Zachary

If there was anything I hated more than that wheelchair it was these stupid meetings I had to attend for the clothing line. I had to meet with printers, vendors, and marketing people and it was all just bullshit. I just wanted to make clothing and sell it. Why did everyone else have to make it complicated with contracts and legal crap?

I exit the meeting exhausted, and really I just want to go home and curl up on the couch with Beks. When I enter the larger part of the warehouse I scope it out in search of her. I find her speaking with a guy I’ve never spoken to before. He caresses her arm and I frown as she smiles at him. I approach her as she enters my office. She’s looking down at some documents when I walk in.

I don’t mean to fight with her, but I can’t help but be jealous and I’m not sure why. She keeps taking up for him, and I can’t help but think maybe she’s been cheating on me with him. I don’t know where the thought comes from but once it pops into my head it refuses to go away. Before I know it, Beks is walking away and I watch her. I watch as she makes it to the door and shake my head when Nick stops her. They talk for a moment before she leaves and I watch him as he watches her.

I inhale deeply before turning and walking back into my office. I slam the door shut and I'm tempted to hit something, to hit Nick but instead I put my fist in my mouth and try to calm myself down.

I spend the next few hours in my office ignoring the knocks on the door and the phone calls. I try to work, but my anger distracts me. I know she’s been fucking him, I know it. That’s why she wouldn’t sleep with me when I was injured. She said it was because of my leg, she didn’t want to cause any more damage but now I know it’s because she was getting it on with someone else.

I jump out of my chair when I hear Nick telling the others to have a good day and swing my office door open. “Nick, can I speak with you,” I raise my eyebrows at him.

He looks surprised and I don’t blame him. I hadn’t spoken with him before and now I was asking him into my office. He was probably nervous. Good.

“Yeah,” he smiles and I beckon him into my office and then close the door behind us.
“Have a seat,” I tell him and he does as he’s told. I sit behind my desk and look at him. Anger fills me again and I flex my jaw before continuing. “Nick, I haven’t had the chance to meet you, but I’m Zack Baker,” I introduce myself. “I’ve been gone because of my band and then because of medical problems, but I’m back now and I’ve been watching all the new hires to make sure everyone is right for the job.”

It’s a lie. I haven’t really been watching them, I have supervisors for that but none of that mattered. Nick nods but doesn’t say anything.

“Anyways, after careful consideration, I’m sorry but we’re going to have to let you go.” I wasn’t sorry. This is what he deserved for flirting with my girlfriend.

“What?” Nick asks. “Did Bekah show you my resume? I’m highly qualified. She’s even the one who trained me, showed me the ropes. She’s been really great.”

Oh, I’m sure she has. “Yes, well, my girlfriend,” I emphasized our relationship, “tried her best to fill my shoes while I was gone.”

“I mean,” Nick started. “I know I had some trouble today with the backordering process but…”
I was tired of hearing his shit. “I’m sorry, Nick but the decision has been made. Your last check will be mailed to you.” I get up as I speak and open the door.

Nick sits in the chair for a few long seconds before he gets up and moves towards the door. “Well, it’s been a pleasure working for you, man.” And then he’s gone.

I shut the door and turn back to my desk. I needed a drink or two, or ten. I grabbed my things and the stack of paperwork I was supposed to be working on before exiting the office. I said goodbye to those I passed and felt relieved when I got in my car and was headed home. I knew mine and Beks’s fight would continue when I got home, but at least tomorrow when I came to work Nick wouldn’t be here and Beks and I could move on with our lives.

When I get home she doesn’t look at me and I don’t expect her to. She doesn’t look at me until I tell her I fired Nick. I thought about not telling her, to just let her find out the next time she went to the warehouse but I figured that would just make things worse. Might as well just get it over with. She’s angry but I don’t care. She’s begging to know why I fired him and eventually I snap.
“He can’t keep his fucking eyes off you, or his hands apparently!” I yelled, and then once I started I couldn’t stop. I ranted about how she probably just hired him because she liked the attention. Then I told her I’d allow it because I enjoyed the attention of women while I was on tour. It was a lie. Sure, women threw themselves at me all the time but I never reciprocated. I loved Beks. I loved every part of her, every flaw. I would never dream of cheating on her. But I was hurting and I said things I didn’t mean.

