Don't You Dare

The strobe lights flashed in blinding beats, matching the pace of the bass thumping through the speakers, distorted by the haze of cigarette smoke. The scene should’ve been rousing, should’ve excited him, but frankly, it just pissed him off.

The chick on top of him was hot. Hooot. She had long black hair, ruffled as if she had just been impressively fucked. Her perfectly pale skin was illuminated by the colors of the strobe light. Her round and pert boobs, barely covered by the skimpy triangle of a swimsuit top, shook in his face. Not to mention her ass - so buoyant and bouncy yet so toned as she gyrated on his hips. The tiniest sliver of fabric, no thicker than dental floss, strung through her cheeks.

And Brian was pissed. Not hard. Not horny. Not even happy.

Even acknowledging the fact that their headlining world tour had been in full swing for weeks didn’t do anything for him. Brian was just going through the motions. He was clearly not himself and now, apparently, his dick was broken.

Thanks, Aubrey.

Beside him, Johnny cackled wildly, tucking a $50 into the g-string of the stripper on his lap. On the other side, Matt watched with hooded eyes as Val got a lap dance from a leggy brunette. If Val hadn’t been one of his closest friends, he’d probably think that shit was as hot as Matt did.

“Look alive, Gates,” Johnny teased.

Nonchalantly, Brian picked up his hand and flipped him off without even looking over in his direction.

A few more shakes of her ass. A few more shimmies of her breasts. He was beginning to sweat as if his blood was actually boiling within his veins. Boiling and turning into sludge. His joints were aching, every bone feeling stiff and limp at the same time.

Was the room getting smaller? He was almost certain the walls were slowly moving in on them. It was getting warmer and harder to breathe.

He suddenly felt antsy, restless, about to explode.

"Okay,” Brian huffed, croaking out the words. “We're done here.” He tapped the dancer’s bare hip as a signal to get off of him. Her skin was so smooth against his rough fingertips, yet... nothing. Not even a twitch of the dick.

“Done?” She asked with a pout, ceasing her hip movements but not removing herself from his lap. “I was just getting started.”

“Johnny will take care of you,” Brian said as he cocked his head to the side to indicate who Johnny was. Then he moved to stand, giving her no choice but to stand herself.

He didn’t bother looking in Johnny’s direction to see his reaction as he exited the lounge and continued walking until he hit the fresh air of the outdoors.

He let out a relieved breath as he quickly lit a cigarette to calm his nerves while he played the mental game of predicting whether Johnny would be pissed that he dumped his stripper into Johnny’s broke lap or thrilled that he was going to get a lap dance from two strippers at once. Probably pissed - he was going to blow a whole lot of money to not get laid. Again.

A deep inhale had the calming nicotine effects draping over his body, slowing down the fiery blood that had been rushing through his veins. He instantly felt lighter.

The thought of asking Jimmy for something a little heavier crossed his mind - a little heavier to make him feel a lot lighter. In a split second, he realized how and why people become addicts so quickly and so easily. It’s a scary thought when he no longer wants drugs to have a little extra fun for the night but to erase (even if momentarily) his problems and anxieties instead.

A deep exhale had the cloud of smoke floating to the night sky as it brought him back down to earth. And to reality. Harsh reality.

He was going to lose his mind. It had been three months - THREE MONTHS - since he had left Aubrey crying in her bedroom after her accident. And he couldn’t shake her.

Not that he was trying to. Well, maybe he was. A little. Even though he knew it was useless. He’d never be able to shake her. And the sadistic self-loathing part of himself didn’t ever want to. He didn’t know what the hell he wanted.

He knew, via Lauren, that Aubrey was back at work, moving around a lot better, and basically fully healed. But it killed him to not know what she was doing every moment of every day. Even though they didn’t talk 24/7 beforehand, he still knew her schedule - when she should be at work, when she had plans with Lauren, what time she went to bed, what time she woke up, and how many cups of coffee she drank throughout the day.

What if that had all changed?

He began to wonder a dark question. A question that had been lingering arbitrarily in the back of his mind for a while. He ignored it, gave it no attention, hoping it wouldn’t fester, but it was screaming at him now.

Was it harder being with Aubrey and away from her or not being with Aubrey at all?

He loved her. She loved him. But this was fucking hard. For both of them. Where would he draw the line? When was enough finally going to be enough?

