All Falls Down

Brian hated cleaning, but with his in-laws coming over for dinner he thought it was important that the house be presentable. Even if Regina didn't care he did. It was the first time that he had seen Catherine and Gavin since Thanksgiving and it was almost summer now. He thought that she'd be ecstatic about seeing her family after spending months apart, but it just wasn't the case. If it was her brother's coming over she would be helping him clean. She would bend over backwards and do perfect split if it meant carousing with the entire Murray clan. But instead of helping him clean she just lifted her feet and continued staring at the page of half-written lyrics as he vacuumed.

Despite her distaste for the evening he had planned he was happy to help in any way possible. Though he would have preferred cooking dinner for everyone since it was so rare that they saw each other. But Regina always preferred meeting at the house for drinks before they went out to an expensive restaurant. It was a nice treat although the price really didn't concern him. With her mother and Gavin it was so...impersonal.

For her brothers Regina would spend an entire week planning all of their favorites even though they'd eat anything she put in front of them. He couldn't understand why Regina didn't care to have her parents around or rather Gavin. He was her step-father and was pretty much non-existent in Regina's life the moment she dropped out of school. At their wedding her brother Mitch had given her away. Since, according to Reggie, he was the “father figure” in her life.

Regina sang lightly as she strummed on her old acoustic guitar as she tried to work on a song for her first album. Ideally, she had enough demo tracks to choose from to make the final cut. This song though she had been trying to write for years and everyday it seemed harder for her to write, “Let me be...It's all I can do.”

Brian listened as she sang. He had always loved her voice from the moment he heard her singing in the old Murray home almost fifteen years ago. He stopped cleaning as she continued to strum the guitar. He pulled out his cell phone and started the camera. He had made many home movies this way catching her doing utterly geeky or just plain sweet things although she'd never known until it was too late. It was refreshing listening to her play, but all too quickly she stopped with her private concert.

A smile inched across her face as she attempted to hide her face behind her long hair, “What are you doing Brian?”

Brian positioned his phone so he could get a better angle of her face, “Just capturing the most beautiful girl in the world. Smile for the camera Pinkly.”

“Very funny,” laughed Regina as she tossed her guitar pick at the camera.

He laughed and kissed her putting his phone down on the table. He looked into her dark brown eyes and saw she was in a good place right now. Now was the best time to ask her as any, “Are you sure that we, and by 'we' I mean me, should we doing all of this cleaning if all we're going to do is give your mother a bottle of water and make Gavin a dirty martini before we go out. If we're going to do all of this we might as well do it right and have dinner here tonight.”

“Absolutely not. They can't have dinner here. I'm only having drinks here because you said that it would be nice,” she said as she pulled her lyric book closer to her face scratching out a few lyrics.

Brian placed his hand on the book and lowered it, “But they're family and it just seems so weird to go through all of this if they aren't going to stay long. We don't even go through this much of a fuss when it's my parents coming for dinner. But when your Mom and Dad -”

“That man is [i]not[/i] my father!” she snapped, “I don't even want him in this house. But because you wouldn't let it go I let him come. As far as your parents are concerned we have dinner with them at least once a week. You were the one to say we don't have to do anything special for them.”

“Regina, you're right. I'm sorry,” he said before kissing her cheek, “I don't entirely understand your relationship with your mom and Gavin, but I respect what your decisions.”

“No. I'm sorry I have to go to the studio for a little bit, but I'll be back later tonight,” she smiled as she left their home.

Brian continued cleaning by moving up to their bedroom. Even if his in-laws weren't going to be there long he figured he might as well get their room organized a bit. He put all of their clothes away in their walk-in closet when he accidentally knocked a shelf down on Reggie's side. He picked up the shelf and the jeans that fell from it. As he began to gather the pieces of the shelf is hand came across a small compact. He almost missed it, but then he realized just what it was. It was Reggie's birth control.

His heart sank to the bottom of his stomach and it was beginning to make him sick. For two years he and Regina had been trying to have a child. They went to countless doctors and specialists in fertility all of them telling them that they were both in perfect health. Appointment after appointment of being told that within time they would have a child of their very own and it had all been a lie.

