Matthew

I watch from the top of the stairs as Parker runs after Austin. A million questions run through my head: why did he show up? Why did she run after them? Are they going to get back together? Why do I care? Of course, I know the answer to the last one. If Parker and Austin get back together it’ll be one more obstacle I’d have to climb the next time I want to fuck her.

When I see Austin raise his hand and slap Parker – something goes through me. I might be an asshole, but I would never raise my hand to a woman. I know I have to intervene. I tackle Austin like he is my rival on an opposing football team. Before I can hit him, Parker is yelling at me to stop. When she tells me he didn’t mean to I want to shake some sense into her; apparently, Austin has slapped it out of her. I reluctantly get off of him and glare at him as he gets to his feet. Then, he makes the mistake of stepping towards her.

“Don’t touch her,” I tell him, stepping between Austin and Parker. He was saying something, too, but I didn’t hear it. Austin glances at me, throwing daggers with his eyes before turning his attention back to Parker. His eyes are pleading but he doesn’t get the chance to say anything.

“I think you should go,” Parker mumbles to him, I can’t help but smirk. “Both of you. Please.” This catches me off guard and I turn and look at her.

“Okay,” I hear Austin say. “I’ll call you later so we can talk.”

I wait until he leaves before I open my mouth. “Parker –”

She interrupts me. “Matt, please. You should go see Vanessa.”

I want to tell her I don’t want to see Vanessa. I want to tell her I want to stay here, with her. I want to make sure she’s okay. I want to ask why she’s mad at me; was she mad at me for defending her? She couldn’t be – could she? Instead of saying any of those things, I grab my book bag and glance at the half-eaten pizza on the coffee table. Things were going so great an hour ago – how did it all turn to shit so fast?

I leave without another word but stop on the porch when I see Austin leaning against his car, blocking me in. His arms are crossed and he’s staring up to Parker's bedroom window.

“Get the fuck out of here, Austin,” I tell him through gritted teeth as I walk to my car. “And move your piece of shit car before I back into it.”

“You know, I knew you were a piece of shit when Vanessa told me you cheated on her with someone. So, to find out you kept fucking doing it after she forgave your punk ass really shouldn’t be a surprise.”

“Yeah,” I smirk, “with your sexy ass girlfriend.” I don’t know why I say what I do – and I know it’s just going to piss Parker off if she finds out, but I didn’t care. “It’s not my fault she came begging me to fuck her because her tiny ass dick boyfriend couldn’t make her cum.”

Austin pushes himself off the car. “Shut your fucking mouth.”

“You know what I love the most about fucking her? I love the way she gets chills when I’m taking her from behind and kiss her between the shoulder blades. Oh, come on, you know the spot I’m talking about. Right next to that freckle on her back.”

Austin comes flying at me and his fist collides with my cheek. It’s fine, I’ll let him get in one or two good punches before I beat his ass. He pushes me against the car but I’m stronger and shove him away from me. Everything moves quickly, and fists and words are flying both ways. I feel my shirt rip and notice blood on my knuckles and taste blood in my mouth but I keep throwing my fists to hit any flesh a can.

I don’t know how much time passes before I’m ripped away from Austin. “What the fuck is going on?”

I pull away from whoever pulled me off of Austin. “Get off of me,” I yell, unsure of who I’m yelling at.

Zack is standing beside me with his hands raised. “Matt – what the hell?”

Zack’s car is idling on the side of the rode – his driver's side door is wide open. I’m breathing hard, turning my attention back to Austin who is getting to his feet, he’s covered in blood and dirt and from the taste in my mouth and the throbbing of my face and body, I’m assuming I am too. I suddenly remember what we were fighting over and turn to Parker's house, expecting her to be standing there with her dainty hands covering her mouth. But she’s not – the front door remains shut and her bedroom light, which was once on, is turned off. Did she not hear the commotion outside? Or did she hear it and ignore it?

A door slamming catches my attention and I turn back to the scene behind me – Zack is still staring at me, concerned; Austin is backing out of the driveway. “I have to go,” I mumble.

“What the fuck happened? Why are you fighting with Parker's boyfriend?” Ex-boyfriend but, I don’t correct him. “You’re fucking lucky I was driving by! Anyone else would have called the police!” Zack presses.

I shake my head. “He fucking hit her. Right in front of me!”

Zack’s head snaps in the direction Austin was driving. “What? Why?”