None of this was healthy. So why did his heart want it so bad?

“You dick,” Johnny spat as he sauntered out of the club.

Brian glanced over his shoulder at his moody and bratty bassist as he stumbled over to him.

“Consider her a gift,” Brian retorted.

“Your little gift cost me 300 extra dollars,” Johnny spat.

Brian let a small laugh out through his nose. Thank god for his asinine friends to give him the sense of normalcy he needed from time to time.

“What’s your deal, dude?” Johnny questioned in an unusually earnest moment.

“What do you think?” Brian returned. Surprisingly, he didn’t feel the need to brush his friend off and act like he was fine. He would let his guard down without concern around Jimmy, his longest and truest friend, but doing so in front of Johnny wasn’t common practice for him.

“Yeah, I figured,” Johnny nodded in understanding, leaning back against the wall to steady his swaying drunk ass. “Chicks, man.”

Brian took a long drag of his cigarette and nodded, appreciative that Johnny stayed genuine and didn’t begin teasing him for his emotions.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Chicks.”

Ø

Jimmy tapped his drumsticks repeatedly on the back of Valary’s chair as she sat at the bus table, updating the band’s backstage rider - a major requirement with their growing fame and growing compensation guarantee.

“Would you quit?” She barked over her shoulder.

“Nope,” Jimmy answered simply, not skipping a beat at her request.

Matt chuckled from the kitchen as he stood over a giant bowl of salad that he was making, becoming acutely aware of his health on tour and how it affected his performances. Brian, who didn’t feel quite the same way, sat on the couch nursing a 40 oz beer and playing on his new fancy iPhone.

“Seriously, Jimmy,” Valary warned. “I can’t concentrate with you doing that.”

“There are drugs for that,” he informed her.

Val rolled her eyes as Johnny walked into the kitchen area and glanced at Matt’s gigantic health bowl.

“Gross,” Johnny said.

“You’re gross,” Matt retorted.

“You’re eating a bunch of crunchy water,” Johnny reminded him.

“And I’m not gonna feel the need to shit myself while we’re on stage,” Matt replied. “Unlike you Taco Bell fiends.”

Johnny waved him off and turned to Brian. “Hey, dude, is Aubrey coming to the show tomorrow?” The dumb ass asked so nonchalantly that it gave everyone pause.

Jimmy’s drumming slowed to an audible halt. Val’s fingers froze on the keyboard. Matt glanced over his shoulder cautiously. No one moved an inch as they waited for Brian’s reaction.

“What are you talking about?” Brian quipped. He could suddenly feel his heart beating in his ears, his face growing warm. His brain frantically searched for a reason as to why Aubrey might show up tomorrow.

“We’ll be in Flagstaff…?” Johnny said as a matter of fact but with the intonation of a possible question, looking at everyone for confirmation, wondering how the hell he knew this and Brian didn’t?

A bewildered look covered Brian’s face.

“Which is in Arizona…?” Johnny informed.

Brian’s eyebrows rose in response.

“Which is only like 3 hours from Phoenix, idiot,” Johnny finally concluded. “Is Aubrey going to make the drive?”

With a furrowed brow, Brian remained quiet and contemplative.

Why didn’t he realize he was going to be so close to her? Tour dates tended to jumble together and it was hard to keep up with which city they were at and where they were going next, but he knew they were playing in Arizona at some point on the tour. Why didn’t he look into the possibility of being close enough to drive to Aubrey? He wondered if he subconsciously blocked it out because he couldn’t handle it.

Valary’s fingers carefully began typing again, feeling confident enough that a bad reaction was no longer lurking. Matt went back to his salad and Johnny continued moving through the kitchen for food that looked more appealing than Matt’s. Jimmy glanced at his best friend, an unsuccessful attempt at gauging his expression.

Per usual, Brian felt conflicted. Should he invite her? Should he take her lack of communication to mean she didn’t want to go? She probably kept up with their tour dates herself, right? So if she wanted to meet up, she would’ve said something. Right?

Brian stared at his shiny new iPhone. His head screaming DON’T and his heart screaming DO.

Ø

Aubrey’s stunned eyes fell on her ringing phone.

No word from Brian in 3 months yet his name was flashing across her screen with an incoming call.

She reached out, as if to answer, but hesitated. She was curious as to what he wanted but also insanely terrified to find out as well.

