Don't You Dare

Brian should've known the day was going to be long and trying based on the events that happened not even a full sixty seconds after he woke up. He was just beginning to stir away from unconsciousness when the thunder clapped. He was in just enough of a daze that it startled him and he flew upright in his bunk, smacking his head on the "ceiling" of his bunk. Bad omen number one.

“Fuck,” he muttered, rubbing the insulted spot on the top of his head.

"Ha, scared much, Gates?" Zack teased as he passed by Brian's bunk.

Zack, who was hardly even coherent before noon, who was usually curled up in the fetal position and groaning at anyone who spoke to him before noon, was teasing Brian... Before noon... Bad omen number two.

Before he could even process what had just happened, Valary screamed bloody murder. Rushing to her rescue, Brian jumped out of his bunk. But as soon as he hit the ground, his foot landed on the thick metal shank button on someone's shorts that were haphazardly left on the ground.

"Ow, what the fuck!" He spat.

Simultaneously rushing to his girlfriend's rescue from the back lounge, with way more at stake, Matt shoved Brian out of his way, throwing him into the bunks and stumbling back over the thick metal button again.

"Motherfu-" Brian grunted as Matt flew past him. He glanced down to recognize the shorts as Jimmy's. “God dammit, Jimmy.”

Jimmy poked his head through his curtain, all wide-eyed and messy-haired, glanced at Brian's angry face, down at the ground, then back up at Brian, slowly putting the pieces together.

He wrinkled his brow. "What, you stepped on the button? Jesus, Brian, it's a button."

And now Jimmy was picking on him? Brian narrowed his eyes at his best friend, flipped him off, then continued to the front lounge to see why Val had screamed.

Jason and Matt Berry were laughing hysterically as Val stood in the corner with her arms crossed, glaring at them.

"What the hell is going on?" Brian asked, grumbling, already pissed off from the fact that Val was seemingly fine despite having screamed, causing chaos and injury (to him at least).

"The Berrys scared the shit out of her," her boyfriend explained.

"I was sitting here, alone in the dark, working on my computer, and these assholes came up on either side of me and grabbed me," Val spat angrily. "So yeah, they scared the shit out of me."

Brian sighed, relieved that she was okay, but annoyed that his day had gotten off to such a rocky start. "I'm going back to bed."

But his luck wouldn't have it. Trying to sleep was useless. He stared at the ceiling of his bunk for nearly an hour before he just gave up.

He reached in the small cubby and grabbed his phone to text Aubrey.

Today sucks already. Wish you were here.

He dropped his phone onto his chest and tucked his hands behind his head as he shut his eyes and exhaled deeply.

It was getting harder and harder for him to need Aubrey yet not have her.

Before he knew it, he had fallen back asleep. He woke up a few hours later as the bus came to a startling halt. The first thing he did was check his phone. No message from Aubrey. Which was strange. She was usually pretty quick to text him back. And it was a Thursday, so she should’ve been awake and at work already.

There was a dull pang in his gut at all of the potential reasons why she wouldn't text him back. But more than anything, he hoped she was okay.

Hardest part of not being in close proximity to loved ones? Not being there to make sure they're okay.

He wanted to text her again and even thought about strategically coming up with a message that would get her to respond without seeming too eager or worried, but with Aubrey, he didn’t want to play games. There wasn't any room for games. So he just texted her again.

Hope your day is going well. Call me when you get off.

“At the venue!” Val called throughout the hallway of bunks. “Running a little behind schedule so we need all hands on deck for load in!”

Brian sighed, tucked his phone into his pocket, then climbed out of his bunk to get to work.

“Aw, fuck,” Johnny groaned as they stepped off the bus. “The parking lot is all gravel.”

“Son of a bitch,” Brian muttered, equally as perturbed.

“Gravel parking lots,” Zack sighed, stepping next to his bandmates. “The bane of a guitarist’s existence.”

Johnny cleared his throat. “Ahem!”

“And a bassist’s,” Zack added with an eye roll.

“Ahem,” Jason Berry cleared his throat, appearing beside the group.

“And a roadie’s,” Zack finished, chuckling and shaking his head.

“The quicker we start, the quicker it’ll be over,” Brian grumbled and headed to grab his equipment.

Pushing his amp cabinet over rocky gravel was annoying, but it shouldn’t have irritated Brian as much as it did. Every couple of seconds, he had to stop and re-adjust because a wheel either hit a dip in the gravel, refused to roll over a larger rock, or got a small pebble stuck in its socket. And each time he had to stop, his blood began to boil.

