Don't You Dare

Aubrey had a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep that night. She knew if she fell asleep, her time left with Brian, Jimmy, and Zack would be over before she knew it, and she wanted to cherish it for as long as possible. Even if that meant getting very little sleep.

She glanced at the clock. It was 3 o’clock in the morning. She glanced the other way and saw Brian asleep beside her, naked and tangled in her sheets, looking so peaceful and content, which was exactly how she felt as well. And having him in her bed again made her heart swell.

Carefully, she climbed out of bed. Brian stirred but didn’t appear to wake up, so she stumbled out of the room to check on Zack and Jimmy. Both were still passed out in her living room. Zack on the couch and Jimmy on the floor. Snoring and drooling respectively.

She smiled.

It felt surreal that they were all there. In her apartment, in her bed, in her living room. She didn’t want them to leave. It felt like this was where they’re supposed to be. Not necessarily in her apartment or in Phoenix, but in her life, where she can walk into the other room to check on them after a long night of heavy drinking and puking (from Jimmy, at least) then walk into the bedroom and climb back into bed with Brian.

They were only hours away from having to leave. Then life would go back to normal, and it would seem as if they had never even been there at all. She dreaded that feeling.

When she went back into her bedroom, she noticed Brian was awake.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” She wondered quietly.

“S’okay,” he replied softly, a rasp in his voice. “Where’d you go?”

“Checked on Thing One and Thing Two,” she answered. “They’re both still passed out in the living room.”

“Good,” he mumbled, adoring that she got up to check on his best friends. “C’mere.”

He held an arm out and she climbed into bed, snuggling up to his chest as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her forehead.

“I don’t want you to leave,” she muttered into his bare chest.

“I don’t want to leave,” he replied with a sigh. Sometimes he wished he had a normal job that he could relocate to Phoenix. It didn’t matter that his family and friends were in California. Aubrey was in Phoenix, so Phoenix was where he wanted to be.

And at that moment, she didn’t care about her job. She didn’t care about her own independence. She wanted this life all day every day. Whether it was in Phoenix, in Huntington Beach, or in the middle of nowhere. She wanted it all.

“Is this how it would be, Brian?” She asked quietly. “If I lived in California with you. Is this how life would be all the time? Being able to check on our friends passed out in the other room then being able to climb into bed with you?”

“Yeah, baby,” he answered sleepily, his eyes shutting. “This is how it would be.”

“I want that,” she whispered.

“Me too,” he yawned, his eyes staying shut, trying not to over analyze what she was saying.

“But what about when you go on tour?” She wondered.

“You’d come with me,” he confirmed.

“What if I didn’t?” She asked. “What if I stayed home while you went on tour?” She imagined the distance would still be difficult whether she was in Huntington Beach or not.

“Then you’d stay home,” he answered simply with his eyes still closed. He was half asleep but imagining the scenario. “You’d work or take care of our dog or whatever you want to do. But you’d be in our home and I’d come home to you.”

“What kind of dog do we have?” She asked with a soft smile.

“A Great Dane,” he answered without hesitation. “One we rescued from the pound.”

"What's his name?" She wondered.

“You picked out his name, so you tell me,” Brian continued.

“Moose,” she declared. “Because he weighs nearly 200 pounds.”

“But thinks he’s a tiny lap dog,” Brian added with a laugh.

“Who loves to snuggle,” Aubrey concluded.

“But we adopted a German Shepherd too,” he continued the fantasy, eyes still closed, on the edge of sleep. “And trained him to be a good guard dog so I know that you’re safe while I’m away. Because, let’s be honest, Moose is just a giant baby.”

“What’s the German Shepherd’s name? You named him,” Aubrey decided.

“Killer,” Brian answered, laughing.

“That is an awful name for a dog,” Aubrey chuckled. “You can do better than that.”

“Okay. Uh, Boomer,” he corrected. “It’s cute but intimidating.”

“Moose and Boomer,” she sighed contently.

She smiled against his chest and pictured the scene.

She’s standing on the balcony in Brian’s bedroom, a big Great Dane lounging at her feet and a protective German Shepherd perched beside her, on guard. In the backyard below her, Brian and Matt are standing at the barbecue pit, drinking beers and grilling burgers. Zack is laughing as Jimmy suddenly pushes Johnny into the pool. Valary is fussing at them for being so immature.

That was what she wanted. That would be the image that motivated her to get to the point in her life where she was comfortable and ready for all of that and more.

“Come back with me,” Brian whispered.

In an instant, Aubrey’s fantasy disappeared into thin air and her smile dropped. And he felt her mood shift against his chest. That snapped him out of his delusion.

She moved out of his embrace and sat up. He opened his eyes. She was looking at him with despair.

“Just come back with me,” he repeated in a desperate whisper.

“Brian,” she said with a warning tone.

Shit. He swore to himself that he wasn’t going to do this. They had come to an understanding, he understood her side now, she had opened up to him. Their time apart was tense, but their time together was precious. And he promised himself that he would not pull this shit with her again.

