BRIAN

I, Synyster Gates, never quite messed up a guitar solo but surely managed to fuck things up when it came to the girl I lo- liked. I still couldn't believe she was leaving. Fuck, this was all my fault.

I shouldn't have kissed her, but it was so hard to resist. Even though it sounded cheesy as fuck, but it was true that for me Marley had been the one since day one. We did argue all the time, never agreed on the same thing but that was the only way I could talk to her.

I knew I wasn't in her good books ever since our first meeting years ago and Marley wasn't that kind of person who'd run around someone just to make sure everything was okay. She accepted the situation and thought I was the bad guy for a long time. I wonder what she thought of me now.

She probably hated me even more now, I wonder if that's even possible. But no matter what, one thing was crystal clear. Marley didn't see me in that way and probably won't in the future ever. I was okay with that. I surely couldn't make her lo- like me back and she surely wasn't gonna grow any feelings for me.

Honestly, when Jared left from her life a year ago I couldn't help but feel a little contented. I never liked him anyways, plus he was dating Marley. So when he left, fuck I was happy I guess? I knew Marley wasn't gonna jump into another relationship, she just wasn't like that. She always took her time, even with the smallest decisions.

But I did feel like she took her latest decision in haste. She was leaving and I was the reason why. I knew she couldn't afford living with me under the same roof after I'd kissed her. Her eyes manifested everything. She had been spending way too much time in her room and didn't go to work. She rarely came out and we barely saw each other.

The thought of her leaving for god knows how long broke my heart every day. I wasn't okay with her decision, hell no one was. But I couldn't tell her that. It'd probably boost her thoughts and she'd actually leave.

Actually leave? What the fuck are you thinking, Haner? She was leaving for Christ's sake. And I was somewhat responsible for that. Marley may tell everyone a hundred times that she wanted to involve herself with music, but I fucking knew that I was the reason for her going to New York.

Speaking of which, she just had to choose a city which was far away from Cali. Hell, I wanted to talk to her and explain why I got so tempted to kiss her. I even tried like a hundred times to find ways to talk to her but she smoothly avoided me. And now so much time had passed by and she was leaving Huntington the first thing tomorrow.

I knew I had to talk to someone before I talked to Marley; someone who'd give me the right advise. Someone who already knew what I felt for Marley. I was glad no one knew about the kiss except for Val and Marley's friends. Val was smart, so she didn't say anything to anyone yet.

But Zacky knew about it. He knew something was up when Marley suddenly decided to leave. He asked me a few questions and I somehow found myself telling him everything. His reaction wasn't really bad but it wasn't good either. And now I was stuck to think what I should do.

Should I tell Marley about my feelings? But what if she freaked out even more and left, crushing my heart in the process? Geez Haner, grow a fucking pair, you already sound like a girl. I should just man the fuck up and tell her.

Or not. I didn't want her to hate me for the rest of her life which she probably will do anyway. Shit, I had to find Zacky. And luckily I found him just outside my room, talking with Marley. "Yo Zacky." I said, my eyes fixed on the back of Marley's head. I could smell her perfume which was stuck in the air and licked my lips. "Can I get a minute with you?"

Zacky glanced at Marley before looking back at me. Oh I knew what that look meant. He was going to tell her everything and I couldn't let that happen. She'd hate me forever with all her guts. "But I'm-"
"It's important." I cut him off. "We'll talk later." Marley said to him before walking away. I couldn't help but look at her, going away from me.

"What the fuck do you think you were doing?" I hissed at Zacky once we were in my room and I had shut the door behind me. "The right thing," he said and rolled his eyes. "Na uh, you were going to make the situation worse." I glared at him.

"I'm making the situation worse? Dude, she's running away from her feelings and problems. And you know that's never a good option." Zacky said with a frown. "Feelings? Marley doesn't feel anything for me, isn't that fucking obvious?" I said, running a hand over my face. "And what about you? Do you not feel anything for her?" He shot back and I clenched my jaw.

"It doesn't matter okay-"

"It fucking matters, Brian. It's not a bad thing if a guy's got feelings, you're a fucking human being okay? And you have to tell her the truth or else I will. Because if Marley leaves, everything will change. And you know what I mean." Zacky warned.

"You won't tell her anything, V." I warned. "As if I'm gonna listen to you." He sneered and I sighed. "She wants to go, it's her fucking life, her decisions and she's allowed to do whatever she wants. Telling her the truth will just ruin everything. I may never see her again, fuck!" I raged.

"So you're willing to spend the rest of your life pondering what would have happened if you'd told her the truth? Are you seriously willing to take that chance?" Zacky asked in a much calmer tone. Hundreds of thoughts were racing in my head and I didn't know what to do. I'd never felt this helpless before and I was on the verge of losing the love of- Marley. I was about to lose Marley.

"This conversation is over and I hope you keep it to yourself. She should not know anything, and I mean anything V, about this." I said in a deadly low tone, looking at Zacky. He shook his head disapprovingly and sighed. "I mean it, Zack." I said seconds later and he walked away.

That night I didn't see Marley at dinner. But her luggage was in the living room, all set for tomorrow. My heart wrenched again at the thought of her leaving but I tried to shake away the thoughts and feelings.

"Marley, it's really generous of you to let us stay in your loft while you're gone." I heard Jimmy say. We all were in the living room, she was saying her goodbyes already. "Hey, this is like your loft too now. I heard Matt found a vacant house but he's probably gonna get it for himself and Val. Well, he can go but you guys are totally welcome here." Marley said shooting him a smile.

"Wish you didn't have to go." Zacky muttered and I glanced at him. "I'll be back soon you know. The course is for a year only, time is going to fly by just like that." Marley replied as she cuddled into Matt's side. He kissed her hair before saying, "I'm cool with your decision Marley but I still don't get why you chose New York."

Simple answer, she wanted to get away from me. "Matt, I thought we were done with this conversation." Marley said firmly. I wonder what she'd said to him. "I guess we should hit the sack, we gotta wake up real early tomorrow." Johnny suggested and we all agreed.

Marley exchanged her goodbyes with them for the second last time and the guys went to their rooms, leaving Marley and I alone.

She stood up and started to walk towards her room. "Marley, can I just-"

"No Brian." She cut me off and turned around. She looked beautiful as fuck. We just remained silent for a while, just looking at each other. I took in her image in my head as much as I could because I knew nothing would make her change her decision.

"I just wanted to say goodbye and...best of luck." I said nonchalantly, even though I wanted to have her in my arms badly. She licked her lips and sighed, "Thanks, good luck to you too. And take care Brian."

She stood there for a couple of seconds before she went up to her room. I never thought I'd lose her like this.

Notes

This is one of my favorite chapters so far and I'm happy how it came out :D

Now, about your thoughts....