Faded Into the Background

“You know, Luka,” I spoke, a twizzler hanging out of my mouth as I was on I-10 E and had to keep on it for 1273.6 mi and the sun was just starting to go down. “I gave my all to him and then he cheats on me. Who does that? I mean, he told me he loved me and we slept together while he was with her! I could have an STD right now and I don't even know it. Once we get to Miami, I am going to get tested.”

I frowned as I bit hard on the Twizzler, though it was the pull and peel kind. I didn't care, I didn't feel like pulling or playing with it like I usually did. Once again, I had let Brian filter through my wall and into my mind and I know that I have to get over him if I was going to move on. They say you hacve to forgive your past in order to move on, but how do you forgive someone that wounded you so deeply? How can you forgive a cheater? Someone that you gave your heart to. I didn't know how, all I knew was I had to. Somewhere in my heart, in the deep recesses of it, I already forgave him. I just needed my heart and my mind to meet in order to get peace. My eyes were trained on the road as I see the welcome to Arizona sign and felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders, letting a smile pass my face.

“We are officially out of, Cali!” I said this excitedly, feeding Luka a piece of original jerky; it being his favorite treat.

I felt like nothing could bring me down, except my phone going off. It had been going off for the whole trip, but I didn't want to pick it up or open it. I knew that most of them were texts after I wouldn't pick up the phone calls. I knew who they were from, most of them from Steph or Matt. Steph had probably told Matt after she couldn't get ahold of me, and of course he'd do anything for her and he wanted to see if his friend is okay. Then there was probably the rest of the guys, all but Brian. Brian probably haven't got a hold of me and I was fine with that, well I thought I was fine with it. I wanted some semblance of caring from him. I wanted to feel as if he still cared about me. I know it's screwed up, but I've loved him for years and I just can't stop loving someone; even if my heart had forgiven him.

The lights along the road began to come on as dusk began to turn into dark, deep dark. I never noticed how dark Arizona could get at night, but of course we always had the lights of Huntington. No matter where you went it was always bright, the only lights here were cast by the street lamps that loomed over the tarred road, the slightest bump marring the surface here and there. My eyes were growing tired as I drove 498 miles and time slipped away from me, I didn't even glance at the clock. It had been dark for a while and I know that I should just pull off and find a Hotel or a Motel. My body needed a rest and I know Luka needed one too. I just had to find a pet friendly Motel, or sneak Luka in somehow. It isn't like he is going to ruin anything.

“What do you think, Luka?” I asked him, having asked if I should pull over and all that I got was a slight whine.

I took that as a yes and pulled off into the great city of Tucson, Arizona. I had seen many signs of hotels and I pulled into the first one, which turned out to be an Econo Lodge. The sign boasted that they were pet friendly and that they had internet and cable, with affordable rooms starting at $37.99 a night, which is a relief to me.

“Looks like we are staying here,” I told him, pulling in front of the office and pressing the button to release my seat belt.
I made sure that I had my wallet with my card, shutting the door and locking the doors, the lights blinking on and off as the alarm sets in. My body was weary and I felt like I was holding fifty pounds up, it just wanting to sink into a soft bed. The girl that greeted me was bright, a smile on her face, and reminded me of myself when I first started out. I wish that things could go back to that, but...I shook my head before I could even finish that thought.

“You look exhausted,” she announced with a bright smile.

“I am, I drove 498 miles, running from something.”

She kept the smile and looked into the computer well we have one room that is pet friendly.”

“How did?”

Before I could finish she let out a chuckle and pointed out the door, where you could see Luka patiently waiting and my cheeks flushed, handing over my card.

“I want that room please.”

“Okay, ma'am, can I see some id?” She asked me, as I hadn't signed the back of my card, just in case if someone tried to steal it, something I always worried about.

I showed her my id and leaned my head on the counter as I heard the whirr of the machine printing out my receipt. I picked my head up as the tell tale sign of paper disconnecting from each other, the ripping sound the only thing heard. Well, that and the click of a pen.

“Please sign,” she told me, handing me the pen, still as bright as ever. Her hair pulled up into a high bun on her head and her name tag said, Jessica.