But then she went and started talking about their life together. And he started imagining it, picturing it. And she was laying in his arms. And it felt so close, so within reach. And the words just came out of his mouth. And now it was too late to take them back.

“You can find a job in Huntington,” he pushed. “You don’t even have to live in my house. We don’t have to adopt dogs together yet. You don’t have to come on tour. You can have your own life, your own place, and your own job. You can work on your career in California. You can have it any way that you want it, Aubrey. Just don’t stay so far away from me.”

She frowned. “What’s the difference, Brian? What’s the difference if I’m in Huntington Beach or in Phoenix? If you’re on tour, we’re far apart anyway,” she reminded him. “My life is here right now. At least I have that when you’re gone.”

At that moment, a retching sound came from the bathroom down the hallway. Aubrey frowned and moved away from Brian then got up and walked out of the room. He knew she was going to check on Jimmy, but it made him so angry that she just got up and left so easily in the middle of their discussion, giving up and deciding that the conversation was over.

In the bathroom, Aubrey found Jimmy hunched over the toilet, heaving and hurling. He looked up at her with pitiful puppy eyes when he heard her walk in.

“You okay, honey?” She asked.

He shook his head with a pout before he leaned forward and vomited again.

Aubrey grabbed a washcloth and wet it with cold water then sat on the edge of the bathtub next to Jimmy. She held the washcloth on his neck and rubbed his back while he puked.

“Who’s going to take care of Jimmy when he’s sick?”

Aubrey glanced up to see Brian in the doorway. His hair was still ruffled from a mixture of sex and sleep, but he was now wearing a black t-shirt and pajama pants that hung loosely off of his hips.

“Who’s going to take care of him after a long night of drinking if you’re not there?” Brian reiterated, motioning toward Jimmy.

Aubrey instantly wanted to scream at him for following her out of the bedroom with his bullshit. She could feel a ‘goodbye fight’ looming. And she wanted to scream at him for it. For always starting something. For starting something while she was trying to take care of his best friend.

Besides, she had never been there to take care of Jimmy before, so why was he trying to make her feel guilty for not always being there now? Someone would take care of Jimmy, Valary or one of the guys, just like they had done before she came around.

“Who, Aubrey?” Brian pushed with more sternness in his voice. He was watching her take care of his best friend and it was making him angry that she wouldn’t always be there to do that.

Jimmy vomited again, jerking violently, spewing his night of fun into the toilet.

“Brian, stop,” Aubrey warned firmly.

“Who’s going to help Val keep her sanity on a tour bus full of guys?” Brian continued, ignoring her plea. “Who’s going to show Matt Berry how to properly handle his merch? Who’s going to dance to Jay-Z and Outkast before our show?”

Tears were welling up in her eyes.

“Stop it, you guys,” Jimmy pleaded into the toilet, panting as he spit. “Fucking stop.” He felt like shit and hearing them argue was making it a million times worse. Especially because he couldn’t even stand up straight to try to reason with Brian or comfort Aubrey.

“Who’s going to play with Zack’s hair when he’s hungover? Who’s going to outdrink Johnny?” Brian’s voice was getting louder and louder. It was like he had tunnel vision. Like he had no control over his words or his actions. Like he wanted to make her cry. And based on the tears that were daring to fall from her eyes, it was working. “Who’s going to do all of those things if you’re not around, Aubrey?!”

“Dude, back off,” Zack said, suddenly appearing in the doorway next to Brian, putting a hand on his chest and trying to move him away from the door. Apparently, all the commotion had woken him up and gotten him involved too.

“Fuck off,” Brian swatted Zack’s hands away.

“Don’t do this right now, Brian,” Zack said more menacingly as he shoved his bandmate away from the bathroom. “Go. Cool off.”

Brian shrugged him off and stalked back to Aubrey’s bedroom. Zack gave her a sympathetic and apologetic smile then he reached in and closed the bathroom door to put a barrier between her and Brian for the moment. As soon as the door clicked shut, Aubrey’s tears fell in heavy waves.

Jimmy sluggishly picked his head up out of the toilet and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand then looked at Aubrey. “I’m gonna punch him in the balls repeatedly for that.”

Aubrey tried to smile as the tears streamed down her cheeks. “I think it’s my fault. I started talking about living in Huntington Beach with him. With y’all. I wasn’t thinking about how he would react.”

“He didn’t have to be such a dick about it, though,” Jimmy grunted as he laid his head in Aubrey’s lap.

“I know,” she sniffled as she ran her fingers through his hair, moving it out of his face.

“Oh damn,” he groaned. “I finally understand why Zack was always begging you to play with his hair.”

That made a small chuckle escape her mouth.

He looked up at her with a sweet smile and hugged her legs as she continued playing with his hair.

“He’s never been good at fighting fair,” Jimmy mumbled. “Don’t hold it against him.”

In the other room, Zack was leaning against the closed bedroom door, staring at Brian who was grabbing his clothes and shoving them furiously into his bag. If the situation hadn’t been so serious, Zack would’ve laughed at the hissy fit Brian appeared to be throwing.

“Dude, she’s never going to want to visit you or let you visit her if you end every single visit like this,” Zack warned him.