Brian wasn't sure how to handle this. He placed the things back onto the shelf deciding whether or not to put the pills in their rightful hiding place. He didn't want a marriage based off of lies and resentment. That's exactly what he was going to have if he didn't confront her. But somewhere deep inside he didn't want to know the truth.

“Brian?” called Regina, “Baby, you up here?”

Brian stayed in the closet clutching the pills in his hand. The sorrow he felt began to fade as the anger set in. He could hear Regina's loud click of her heels as they echoed throughout the house as she got closer and closer to their bedroom. He shook his head and hid the pills just as she opened their bedroom door.

He breathed in deeply through his nostrils to calm himself, “In here.”

Regina followed the sound of his voice to the closet and leaned against the door frame studying her husband's face. The entire time she had known Brian she had been able to read him like an open book, but tonight he was blank, “Decided what you're going to wear tonight?”

Brian was spaced out a bit, “Uh, no not yet. Probably just a black shirt and some slacks. Nothing too fancy.”

“Great, because Wyatt told me about the great new jazz spot off of Hillcrest Drive. I figure change it up a bit from the usual formal dinners. Just something a bit relaxing,” said Regina as she walked over to her side of the closet and pulled out a pair of jeans.

“Cool. Sounds fun,” said Brian as he left the room.

Regina started getting dressed for her evening with her mother and Gavin. She would rather do anything than have to spend the evening with them, but she promised her brothers that she would give it a shot. Her brothers sent her on a guilt trip about how much their mom missed having her at their Sunday dinners. They had been a tradition in the Murray family for generations and the only time that their big family had a chance to see each other. But after the gang graduated and Johnny signed on to be their bassist she had a choice to make. She could either stay home or choose to follow her dreams.

So one Sunday dinner Regina left with the guys and followed her dreams. Not once did she look back on it with regret. She wanted and needed to get away from that place. It wasn't easy, but she made a few buck here and there selling songs she had written. Her mother had been upset at first when she learned that she had dropped out high school to pursue her passion, but she knew that there was no stopping her. Her only request was that Regina come home, but she couldn't do that. She never wanted to step foot back into that house and she hadn't in eleven years.

She didn't go home on Thanksgiving or Christmas. She always sent her mother lovely bouquet of roses and nice pair of earrings on Mother's Day. She would even meet up with her on her birthday and take her out to lunch and a spa treatment. But under any circumstances did she go back into that house. She tried once when Mitchell had come home from Afghanistan, but she couldn't make it past the walkway. Then slowly she stopped trying to care she started focusing more and more on herself and less about making her mother happy.

The last time she had seen her mother was when Brian had gone behind her back and invited her entire family to Thanksgiving Dinner with his family. In their four years of marriage it was only the second time that both families had been together under the same roof. Things weren't perfect, but they weren't as tense as she expected. It was a good time. There wasn't any fighting. Other than Rodney and Mitchell over who was their mother's favorite, which everyone concluded was Regina being she was the only girl. The only problem she had with that evening was when Gavin talked Brian into having a monthly dinner with just the four of them.

Regina tried to protest it, but Brian had made up his mind when he saw how distraught her mother was when she laid eyes on her after almost a year of nothing but phone calls. She had been a bit emotional herself, but she couldn't bring herself to want to be in Gavin's company. The man had practically raised her and Rodney as his own since they were only about three years old when their father was killed. Yet the man she had viewed as a father she could no longer stand.

“Babe?,” called Brian from the hall, “You ready to go? I called your mom and Gavin about the change in plans. Since we're going there I figured we could skip the drinks here and just get something there.”

“Just one second,” she said as she applied a bit of gloss to her lips, “Let me grab my shoes and I'll meet you in the car.”

She heard Brian's footsteps and the sound of the door closing. She got up from her vanity and hurried into the closet. She started to reach up to one of the top shelves and noticed that the clothes that had been there were placed differently than she remembered. She reached into the pocket of her favorite jeans and didn't feel the round case for her birth control. Her heart pounded as she pulled everything down and found the case in the back of the unit.

