Broken Arrow
Still Dancing With Your Demons
Ruby's POV
I'd spent the better part of the morning in KoЯn's trailer as Matt sang along to a recording of "Falling Away From Me" in preparation to fill in for Jonathan. As I'd sat and listened, I couldn't help but feel smug; KoЯn was one of Jack's favourite bands of all time. And here I was, chilling with the lot of them. Hell, even Corey fucking Taylor was there, unmasked and also readying himself to fill in.
***
Around 10:30am, the lot of us had migrated into the backstage area of the Main Stage, as everyone prepared for KoЯn's set. Due to Jonathan's sickness, the set had moved up to an earlier time slot to allow a longer one for Slipknot in the afternoon, whose set had been extended to two hours instead of one.
"Fuck, I'm nervous." Matt said, spinning his lip ring with his tongue as he continued to scan the sheet of song lyrics in his hand.
"Dude, chill, you got this." Brian reassured him.
"And they'll have a teleprompter onstage the whole time, so even if you blank, you've got that as backup." Jimmy added, pointing across the stage to where the little screen sat.
"And even if you do fuck up, nobody's gonna care." Zacky sniggered. "KoRn have such a huge following, the crowd will probably just sing the song for you."
"Besides, it's not like it's your band, dude." Johnny chimed in. "Nobody's gonna expect you to perfectly memorize lyrics that you didn't even write."
"Thanks guys." Matt chuckled.
"You can do it!" I cheered, doing my best Rob Schneider impression.
Matt snorted in response.
The clock finally reached 10:50, and Matt left us to go and get mic'ed up and ready to sing, whilst the rest of us remained backstage to offer moral support. A massive sea of avid KoЯn fans had already congregated in front of the stage behind the barrier, all clad in the band's merchandise, a few even wearing face paint inspired by the band's artwork.
"Man, he's gotta be close to shitting himself right now." Brian breathed, watching as Matt paced nervously back and forth at the other side of the stage, glancing out at the crowd.
"Once the adrenaline kicks in, he'll be fine." I smiled.
The set finally began, and as the intro to "Falling Away From Me" played, Fieldy strode over to the microphone at the front of the stage.
"How you doin, Chicago?!" he called out, and the crowd roared in response. "Now, before this kicks in, I gotta be real with you guys." he started. "Unfortunately, Jonathan Davis isn't with us today, as he got diagnosed with a nasty case of Strep Throat this morning."
A chorus of Boo's erupted.
"Now, now." Fieldy silenced them. "The last thing we wanted to do was cancel our set today, so we asked a couple of our friends to come fill in. Let me introduce you to a couple of guys you may already know." he gestured for Matt and Corey - now wearing his mask - to join him onstage. "M Shadows, Corey Taylor, get your asses up here!"
Matt strode out into centre stage, while Corey ascended the stairs to one of the platforms at the back, and the band launched into the song. Reading Matt's body language, I could see he did indeed look like he was ready to shit himself. Jonathan's shoes were big ones to fill, and you couldn't please everyone. But I internally cheered when he brought the microphone to his lips and began to sing;
"Hey I'm feeling tired, my time is gone today. You flirt with suicide, sometimes that's ok. Hear what others say, I'm here standing hollow. Falling away from me, falling away from me..."
"Day, is here fading. That's when, I would say I flirt with suicide, sometimes kill the pain. I can't always say; "It's gonna be better tomorrow". Falling away from me, falling away from me..."
"Beating me down. Beating me, beating me down, down, into the ground. Screaming so sound. Beating me, beating me down, down, into the ground..."
Matt approached me, holding the microphone out to my face, and the two of us sang the next part of the song together; taking turns line by line.
"Falling away from me...
It's spinning round and round.
Falling away from me...
It's lost and can't be found.
Falling away from me...
It's spinning round and round.
Falling away from me...
Slow it down..."
"Beating me down. Beating me, beating me down, down, into the ground. Screaming so sound. Beating me, beating me down, down, into the ground..."
Kalen Chase, on another riser at the back of the stage, sang the next few lines.
"Twisting me, they won't go away. So I pray, go away..."
Corey Taylor took it from there;
"Life's falling away from me, it's falling away from me. Life's falling away from me.
Fuck!"