I took the pen and signed my name with a flourish, sliding the receipt to her as she ripped off another copy.

“And here is your copy and key card,” she said, handing the two things that I needed, one to get into my room and the other to balance my checkbook, something my mom taught me at a young age.

She had always wanted mt to learn to handle my money and that was the reason that I was able to live comfortably. She instilled in me to look for deals and not to give into my wants, but let my needs take over. My mother had lived a hard life, her parents didn't care about her and plenty of times kicking her out. They didn't teach her how to handle her money, so she was very stupid and found herself in debt to almost everyone. She had borrowed from family members and even then, some wouldn't let her. She was running out of people and found herself in a foreclosed house and pregnant. My father would send child support and see me, here and there when he wasn't in and out of jail. It was for minor things, but I did remember when I was there once. It was his turn to have me and we were sitting in the living room, watching a movie Beauty and the Beast; my all time favorite. A knock sounded on the door and he got up to answer it and it was a police officer, cuffing him before he knew it and reading his rights. I was crying and the other officer frowned, going out to the patrol car and coming back with a teddy bear.

“It's okay. We just need your daddy for a little bit and he will be right back. Is there anyone that we can call to come and watch you?”

I had looked up at the officer with large innocent eyes, but didn't say anything. I was told not to talk to strangers, no matter how safe that I felt.

I pulled myself from my thoughts and gave her a weary smile, “Thank you.”

She gave me a nod as I turned to park in front of my room, I just wanted to go to bed. Maybe I will check a few of my messages while I was at it, maybe a shower too. I felt icky as the heat settled over me and I was sticky from sweating, my hair pulled back into a ponytail. It was getting frizzy from the humidity and I just hoped that the room had air. I pulled up to the room and got out opening the door and letting Luka in, whom I had unbuckled from the seat, his harness now free. He ran into the room and jumped onto the bed, right in the middle he turned around a few times and laid down. I couldn't help but chuckle, though there was a dog bed off into the corner; the room quite quaint and comfortable.

“Make yourself at home,” I murmured to him and went through one of my bags, “becaue Mama is going to take a nice long bubble bath.”

I finally found my toiletry bag and some clothes and undergarments, knowing there would be a towel in there. I stepped into the bathroom and left the door open, having made sure the curtains and blinds were closed. I didn't want Luka to scratch at the door if he got lonely, so that is why I left the door open. I set my phone on the counter along with my wallet and my card, stripping down and stepping into the nice water, having drawn the bath and it filled as I slowly undressed. I felt the stress begin to melt away as I sank into the bathtub. My phone went off again and I sighed, leaning to get it, wrapping my hand around it and sliding it open. A message popped up saying that the inbox was almost full and my eyes widened. They left that many messages?

I scrolled through them as I leaned back against the wall, trying to find the first one. It took a while and my thumb was getting sore from pressing the button so many times, the first one was from Steph.

What the hell? Why did you pull out and speed off like that? Did I do something?'

I read it and sighed, I knew that she would instantly blame herself and I felt the guilt prick at me, but I deleted the message, it was from Steph again.

Dezi, come on! Answer me, at least let me know if I have done something?

I deleted that one too, the guilt gnawing at me even more and I contemplated not going through them. I needed to delete them, and to do that I had to read them, so there was no choice but to go through them. The next one was from Steph and it said basically the same of the first and the second, that one also went into the trash. Next was Matt.

You know you have, Steph worried? She's pacing back and forth in my house. MY HOUSE?! You know her and Val don't get along. So I know something is up

I rolled my eyes as he brought up Val and how dramatic he was being, Steph can be civil whens he wants to be. I continued to go through my text messages. They were all basically the same as the others, but it was from the guys. Everyone but Brian, I got into the pattern and I was through most of them when I seen his name. He had been the one to call me and he left me a text message. My heart began to race and my mouth dried a bit, my hands beginning to shake and I was afraid to drop it into the water, so I set it on the floor by the tub and rubbed my face. I didn't even check his message and I haven't checked my voice mail, which that is almost full itself.

