Burn It Down

When I woke up I was in the bed, Simone was sitting at my side, watching me with concern in her eyes. I could hear muffled raised voices coming from the front of the bus. “Em, are you okay?” Simone asked softly.
I nodded, “It’s nothing new…this isn’t the first time..” I whispered ashamed not meeting her eyes.
She instantly tried to reach out to hug me but I deflected her, instantly seeing the hurt in her eyes. “I’m gonna take a shower,” I whispered to Simone as I heard heavy footsteps. I instantly shut the bathroom door and turned on the hot water. I stripped my clothes off and stepped into the shower, the hot water stinging my skin, tinging it a light pink. I stepped in and sank down into the corner of the shower, sitting with my knees pulled to my chest, my head on my knees, the water pouring over me.
I closed my eyes tears finally freely falling as I felt all the pain, replaying the scenario thinking of how I could have handled it better and could have stopped him myself. I didn’t even hear the door open but felt the water no longer on me and someone whispered shit, grabbing a towel and pulling it around me. They then lifted me up bridal style and carried me to the bed, I cuddled into the familiar chest, unable to keep from wrapping my arms around his neck.
Matt sat me on his lap on the bed and pulled me to him, Brian walked in the room and shut the door, bringing a throw blanket and adding it over me. I instantly freaked out and looked up at both of them with a panicked look, “Relax Em,” Matt whispered and kissed my forehead.
Brian looked at me, “I had to tell him, everything” he looked upset with himself, like he’d betrayed me, he knew I didn’t want Matt to know; but then that was out the window now wasn’t it?
“Why didn’t you tell me he put his hands on you Em?” Matt asked softly, one of his hands gently stroking my hair.
“I…I-“ I looked at Brian, who was sitting on the bed next to us, panicking, instantly wanting to be in his arms and scrambled to his lap burying my face into his neck.
“Shhh…” Brian said softly. “Let’s get you dressed real quick then we’ll talk okay?”
I nodded softly only then realizing that I was only in a towel and the throw blanket. Brian stood me up and I stood there not meeting Matt’s eyes, afraid of the disappointment that I’d see in them. He then walked around grabbing an oversized shirt that I had stolen from Matt and a pair of his silk boxers that I had borrowed one time and never gave back when they were clean. He gently walked me to the bathroom and helped me dress.
I pulled him to me, hugging him tightly needing to feel his embrace to let me know I was safe. He hugged me back, “Hey…look at me,” he gently lifted my chin. In his eyes, I saw compassion, kindness, honesty, and possibly even love, “Your brother is not mad at you…not at all. He’s a little pissed off at me that I hid our relationship and lied to him about it, but you’re not at fault for that. You are not in trouble by him. He just wants to know why you didn’t tell him. He loves you Em.”
I nodded as a fresh set of tears started pouring down my face and I buried my face back into Brian’s chest. He held me for a moment gently rocking us back and forth, “Shhh…” he gently cooed. “Come on, we need to talk to Matt…then we’ll get some sleep okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered then wiped my eyes and turned to walk out of the bathroom, but he pulled me back to him and kissed me passionately, trying to lend me some of his strength and letting me know that he was there for me. I pulled away and gave him a small smile then we went back to the room.
Matt sat there patiently waiting for us a look of concern passing over his face when he saw tear tracks on my cheeks. I walked over and sat on his lap cuddling back into him. He wrapped his arms around me protectively and kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry Mattie,” I whispered.
“Baby, you have nothing to be sorry for, I just wanna know why you didn’t tell me that fucker was hitting you and doing that to you,” Matt replied softly, careful not to let his tone rise, as Brian leaned against the wall, morally supporting both of us.
“I….I couldn’t, you liked him, you said we couldn’t afford to replace him at the moment,” I whispered hoping he wouldn’t get mad.