Jimmy, Johnny, Zacky and I headbanged to the breakdown from side stage, all hanging onto one another by the shoulders.
"Beating me down. Beating me, beating me down, down, into the ground."
Watching me sing along, Jimmy pushed me out onto the stage, and Kalen dashed over to me, forcing his microphone into my hands. I ran out onstage, and joined in for the last few lines of the song;
"Beating me, beating me, down, down, into the ground..."
The song faded out and screams and applause filled the air. I grabbed Matt's hand and the two of us gave a bow, before running offstage.
"I fucked up so bad!" Matt laughed.
"You were fine!" I laughed.
"Dude!" Came Corey's voice as he joined us backstage. "Who the fuck is she?!"
"Ruby." Matt laughed. "She's kind of like a little sister to me."
Corey was practically beaming at me. "You kicked ass out there, why the fuck aren't you in a band?"
"Beats me." I laughed, shrugging my shoulders.
"We're gonna be in touch when this tour ends, and we'll fix that shit, okay?" Corey said, pointing a finger at me to emphasize his point.
"Alright." I nodded, grinning.
"You really did kick ass out there, Baby." Brian smiled, tugging me into his arms and rocking me from side to side.
"I was only up there for like, thirty seconds." I giggled, leaning up to kiss him softly.
"Doesn't matter, still kicked ass." he smirked.
"Ruby?" came a very, very familiar voice - one I had not heard in months.
I turned to find Sam, my best friend from back in Chicago, gawking at me. She looked just the same as I remembered, except that her once black hair was now a vibrant shade of purple. A Volunteers tag hung from a yellow lanyard around her neck, swinging from side to side as she ran at me, throwing her arms around me in a hug.
"Oh my god!" she cried, picking me up and spinning me around. "It's so damn great to see you!"
"How've you been?" I asked, still unable to get the stupid grin off my face from having been onstage a second time this tour - with fucking KoЯn.
"I'm alright, but..." she glanced awkwardly at the guys standing behind me. "Can we talk?"
"Sure." I nodded, waving off the guys as I followed Sam to a quiet corner.
"Ruby..." she started, nervously twisting her hands. "You didn't even call, or leave a note..."
"I know." I frowned. "It was a split second decision, me leaving. I was so lost in my own head, trying to recover out in Orange County, I guess I totally forgot to get in touch."
"That's fine, I'm not mad it's just..." she sighed, trailing off.
"What?"
"It's Jack." she said, forcing herself to meet my eyes. "He's not doing so good."
My stomach flipped. "What?"
"He overdosed and barely made it out alive, I had to move in and take care of him." she explained. "I've been his carer for the past five months."
I froze, staring blankly at her, unable to form a reply.
"It happened just a few weeks after you left, I would have called but..." she chewed on her lip. "I knew you were still in limbo, and I didn't want to set you back."
I swallowed hard, trying to fight through the haze of anxiety that had begun to cloud my brain. "And you've been taking care of him all by yourself?"
"The guys come and go, Reaven especially; he feels personally responsible for supplying Jack with the pills he OD'd on."
I glanced over my shoulder to where Brian and the boys stood, puzzled expressions on their faces. I was suddenly torn; Things were finally starting to fall into place for me, but now that I knew that Jack wasn't okay, the part of me that had once cared deeply for him was plagued with guilt.
"Should I come back?" I asked Sam.
"Do you want to come back?" she frowned. "You seem happy."
"I am but, if he's really that fucked up..." I took a deep breath. "Then I'd feel guilty for running around having fun while he's suffering."
"You're too kind for your own good, Ruby." Sam sighed, her lips twitching upward in a brief smile. "But if that's what you want, meet me at the end of the day by the Volunteers trailer, I'll drive you back."
"I should probably talk to Brian first, he and the guys at least deserve an explanation before I up and leave this time."
"Of course." Sam nodded. "Let me know tonight, or at the very least, come say goodbye if you're not coming."
"I will." I replied, pulling her into my arms for a hug.
I'd spent the better part of the morning in KoЯn's trailer as Matt sang along to a recording of "Falling Away From Me" in preparation to fill in for Jonathan. As I'd sat and listened, I couldn't help but feel smug; KoЯn was one of Jack's favourite bands of all time. And here I was, chilling with the lot of them. Hell, even Corey fucking Taylor was there, unmasked and also readying himself to fill in.
