Ruby's POV

"Thanks for getting me out of there." I said, pushing my chopped-up pancakes around in a pool of maple syrup. "I couldn't stick around after what Jimmy told me."
"That's okay." Suzy smiled. "You wanna tell me what happened?"
"That's a long story..." I sighed.
"One that Dad already knows most of." McKenna added.
"And he has filled me in, for the most part." Suzy nodded.
"Then you know how close Brian and I are, or were, I'm not so sure now..." I frowned.
"You care very deeply for him, don't you?" Suzy asked, her Brown eyes, a common Haner family trait; radiating warmth and understanding.
"Maybe more than I care to admit..." I chewed on my lip.
"So you are in love with him?" McKenna pried.
"Seems that way..." I pushed the plate away, having lost my appetite. "Not that it matters now, he's shown me he's untrustworthy."
"I did try to raise him better than that." Suzy sighed, enclosing her hand over mine in comfort. "I'm sorry he's acting this way."
My lips twitched upward in a brief smile.
"Do you want me to talk to him?" she suggested. "Give him the ol' Mom lecture?" she chuckled.
"No." I shook my head. "He's a grown man, he knows his right from wrong."
"By the sounds of it, he still has quite a bit of growing up left to do." Suzy stated.
"So now what do I do?" I mused. "I can't go back there, not tonight, not until he's gone on Warped Tour."
"You can stay with us." Suzy said. "You're part of our family, you always have been."
"Could I stay too?" McKenna asked. "I kind of don't feel like being around that Ass right now."
"He's still your Brother." Suzy pressed, turning to her daughter. "But of course you can, you'll always have a place back at home with us."

***



"Ruby." Brian Sr cooed as he opened the door, extending his arms to me.
"Hey Papa Gates." I smiled as his arms wrapped around me.
"You okay, Kiddo?" he asked, leading us inside.
"Been better." I sighed.

The gentle smell of Lavender hit my nostrils as I entered the living room and a wave of nostalgia washed over me. I'd always loved the Haner residence, having come by a number of times with Brian for family dinners when I was a teenager. Every Saturday night would end with Brian, Brent and I watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle re-runs, completely hopped up on copious amounts of Coke. McKenna whining when her parents forced her to go to bed early, clinging to my arm and protesting.

Nothing had changed. The same sky-blue walls, navy blue curtains over white lace. The same grey couches with their tasteful black and white striped decorative cushions. The ornate white mirror above the marble fireplace, the shaggy grey rug still laid across the floor in front of it. Suzy had always had quite a knack for interior design.

"Suzy filled me in before she came to pick you up." Brian informed me, taking a seat on the couch. "I'm sorry to hear there's not been much of an improvement since we last spoke."
"I wish it didn't bother me so much." I sighed, sitting down beside him. "He's done this plenty of times in the past-"
"But he never slept with you in the past." he cut in. "You guys were always just close friends and nothing more."
"We're still just close friends."
"Not now." Brian shook his head. "You've been intimate, and I think it's kind of thrown you both through a loop."
"That's an understatement..." I frowned.
"It's clearly stirred something within him, and I know my Son." he laughed. "He's never been good with expressing his emotions."
"No, doing that would show he's vulnerable." I snorted. "And Synyster Gates can't be sensitive."
"No, that he definitely can not." Sr agreed. "But you're different, Ruby." he put an arm around my shoulders, squeezing me in comfort, the way only a Father figure could; "You have the courage to feel, and you feel everything so deeply."
"It's both a blessing and a curse, more like a curse lately." I looked down, playing with the red wool bracelet Brian had given me so long ago, when things were so simple, so easy. "I don't even know if I can go on Warped Tour anymore..."
"He asked you to go with him?"
"Yeah." I nodded, my eyes still cast downward. "But how can I go now? How can I be around him every single day, knowing that we can never be anything more than we are, because he'll never grow up?"
"I think you should go." he stated. "Forget about who asked you to, touring is like a crazy adventure; You'll see some amazing places, meet some really interesting people, and you'll be surrounded by music every single day."
"But I'll still have to see him every day." I sighed.
"Not if you make friends, you'll be so busy having fun, you and Brian will only be ships passing in the night." he grinned. "Go for yourself, Ruby, have an adventure." he encouraged.

***

Talking with Papa Gates had definitely helped, and after a few warm cups of Suzy's special Cocoa, I had decided to go back home. If I was going on Warped Tour in the next twenty-four hours, I wanted to at least try to smooth things over with Brian. If we could never be more than friends, I at least wanted us to be civil.

He wasn't home yet, so I made my way up to the second floor and immediately turned on my iPod dock. Taylor Momsen's voice filled the room as I set it to autoplay; A familiar song I'd listened to on repeat after Jack and I had broken up, as I drank myself numb on Smirnoff Reds, one after another. It seemed ironic that it would play again now, now that I was more or less right back to how I'd felt back then.

"I was only nineteen, you were twenty-nine, it's just ten years but it's such a long time, in a heartbeat, I would do it all again..."

I saw a light pass over my window and pulled back the curtains to look down on the front lawn, where Brian was dismounting his motorbike and making his way toward the front door. I felt my heart-rate pick up, adrenaline rushing through me again as my thoughts began to race.

"Late night sex, smoking cigarettes, I try real hard but I can't forget, now in a heartbeat, I would do it all again..."

I couldn't stay mad at him. Sure, he'd fucked someone whilst he was away in New York, but he'd obviously come to his senses since then. Why else would he have made such an extravagant effort today? I'd felt something as we'd kissed on that beach. Something had seemed different about him. I couldn't give up, not yet. I left my room, knocking on Brian's door.

One more try...

"Come in!" he called out.
I took a deep breath and opened the door. "Where were you?"
"Oh, you know me, I'm Synyster Gates, and I do whoever the fuck I want." he spat.
"That's not funny." I frowned.
"I'm not joking."
"Are you serious?" I asked, taken aback.
"Deadly." he stated. "I was with April."
My stomach churned, that uncomfortable acidic burning sparking up once more; "I was willing to let New York go, because that was before we made amends and I could see that you really were trying today." I croaked, tears beginning to well up in my eyes. "But I guess you just proved that I was right; You'll never change."

I slammed his bedroom door shut and went back into my room, ripping out my suitcase from under the bed. I began throwing in every lacy clothing item, all my leather, my hair extensions and entire makeup collection, every piece of lingerie I owned. When it was filled to the brim, I sat on it to weigh it down as I zipped it up.

"After Jesus and Rock N Roll, couldn't save my immoral soul, well, I've got nothing left, I've got nothing left to lose..."

Tomorrow, I was going to wake up and forget any of the events of the last few weeks had ever happened. To Hell with Brian fucking Haner Jr. For the next few weeks, I'd be surrounded by plenty of hot band members. I was going to make the most of this tour, and I was gonna do it for my damn self...

Notes

We've all been there, right? When you thought you were ready to accept things and let go, but then you see them and you just gotta give it that one last shot? Love is Brutal. I hate it.

Sorry if my writing seems off or something, I'm not sure how I feel about it at the moment, it feels lazy, but I am extremely critical of myself. I'm sure you guys enjoyed it and I'm just being silly.

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