Tattered and Torn

As I walked in the door, I saw a note on the coffee table. Scribbled on top of the paper was my brothers writing: Gone to the studio to do some recordings, there's some food in the fridge don't wait up.' I smiled at the note and walked into the kitchen. It was around 6 p.m., so I made myself some spaghetti for dinner.

Seeing as I wasn't able to take a shower this morning, I left the food to cook and made my way into the bathroom. From there, I took a long shower. One I've been craving for ages. The warmth of the water fell down my skin like rain. Stretching across my skin and dissing all my body of tension from work; people; family and most of all, Brian.

All of my thoughts and feeling were for, and about Brian. Manifesting my mind, always there and never leaving. It was hard to tell whether these cravings were good or bad. They drove me crazy and there was nothing I could do about them. Ever since Brian walked into my life, my brain was on constant drive to think about him. It's never changed, and I really wish it didn't. It may be unhealthy to constantly think on someone 24/7, but I just can't help it. So much for keeping it platonic.

"Alexis!!" a deep voice called out from the hallway.

Shit. It had to be him didn't it?

"Alexis? Where are you?" Brian called again, his voice slowly becoming clearer and clearer.

I climbed out of the shower and wrapped my towel around my body. If I was quick enough, I'd be able to run across the hall and into my room without him seeing me. Having him see me lounge around in sweatpants and an Iron Maiden shirt was one thing. Him seeing me dropping wet in a towel is completely different.

After not hearing him call for a few minutes, I thought this was my moment. He had to be in the kitchen, once Brian found food, he'd shut up for good. I opened the door slightly, and peaked my head out, it was clear. Breathing out a sigh of relief, I opened the door fully and sprinted into my room. So far, so good.

Once in my room, I walked over to my closet and brought out some clean clothes. This consisted of grey sweatpants and a plain black top, along with some fluffy socks, and a knitted cardigan. I changed in silence and chucked my half-wet hair into a knot at the top of my head.

"Hey sweetheart." Brian whispered into my ear, making me scream and fall back into him.

"God Damnit, Brian! Why'd you do that? You're such a jerk."
I sighed, and pushed myself off of him.

"Don't be like that, you know you love me." he pouted and wrapped his arms over my shoulders. I have him a look of disgust and yanked his arms off of me.

My mind suddenly clicked, "Did you see me naked?"

"W-What?" Brian stuttered, his face reddening as the words came out of his mouth.

"You did, didn't you?" I folded my arms across my chest and raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't know would be!" He said, exasperated, "I'm sorry."

I smiled at his infant-like state and gave him a hug. When I went to pull away, he wouldn't let go. No matter how hard I tried, he wasn't having any of it.

Eventually he let go, and when I looked into his eyes, they weren't his normal color. They had darkened, even in the glow of the room, they still remained a darker shade of brown. He looked at me in a way he had never looked at me before. I sensed lust....hunger?

Brian broke the silence, "Come here."

I looked at him funny, but I still followed his command. My body was in full control and within a matter of seconds, there I stood in front of the man who I'd have a crush on for a year.

"You look beautiful." He whispered, his hands lingering on my waist, his eyes tracing my face, only to just land on my lips.

I knew he was drunk just by the way he called my name. I knew he had been drinking again, however I still blushed at the words and actions, making me loose my breath in a second. Soon, his head was leaning closer and closer in to me. This is it, he's going to kiss me. His lips finally touched mine, soft and slow as if he didn't want to hurt me.
Suddenly realisation hit me like a kick right in the stomach. It knocked the air straight out of me and I pushed the man I've only ever loved out of my arms.

"What?" He looked at me with a perplexed expression on his face, eyebrows furrowed together, "Was I that bad?"

I sighed at his freeable attempt to make me laugh, "Seriously? You have a girlfriend! That's why I pushed you away."

"Don't get mad at me, you're just as bad as I am. You kissed me back!" Brian screamed, becoming angrier by the second.