Brian must have found her pills, but then again he didn't say anything so she couldn't be sure. Regina couldn't let her mind wander for long when she heard him honking the horn. She popped a pill in her mouth and put the case in her bag before rushing out to the car.

Brian turned on his stereo and Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin began filling the car. He hummed along with the words and tapped his fingers along to the beat. For Brian this sent him back to some of the best days of his childhood listening to music with his father, but for Regina this song brought back painful memories.

“Can we listen to something else,” asked Regina quietly. Brian nodded and changed the song. He looked over at Regina as she stared out the window. He gripped her hand and rubbed her smooth skin his thumb.

He wanted to ask her about the birth control, but he thought it would be best to wait until after dinner. Brian dropped her off at the entrance so that she could grab them a nice table.

Regina took a deep breath as she sat down at a small booth near the stage. She looked over the menus on the table while she waited for Brian to come join her. Out of sheer nervousness she almost jumped out of her skin when she heard Brian's laughter over the the low jazz that was playing over the sound system. She looked up and saw him laughing along with Gavin and her mother.

“Regina, sweetie. Aren't you going to give your mother a hug?” asked Catherine as she held her arms open.

Regina smiled and hugged her mother tightly. She missed her mother's hugs. In one hug her mother could make anything go away. Anything except Gavin. He smiled as he opened his arms and pulled her into an awkward bear hug. Regina pulled away quickly and sat down.

“You look really great Regina,” said Gavin as he sat down, “If I'm not mistaken you look like you have a little glow to you.”

“Oh no there's no glow,” she said quickly as the waitress approached their table, “Can I please get a Bacardi and Rum?”

The waitress nodded and took everyone's drink order. The table was filled with mixed chatter as they waited for their drinks. Regina tried her best to focus on the music around her to calm her down. Usually they went to a place that had nothing to distract her from the situation, but tonight she made sure she was going to be able to endure this. Within time she calmed down and began to enjoy the night with Brian and her mother.

“So tell me when are we gonna get our hands on some grandchildren, Regina?” asked Gavin.

Regina stayed silent for a moment, “When the time is right.”

“You would think that the time would be now. You're almost thirty Reggie. It's time to start thinking about that before it's too late,” smiled her mother.

“I know how old I am. I have time. We have time to have children,” she said before she sipped the last of her drink, “Listen, I hate to cut this evening short. But I have my first day of recording tomorrow and I really need to get some rest.”

Her mother nodded and stood. Catherine hugged her like her life depended on it. Regina knew it was killing her mother to not see her so often, but she couldn't do this to herself. Especially if she was going to have a child. She needed to be free and she wasn't sure if she ever was going to be. Regina followed Brian out to the car and they were once again silent. She reached out to grab his hand and he put it on the steering wheel. She looked at him and his jaw was clenched while his eyes stared into the road. She wasn't sure about the full extent of his anger, but she knew it wasn't going to be pretty.

When Brian parked into the garage Regina got out of the car and walked straight up to their bedroom. She wanted to avoid the conflict and just try to put the evening behind her. Brian on the other hand had other plans. He followed her and tried his best to keep his voice as calm as possible.

“What was your problem tonight?” he asked as he unbuttoned his shirt.

“Nothing, you know I hate having dinner with him. But I did it because you said that I should. I know my mom misses me, but as long as she's married to him. I just can't do it.”

“What are you talking about Reggie? From what I was told you adored him when you were little and then you hit puberty you barely speak to him. I know everyone's parents are the last people they want to talk to then, but when we get older we figure out it was what was best. When you realize it then everything will be fixed.”

“No one can fix it Brian. So just drop it,” she said as she fell back onto the bed.

“Okay, then why don't you tell me this. How come you avoided answering your mom about when we were going to have kids? Because I'd like to know the answer to that as well,” he said as he folded his arms across his chest.

“I did answer her,” she said as she stood, “There's no need to rush. We have plenty of time Brian.”

“I would guess so. Since you've been taking birth control all this time.”

“It's my body Brian. I can do what I want with it.”