Get it, Aubrey. Pick up the phone, she coaxed herself. But she couldn’t move. She no longer had control over her limbs. Then the ringing stopped.

She blinked, feeling her body relax and coherent thoughts coming back to her mind. Obviously, she wanted to know why he was calling, but she needed to gather her thoughts before speaking to him. She highly doubted he was calling just to check in and say hi - he most likely had a purpose for calling - but she was still mortified over how she had lost it and cried for him as he left after her accident, and she didn’t really know what to say to him.

Besides...do people call out of the blue with good news? Rarely. What if he was calling because something bad had happened? What if he was calling to officially end things for good?

Before she could speculate further, her phone rang again. And she jumped, startled. Her heart rate spiked. If he was calling a second time within two solid minutes, he needed to speak to her. So with a shaky hand, she reached for her phone and answered.

“Hello?”

“Aubrey,” Brian rasped, clearly out of breath. The way her name sounded coming out of his mouth made her heart sink into her stomach. But with pain or pleasure, she didn’t know. She always managed to block out how much she loved him until she heard his voice or saw his face. And then she was putty again.

“Hi,” she said softly.

“Are you busy tomorrow night?” He asked so fast she almost couldn’t understand him.

“Busy?” She wondered, confused.

“We’re playing in Flagstaff. It’s like three hours away but you could easily drive there and back in one night, right?” He sounded frantic.

It got silent on Aubrey’s end. That didn’t sit well with Brian.

“Or... I could meet you somewhere halfway,” he bargained with uncertainty. “But we wouldn’t have as much time.”

“You’ll be in Flagstaff tomorrow?” She hadn’t been paying attention to their schedule like she normally did but she was surprised none of the guys nor Val had said anything sooner. Did that mean they were choosing sides? Were there sides to choose?

“I didn’t realize it until Johnny mentioned it earlier,” he explained.

“Oh… I…” She was thinking of a million reasons to say no. A million reasons to refuse. She didn’t want to go, she didn’t want the heartbreak again.

“I’ll drive the whole way if you want,” he offered. “I just want to see you. Even if it’s only for five minutes.”

He sounded desperate, almost frantic. As if this would be the last opportunity he would ever have to see her again. He was pleading with her. And she knew he’d drive 3 hours each way to see her for five minutes. Without hesitation.

“No, we’ll have more time if I drive the whole way. I’ll be there,” she answered confidently, knowing that her desire to see him completely outweighed her self-preservation to protect herself from heartbreak.

“Our bus should be pulling in to the venue around 3 in the afternoon,” he informed her.

“I’ll be there at 2:45 then.”

Ø

The next day was beautiful. Blue skies. White clouds. Crisp, cool, breezy air. She drove with the windows down and the music loud. Her hands shook the entire drive but she felt…giddy? Nervous? Scared? Excited? All of the above? She felt dizzy, high, like she was doing something she shouldn’t but wanted so badly that she couldn’t control herself. Butterflies erupted throughout her stomach at a constant rate.

It was going to be a good day. She could just tell.

She arrived at the venue before the bus did, so she was standing outside her car, leaning against the hood as the bus rolled in.

Each one of his friends had silently wished they could’ve captured the smile on Brian’s face when he saw her. She looked amazing and she was there for him.

Jimmy came flying off the bus first. “You came all the way to Flagstaff just to see me?! Wow!”

She laughed as Jimmy barreled into her and hugged her. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Brian was right behind Jimmy, not running as fast as his neurotic friend had – he didn’t want to seem that desperate – but his feet moved at a rapid pace. He wrapped one arm around her neck, pulling her to him and kissing her head through her hair, lingering to inhale her scent that he missed so dearly.

She hugged his waist, kissing his sternum through his soft t-shirt.

Neither of them said a word but it didn’t feel necessary.

She greeted the rest of the band and Val with eager hugs, each one immediately bombarding her with questions about how she had been and how her job was going and stories about all the things she had missed on their current tour.

Discreetly Brian laced his fingers through hers, needing constant contact with her since their few hours together would end before he knew it. Hand-in-hand, they walked into the venue surrounded by their chatty friends and all the way to the green room, where the guys would be stationed until sound check and show time.

"There’s a fuckin’ bidet on the new bus! My ass has never been so clean!” Jimmy informed as everyone walked through the venue.

“Yeah and then the jackass washed his face with the bidet water,” Matt began.