This time I took it too far and when Beks told me how much she loved me I knew I had made a mistake. God, how could I be so stupid to think she would ever cheat on me? Beks. My Beks. She would never hurt me. When I reach for her she steps from me. She begs me to leave, and says she doesn’t want me to stay here tonight.

I want to stay but I know she needs her space. And for now I’ll give it to her. “I’ll be at Matt’s,” I tell her as I open the door. I hesitate, hoping she calls me back, asks me to stay but she doesn’t and so with a barely audible sigh, I walk out of the house.

Matt and Val welcome me with open arms when I knock on their door. Beks and I have never fought like this, she has never asked me to stay somewhere else for the night but I understand why. I don’t bother wasting any time when Matt hands me a drink and I down half of it immediately. This was my fault, I overreacted.

“Want to talk about it?” Matt asks me after Valary takes Jackson upstairs for a bath.

I sigh and take another gulp of my beer. “I just…had a bad day, took it out on her. Said some things I didn’t mean – that weren’t true, and now…she’s never going to forgive me.”

Matt shakes his head. “That’s not true. I know Beks, you know Beks…she’s always willing to hear the full story. Just give her some time and go to her. Everything will be fine. I know how much you love her and I know how much she loves you.”

Matt was right. I decided to give her space, to sleep here tonight, go to work tomorrow and play it by ear. I would speak to her when I thought she was ready.

That was the plan anyway, until I went to bed that night and couldn’t sleep. I think I finally fell asleep around three in the morning only to wake up an hour later. I tossed and turned until finally I knew I had to go speak to her. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I made this right with her. I loved her so much, I couldn’t stand for things to be like this. I couldn’t stand for her to think I had slept with another woman while I was gone.

I was dressed and out the door in ten minutes. When I arrived to the front door of mine and Beks’s house, I stood there for a moment hoping I was doing the right thing. I hoped she was ready to speak to me. I unlocked the door and frowned when the security system did demand for me to enter a code. I set the code and then climbed the stairs. I could hear the faint noise of the shower running.

Poor Beks. She must not have been able to sleep either. I entered our room and sat down on the bed. Beks’s showers lasted around thirty minutes, so I would just wait here for her. I wasn’t sure if she would want to see me or not so I didn’t want to intrude on her shower.

Minutes ticked by; five minutes turned into ten; ten into twenty; twenty into forty-five. I tapped lightly on the door at the fifty-minute mark. “Baby,” I cooed. No answer. A little louder, “Babe.”

She still didn’t make a sound and so I slowly turned the door knob and entered the bathroom. The shower was running, the shower door wide open and there were small puddles of water scattered on the floor of the bathroom from the stray water droplets. As I took a step in, taking in the scene, I happened to see Beks, naked, laying on the floor of the tub, hugging her knees.

“Bekah,” I called cautiously. “Baby…” When she didn’t answer I panicked and rushed to the side of the tub. Instinctively I reached down to grab her, and when I did I nearly pulled my hand back the water was so cold – freezing nearly.

“Bekah,” I called, grabbing her arm and pulling her into sitting position. She was breathing, but that was the only sign of life to her. Her body was as cold as ice and it sent another wave of panic through me as I pulled her into my arms.

I don’t know if it was out of instinct or what, but she wrapped her arms around my neck and I was relieved as I carried her into our bedroom and payed her on the bed. I stripped down to my underwear and then got into bed beside her, pulling the blankets over us and then pulled her into me. Her body felt like ice against mine, and I couldn’t help but think something had happened. I didn’t know what to do, should I take her to the hospital or stay put?

I didn’t know and so I stayed there, transferring my body heat to her. We laid there for what seemed like hours before Beks’s breathing became soft and even, and I knew she had fallen asleep. I laid beside her, but couldn’t bring myself to sleep and I couldn’t bring myself to leave her side either. God, what had happened? This behavior, staying in the shower when the water was that cold wasn’t normal. I knew this couldn’t be because of our fight. Yes, it was bad but it wasn’t bad enough for this to happen. Worry filled me and I had a sickening feeling in my stomach I couldn’t get rid of. Something happened, I knew it. The more I thought about it, the sicker I felt and eventually I found myself sprinting to the bathroom, emptying my stomachs contents into the toilet.

After I was done puking, I rinsed out my mouth and then exited the bathroom. I stood there, in the doorway staring at Beks’s sleeping form. She was so beautiful. I was exhausted, I wanted nothing more than to curl up with her and sleep, but I knew sleep would never come, not until I found out what happened.

