Burn It Down

I sat on the bed, my knees pulled up to my chest, I had changed into one of Matt’s shirts and had on a pair of boyshorts, I rested my head on my knees as I listened to a playlist on my phone, currently playing “I won’t See You Tonight,” by the guys. Tears still gently stinging my eyes, the swelling had gone down to where I could see out of it fairly well, but it was still a deep purple.
There was a soft knock at the door, “Ember?” Simone’s voice came through the door. I wiped away a tear and stood up walking over to the door. Then unlocked it and opened it. She looked at me and winced, I looked up looking past her and saw Brian walk on the bus with Matt. Brian met my eyes and he immediately did a double take but I closed the door and locked it again as soon as Simone came in.
“Simone, can you do me a favor?” I asked softly.
She looked at me with a raised eyebrow, “Yeah, anything.” She replied caringly.
“Can you cover up the black eye?” I asked softly, determined not to tear up again.
“It’d hurt like a bitch, Em,” she told me, tilting her head trying to figure out what I was thinking.
I sat on the bed, “I have to be able to go out there, if I don’t, it won’t end well for anyone, Matt, Jimmy, and Johnny will freak out about Jason, Zacky, and Brian hanging back here.”
Simone sighed then took out my concealer and foundation, “Alright, I’ll see what I can do.”
“Be gentle,” I tried to make her laugh. She flashed me a half smile and set to work. After about 5 minutes it looked like a faint yellow bruise, but hardly noticeable unless you knew it was there. I smiled at the reflection, gingerly touching my cheek bone. “Thank-you Simone,” I told her looking at her.
“I’m worried about you, you are trying to be so strong, when it’s tearing you down inside,” She replied, not granting me a smile.
“I’ll be okay, it’s not my first rodeo,” I replied trying to be tougher than I was. “You know you should be a make up artist, you’re amazing with make-up and can cover up anything.”
That earned a soft laugh which restored my faith that she wouldn’t be too mad at me for getting hit, “I’m not that good.”
I smiled, “Let’s go play a game with the guys? I miss my brother.”
She nodded returning the smile and we unlocked the door going out to the front where Mattie, Johnny, and Jimmy were sitting on one couch and Zacky and Brian on the other. Jason and Matt Berry were sitting in the gaming chairs on the floor and between them was Scott who looked at me with a smirk.
I stood next to Matt as Simone stood by Brian, “Hey Mattie,” I smiled at him and he smiled at first then as if noticing something was off he tilted his head at me, unable to place his finger on what was up.
“Hey kiddo, how are you?” He pulled me down on his lap and hugged me tightly, which was nothing new for us. Whenever one of us wasn’t feeling the greatest, we would always cuddle up to each other. We have been best friends since before highschool, but I just couldn’t trust him with everything like I could Brian.
“Better,” I smiled at him and cuddled closer to him, looking at Brian who shook his head, knowing there was a bruise on my eye. He had seen it. Matt smiled and kissed my forehead, “Good.”
“Guys I’m bored,” Jimmy whined as Simone sat between Zacky and Brian.
“We could play Truth or Dare,” Johnny pointed out.
“That sounds interesting,” Scott said from his spot on the floor and I felt dirty. I stood up from Mattie’s lap and walked over to Brian’s and gently linked my arm with Simone’s.
“You guys have been attached at the hip,” Johnny observed, and Matt nodded.
“What’s going on?” Matt asked me tilting his head at me.
I shrugged, “Nothing that I know of, why?” I asked raising an eyebrow.
“I hope you’re playing by the rules, Em,” Matt replied casually. “Because if not, there will be consequences.”
“Like what? I don’t get paid for 2 days? I get sent home? I have to ride on the roadie bus with Jason?” I questioned him. “All seem like kiddie consequences to me.”
Matt rolled his eyes, “I’m not in the mood for a game, I’m going to go sleep. Night everyone.” He stood and walked to the back.
I sighed heavily and leaned my head back against Brian’s shoulder, unable to believe that I had just fucked up shit with Matt when all I wanted to do was see him. Brian hugged me tightly but I pushed his arm away and stood up, “I’ll be right back.” I mumbled then followed Matt.
Matt was laying in his bunk with one arm behind his head, the other resting on his abdomen, “Mattie?” I asked softly.
His eyes flicked to mine and he exhaustedly replied, “Yeah?”
I sat down at the opposite end of the bunk than him and pulled my knees to my chest, “I miss you.”
“Then why do you avoid me and snap at me?” He asked softly and I knew I had wounded my brother.
I sighed, “With Scott here I don’t feel like I can be around as much. I’m not comfortable with him Matt, he lied to get here.” I looked away from Matt, my eyes tearing up, one slipping from eye and I gently wiped it away as it was on my bad side.
Matt sat up slightly, “Sweetheart, are you crying?”
I shook my head, not wanting him to see and I covered my face. Instantly Matt moved around and picked me up, carrying me to the backroom and closed the door. We sat on the bed, he held me to his chest, and I hugged him tightly. “I love you Matt. I don’t want you to question that. You’re my brother and my best friend.”
Matt hugged me and rocked us gently as he kissed my temple, “Ember, you’re my best friend too, but you gotta give me something. Is it that time of the month? Has Scott done something? Have I done something?”
I bit my lip, “It just brings back bad memories having him here,” I whispered not meeting his eyes. I hated lying to him but I couldn’t tell him.
Matt nodded, “I can’t afford to fire him right now sweetheart, we need someone that can be out there watching to make sure you girls are safe and that noone’s stealing merch. Scott has the qualifications.” I looked at him incredulously as Scott was doing exactly the opposite but decided not to press the issue and nodded, giving up.
“Can we please just go spend time together?” I asked him looking in his eyes.
“Yeah, lets go play a game with the guys,” He smiled and gently stroked my cheek but I winced. “Sorry was I too rough?”
I shook my head and lied, “just a little tender.”
“Hey Em,” Matt grabbed my hand as I had turned to walk back out. I looked back at him, “Is there anything going on that I should know about?”
I shook my head, “Not that I can think of.”

Notes