Unholy Confessions

Matt sat back in his seat, staring out of the windshield.

"I had a feeling it was something like that," he murmured.

"He apologized," I quickly defended.

"And you believe it?" he asked, looking back at me with his eyebrows slightly scrunched, as if he was trying to read me.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"How many times did he apologize before?"

I rolled my eyes. "That was so long ago, Matt. That's not fair at all."

"It's still a part of him, Court."

I undid my seatbelt and got out of the car, walking to the store. I heard Matt get out and run to catch up to me.

"I'm sorry, but-" he started but I cut him off.

"Save it," I said. "I don't want to hear it."

We walked silently through the aisles as Matt grabbed a case of beer along with a bottle of Jack Daniels. We went through the check out just as my phone started ringing.

"Hey Bri," I answered. "We're on our way home."

"What's taking so long?" he asked. I could tell he was trying to sound lighthearted.

"He needs more Jack!" I heard someone yell in the background.

Matt leaned over and said into the receiver, "Don't worry, I got a whole bottle."

A round of cheering ensued before I heard Brian chuckle.

"All right, just hurry up," he said.

"We'll be home in a few," I said, walking out with Matt to the car. He unlocked the doors and I slipped in.

"I love you," Brian said, suddenly sounding urgent.

I had a feeling that was coming. "I love you, too." I hung up and let out a breath.

"He tried, I'll give him that," Matt said.

I looked at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It's pretty obvious why he was calling." He started the car and began our trip home while I stayed silent. When we pulled into our driveway, he cut the engine and looked at me.

"I'm not going to say anything," he said after a few seconds, "but if it gets physical, you need to tell me."

"It won't," I said as the image of Brian's hand around my throat came to mind.

"But if it does-"

"Matt!" I hissed. "Stop, okay? Just stop."

"I'm fucking scared, Courtney," he said quietly. "I've been scared for years, especially since he proposed-"

"You're just jealous!" I said and internally smacked myself.

His jaw tensed. "Is that really what you think?"

I glared at him, saying nothing.

"Fine," he said. "Let's see how you do when he starts smacking you around again, then." With that he got out of the car, grabbing the case from the back. He went into the house and I sat there, frozen.

You fucked up.

"I'm fully aware," I muttered. I stepped out before Brian came asking what I was doing and went straight to my room once I was in the house. I couldn't face Matt right now. Or Brian, for that matter.

I logged on to Facebook, putting my earphones on and pressing shuffle on the non-A7X playlist. After scrolling for a bit, my message icon lit up.

Hollie Levesque: Hey! I'm finally back from France, when are we getting together?

I smiled. I met Hollie in a writer's group about two years ago when she liked my short story without knowing it was true. We hung out and became friends pretty quickly. Turns out she was a big fan of Avenged Sevenfold, and I managed to keep the secret for a good while before I decided it was time to tell her.

"Jesus, this house is huge!" Hollie said as we walked into the living room. "You never mentioned living with anyone else."

"There's a reason for that," I said. I knew how much she loved Avenged, I didn't want our friendship to change. She didn't know much about me, honestly, but I was ready to tell her everything.

"You're not dying, right?"

"Why would you think that?" I laughed, sitting down on the couch next to her.

"I dunno, final wish or something? Spill whatever it is!"

She waited patiently as I thought about how to say it. I sighed, saying, "All right, well... I never told you my last name. And there is a reason."

She nodded for me to continue.

I took another deep breath. "It's Haner."

She looked confused. "So?"

"As in Brian Haner... as in Synyster Gates."

She stared at me, her eyes slowly widening. "What?"

I waited as I could see her trying to process it.

"I do remember seeing he had a sister..." she said, "so he gave you this house?"

And this was where it was going to get complicated. "This is his house."

"You still live with him? What about your fiance-"

"He is my fiance, Hollie."

"Surprise," Brian said, gaining our attention as he stood in the kitchen doorway.

"Jesus Christ," Hollie whispered, looking at Brian with the biggest eyes I had ever seen.

So yeah, that was a fun day. We had to go over our story at least five times before she finally understood. Then there was the question of if she was okay with it.

She sent me another message: I finished planning your bachelorette party! :)

Courtney Haner: About time, most other maids of honor would have had it done forever ago. :P

Hollie Levesque: Well, you're not the easiest bride to plan for! When can I come over?

Courtney Haner: Tonight probably isn't good. The guys are all drinking and I got in a fight with Matt so I'm avoiding them.

Hollie Levesque: Ugh, tomorrow it is then.

I didn't answer as I pondered telling her about the last week. She was in France with her mom visiting family. I loved her mom, she treated me like I was her daughter, which felt amazing since I hadn't had a real mother figure in over a decade. But with them being in France, Hollie couldn't use her cell phone so we hadn't talked since she left. We thought nothing much could happen in that time frame.

I decided if I was gonna tell her, it was at least going to be in person. She knew how things were years ago, but I wasn't sure how she would react to things happening now.

I avoided the guys for the rest of the night. Brian never came up, so I assumed he was drunker now than he was when we left. I heard the occasional laughing and amp feedback, so I knew everything was okay down there and it remained that way as I went to bed around 1 AM.

***

I woke up around ten the next morning, and all the guys were passed out in the basement. It made it a lot easier to get out of the house and over to Hollie's house. I didn't think Brian would mind me using his car anyway.

"You look weird driving that big ass SUV," Hollie joked, coming out to greet me. We hugged as I told her about the accident, which she then told her mom, Coral, who freaked out like any mother would.