The annoyances of a rushed and difficult load-in only built on top of the day’s frustration. Although every event of the day had been small and minor, they were adding up to a tension headache in the center of Brian’s forehead.

With the help of Val, the Berry brothers, and the new merch girl, the guys loaded all of their gear into the venue fairly quickly despite the initial issues. But after having to maneuver over the gravel, Brian’s patience and mood were officially depleted.

Avenged Sevenfold performed a quick and sloppy soundcheck then everyone went their separate ways to find food or a shower. Brian stayed at the venue, not hungry and not caring if he smelled like shit. He checked his phone again to find there was still no response from Aubrey.

So he texted her for a third time.

Haven't heard from you all day, so either you're ignoring me or you're dead. I don't know which one would crush me more. I guess the dead one. ;) Text or call when you can.

As Brian was changing his strings and re-tuning his guitar, Johnny and Jimmy walked back into the venue with bags of food, sitting on guitar cabs and stage risers as they opened their food wrappers.

“Gates, we got some extra tacos,” Johnny announced. “Want any?”

“No,” Brian glanced over his shoulder at his bandmates. “I’m not trying to shit myself in the middle of the show.”

“I hope I shit myself in the middle of the show,” Jimmy countered with a wicked smile and a mouth full of Taco Bell.

Moments later, Jason, Matt, and Zack emerged from the green room, freshly showered, and joined them, sitting atop of random equipment.

“Why are you idiots eating Taco Bell two hours before the show?” Jason wondered as he hopped onto a nearby table.

“Cause we’re fucking hungry,” Johnny retorted. “Why else?”

“I don’t know, looks like you want to shit yourself during the show,” Jason retorted.

“That’s what I’m going for,” Jimmy joked as he chomped a huge bite of a burrito.

While his friends joked around, Brian kept his distance, not feeling social or in a particularly joking mood. He was rearranging his pedalboard when he felt his phone vibrate against his hipbone. Quickly, he yanked his phone out of his pocket and sighed with relief when he saw Aubrey’s name flash on the screen.

“Hey you,” he answered quickly, stepping away from the guys.

“Hey,” She replied sweetly. “I only have a minute to talk but oh my god, were you worried about me?”

He laughed, already feeling lighter after simply hearing her voice. “What? No, I was just… I was thinking maybe...” He sighed, relenting. “Okay, I can’t lie... Yeah, I was worried about you.”

“That’s adorable,” she teased.

“It’s not adorable,” he huffed.

“You’re adorable,” she added.

“Uh, I’m not adorable. I’m tough and manly. I’m a badass,” he joked.

“An adorable badass,” Aubrey countered.

“Alright, hush, just don’t tell the guys please. Especially Johnny. Or Jimmy.”

“Your secret is safe with me.”

“Anyway. How's work?” He asked, wanting to change the subject immediately.

“Good, but long. I’ve been so busy. I'm submitting my first big edit today, I'm about an hour away from my deadline,” she informed him.

“Are you done with it?” He wondered.

“Almost,” she answered.

“Well what are you doing, woman? You've only got an hour! Go finish it!” He insisted, laughing.

“I will, I just wanted to call you now because I'll be working late and you'll probably be on stage by the time I leave here,” she explained.

“Call anyway,” he sighed, preferring to see a missed call than no call at all. “Just in case.”

“You got it,” she said.

“Go finish your edit,” he demanded. “Good luck!”

They said their goodbyes then hung up. Although Brian felt loads better after hearing her voice, there was a dark cloud that still hovered over his head. It cast a shadow on him that made him anxious for the rest of the day.

He tried his hardest to leave the cloud behind when they took the stage, but it stayed over him, making him feel weird all throughout the show. He felt off. And he messed up. Way more than usual.

He craved more of her voice. He needed her to soothe his frustration. So the first thing he did when he exited the stage was grab his phone. He had a missed call and a voicemail. His whole day had been off and he so desperately needed more interaction with Aubrey to ground him again. As he mindlessly walked to the green room and began to wipe the sweat off of his face and neck with a towel, he listened to her voicemail.

“Hey, B.” Something about the way she called him ‘B’ nearly made him faint.

“I'm just leaving work. I submitted my edit and the chief was so impressed! I'm so relieved.” He smiled with pride. She was such a badass.

“I'm so tired I could cry but Lauren wants to take me out to celebrate so I guess we're going out for drinks.” It should've been another omen how his stomach fell. That news should've made him happy, he was always wanting her to get out and have some fun. But he felt doom in the air.

“Call me after the show. I'll either be drunk or in bed by the time you call but… call anyway… just in case.”