“He…kind of…caught us…”

Zack rolls his eyes. “You’ve really got to get better at sneaking around if you’re going to sneak around.”

“Yeah,” I say absentmindedly. “I should get going.”

“Alright,” he says. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

I don’t remember the next several minutes. My mind feels strangled and I’m ashamed of my actions, ashamed of the things I said about Parker to Austin. I remember getting in my car and heading home…but how I ended up here, I have no idea.

“God, Matt!” Vanessa pulls my face into her hands. Her fingers trace the tenderness delicately, and I wince, slightly. I haven’t looked at myself yet but I’m sure I’m covered in cuts and bruises. I know I kicked Austin’s ass, the bruises along my knuckles are proof of that – but he can throw a damn good punch, too.

“I’m fine,” I mumble. “You should see the other guy.”

“Who was the other guy?” She asked me, walking out of her house and closing the door behind her. She takes my hand and leads me to the porch swing.

I think about telling her it was Austin, but my lips won’t form around his name. So, instead, I don’t answer her. I hang my head in shame and heave a sigh. Suddenly, I know why I came here. Vanessa deserved the truth and she would get it – if not from me then I’m sure Austin would tell her. I’ve done her wrong for all these months, I have to do this – even though I don’t want to.

“V, we need to talk,” I tell her, still unable to look at her. I feel her stiffen beside me and she tugs at her shorts. I don’t know if I’m waiting for her to speak or if I’m gathering the courage, but it takes me a moment before I can get the next sentence past my teeth. “I never ended the thing I had with Parker,” I tell her. “I’m sorry.”

Vanessa is quiet for a moment. I still can’t look at her. “Why?” She asks me. I can tell she’s trying to be strong, but her voice wavers. “Why am I not good enough for you?”

I shake my head, forcing myself to look at her. “It’s not you,” I tell her. “I’m…fucked up and…you deserve better than me. I am selfish and you are the most caring person I know.”

“I can be better,” she cries. She gets down on her knees in front of me and tangles her fingers with mine. She looks up at me and my heart skips a beat before I feel it breaking. Why am I like this? Why do I continue to hurt the girl I love when it pains me so much?

“Get up, V,” I murmur, pulling her back to her feet.

She shakes her head. “No, no!” she pulls away from me. “I forgive you, Matt! Please, we can make this work.” She kisses me and I kiss her back. The pressure of my lips against hers hurts, but I don’t care.

Vanessa straddles me on the porch swing and I let her, stuffing my hands into the tight back pockets of her shorts. Her hands travel through the ripped hole of my shirt and she grinds her hips into mine. The porch swing creaks under our weight. As her shanking fingers begin to unbutton her top, I notice how wet her cheeks are and pull away from her.

“Stop,” I tell her, pulling my hands from her pockets and placing them around her shaking ones. She ignores me and continues trying to unbutton her top. “Vanessa, stop,” I say more forcefully. I move her back into the seat beside me.

“Why?” she cries. “Why don’t you want me?”

I don’t know how to tell her that I’ve come to develop feelings for the girl I’ve been sleeping with on the side. I don’t know how to tell her that I went from lusting after Parker’s body, to wanting to be her friend and then wanting to be more than her friend. I’m not sure when it happened myself. One day we were fuckbuddies and I was hanging around her to piss her off because it turned me on and the next, I just wanted to hang out with her just to listen to her laugh.

Instead of telling her one truth, I tell her the other one, the one I’m more willing to admit out loud. “You deserve better than me. You always have.”

“I would have given you anything you wanted. I want to marry you, Matt,” she tells me.

I stand from the porch swing. “You’ve only ever been with me, V. You don’t even know what else is out there – we’re so young…”

“I don’t want to know what else is out there! I want you!”

I start to walk backward, she remains sitting on the swing. “I have to go.”

“Matt, I love you,” she tells me. “Please, don’t do this. We can figure something out.”

“I’m sorry, V. You’ll be happier this way. I promise.”

Vanessa replies but I can't understand her since she’s crying into her hands. I feel like I’m going to get sick as I hurry back to the car. I don’t look at her again before driving off.

Notes

After five long months, I finally decided to update! Hopefully, someone is still reading! i'm going to try to update a lot more now so bear with me! Thank you so much for reading! Don't forget to comment, subscribe and rate!

Title credit: Faber Drive “Tongue Tied”