"You're lucky it wasn't anything more serious than a concussion and a scratch!" Coral exclaimed, examining my head. She was a veterinary technician, so she was fairly familiar with medical shit.

"It's a little more than a scratch, Ma," Hollie said, looking at it, too.

I shooed them away. "It's fine! Oh my lord, I'm okay!" I laughed.

"You better be," Coral chastised. "But I'll be upstairs if you guys need anything."

We watched her go upstairs and shut her art studio door before Hollie turned to me, looking annoyed.

"What?" I asked. She already knew, I could feel it.

"So what else happened?" she asked.

I sighed. "It's Brian."

"I figured that. What is he doing?"

I looked down as I said, "He's getting violent again."

I felt her stare on me so I chanced a glance. Her lips were pursed, but the annoyed expression was gone and was replaced by sympathy.

"He apologized," I defended weakly.

"That doesn't mean anything, Court," she said quietly.

"That's what Matt said," I groaned.

"What else did Matt say?"

"It's still a part of him, and I shouldn't forgive him."

"I agree to an extent," she said, thinking. "What exactly did he do?"

I chuckled darkly. "First he threatened to hit me, then he cornered me, grabbed me by the throat and held me against the wall. Same old shit."

She slowly shook her head. "Courtney..."

"I spit in his face," I said with a smile.

She returned it. "Of course you did." She sighed, saying, "I'm assuming he's the reason you got in the accident."

I nodded. "I thought maybe that set him straight."

"Has he done anything since?"

"No."

"Do you think he'll do anything else?"

"I don't know, Halls," I said, exhaling rather dramatically. "I'd like to think not."

"Do you trust him?"

I looked at her, knowing that was the question I didn't need to hear because I didn't want to think about the answer. But she waited, silently urging me to say it.

"To an extent," I said, unsure.

"I guess that says it all, doesn't it?" she asked.

"Would you?" I retorted. "Would you trust anyone after that?"

She sighed. "No situation could be compared to yours, Court. This isn't anything new, you know? He's been this way before, and you trusted him afterward anyway."

I sat back, letting myself process that. Mid-thought, my phone started going off. We both looked at it, but I don't think the name or picture surprised either of us.

I slid the green button over and held it to my ear.

"You took my car?" Brian asked, sounding pissed.

"Hello to you, too," I said.

"Where are you?"

"Hollie's."

He didn't say anything for a second. "You couldn't have left a note or something?"

"You guys were passed out, I didn't know when you'd be up. I had stuff to do." I could feel Hollie watching me, but I kept my eyes on the table as I waited for his response.

"What do you have to do at her house?" he asked.

"Aren't you hungover or something?"

"Can you answer me, please?" he asked, probably with his eyes shut and fist clenched.

"Wedding shit," I said.

"No strippers, Hollie!" he yelled and she managed to hear him, chuckling.

"You got it, Syn!" she called back.

"I fucking hate it when she calls me that," he muttered.

"Do you need your car back or something?" I asked, growing tired of this conversation.

"No, I was just a little surprised when I found you and my car gone," he said. "But I wanted to take you out to get you a new one."

"Today?"

"I mean, you don't have a car and you can't use mine all the time."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, I'll be back in a bit."

"Love you," he said.

"Love you too, Bri." I hung up and finally met Hollie's gaze.

"You really don't help the situation," she said. "You taunt him a lot and give a lot of attitude."

"That's still no reason to be violent," I stated.

"No, I know that."

"And I'm not going to act like I'm walking on eggshells around him."

"I know that, too."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Then what am I supposed to do?"

Sympathy covered her face again. "Change or leave."

"I can't leave him, Hollie-"

"Then I don't know what else to tell you. Does Kayla know?" she asked, referencing our other friend and bridesmaid.

"She'll start crying and she might hit him," I said, laughing a little. We knew how she reacted when I told her about my past, she might actually kill Brian if she found out about the most recent events.

"True, very true," she replied, thinking about it. "Keep it between us for now. But if he does anything, you'll need to do something."

"I know," I muttered. "I'm aware."

We said our goodbyes and I drove home, purposely going no higher than the speed limit. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I didn't want to face Brian yet. But of course I reached our house way sooner than I liked and he was sitting on the front steps, smoking a cigarette. From where I was, I couldn't tell his mood.

I turned the car off and walked up the path. He kept his eyes on me as he took a drag.

"You didn't see me last night when you got home," he said, exhaling smoke.

"I was tired," I said.

He nodded. "Had nothing to do with your car ride with Matt?"

"Why would it?" I asked, shrugging.

He looked me over, trying to see if I was lying. He threw his cigarette to the ground, grinding it with his foot. He stood and held his hand out.

"Keys?" he asked when I didn't do anything. I handed them to him and he walked past me. "All right, let's go."

Notes

Chapter title credit: Cinder Road
Thanks to everyone who has messaged me characters, however I need one more! Otherwise I'll just pull a name out of my ass lololol.
In other news, I'm seeing Bring Me The Horizon in March and I'm so fucking psyched! I'm still waiting on the Green Day tickets to go down in price thanks to goddamn scalpers... but whatevs.
I will apologize now in case updates get spaced out a little, just cos I have a second job now and my two classes are pretty writing intensive; one is my first fiction writing workshop so I have to write a short story for my final paper and that'll take precedent over this unfortunately.
But anyways, thank you for reading! Don't forget to comment!