He couldn't help but smile at her words. But he quickly dialed her number, wondering if he'd reach her drunk or asleep.

“BRIAN!” Aubrey answered loudly.

Oh, yeah. Definitely drunk. And judging by the amount of background noise that came from her end, she was still at the bar.

“Hey you,” he replied with a laugh.

“Ohmygod is that him? Let me talk to him!” A muffled female voice spoke in the distance.

“No, ohmygod,” Aubrey replied away from the phone.

Brian smirked. Couple of drunk valley girls.

“How was your shooow?” She slurred into the phone.

“It was good,” he answered. “Sounds like you're having fun!”

“A blast!” Aubrey replied.

“Two more shots for the pretty ladies!” A male voice spoke in the distance.

Brian heard Aubrey’s friend let out a “Woo!”

“Who's buying you shots?” Brian asked, unable to suppress the jealously that darted up his chest, burning like bile.

“Oh it's just the bartender!” Aubrey explained casually.

Casually. Nonchalantly. But Brian’s mind immediately flooded with memories of another bartender buying her drinks.

“So you’re in town for the night, yeah?”

That asshole bartender, Jake, with the fucking golden retriever puppy, popped into his head.

“I get off around midnight. I know that’s late for dinner but maybe you’d join me for a late-night coffee? Or hell, even a nightcap in the bar?”

Sure, Aubrey ended up in bed with Brian at the end of the night, but that’s because he was there. He made his move so she would end up in his bed and not the bartender’s. But now that he wasn’t there, whose bed would she end up in?

“Brian, are you still there?” Aubrey yelled.

“Yeah,” he spat. “But you're clearly busy so I'll let you go. Just…” he sighed. “Call me tomorrow or something.”

Intoxicated and unable to recognize the spite in his voice, Aubrey shrugged. “Well, okay!”

Brian hung up without a goodbye then threw his phone on the couch and exhaled a deep breath as he raked his fingers through his damp hair. He felt frustrated. The phone call that was supposed to help his mood only made it worse. And now he was worrying about Aubrey’s loyalty. Questioning it even.

And to make matters worse, she didn't owe him her loyalty. They weren't dating. She had no idea how much he loved her. And he was too much of a coward to demand she stay with him on tour, to run after her and bring her back to California, and even too much of a coward to just make things official, exclusive, whatever it's called nowadays.

Of course she played her own part in all of it, but he was the man in the relationship, he was supposed to protect her and provide for her and he couldn't even admit his feelings to her.

The phone call sent him over the edge. He was done.

He rubbed his face with sheer frustration.

“Yo,” Jimmy poked his head around the corner. “This groupie just brought us a fuck ton of ecstasy, you in?”

Without hesitation, Brian nodded. “I'm in.”

Ø

The sun was just barely beginning to peek over the horizon when Brian regained consciousness. He didn’t even have to open his eyes to know that he had overdone it partying last night. Big time.

The weird feeling that had been sinking into the pit of his stomach over the last twenty-four hours had gotten immensely worse. It was a hollow yet tight feeling that he typically got toward the end of a tour, when he was burnt out and exhausted and homesick - a feeling that typically drove him to do something stupid in an attempt to keep things exciting so he wouldn’t get too depressed on the road, even though it usually caused the opposite effect.

Would he ever learn?

Probably not.

Finally brave enough to open his eyes, he slowly blinked.

Dread filled his stomach as he looked at a naked female body asleep on the double bed three feet away from the bed he was in.

No way. No way he had done something that stupid. He would never.

Right?

Ignoring the pounding in his skull and the sudden throbbing pain in his hand and cheek, he bolted upright in bed only to realize that the naked body was sleeping on top of his naked best friend.

He exhaled with relief.

In hazy flashes, memories from the previous night flooded his brain. He vaguely remembered Jimmy and the busty brunette getting him high as a kite. Then, as he laid in his and Jimmy’s hotel room, drinking whiskey to intensify his intoxication, they busted up into the shared room, already half naked. He remembered glancing over as they fucked on the bed adjacent to his. He had been so obliterated that he didn’t even care what they were doing. At one point, the brunette offered for him to join them. He remembered his best friend protesting before he could even refuse. At least even in that state of mind, Jimmy was looking out for him. And Aubrey.

Her face popped into his mind at the thought of her. That sweet face. He wanted to call her. But she was probably still asleep.

He glanced at the clock. 5:02am. She was definitely still asleep.

He wiped the drool off the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand and quietly climbed out of bed then meandered into the bathroom, shutting the door gently behind him.