I decided to make my way downstairs and make coffee. I knew I would need some to function today, and maybe Beks would like some when she woke up. I soaked myself in thoughts as the coffee brewed. Guilt resided in my chest, and I hated myself for not being here. I went through the things I would say to Beks when she woke up as I fixed my coffee. I would tell her I was sorry and that I loved her. I would comfort her and tell her to tell me what was wrong when she was ready. I would be there for her, and hope that I had nothing to do with how she is feeling.

Beks’s scream, “Get away from me!” rings out from upstairs, and I drop the coffee cup before it touches my lips. It shatters against the kitchen floor as I run, taking the steps two or three at a time. I run into our bedroom and panic hits me when I notice Beks is no longer in bed. I hear a whimper and I turn to see Beks, sitting on the floor, her knees pulled into her chest and she’s crying.

“Beks,” I whisper, trying to remain calm. I kneel down beside her. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

She doesn't answer and that worries me, terrifies me even. I don't know what to do and my stomach begins to feel queasy again. She's not looking at me and as I continue to stare at her I realize I don't think she was looking at anything. Was she having a nightmare and sleepwalking? I touched her arm and her eyes shot towards me.

“Baby, are you okay?” I asked her. Of course she wasn't okay. Look at her. It was a stupid question but I didn't know what to do. I’ve never had to deal with something like this. “Do I need to call someone?” I asked her. I feeling in my gut awoke and I cringed. Maybe she just didn't want to talk to me, maybe she didn't want to see me.

“I can go get Matt,” I tell her. Maybe getting Matt would be the best option. Maybe he would know what to do.

She doesn't reply.

I sit there for a few minutes longer until my knees begin to ache under my weight on the hardwood floors. I run my hand through my hair before standing up. “I'll be back. I'm going to go get Matt.”

It's soft, barely there and if I wasn't looking directly at her I wasn't sure I would have heard it. “No.”

I bend back down to her level and pull her into my arms. I want to cry. I want to cry because I'm frustrated, I'm sad and scared. “Let's get you back into bed” I murmur against her ear. She barely nods before I lift her up and guide her to the bed.

“No.” again it's soft and barely there. I wonder if she's just repeating the same thing over and over until she stops moving and resists me. “No,” she says more firmly.

“Okay,” I tell her. I look around the room, hoping for an answer to jump out at me but nothing does. I sigh and look at her before realising she's still naked. “Just, sit down and we’ll get you dressed and then we can…we can go downstairs.” I guide her to a chair and she sits down.
I grab a random shirt of mine and a pair of sweats and make my way back over to Beks. I pull the shirt over her head and then help her get the sweats on. Beks loves wearing my shirts. She wore them all the time when I was on tour. I'm hoping it helps comfort her. A grab another shirt and pull it onto my own body before I pull Beks back onto her feet.

We make our way downstairs and I realize she's holding herself up better. We sit on the couch and I look at her. She's crying again.

“Baby, please talk to me. Please tell me what's wrong so I can fix it.” I plead. Seeing her like this is breaking my heart.

“I can't,” she chokes out. “You can't.”

I grab her hands and cup them into mine. “Let me try. Bekah, I love you so fucking much. Is this because of our fight? Baby, I didn't mean anything I said. I know I was being stupid and…”

She cuts me off. “Oh, Zack,” she cried. “I know you didn't mean it.”

I nod. “Okay,” she continues to cry into her hands and I want to ask her what happened but I don't want to push her. She just started to speak to me. “Okay,” I repeated. I pull her head into my chest and stroke my hair. “I love you, Bekah,” I had to reassure her. “I love you so fucking much. Tell me what's wrong when you can, okay? We can sit here all day if we need to.” Beks nods as she continues to cry into my chest.

We sit there for what fills like hours and I wonder if my clock is broken when it tells me it's only been a few minutes. I rack my brain for something to say but nothing comes to mind. I open my mouth to ask her if there's anything I can do, but her voice comes out instead of mine.

“Jake’s alive.” She said.

Notes

Another chapter with no answers. At least Bekah is starting to tell Zack what's going on. What's going to be his reaction? Thank you so much for reading!

Thanks to Cheyenne16, foREVer-A7X, Hollie, MeRi, kaylakakes, a7xdeathbats6661, and Kimmie for commenting. Keep it up, i love hearing from everyone!

Title credit: Avenged Sevenfold "Burn it Down"