“And he got pink eye,” Valary added.

“In both eyes,” Matt concluded.

Aubrey winced. “Come on, Jimmy.”

“He’s a twelve-year-old,” Brian commented, laughing.

Jimmy shrugged. “You live and you learn, AC.”

“No,” Matt chimed in again. “You live but you never learn.”

“How did you even play the drums with pink eye in both eyes?” Aubrey asked.

“It was basically the same as playing the drums while drunk. Very blurry. But a lot itchier.”

Everyone laughed as they filed into the green room. Eventually, everyone became distracted with their own agenda - Val with her pre-show phone calls, Johnny and Jimmy laughing at the latest viral internet video, Matt practicing his vocal warm ups, and Zack finally able to relieve his bladder.

Brian, sensing a small moment of seclusion with Aubrey, turned and smiled at her.

"Hey, your cuts healed up well,” Brian commented as he cupped her face in his hands, his eyes scanning her face and assessing the remnants of her wreck.

She nodded softly in his hands then asked, “You been doing okay?”

He shrugged. “Been better. But nothing beats how I feel right now.”

“Ditto,” she puckered her lips and he leaned forward, kissing them gently.

“Missed you,” he muttered against her mouth.

“Missed you more,” she replied as she pulled away from his mouth with a smack.

She expected him to drag her to the nearest storage closet and have his way with her, but he didn’t. He was just…present. And so that’s how she vowed to be…present. Soaking in every blink of his eyelashes. Every throat bob. Every word spoke.

Something inside of her kept screaming that she would never wanted to forget this day. She took mental pictures of the way he smiled when he laughed at Jimmy’s dumb jokes, the way he absentmindedly rested his hand on her thigh, giving it a squeeze as if it were the most normal thing in the world. The way he ran his fingers through his hair and glanced at her from time to time.

They completed sound check with her standing on the side of the stage, a sight he had been waiting to see ever since Warped Tour. He felt whole. Everything he needed was all in one place once again.

After sound check, everyone else left to get food, but Brian grabbed Aubrey’s hand and led her back to the green room. As soon as they shut the door behind them, Brian flicked the lock and his lips were on Aubrey’s.

It was time. He had waited long enough.

In a matter of minutes, between kisses and moans, their clothes were scattered on the floor around them and he was lifting her up onto the table. After proper lubrication, he shoved into her with abandon.

She instantly cried out as the feeling overwhelming her. He watched her closely, observing as her mouth fell open and her eyes shut. She whimpered, appreciating the feeling of his intrusion for the first time in months, and when her eyes opened, he smiled at her.

“I’ll never get over you,” he whispered, shaking his head in disbelief.

But before she could respond, he began moving his hips, quickly picking up his pace and magnitude. Aubrey threw her head back and cried out again, “Oh god.”

Brian looked pained, a constant furrow in his brow as if he was concentrating to save his life. He scanned her body, only looking away for a moment as his eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head after watching himself slide in and out of her repeatedly.

There was something different in the way he was fucking her, something unlike every other time they had sex, but Aubrey couldn’t put her finger on what it was. She could see the tension on his face, he looked anxious, like he had been waiting so long for this moment and he was so afraid for it to end. He powered through, fucking her almost as if he was scared he'd never see her again. There was no control, just pure emotion.

She grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him down for a kiss, to remind him that she was there, right there with him, and he didn’t need to worry. He exhaled deeply, his breath hot on her mouth.

The doorknob jiggled as Zack tried to walk in with bags full of food, completely ignorant to what was going on in that room.

"Fuck off," Brian roared behind him with an intensity that made Zack’s eyebrows raise in offense.

“Dick,” Zack spat through the door then turned to Jimmy and Val, who were standing behind him. “Ugh, he’s so obsessed with her. It’s disgusting.”

“He’d swim a mile in her shit just to see where it came from,” Jimmy quipped.

Zack snorted laughing and Val wrinkled her nose, asking, “What does that even mean?”

Jimmy scoffed. “It means that he would swim through literal human feces just to see her butthole, Val. That’s how obsessed he is with her.”

“Good lord,” Valary responded, shaking her head. When a few muffled moans came from the other side of the door, she grabbed the two boys by their arms and tried to drag them away. “Come on, let’s give them some privacy.”

“Noo,” Zack protested. “I wanna hear them fuck, it’s hot.”

