Faded Into the Background

I think that this was a blessing in disguise, that push that I needed to get myself out of this place. I feel as if this was my sign, which was why I was throwing my things into my suitcase, my eyes going to the clock. I was nervous because anyone could stop by and I don't even want anyone to know that I was leaving, so that is why I had to be stealthy. I had to give them cryptic messages when they texted me and I had to skirt around hanging out with them. I just hope that they would understand that I needed this and it was none of their faults, it was all Brian's fault.

I was too weak to push him off. I was too weak to avoid him and too weak that I’d fall into his arms. It happened once when I thought I was strong and could push my feelings back. What happened last night is the reason that has pushed me to do this. I was pathetic if I was going to fall into him, and I will show him that I will not be pushed around. I wasn't some doormat and I wasn't going to let him treat me like one. He may have done that when he cheated on me with Michelle. What did he see in her? She had a long face that one could consider to be a horse. All she does is party and drink and do drugs, I bet that he does them with her. I wouldn't put it past him, I knew that he had done them before and he swore that he gave them up for me. I wasn't going to let him do the drugs, the drinking I didn't mind; I do it too.

I looked around the house, making sure that I had everything as I grabbed Luka's leash and put two fingers into my mouth, the piece of leather hanging from my hand as I let out a shrill whistle. I heard his lumbering form before I even saw him, a smile curling onto my pierced lips. I could truly say that Luka was one of my best friends and that he could brighten my day, I've had him since he was a puppy and sometimes I missed those days. Of course he was still a cute dog, but I missed when he would fit on my lap without blocking people from my view. He was such a cuddly pup and he still loved to cuddle, but it's so hard to do now.

“Ready to go boy?” He looked at me with his kind eyes, his tail wagging and his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth. Some of his fur was shedding and I knew that I had to run a brush through him. I made a mental note to do that when we got into Miami.

I bet you're wondering why I picked another coast and such muggy weather, with denser humidity than California. It was a no brainer, they had a college there that I had wanted to go to. I was going to get a degree and I was going to graduate and make something of myself, of course I'd have to do a minimum wage job but I didn't mind. Just as long as I could stick to this.

I clipped the leash to his collar and headed out the door, my suv packed with everything that I could move in the vehicle, yes I had decided on driving to Florida. I don't care how long it took me, because I had things lined up. I had family that I had wanted to catch up with and my Aunt was excited that I was thinking of moving there. I knew that I should have kept in touch but it was hard, especially with everything that happened. Again, things are going to change to for me. I kept speaking that, that having become my mantra as I strapped Luka into the front seat. I would be devastated if I lost him if we got into a car accident, my dog was my family.

“Well buddy, it's time for us to hit the road and never look back. What do you think?”

He let out a bark and it looked like he pulled his lips up into a smile, his tongue still lolling out of the side of his mouth. I laughed as I closed the passenger side door and hopped into the driver's side, the door slamming shut, the keys being inserted into the ignition. I turned it and the car sputtered to life, the motor purring as it turned over and idled as I looked to the house. There were so many haunting memories and I would be glad to get rid of them. What I didn't know was that Steph was coming, I had completely forgotten that she was checking out the other dog for me. My eyes went wide as I peeled out of the driveway and took off down the road, my foot pressed on the accelerator. I didn't even have time to buckle myself up, because I didn't want Steph to know where I was going. I knew that she had a big mouth and she would blab it. I mean the only person she would tell was Matt but he could tell the others, and then it would start this crazy man hunt and I didn't need that. I checked the rearview mirror and seen that she hadn't followed, easing my foot up I was able to control the wheel with one hand as I buckled up.

I'm glad that I did because not too long and we had passed a cop car, my knuckles were now white on the steering wheel, though I tried to relax. Once the cop was out of site I was able to physically relax and turn the radio on, being careful and keeping my eyes on the road. I didn't want to get into a car accident because I know, first-hand, that they aren't any fun. I grew bored with the radio station as I continued on my journey, the sun high in the sky as it was nearing three o' clock and I had been driving nonstop. I just wanted to get out of California as I can. I want to put distance behind my problems, though I had a feeling that they would catch up to me. I wasn't going to worry about that right now, because I wanted to be optimistic about everything. I wanted to look on the bright side of things, especially with all the bad that has been going on. I need this optimism like the flowers needed the rain and the sun.

I made a sharp right, my GPS having told me to take the turn almost too late. People honked and flipped me off as they passed me, only causing me to snicker a bit. The turn had put made my adrenaline pick up and it rushed through me, a huge energy boost and I felt myself buzzing. I made a left into a gas station, having routed all the stops according to my gas mileage, and that is why I loved technology today.

“Want anything boy?” I asked Luka, whom let out a great bark and I laughed. “Sure, anything for you.”

I pat his head as I slid out of the seat and shut the door, pressing the alarm button. The car lights flashed and a resounding beep met my ears, letting me know that the alarm was activated. When I was satisfied that my stuff and Luka were okay, I pocketed my keys and made my way into the gas station. I walked over to the snack aisle and picked out what would be good for me and for Luka too, grabbing two waters and paid with my debit card. The guy behind the counter gave me a creepy smile, his red hair curly and tight atop his head. I gave him a hesitant one back and signed my name on the receipt, glad that my signature was scribbles and you couldn't tell what it was. I grabbed my card and put that in my wallet, shoving that into my pocket and grabs the plastic bag from him. I shudder as our fingers touch and try not to seem rude, though he was openly leering at me. His stares made me rush out of the gas station and my fingers fumbled with the keys. I almost set my alarm off because I couldn't wait to get back into the car, and away from the leering guy.

I was back on the road again in no time, feeding myself and Luka. I felt bad for leaving Steph with no explanation and with the dog that I had wanted to keep. I knew that she was going to be mad at me, but one day, if we meet again, I'll make it up to her. If there is any possible way that I can.

Notes