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Unholy Confessions

Sober

The next thing I noticed was nausea, a pounding headache, and sunlight.

I covered my eyes with my hand and peeked through the gap in my fingers to look at the clock on the dresser. 11:42 AM.

Then I realized this wasn't my room.

I at least recognized it as Hollie's, so I felt a little better. I heard her and a few more voices down the hall, so I slowly got up and went to find them. My clothes were changed, too, which was hopefully the work of my friends.

"Shh," someone said. I looked in the dining room and saw Hollie, Ava, and Kayla drinking coffee.

"We have Tylenol," Kayla whisper-yelled. I gave her a thumbs up and sat across from them all, still shielding my eyes. Someone placed two pills in front of me and a glass of water. I took them without hesitation and managed to see them all through squinted eyes.

"So," Hollie said. "How are you feeling?"

"Shitty," I muttered.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"Uh..." Thinking hurt, but the last thing I remembered was the club. "The show."

"What about Travis?" Kayla asked.

Shit. That's right. I remembered flirting hard with him and asking him to dance, but I don't remember getting to the dancefloor.

"I asked him to dance," I said, watching their faces.

"Anything else?" Hollie asked.

I shook my head slightly.

"What did I do?" I asked quietly.

Ava sighed, taking it upon herself to break the news to me. "We watched you guys to make sure nothing too bad happened."

"That doesn't tell me anything."

"You guys danced for a long time," Hollie said. "We didn't see any kissing happen, but we don't know. And nothing overly sexual besides the dancing."

I rubbed my eyes. "Great. Where's my phone?"

"In your bag. But Brian was already here."

My heart sank into my stomach and the nausea doubled. "Why?"

"I guess he was trying to get ahold of you all last night, and he looked like he hadn't slept. We told him you got really drunk and were sleeping it off and you'd come home today."

I let my head fall into my hands. "Jesus Christ."

"He feels terrible," Kayla said sadly. "I tried joking with him, saying he looked like shit and he said he felt worse than he looked."

"He was here for an hour, hoping you'd wake up," Ava said. "I may not like the guy too much, but..." She looked down as she said, "he really fucking loves you."

Tears pricked my eyes and I wiped them away. "I know." I stood up and walked back to Hollie's room, locating my bag and digging my phone out. I almost gagged when I unlocked it.

40 text messages. 26 missed calls. 18 voice mails.

A good mix between Brian, Matt, and a couple from Zacky. But mostly Brian. I scrolled through the texts and they were mostly saying how sorry he was, how much of a dick he was, and he missed me and loved me. Matt's were all apologizing and begging me to come home, and Zack was just making sure where ever I was, I was safe.

A lot of the voice mails from Brian sounded like he was choked up and had been crying or at least insanely upset. The few from Matt sounded worried, and the same went from the one from Zack. I heard Johnny in the background of his, so that would explain why I had none from Johnny. He knew if I wasn't answering Zack, I wasn't gonna answer his.

"Ready to go?" Hollie asked from the doorway.

I held up my phone to her. "He didn't stop trying to talk to me all night."

"I know, he said that," she murmured. "Are you ready to see him?"

I shook my head as I stood up. "But I have to."

We walked out back into the dining area after I put my stuff back in my bag and hugged Ava and Kayla. "Is CC here?"

"She's still passed out," Kayla snickered.

"I'll talk to you guys later," I said. They nodded solemnly as I walked out with Hollie to her car.

The ride was mostly silent due to the headache, but as we got close to the house, I chuckled.

"When do you want your clothes back?" I asked.

She laughed, too. "You can put them on me next time I'm too drunk to change myself."

She pulled into the driveway and put the car in park. "Text me after you guys talk."

I nodded and got out without another word. I waited until she pulled away to walk up the path to the door. My nerves were erratic but I ignored it and turned the handle, seeing that he left the door unlocked. As soon as I walked a couple feet inside, Brian came around the corner.

"Courtney!" he exclaimed before he pulled me into the tightest hug I ever remember getting from him. I dropped my bag on the floor and hugged him back, for once missing the scent of his woodsy cologne mixed with cigarettes.