“Sicko,” Jimmy spat as he shoved Zack away from the door.

Aubrey moaned again as Brian rolled his hips into hers. He gripped her hips tightly, partly to restrain himself from fucking her through the wall but also because he was so afraid to let her go.

"Holy shit,” Aubrey sighed, every seam in her body about to come undone.

“I’m sorry, Aubrey,” Brian breathed heavily. “I can’t go slow.”

“Don’t be sorry,” she sighed as her head rolled back again. “Just fuck me, keep fucking me.”

A low growl escaped Brian’s throat as he pulled her closer to the edge of the table and thrusted deeper. He could hardly handle when she talked to him like that, but he kept going, relishing in the moment, never wanting their tryst to end.

Ø

The crowd roared as the band took the stage. Their crowd had grown exponentially since the last time Aubrey saw them play. It was exhilarating to hear how loud their fans were and to see how large their fan base had grown in just a matter of a few months.

Standing next to Val, she watched her friends transform into their stage personas in a matter of seconds.

Jimmy’s drum beat thumped against her chest as Zack and Brian’s guitar riffs rang through the speakers. Johnny’s bass boomed through the venue and Matt’s voice roared into the microphone.

And just like that, they were Avenged Sevenfold.

Their tour was in full swing but still in the first leg of the dates so they were still refreshed and having fun. There were many smiles and so much playfulness on stage. It was so genuine to witness. It gave Aubrey a sense of relief, as if her friends were being taken care of every night when they stepped onto the stage.

Halfway through the show, Valary leaned in. “I’m going to go make some calls – they can’t get into too much trouble up there.”

As Aubrey nodded, Val walked off, and Aubrey watched the rest of their performance alone.

Toward the end of the set, Aubrey’s heart began to race.

She knew she would have to say goodbye soon, and she grew worried that Brian would cause a scene when she tried to leave. She was so very afraid of their friends, the whole tour crew, and possibly even some straggling fans witnessing one of their tragic goodbyes. So, she simply decided that she would leave before they even got off the stage.

She would wait until their last song ended, of course, but she planned to quickly duck out once they were exiting the stage, knowing they’d walk directly backstage and she could merely exit unnoticed with the crowd. She would text Val or Jimmy later to make sure they wouldn’t be mad at her for skipping out on goodbyes, and to check on Brian’s reaction, but she knew they’d understand. Val and Jimmy would, at least.

Just as their last song ended, she turned and moved toward the barricade.

Act now, apologize later.

“Aubrey!”

She glanced over her shoulder to see Brian shrugging off his guitar and handing it to one of the Berrys before he jogged over to her. Though she silently cursed how immediately her plan was foiled, her heart didn’t miss how he came straight for her after their performance rather than straight backstage like the rest of the guys.

“Where are you going? Are you leaving?”

She tensed and braced for his reaction.

“Yeah,” she trailed with slight sympathy. “I figured I’d get on the road ASAP. I’ll be driving pretty late into the night.”

He nodded, understanding then stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. “Thanks for making the drive, babe.”

“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” she said just as he leaned down and kissed her. It was gentle but loving. “Will you tell Val and the guys that I said goodbye and I’m sorry for ducking out?”

“Of course.” He nodded as she stepped out of his embrace. “Bye, Aubrey.”

“Bye, Brian.”

She blinked in disbelief as they went their separate ways.

He didn’t ask her to stay with him...

She didn’t cry...

He didn’t yell...

Had he had finally accepted that she couldn't/wouldn’t stay?

She was on a high as she drove home in the dark. It had been such a good visit. She had so much fun with them, with Brian, and she was so thankful that he hadn’t even attempted to put up a fight when she left. He hadn’t so much as hinted that he wanted her to stay. Not even once.

She was thankful, but she suddenly felt uneasy. The whole thing seemed unusual.

Had he given up on her? He didn't even express sadness about her leaving. At one point, he vowed that he would always ask her to stay. And suddenly, he wasn’t even sad about saying goodbye. He didn’t said that he would call her or see her soon or anything.

Granted, she hadn’t done any of those things either.

But what had changed?

She could feel it in her bones.

Something had changed.

Notes

Wow! I cannot apologize enough for the drastic delay in updates! Life has been crazy (in a good way) but I still hate leaving readers hanging. For anyone who is still around to read, thank you so much! Xoxoxo &*