“Do you even want to have kids with Regina? Just tell me what's going on. Every few months I feel like our shot at having a baby is getting shorter and shorter. I just want to understand what's wrong,” he said as he held her in his arms.

“I'm not...I just can't do it,” Regina pulled away from him. She couldn't bare to look at him she just stood there starting at his chest, “I can't pretend to do this anymore Brian. I can't say that I want to have children. I'm not sure okay.”

Brian let out and unamused chuckle, “Two years Reg! Two fucking years ago you could have told me that. All this time I've walked around here thinking that we were going to start a family.”

“It's not like it would have mattered,” she mumbled.

“It does matter. The only time we talked about having kids was two years ago when I mentioned it. Since then you've barely said a word about it. I thought we were equals in this marriage.”

“We've never been fucking equals in this relationship Brian. Never! Not once have you sacrificed shit for this marriage. I've given up everything and I was not – am not giving up my career.”

“You don't fucking get it do you Regina? You have to quit being selfish and compromise! I passed on doing a long summer tour so that you and I could spend more time together. But apparently that doesn't mean a lot to you,” said Brian.

“Oh, I'm so fucking sorry babe. I'm so sorry that you know what it has felt like for me for the past six years!” Regina was fuming now, “Do you have any idea what it's like to be here in this house with the mighty 'Synyster Gates'?”

“Cut the stage name bull-”

“No. I'm not going to cut it out Syn. Do you have any idea what it's like to lie next to you a fucking rock god and not feel a bit cheated. We both had the same dream of one day making it big and I gave it all up so that you could have your shot. No questions asked. I sat back and passed on my shot. Now I'm starting all over. I'm starting to making a name for myself you drop this baby bomb on me.” Regina's eyes narrowed and despite how childish it may have seemed she pushed Brian's head back with her hand.

“Don't fucking do that,” said Brian through gritted teeth, but it was a lost cause. Regina just kept screaming at him sticking her hand in his face. Brian closed his eyes as he tried to keep his anger at bay, but it kept rising. Before he knew it there was a loud clap and then uneasy silence followed by a choked gasp. His breathing was deep and labored as he opened his eyes. Regina stood before him holding her face tears threatening to fall from her dark brown eyes. The anger washed away from his face as he reached out for her, “Reggie.”

“Don't,” she cried as she backed away from him.

“Baby,” he said as he tried to hold her.

“I said don't,” she said as she continued to out of their bedroom.

Regina hurried out of the bedroom with Brian following behind her. She grabbed the spare keys to his car and got inside locking the doors. Tears streamed down her face as Brian banged on the window, but it did nothing to stop her from igniting the engine. She started to back out and he followed along side pleading with her to come back inside to talk things over. The last thing she saw was him standing in street as she sped away. Things were never supposed to be this way. He was never supposed to find those pills. She had originally planned to give them up and just let nature take its course, but she was scared.

“If I never feel you in my arms again. If I never feel your tender kiss again. If I never hear "I love you" now and then. Will I never make love to you once again?” rang Regina's cellphone filling her car with the sound of Toni Braxton's “Breathe Again” as she sped down an old highway. It was somewhat of a back road that led to an old park that was near her old home. Her throat felt like it was closing as she listened to the song loop over and over again. Brian was relentless. He didn't even stop to leave a voice mail. He just called and called.

Reggie hit the steering wheel with her hand and reached into the seat to grab her cellphone. She ignored his call and accidentally dropped her cell at her feet. She reached down and grabbed it on instinct causing her car to swerve into the lane for oncoming traffic. By the time she looked up all she could see were the headlights of a car barreling towards her. She tried to swerve out of the way, but the road was too narrow. Her car went careening over the edge rolling down into a deep wooded area in the dark of night.

She screamed as her car crunched and rolled down the soft incline slope. Her mind reeling, not over her life as one would expect, but over the secrets she let fester inside her for almost fifteen years. Her car finally came to a halt as it slammed into the side of a tree.

There was no more crunching of metal. There was no more screaming. The only sound heard inside the totaled vehicle was that of Toni Braxton's sultry voice as her phone continued to ring.