I tilted my head back and looked up at the ceiling letting a sigh fall from my lips as I thought of things that I would need to do once I got to Miami. I had a house lined up and made sure that I calculated everything down to a t, that is why I left when I did. The stops were even factored in, when I would get gas and when I would stop for food and to sleep. The only thing that wasn't planned is where I would spend the night. I need that little excitement on this trip. I let out another sigh and grabbed my razor, lifting my leg up out of the water and begins to lather it up with the hotel soap, shaving ever so gently. I was prone to cutting myself, even when I was the most careful that I could be.

I finished my bath and pulled the plug and watched as the water went down the drain, it swirling around taking the bad with it. I wish that life was like that. The bad being flushed down a huge drain, draining into the nothingness of the beyond. I wrapped a towel around me and grabbing some lotion and sitting on the edge of the bed, crossing my left leg over my right and begins to smooth it into my leg. I then uncrossed them and crossed my right over my left and did the same to it. I loved having smooth legs and I just loved pampering myself, learning to do all the things, that people pay money for, myself. I actually loved taking care of my body, though I felt like my hair was a hopeless cause. Every now and then I could get it tamed, I thought to myself as I pulled on my short, pajama shorts and a tank top.

“Alright Luka, you need to move over,” I told the dog who was snoring in his sleep.

He groaned and moved a fraction of an inch, causing me to roll my eyes and crawl into the bed, pulling as much of the blankets over my body as I could.

“Lazy ass,” I told him, my eyes closing as I slip into a slumber that my body needed.

”I never thought you'd come see me,” he whispered into my ear, his breath floating across it and causing me to shiver, his hands on my shoulders.

He held me like a delicate flower, being so tender and sweet to me.

“You thought you were going to get away from me?” He spoke, his fingers turning into claws and digging into my shoulders, causing me to cry out in pain, blood bubbling up from the wounds. “Remember, I own your heart!”

He let out a demonic laugh as his tongue turned into a forked tongue and his body began to shift into a serpent, a snake that was snapping at me. Each time it snapped at me I yelped and jumped back, though my back was against the wall now, I kept trying to move away from it, tears in my eyes. I was petrified, deathly afraid of snakes of any kind.

“You're mine, Dezzzzzi,” the snake slurred the z's with a hiss and a manic grin on it's face.

I closed my eyes as it lunged at my throat, it's fangs bared as it bore down on me. As soon as I anticipated them biting down on me, I felt a pair of lips, soft and somewhat soft and yet chapped too. My heart racing, I peeked one eye open and looked down, raven dark locks, the locks I knew so well. His lips trailed down my neck as he bit and sucked on it.

“Mine,” he whispered, biting down his teeth puncturing my skin. “You got that?”

I could only nod my head

I woke with a start, the blankets tangled around me and Luka huddling into the corner of the room. My eyes were wide with fright and my breathing was erratic, my mouth opening and closing. The hair tie had fallen out of my hair as it had came loose during the night, my hair falling around my face in damp, curly tendrils. My body was visibly shaken as I call Luka to me, wearily he makes his way to me and jumps up onto the bed. I wrap my arms around him instantly and let my shoulders sag and shake with each sob that I let out. I didn't care if I was going to have dog hair stuck to my face. My emotions were running wild and I could feel myself losing control. Was I really doing the right thing? I know that I love him and that I wont be able to completely get over him, but I needed to let him go. This wasn't right, I shouldn't be dreaming like that. He has no control over me.

I was so scared to death and I've never been this scared in my life. It's the second time that he's done something to really scare me. The first time being thrown into the pool like I had been. I finally cried myself out and headed into the bathroom to see that I had nail marks from my dream, probably because I had dug myself. I gently prodded one and let out a hiss and winced, grabbing a napkin and pulling out some peroxide and began to dab at them. It was better to be safe than sorry, I didn't want them to get infected.

This was going to be hell for me. I finished cleaning and went back to the bed, wrapping my arms around Luka and burying my face into his fur. My eyes closed again and this time I fell into a deep sleep, not even knowing if I dreamt or not.

Notes

I'm working hard to get this up! I see that I got two more subs, welcome to the story! I hope you all like it!