“Shut the fuck up,” Brian spat, still trapped in tunnel vision. “She started talking about living with me in Huntington Beach, having you guys asleep in the living room, getting a fucking dog together. And then she shut down instantly when I asked her to just come home with me so we can make it happen. She did this.”

Zack rolled his eyes, knowing Brian needed tough love right now. “She was in there taking care of one of our best friends while he pukes his guts up, and you started laying into her. I don’t care if she straight up said she hated you, you don’t treat her like that.”

Brian looked up and glared at Zack for a minute then continued shoving his clothes in his bag.

“It’s almost four o’clock in the morning,” Zack reminded him. “Are you seriously trying to leave right now?”

“I don’t know,” Brian answered. “I’m just trying not to punch a fucking hole in her wall.”

“Dude, just calm down,” Zack pushed. “She loves you. You love her. You don’t want to do this to her.”

“I don’t want to do this to myself!” Brian shouted. He stopped what he was doing and his shoulders slumped. “Why does this suck so fucking bad?”

Feeling like he was succeeding in bringing Brian back to Earth, Zack eased up on the tough love and sighed. “I know, man. Being in love sucks… Because even if she moved to Huntington, you’d still have to say goodbye to her for weeks at a time.”

“But at least I’d know she’d be there waiting for me.”

“She’ll be here waiting for you too,” Zack reminded him.

“It’s not the same,” Brian sighed, sitting on the bed.

Zack exhaled. “Pull yourself together, okay? I’m gonna go check on her.”

Brian nodded, rubbing his hands down his face.

Zack walked out of the bedroom and back to the bathroom to find Aubrey sitting on the floor with her back against the wall and Jimmy curled up with his head in her lap while she played with his hair. Zack had found himself in that exact position numerous times with Aubrey.

“Jealous,” he uttered cutely.

“I don’t think you want to trade places with him right now,” she said quietly. Her eyes looked red and tired, but it seemed like she had stopped crying.

“Definitely not with the puking part,” Zack replied. “You okay?”

She nodded.

“Are you really okay?” He pressed.

“Is Brian okay?” She wondered, dodging his question.

“He’s calming down.”

She nodded again. “Can you keep an eye on him?” She motioned to Jimmy. “I need to go talk to him.”

Zack nodded.

She wedged herself out from under Jimmy, who curled further into the fetal position and exited the bathroom. She took a deep breath then opened the bedroom door.

Brian was laying on the bed on his back, staring up at the ceiling with his bag half-packed beside him.

She shut the door behind her and leaned back on it, just as Zack had been standing minutes before.

“I’m sorry,” Aubrey said immediately. “I was daydreaming about what my life would be like if I lived in California with you. I wasn’t thinking about how it would make you feel. It was a tease and I’m sorry that I wasn’t more careful wi-”

“I can’t do this anymore,” Brian interrupted, still staring at the ceiling, not looking over at her, knowing he’d lose it if he even glanced at her.

Aubrey’s whole body stilled.

“We’re too intense, Aubrey. I turn into a fucking crazy person when I have to deal with being away from you. A moody, emotional, crazy person. It’s not healthy,” Brian continued.

Aubrey’s whole body trembled as she finally exhaled. “So, what? We’re done?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “Our relationship is a rollercoaster. We’re together, but we’re not, yet we are. And I miss you constantly, then I’m angry that you’re so far away, then I’m thrilled to see you, then I’m struggling to say goodbye, then I love you so much that it physically hurts me, then I’m so frustrated with you for not dropping everything to be with me, then I hate myself for being such a selfish prick. It’s up and down and up and down, and I just don’t know if I can keep doing this.”

“I’m sorry that I put us in this position,” she sighed, sinking to the floor. “I know this is my fault.”

“It’s really not though,” Brian insisted, realizing the fact. “You’ve kept your stance the same from the beginning. I’ve known how you felt and what you planned to do from the beginning. I’m the one who was acting like a hormonal teenage girl throughout everything. I’m the one who should be sorry that I could never just be okay with our arrangement, that I always wanted more and was never satisfied with what we were doing, that I always made you feel like shit when we had to say goodbye.”

Aubrey could physically feel her heart splitting in half when he referred to their relationship as something in the past.

“We’ve both made things difficult,” she compromised.

He nodded, knowing she felt responsible and guilty, just like he did. And he just wanted those feelings to end. For both of them.

“I think I should just go,” he said softly as he sat upright, finally looking over at her.

And he was right. The second he saw her, his insides crumbled. She was sitting up against the door with her knees pulled to her chest. Huge, pitiful tears lined the rims of her eyes.

“Brian, don’t,” she whispered.

But before she knew it, Brian was packing the rest of his bag. And Zack was hugging her. And Jimmy was rubbing her back, just like she had been doing for him. And before she knew it, she was watching them walk out of her door.

Notes

Ahh I’m sorry, you guys - pleeease don’t hate me for this chapter haha. But what would a story be without a little unnecessary drama that made you want to knock some sense into the characters?! Thanks to everyone who always reads and comments! You guys keep this story in progress! <3 &*