As he paced around my room, I stood there staring at him, scolding myself for being so stupid and gullible. For a moment he stopped walking, and slammed himself down onto my bed. Sweat started forming around his brows as he took his head into his hands, his face crumpled as if in thought.

"What are we going to do?" His cracked voice broke in silence.

"Maybe you should leave?" I questioned, unsure of my answer. Honestly, I didn't want him to leave. I wanted him to stay with me. Of course, he has a girlfriend he cares about.

"Leave? This is my goddamm apartment!!!" His voice rose again and it shook me.

Even though I was scared, I still made my way over to him and sat beside Brian on my bed. I took his hand in mine, which surprised him, and made him lift his head from it's position. His eyes searched mine, as if he was trying to find something in them.

"Look," I let out a shaky breath, "I didn't mean what I said. Why don't we just forget any of this happened and not tell anyone? Especially Michelle and Jimmy."

Brian nodded weakly, and squeezed my hand for reassurance, I smiled at him. As I started walking out of my bedroom, I heard Brian stand up and whisper something. Unsure of what he whispered to himself, I asked him what he said.

"Um me? Nothing, just..." He paused, and I raised my eyebrow, "I'm sorry."

I nodded at his apology and walked out, leaving the door open. As soon as I got into the living room, I collapsed onto the sofa and buried my face into the pillows. Why did I have to be such an idiot? He's drunk and I'm here in love with a guy that's my brothers best friend.

It was about 10p.m.and even though I knew I was tired, I couldn't sleep. Brian left a few hours ago, after sobering up. Apparently Michelle called saying she had to meet her parents and wanted him to go with her. So now, I'm here on my own watching The Shining. One of my favorite movies.

There was a noise coming from the door, and I heard whispering coming from outside. Anxious, I got up and made my way into the hallway trying to understand who could be making all this noise.

Without warning, the door burst open to reveal Johnny, Zacky, Matt, and Jimmy. They were shouting at each other, screaming even as they walked in I stood there staring at them.

"Alexis!!" Zacky screamed even louder than when he was walking in. He ran over and hugged me and I couldn't help but crack smile.

Zack and I have always been close, ever since Jimmy introduced me to the rest of the band, we just clicked. Not only is Zacky an outgoing, loveable, person but he respects me and is always there for me when I need it.

As the rest of the guys walked in, they mumbled their 'hellos' I let go of Zacky, waved at them and made my way back into the living room to continue with my movie.

"Johnny, Matt, and I are going to make food. If you hear screaming, don't come running, it's just us." Jimmy laughed, and exited the room with his two friends.

Zacky joined me on the sofa after telling the boys he didn't feel like making food. I pressed play and snuggled up in the corner of the sofa, draping a soft blanket over the two of us. I was getting really engrossed in the film but I just couldn't get comfortable, I felt like someone was staring me. I turned to look at Zacky, and of course, he was looking directly at me. Watching me intently, not giving a care about the movie.

"Are you ok?" Zacky questioned while turning on his side and coming closer to me.

"Yes, why do you ask?" I shrugged.

"You seem off, not like yourself." He murmured. "You're not lying to me are you?"

"Of course not. I would never." I held out my pinky to Zacky. He laughed and accepted it willingly, latching his pinky onto mine and closing them.
Afterwards, I tested my head on Zacky's shoulder. My eyes were drooping and I couldn't keep them open. Soon, I was asleep and I felt Zacky's arms wrapping underneath my body.

"She's fallen asleep, I'm taking her to her room." Zacky whispered to the others.

As he made his way to her room, he held her close and watched how peaceful she looked as she slept. Zacky thought she was beautiful and that if anyone thought otherwise, they must be blind.

Eventually he made it to her bed, so he placed her under the covers and tucked her in. Zacky knew there was something wrong with her, but he knew that she was uncomfortable on telling him what was on her mind. He kissed her forehead lightly and slowly made his way towards the door. Just before he shut the door, he whispered a quick ''I love you" and walked out.

Notes

Sorry it took a while to update but please comment and give me feedback. I'd really appreciate it.