“I am so sorry about everything,” he whispered into my hair.

“I know,” I said, hearing his heart beat hard.

“Did Hollie tell you I was there?”

“She did, she said you waited.”

He loosened his grip and stepped back to look at me. “I didn’t sleep at all last night, we were all trying to call you and then we saw on Shrutty’s Facebook that you played last night and we watched a video of you guys playing Prince and you looked so happy until we saw the bottles on the amps,” he said in a quick rush before sighing. “We saw you were the only one drinking and they were all yours, so I called Kayla and she said you were just upset and that you were gonna stay at Hollie’s with them because you were drunk off your ass.”

I thought back to the conversation this morning at Hollie’s dining room table. “They didn’t say you called her.”

“She was plastered, too,” he said, “she probably doesn’t remember.”

I knew my friends wouldn’t blow up my spot about Travis, but I was still paranoid as hell that he knew. But I knew how he gets when other guys are involved, so there’s no way he could have had any suspicion.

“Have you eaten?” he asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

I shook my head. “No, I wasn’t feeling too good when I got up.”

“Did you get sick?”

I thought about it, but nothing came to mind. “They didn’t say I did, so I guess not.”

He looked me over with a smirk. “Then why are you wearing Hollie’s clothes?”

I smiled a little, too. “Probably because the stage clothes are really uncomfortable.”

He laughed at that. A real, genuine laugh. “How do you think I’ve felt for the past fifteen years?”

He held my hand as we walked to the kitchen and he looked in the fridge while I made myself coffee. “How’s grilled cheese?”

I put my mug under the Keurig spout and switched out the used K-cup for a new one. “Grilled cheese is always good.” He pulled out the stuff and started the stove as I put his mug under and did the same thing for him after my cup was done. He glanced over and smiled.

“You know me so well, babe,” he said, watching me. His gaze grew intense and I had to look away before I blurted out my guilt.

“So, um…” I put creamer in both of our coffees as I thought of something to say, still feeling his eyes on me. “What happened after I left?”

He finally looked down at the butter in the griddle, moving it around with his knife. “We finished the show.”

I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it sure as hell wasn’t that.

Neither of us said anything as I set his mug down on the counter next to him and leaned on it. Without looking he wrapped his arm around my waist and brought me against his side.

He put the two sandwiches into the griddle. “We basically had a group therapy session. I wanted to get my phone to call you, so did Matt. But Philip wanted to figure things out… for your sake.”

“What does that mean?” I asked. He flipped both sandwiches as his thumb caressed my side.

“He said you’re an innocent bystander in all of this, but the shit between Matt and me are screwing things up for you.”

“What did you talk about?” I asked.

Now he refused to look at me. “Jealousy, really. That’s the underlying issue.”

I didn't say anything for a few seconds until he looked at me.

"Where is there jealousy and why?" I asked.

He looked back at the stove. "Go sit down and we'll talk while we eat." He let go of me so I took our mugs to the table and sat down. I nearly guzzled down my coffee by the time he brought the food over.

He sat back in his chair with his plate in his hand and waited for me to take a bite.

"I think I waited long enough," I reminded him and he rolled his eyes.

"I guess," he said after taking a bite himself. He chewed a little before saying, "Matt is jealous for obvious reasons. He loves you and cares about you more than he'll ever admit."

"He knows I'm with you," I said. "Why would you be jealous?"

He bit his lip and said, "Because I know you love and care about him more than you'll ever admit."

What I felt at his words couldn't be explained. This deep feeling of dread and understanding might be the closest.

He took my silence as a sign to continue. "And I get it, Courtney. I do. You've known him as long as you've known me, and I'm sure there were times that you had a little crush on him or something. But for so long, you knew you and Matt were semi-realistic. We never thought we'd be where we are now."

"Being with Matt wasn't exactly realistic-"

"The only issue the whole time with him was age. We had society against us, we had the law against us, literally everyone. Honestly, even you were against it for a while."

I looked down, taking in what he was saying.

"Please eat," he murmured.

I gave him a small smile before doing as he said so he would continue.

"Haven't you ever been jealous of someone, Court?" he asked.