“Ember,” he said with a little forcefulness behind his tone which made me sit up and look into his eyes. “No matter if I think I like the guy or whatever other reason you think there is. If someone’s putting their hands on you in ways such as hitting or raping you, you need to tell me. I’m your big brother. It’s my job to protect you, to take care of you, to beat any mother fucker into a bloody fucking pulp for the mere thought of doing that shit to you. You’re my baby sister and I love you,” he replied then pulled me closer into him for a hug.
I hugged him back, and yet another wave of tears hit me and I began crying into my brother’s shoulder as he gently comforted me. “I’m not going anywhere Ember, you’re my baby sister. I would never choose ANY guy over you.” He kissed my temple and rocked us softly and nodded at Brian as a signal he could leave.
I nodded as a response and hugged him tighter; we sat there for what felt like hours as he cuddled me to him as a protective big brother would and comforted me. I comforted him too finally admitting that I should have told him, that I was sorry I didn’t. After about an hour he and I emerged from the backroom finding a death glare stare down going on in the front room of the tour bus with Jimmy blocking the door. I stepped behind Matt seeing Scott there and was instantly pulled into Brian’s side as Simone took a step in front of me protectively.
“Ah, I was waiting for you to wake up,” Matt said calmly.
“Matt, I can explain, it’s not at all what they told you. Ember told me she wanted me, it was a sick little sex game she likes to play with me,” Scott replied. I heard a growl of anger come from Brian and I gently placed my hand on his chest. He hugged me tighter and took a deep breath as I leaned my head on his shoulder.
“Save it Scott, I know my sister better than that. How long have you been hitting her?” Matt stood with his arms across his chest.
“I’ve never hit her,” Scott replied instantly but his eyes instantly glared at me.
“Don’t you fucking look at her, I’m the one fucking talking to you shit head,” Matt responded, his booming voice filling the empty space of the front room.
I smiled seeing Scott wince like a little kid and look up at Matt, “I only hit her when she deserves it.” Scott mumbled.
“When does she fucking deserve it?” Matt growled at him.
“When she pisses me off,” Scott replied instantly.
Matt spun around and looked at me and winked at me then growled out, “Ember why would you fucking make him mad?!” Scott smirked behind me and then Matt spun around so fast and punched Scott so hard that Scott didn’t have time to react, “My sister NEVER deserves to be hit. No matter WHAT. She pisses me off sometimes but you don’t fucking hit women Scott. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“You’ll be sorry for that, I’ll fucking get an attorney,” Scott replied as his nose began bleeding again.
“Go ahead motherfucker. We’ll have a better one than you,” Matt replied.
“No one will go against us, you hit and attempted to rape Ember,” Brian joined in earning ‘yeahs’ and nods of agreement from the others.
Scott growled at us, “What the fuck ever.”
“OH, and Scott?” Matt said as Scott stood moving towards the door. “You’re fired. It’ll be finalized as soon as I call Larry and explain what happened here. You won’t work for another band, ever and we will be pressing charges.”
Scott glared at Matt and then gave me one final glare then walked off the bus and finally out of my life. I released a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding and looked up to Brian who smiled down at me and hugged me tightly to him. “You okay?” He whispered.
I nodded then gently touched Simone’s arm and she jumped and looked at me, “Hey,” I whispered to her.
“Hey,” she replied.
“I’m sorry I was so distant earlier. I didn’t mean to upset you,” I apologized to her, I honestly felt horrible that I had deflected her like that.
“It’s okay, I understand,” she said with a small smile.
“Can I have a hug?” I asked and she giggled then opened her arms and I gave her a big hug. We giggled together and I said, “Thank-you for still protecting me, I really like having you around, you’re a good friend. I can’t wait to get to know you better.”
She pulled away with a big smile on her face, “Well looks like you’ll get to know me better for quite awhile. Your brother asked me out on a date.”
My eyes got huge and I looked up at Matt who was smiling sheepishly at me, “You didn’t tell me this why?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
He rubbed the back of his neck, “We were kind of pre-occupied. Speaking of dating young lady. We need to discuss yours and Brian’s relationship.”