He moved over to the toilet clumsily and undid his pants, having slept in his tight jeans from the day before. Not trusting his aim at that moment, he used his hand to guide the stream of urine into the toilet appropriately. But as he watched himself pee, something on his hand caught his eye.

Tucking himself back in but not bothering to zip or button his pants fully, he brought his hand closer to his face, squinting at his bruised and cut up knuckles that were covered in dried blood. He must’ve still been half-drunk because he was having trouble seeing things clearly.

“What the?” His raspy voice whispered.

As soon as he turned and looked at himself in the mirror, he wished that he hadn’t.

“God, I look like shit,” he mumbled to no one.

His hair was matted to his head in some spots and sticking straight out in other spots. His eyes were sunken in and outlined with dark circles. He looked awful. But the worst part was the fat busted lip, covered in dried blood just like his knuckles. And upon further inspection, one of his eyes was darker than the other, and not from lack of sleep but from a bruise.

Had he gotten into a street fight? Or had he kicked his own ass? Because that was what he wanted to do at that moment.

When all the fun wore off and he was left with reality staring back at him in the mirror, he realized his life wasn’t always as appealing as it first seemed.

He exited the bathroom just as quietly as he had entered it, and snatched his phone off the nightstand then opened the door to their room and walked out into the hallway. He exhaled, leaning back against the wall, and dialed the person he needed most. The phone trilled in his ear as he slid to the ground, bringing one knee up to rest his elbow of the arm that was holding the phone.

“Hello?” Aubrey answered hoarsely.

He had clearly woken her up, but he didn’t care. He needed her.

“Sometimes I want to quit and just come home to you,” he blurted softly, forgoing any greeting.

“Brian?” Aubrey replied a little more alert, realizing who was calling and at what hour. “Are you okay?”

“Sometimes I want to work a stupid, boring, nine-to-five job that makes me wear ties and dress shoes. And I want to drive a shitty commute to come home to you and the big mutt that we rescue from the shelter. And I want to loosen my tie and grab a beer from the fridge and plop on the couch beside you to complain about my asshole boss and incompetent co-workers and just stare at your beautiful face, because that’s what makes me feel better,” he rambled.

From the slight slur in his words, she could tell he was probably still drunk. Not drunk enough to be incoherent, but drunk enough to be spilling his heart out to her.

“But this is all I know,” he admitted. “Touring is all I know.”

“Brian,” Aubrey sighed with sympathy. “You love playing music and you’re amazing at it. I would never want you to give that up for a boring All-American life.”

“This life just gets old sometimes,” he admitted, revealing the true reason behind his disdain and early-morning phone call.

“I know, baby,” she sympathized gently. “But just think about how you get to go on stage every night and play music that you wrote, that you’re proud of, in front of thousands of people who worship you and know every word to every song that you wrote.”

He dropped his head back against the wall, listening to her words soothe him.

“I know it gets tiring and I know you get burnt out, but just remember how it feels to get up there night after night, living your dream, making a career out of it,” she reminded him.

“You’re right,” he exhaled a deep breath. “...I love you, you know?”

She sat upright, hearing those words. If she was being honest, she always pictured the first time they said ‘I love you’ as this big grand moment. A tearful confession as they professed their love to each other in person. Maybe after a long night making love or a special romantic day together. But for some reason, it felt even more intimate hearing it in that way, so casual, so carefree, as if it was something he was so used to saying. She realized it wasn't a huge profession of his love, but it didn't need to be, because deep down, she already knew how he felt. This was just confirmation.

“I know,” she replied earnestly. “I love you too.”

He said the words to her first, knowing there was a chance she wouldn't say them back. He was fully aware that she may not feel the same, but he needed her to know how he felt. But she returned the sentiment. And it stitched up his homesick heart.

“Promise?” He pleaded.

“I promise,” she confirmed.

A soft silence fell over them for a moment. He thought about bringing up the bartender, questioning if she slept in her own bed last night, questioning if she slept alone last night, but he didn’t. Because he knew the truth. She fell asleep alone in her own bed, thinking of him, the same way he often falls asleep alone in his bunk, thinking of her.

His own insecurities could try to convince him otherwise, but deep down, he knew better.

“Brian?” Aubrey spoke first.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” She wondered.

“I am now,” he provided.

Notes

Thank you guys so much for your patience! And I appreciate everyone's continued support! I finished both of my crazy classes with an A, so thank you for allowing me to put this story on the back burner for a while! I started a new class last week but it's not as demanding so hopefully that won't interfere with future updates!

Hope you all enjoy this chapter! Thanks to everyone who has stuck around!

xo &*