***
Around 10:30am, the lot of us had migrated into the backstage area of the Main Stage, as everyone prepared for KoЯn's set. Due to Jonathan's sickness, the set had moved up to an earlier time slot to allow a longer one for Slipknot in the afternoon, whose set had been extended to two hours instead of one.
"Fuck, I'm nervous." Matt said, spinning his lip ring with his tongue as he continued to scan the sheet of song lyrics in his hand.
"Dude, chill, you got this." Brian reassured him.
"And they'll have a teleprompter onstage the whole time, so even if you blank, you've got that as backup." Jimmy added, pointing across the stage to where the little screen sat.
"And even if you do fuck up, nobody's gonna care." Zacky sniggered. "KoRn have such a huge following, the crowd will probably just sing the song for you."
"Besides, it's not like it's your band, dude." Johnny chimed in. "Nobody's gonna expect you to perfectly memorize lyrics that you didn't even write."
"Thanks guys." Matt chuckled.
"You can do it!" I cheered, doing my best Rob Schneider impression.
Matt snorted in response.
The clock finally reached 10:50, and Matt left us to go and get mic'ed up and ready to sing, whilst the rest of us remained backstage to offer moral support. A massive sea of avid KoЯn fans had already congregated in front of the stage behind the barrier, all clad in the band's merchandise, a few even wearing face paint inspired by the band's artwork.
"Man, he's gotta be close to shitting himself right now." Brian breathed, watching as Matt paced nervously back and forth at the other side of the stage, glancing out at the crowd.
"Once the adrenaline kicks in, he'll be fine." I smiled.
The set finally began, and as the intro to "Falling Away From Me" played, Fieldy strode over to the microphone at the front of the stage.
"How you doin, Chicago?!" he called out, and the crowd roared in response. "Now, before this kicks in, I gotta be real with you guys." he started. "Unfortunately, Jonathan Davis isn't with us today, as he got diagnosed with a nasty case of Strep Throat this morning."
A chorus of Boo's erupted.
"Now, now." Fieldy silenced them. "The last thing we wanted to do was cancel our set today, so we asked a couple of our friends to come fill in. Let me introduce you to a couple of guys you may already know." he gestured for Matt and Corey - now wearing his mask - to join him onstage. "M Shadows, Corey Taylor, get your asses up here!"
Matt strode out into centre stage, while Corey ascended the stairs to one of the platforms at the back, and the band launched into the song. Reading Matt's body language, I could see he did indeed look like he was ready to shit himself. Jonathan's shoes were big ones to fill, and you couldn't please everyone. But I internally cheered when he brought the microphone to his lips and began to sing;
"Hey I'm feeling tired, my time is gone today. You flirt with suicide, sometimes that's ok. Hear what others say, I'm here standing hollow. Falling away from me, falling away from me..."
"Day, is here fading. That's when, I would say I flirt with suicide, sometimes kill the pain. I can't always say; "It's gonna be better tomorrow". Falling away from me, falling away from me..."
"Beating me down. Beating me, beating me down, down, into the ground. Screaming so sound. Beating me, beating me down, down, into the ground..."
Matt approached me, holding the microphone out to my face, and the two of us sang the next part of the song together; taking turns line by line.
"Falling away from me...
It's spinning round and round.
Falling away from me...
It's lost and can't be found.
Falling away from me...
It's spinning round and round.
Falling away from me...
Slow it down..."
"Beating me down. Beating me, beating me down, down, into the ground. Screaming so sound. Beating me, beating me down, down, into the ground..."
Kalen Chase, on another riser at the back of the stage, sang the next few lines.
"Twisting me, they won't go away. So I pray, go away..."
Corey Taylor took it from there;
"Life's falling away from me, it's falling away from me. Life's falling away from me.
Fuck!"
Jimmy, Johnny, Zacky and I headbanged to the breakdown from side stage, all hanging onto one another by the shoulders.
"Beating me down. Beating me, beating me down, down, into the ground."
Watching me sing along, Jimmy pushed me out onto the stage, and Kalen dashed over to me, forcing his microphone into my hands. I ran out onstage, and joined in for the last few lines of the song;
"Beating me, beating me, down, down, into the ground..."
