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Faded Into the Background

Chapter Two

We pulled in and I swallowed hard, my heart beating in my chest. None of the cars I could remember so I didn't know if he was there or not. Zacky gave me a soft smile as he pulled the SUV into the driveway and turned the ignition off. We were here and I could feel my legs, they felt like Jell-O and I didn't know if I could do this. I wanted to chicken out, because the old wounds were beginning to open again; well so much for being strong. I wasn't strong, I only acted like I was strong because I didn't want anyone to see me as weak.

“You can do this Dezi,” Zacky told me as he got Luka out of the back seat and opened my door for me.

“Thank you,” I mumbled and swung my legs out of the SUV jumping down from the enormous vehicle.

Luka began to pull on his leash as he heard the other dogs in the backyard, their barking floating to the front of the house. He began to bark, I'm sure he alerted the others that we were there. I pushed the butterflies from my stomach and followed behind Zacky as the front door opened. There he stood, his black hair spiked and eyeliner lining the bottom of his eyes. The sun glinted on his nose ring as he arms crossed over his chest, his eyes landing on me. I seen something within the chocolate orbs but he made no acknowledge of it or of seeing me.

“Zacky,” he greeted his bandmate and gave him a nod.

He turned his back and walked inside, a frown coming to my lips as he didn't even greet me either. I knew then that I was seen as not good enough for him and the band. Zacky placed his hand on my lowerback and gave me a small smile, as if he truly understood what I was going through. No one knew this pain, the aching of my heart. The throb of the salt rubbing into my open wounds, I wanted to break down and I didn't want to go into the house. I knew that, right then, I couldn't face him because he didn't care if I was there or not. Silently, salty tears fell down my cheeks as I fought to hold them in. My throat clogging with the unshed tears, alerting me that I was going to have to sob in order to get ride of it. The emotions were just as strong as the first time this began happening. What happened to the whispered I love yous? And what happened to the I'll never leave yous? I guess I was stupid for believing in him.

“Come on, Dezi. You need to be strong and the guys want to see you. They miss you just as much as I miss you,” He whispered to me, goosebumps rising as chills went through my body; none of this made me feel like Brian did.

A tight smile formed on my lips as I wiped away the tears, still feeling the tracks that they left. I knew that it was going to be noticeable but I didn't give a shit. I was going to give him hell as much as I could. He could rot in hell for all I cared, I was done hurting because of him. I was done hoping that he would come back and I was done hoping that he'd made a mistake or he'd talk to me. I needed to move on and show him that he doesn't rule my life. A wave of strength washed over me, though I knew it was only going to be fleeting and temporary. I was going to use it as long as I had it and I hoped that it would help me get through this cook out, because it would be nice to see the guys again. Especially Matt because he was a big teddy bear and tried to make everything better. He was a brother to me, just like Jimmy too. Jimmy and I got along like two peas in the pod and I could tell him everything. He was the first one I went to when Brian began being a douche. He was the one to comfort me and I even heard he fought with Brian; both of them were best friends and I didn't want to come between them.

“Dezi!!” I heard him shout, his lanky body lurching towards me as he wrapped his long arms around me.

“JIM JAM!” I shouted with as much enthusiasm as he had, pushing the hurt and pain behind me and just told myself that I was going to have a good time.

Next thing I knew I was enveloped in another pair of arms, this ones more muscular than Jimmy's and heavily inked. Instantly I knew it was my teddy bear, Matt. I swung around and wrapped my arms around his neck as he picked me up and gave me a squeeze, causing a squeak to leave my body. Everyone laughed as they each took a turn to hug me, one person missing but I didn't give a shit because I had my guys around me. They were all I need to brighten my day. I wasn't going to care that I had faded into the background according to Brian.

“Guys, who is watching the grill?” Zacky asked.

All the guys looked to each other before Matt's eyes went wide, “FUCK!” He shouted and began to run towards the back, causing me to laugh. The guys laughed with me, because, Matt was such a scatterbrain. Sometimes we wondered how he even wrote some of the songs that he did, surprised that he could even focus long enough. Especially with Val, who nagged him to no end. Of course, I felt that a divorce was imminent because he was getting sick of it and he was hanging out with one of my best friends, Stephanie. Speaking of her, she walked in the door, her own dog in her arms.

“Dezi!!!!” She squealed, almost dropping Ella to hug me, crushing the small dog between us.

I hugged her back and smiled, I missed her crazy ass and maybe I wont think about Brian. It was good to surround myself with friends and family. Ella barked and jumped out of Steph's arms and bounded towards the back, probably to jump upon Matt. The little dog loved that hulk, which solidified my thinking about how those two deserved to be together.

“Lets head out back,” Zacky spoke as the rest went too.

I nodded my head and walked out of the back door, my shoes not making a sound on the hardwood floor. I loved this place, there were so many memories here. But those would have to wait because they all dealt with Brian. Memories I had repressed and want to keep repressed. And they were as I seen the sight before me. Luka was swimming in the pool, a ball in his mouth and Ella was trying to get Matt's attention; his attention on the food. Pinkly lay on a lawn chair, her snout resting on her front paws as she sunned. Each dog were like their owners in every way, causing me to let out a chuckle. Zacky smiled my way and went to relieve Matt of grill duty, taking over. Matt bent over and scooped up Ella into his big arms, walking over to Steph who had her legs dangling into the pool. The smile she sent him could have light up the room, or out here if it were dark. Matt sat down next to her, dangling his own legs in the pool, Steph leaning against his arm as they shared a laugh; my face darkening a bit as I watched them. The only thing that broke me from looking at them was Jimmy calling my name, my head snapping to him.

I wanted to smack myself for being so stupid, my friend deserved to be happy. She had been looking for so long.

“Yes, JimmyJam?” I called him as I made my way to him.

“Swim with me?” He pouted, adding a quiver to his bottom lip.

“Okay,” I sighed, acting like I was annoyed, though I wasn't.

“YAY!” He clapped his hands and picked me up bounding towards the pool.

I screamed and laughed, pounding at his back to let me down, complaining that I wasn't in my bathing suit. Next thing I knew we were flying through the air and hit the water, the coolness surrounding me as a huge splash sprayed everyone within the vicinity. The bubbles bubbled up around me as I kicked my way to the surface, finally breaking through and taking a gasp of fresh air. I could hear Steph laughing and another splash, her coming up sputtering and yelling at Matt with a smile. Matt's dimples were popping out of his cheeks as he had an adorable smile on his face. So far, this cook out was going off without a hitch and that was making me happy.

Notes

Thank you all!!
9.3 vote!!!
Five comments, you all make me happy!! Hope you enjoyed,
don't be afraid to tell me how you feel about it :)!!

Comments

Loved it! More soon!?
I can imagine who it was!!! You gotta update!!! Now! Please?!!?

Love this story.
Nia_Flores Nia_Flores
11/12/12
Loved the update!
Thank you! I have been told and I haven't gone over this, so I think from now on i'ts me, I'm sorry! I don't mean to switch I just let my writing take over and I don't really pay attention to it and I know that I should! Thank you!@Nia_Flores
M Shadows; M Shadows;
11/5/12
What an asshole!!! Seriously!!! & that's coming from a girl that LOVES Brian, no matter what!!!

Just a small thing: You tend to switch POV's. You tend to go from 'she' to 'me'. I don't know if that's on purpose or not, but just wanted to let you know. It's one of my pet peeves!!! I'm sorry if I offended you.

Hope you update soon!!!
Nia_Flores Nia_Flores
11/5/12