Jason and Matt came up and hugged me tightly, “We’re glad you’re safe, but we’re out!” The Berry’s replied and walked out of the bus going back to the roadie bus.
“Yeah, we’ll give you some space,” Zacky replied and hugged me tightly then walked to the bunks, Jimmy and Johnny doing the same. Simone gave me a slight smile and went back to the room giving Matt, Brian, and I some privacy.
We sat at the table much like we had with Jimmy, “So you guys are dating? Exclusively?” Matt asked and looked between me and Brian.
I looked at Brian and we nodded as we looked back at him, “Yeah.”
“Well, knowing that she’s been through a lot,” Matt looked pointedly at Brian and sighing, “you will be careful. If you hurt her, I will kick your fucking ass.”
Brian nodded, “I know, but I won’t. She’s like my best friend Shads.”
“I know she is, but seriously. That is my baby sister. I meant it when I said I will not put ANY man in front of her and my need to protect her,” Matt replied stressing his point.
I reached across the table and placed my hand on Matt’s arm and he looked up meeting my eyes, and smiled at me, showing me his dimples. I returned the smile and stood up leaning over the table kissing his cheek. “He knows Mattie, and I won’t ever hide from you again,” I whispered and he nodded.
“Alright, you have my blessing, but I don’t want to hear you two having sex, I don’t want to see you two having sex, and I don’t want to know any sex details,” Matt replied with a slight pleading whine in his voice.
“Deal,” Brian and I both said and we all got up from the table. I hugged Matt tightly, “I love you big brother.”
“I love you too Em, go get some sleep, tomorrow’s gonna be a long day, we have interviews, M&G’s, and then a show and you have merch to sell tomorrow. I gotta call Larry,” Matt replied.
I nodded, “Make sure you get sleep too Mattie.” He nodded at my request and then I took Brian’s hand in mine. We walked back to the bunks and I stopped at his.
“Are you joining me tonight?” Brian asked tilting his head.
I thought about it for a second then decided, “Yeah, give me just a second to grab my stuff from the back room okay?”
Brian nodded, “Alright.”
I walked to the backroom and saw Simone sitting on the bed, reading a book, “Hey chick.”
She set her book to the side, “Hey, what’s up?”
I smiled and sat on the bed looking at her, “Matt gave me and Brian the okay, so I’m gonna sleep with him tonight.”
“Oh,” she replied then stood up grabbing her stuff.
I raised an eyebrow, “What are you doing?”
“If you wanted the back room that’s all you had to say,” Simone replied softly, clearly misunderstanding.
“Dude no!” I laughed. She looked at me confused. “I’m gonna sleep with him in his bunk. I just wanted to let you know, so you didn’t think I was mad at you or something.”
“Oh,” Simone blushed slightly and set her stuff down and sat back on the bed. “Alright.” She smiled.
I grinned back, “I’m just ecstatic that we don’t have to hide anymore.”
She giggled, “Yeah, that’s good!”
I leaned over and hugged her, “By the way, you already have my approval with Matt. I like you, you’re down to Earth, it’ll be a good match I think.”
She blushed, “Well I hope so, I really like him.”
I grinned wider, “I know you do. Well, get some sleep. I have a handsome guitarist waiting for me. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night,” she replied as I walked out the door and back to Brian who was waiting there. “Jesus Christ, you took forever.”
I giggled, “Sorry Bri,” I kissed his jawline before crawling into his bunk.
I moved to the back and he got in wrapping his arms around me tightly, “This is where you belong every night.” He pulled me to him so my head was on his chest and I wrapped an arm around his waist. One of my legs going over his.
“I agree, every night,” I replied and sighed exhaustion sweeping over me.
“Get some sleep baby,” he whispered kissing my forehead.
“I love you,” I mumbled closing my eyes.
I felt him sigh contently then reply, “I love you too.” Before we fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Notes