dear <3
3/8/17