The song faded out and screams and applause filled the air. I grabbed Matt's hand and the two of us gave a bow, before running offstage.
"I fucked up so bad!" Matt laughed.
"You were fine!" I laughed.
"Dude!" Came Corey's voice as he joined us backstage. "Who the fuck is she?!"
"Ruby." Matt laughed. "She's kind of like a little sister to me."
Corey was practically beaming at me. "You kicked ass out there, why the fuck aren't you in a band?"
"Beats me." I laughed, shrugging my shoulders.
"We're gonna be in touch when this tour ends, and we'll fix that shit, okay?" Corey said, pointing a finger at me to emphasize his point.
"Alright." I nodded, grinning.
"You really did kick ass out there, Baby." Brian smiled, tugging me into his arms and rocking me from side to side.
"I was only up there for like, thirty seconds." I giggled, leaning up to kiss him softly.
"Doesn't matter, still kicked ass." he smirked.
"Ruby?" came a very, very familiar voice - one I had not heard in months.
I turned to find Sam, my best friend from back in Chicago, gawking at me. She looked just the same as I remembered, except that her once black hair was now a vibrant shade of purple. A Volunteers tag hung from a yellow lanyard around her neck, swinging from side to side as she ran at me, throwing her arms around me in a hug.
"Oh my god!" she cried, picking me up and spinning me around. "It's so damn great to see you!"
"How've you been?" I asked, still unable to get the stupid grin off my face from having been onstage a second time this tour - with fucking KoЯn.
"I'm alright, but..." she glanced awkwardly at the guys standing behind me. "Can we talk?"
"Sure." I nodded, waving off the guys as I followed Sam to a quiet corner.
"Ruby..." she started, nervously twisting her hands. "You didn't even call, or leave a note..."
"I know." I frowned. "It was a split second decision, me leaving. I was so lost in my own head, trying to recover out in Orange County, I guess I totally forgot to get in touch."
"That's fine, I'm not mad it's just..." she sighed, trailing off.
"What?"
"It's Jack." she said, forcing herself to meet my eyes. "He's not doing so good."
My stomach flipped. "What?"
"He overdosed and barely made it out alive, I had to move in and take care of him." she explained. "I've been his carer for the past five months."
I froze, staring blankly at her, unable to form a reply.
"It happened just a few weeks after you left, I would have called but..." she chewed on her lip. "I knew you were still in limbo, and I didn't want to set you back."
I swallowed hard, trying to fight through the haze of anxiety that had begun to cloud my brain. "And you've been taking care of him all by yourself?"
"The guys come and go, Reaven especially; he feels personally responsible for supplying Jack with the pills he OD'd on."
I glanced over my shoulder to where Brian and the boys stood, puzzled expressions on their faces. I was suddenly torn; Things were finally starting to fall into place for me, but now that I knew that Jack wasn't okay, the part of me that had once cared deeply for him was plagued with guilt.
"Should I come back?" I asked Sam.
"Do you want to come back?" she frowned. "You seem happy."
"I am but, if he's really that fucked up..." I took a deep breath. "Then I'd feel guilty for running around having fun while he's suffering."
"You're too kind for your own good, Ruby." Sam sighed, her lips twitching upward in a brief smile. "But if that's what you want, meet me at the end of the day by the Volunteers trailer, I'll drive you back."
"I should probably talk to Brian first, he and the guys at least deserve an explanation before I up and leave this time."
"Of course." Sam nodded. "Let me know tonight, or at the very least, come say goodbye if you're not coming."
"I will." I replied, pulling her into my arms for a hug.
Notes
OHMAHGAWDS PLOT TWISTTTI'm sorry I'm an asshole and I have to keep fucking with your feels, guys
#SorryNotSorry? :P
If you've never watched All Excess - in which case, da fuq, dude?
This chapter was based on this little outtake:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foBTQRpyOY0
Also, a massive thanks to dropsofpain1 on Tumblr for creating some of the Gifs I used in this - You da real MVP!
The rest I made on Giphy, and it wasn't easy, fam
Well, that's about it for today
I'll let ya'll sit on this sudden twist for a bit :P
Until next time! xx
@Ghost-On-A-Sea-Of-Wine
I totally get where you are coming from! Hopefully inspiration comes along
8/7/21