"Yeah, of course," I said.

"Who?"

I thought for a second and when I thought of someone, I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Michelle."

"Why?" he countered instantly.

"Um..." I thought about it more. "I guess because I could tell she didn't like me, and you paid more attention to her at times than me."

"You wanted all of my attention."

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

"It's the same exact thing," he said. "Except I know for a fact you both share the same feelings, it's not one sided like you thought it was when I was with Michelle. And honestly, we both know Matt isn't a bad looking guy."

I smirked a little and he did it back.

"Sometimes, I really wouldn't blame you for leaving me for him," he said quietly. "He's treated you like a queen ever since you were born and I've done..." He sighed frustratedly, saying, "All the shit I've done to you."

I wanted so badly to say something, but my head couldn't form the right words. I don't think I could have handled this conversation totally sober, let alone hungover.

"And the band can't suffer any more than it has," he said after a little bit. "On our own, away from Dr. Fraud, we vowed to end whatever it was negative between us. Just because you two talk, I can't get upset with you. And he accepted a long time ago that any chance of you two is gone, but now he's not going to let it bother him."

"Do you think it will work?" I asked.

"It has to. Neither of us can stand to lose you, or each other."

I nodded. "Sounds good."

"And also," he said slowly, setting his plate down. "I'm going to be going back to therapy."

"What?" I asked, jumping forward a little bit. "Why?"

"We both know why, Courtney," Brian said. "Off camera, I told them what happened before the car accident. They had a feeling it was my fault, anyway. Then Matt said you had already told him and that's where the whole jealousy thing came in. I have obvious issues with my anger and control that I need to take care of if I want you to be safe with me."

"I've always been safe with you, Brian," I said.

"You didn't always believe that."

I didn't know what to say to that.

"I don't want you to question your safety anymore," he said. "So I will be addressing those things and whatever else comes up."

"I'm glad," I said. "I know it was tough for you to make that decision."

"I just need to know that you support me," he said. "That you will the whole time."

"Of course," I said. "Of course, every step of the way."

He let out a breath and the corners of his lips curled up the slightest bit before looking at me. "I love you so much."

I smiled and stood up to sit on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. "You know I love you."

He kissed me with a silent urgency, soft but hard like he was restraining himself. "Doesn't mean I don't want to hear it again."

I pulled away, laughing a little. "You're greedy."

"I can't get enough of you, I'm sorry," he laughed as I got up to throw our garbage away. "But now that things are settled, I should probably call the guys so they know you're home."

"By the way," I said, turning to him. "Tell Johnny he's a douchefuck."

"Oh shit," Brian said. "Why?"

"He didn't bother calling me!"

"Because his phone died and we knew if you weren't answering for Zack, you wouldn't answer for anyone so he didn't bother once it was charged."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Either way."

Brian stood up, chuckling. "All right, I'll tell him." He walked past me to the stairwell before he turned back to me. "Hey Court?"

"Yes?" I asked, resting a hand on my hip.

He had a cute smile on his face. "Say it one more time."

I rolled my eyes. "I love you, Bri."

Before turning to go upstairs, he smiled wider and said, "I love you, too, Mrs. Haner."

Notes

Chapter title credit: Pink
Lots of information, what do you all think? Here's another fun poll for the hell of it!
Quick A/N: BMTH concert was awesome! Jordan Fish acknowledged my existence, which is actually who the character of Travis was kind of modeled after! So that was awesome, and the singer of Underoath put his hand directly on my forehead. It was rad.
Thanks for reading, don't forget to comment!

Comments

DYING FOR AN UPDATE !!

Holly Holly
12/27/18

@K. Shadows... PLEASE COME BACK! I need to know how this plays out... :’(

I’m so glad you updated!! Poor Courtney. :( I’m glad Brian walked in when he did.

xo_mckyyy xo_mckyyy
11/21/17

Fuck, poor Court :.( Brian owes a fucking explanation for the notebook, and what he said earlier... -_-

LOVED THE CHAPTER!!! Damn Jason fucked up. Can't wait to see what happens.

Avengedlover Avengedlover
11/6/17