Evelyn

I lean my head on the cool, porcelain surface of the toilet. My stomach churns before I can relax and I empty what’s left in my stomach which is basically nothing. I cradle my head in my hands and take deep breaths.

“Baby, are you okay? Can I get you anything?” Zack appears in the doorway. Sleep coats his face as he scratches his chest.

“No,” I breathe. “Go back to bed.”

Zack doesn’t respond and he disappears from the doorway just as my stomach wrenches and I double over the toilet once more. Seriously, there is nothing left in my stomach. This morning sickness has got to stop.

I hear footsteps and look over just as Zack bends down, crouching beside me in his boxers with a glass of water in his hand. He offers it to me and I take it with a gracious smile. I take a large gulp, swish the water around my mouth before spitting it out into the toilet. Zack takes the glass from me and I lean against the wall. Zack sits back with me and drapes his arm across my shoulders.

“Just think, in a couple of weeks the first trimester will be over and you’ll start the second trimester which means…” Zack starts but I interrupt him.

“Which means more weight gain, stretch marks, backaches, leg cramps, and swollen feet!” I groan. “Oh, and hemorrhoids!”

I roll my eyes as Zack chuckles slightly under his breath. “You’ve really got to stop reading those What to Expect books.”

I groan and lean my head into Zack’s chest. I lay there, focusing on the way his chest moved up and down with each breath. Zack pulls me closer to him and kisses the top of my head.

“What time is it?” I mumble. God, I’m so tired.

“Um…like 3:30,” Zack answered stifling a yawn.

I groan. “Okay, go to bed. I’ll be in there in a second.”

“Are you sure?” Zack asks me quietly, exhaustion coating his voice. I nod and stand up. Zack follows me and kisses my shoulder as I steady myself on the sink. “Don’t be too long,” he smiles as I grab my toothbrush.

“I won’t,” I reply. Zack exits the bathroom and I begin to brush my teeth.

Two weeks and the first trimester will be over and the morning sickness should subside. Just two more weeks. Fuck. I rinse my mouth off and exit the bathroom. Light spills from the bathroom and onto the bed when I open the door. Zack is laying there, his back towards the door. I turn off the light and make my way to the bed and gently get in, careful not to wake Zack. I have been waking him up at least once a night getting in and out of bed since I moved in, I felt so bad.

As soon as I got comfortable, my back to Zack, I feel him shuffle behind me and wrap his arm around my waist. “By the way,” he whispers in my ear, “I can’t wait for the second trimester. You’re going to start showing more, we will feel the baby kick, get to find if it’s a boy or a girl! Which means we’ll get to have a gender reveal party! And lots and lots and lots of shopping for you and baby.” I can’t help but smile as Zack softly caresses my stomach. “I know it sucks right now, and I know there’s going to be a lot more sucky parts, but it’s going to be so worth it. I can’t wait to see you big and pregnant.”

“Big and pregnant, huh?”

Zack chuckles in my ear. “You know what I mean. Get some sleep.”

---

My hormones keep fucking me up. All day, I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions. Zack went to work and I stayed home. I didn’t understand why Zack lived in such a big house. Three bedrooms, two and a half bathrooms, I mean, he was a single guy why did he need three bedrooms? And that’s when it hit me.

This was probably the house he and Gena picked out when they were planning their future.

The tears were instantaneous. Instead of clearing out the second guest room like I had planned to, I just cried. And then got angry. Then jealous, happy, annoyed – until I made a full circle and started crying again.

When Zack came home, my bags were packed and by the door. I was drinking white grape juice out of a wine glass trying to convince myself that is was wine instead. “Evelyn? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

He was so cute when he worried. “I can’t do this!” I cried, “I can’t go through with this. I can’t be pregnant. I can’t be a mom…we…we can’t be parents!”

“What? Ev…it’s kind of too late for that,” Zack said. “Where is this coming from?”

I sniffed. “You picked this house out with Gena, didn’t you? That’s why you have three bedrooms?”

“Wh…Evelyn, what are you talking about? Why are your bags packed?” Zack questioned.

I huffed and cradled my head with my hands. “I need to go home.”

At this, Zack sits down next to me. “Evelyn what are you talking about, this is your home. What are you talking about? New York?”

“Yeah…this was a mistake, I need to go,” I wipe my eyes and try to stand but Zack pulls me back down.

“Hey! What is wrong? Talk to me!” He demanded.

I took a deep breath. Where was I to even begin? “This was a mistake, Zack. All of it. We should have never slept together, we should have never got involved. You were meant to marry Gena and I was meant to stay in New York. I should have never told you about her and that guy. You would have been happy. You bought this house for her. You were going to build a future with her, have a family and –”

Zack interrupted me. “First off, you didn’t tell me about Gena, Whitney did. Remember, there was a whole argument about it? Secondly, I’m glad I was told about her cheating. If not, I would have married her and she would have kept cheating on me. We would have ended up getting a divorce. Also, I didn’t buy this house for her. I bought this house because I liked the area, and sure I had a future with her imagined when I bought it, but…this house was bought because it had spare rooms for kids, and all of the guys’ houses are within walking distance. It’s by the beach. It wasn’t bought for Gena. It was bought for my future with my wife and kids. I hope to have that future with you some time, Ev.”

“We’re not ready for a kid, though, Zack. Matt is right. We should have been more responsible. I mean, a kid, Zack? Really? What the fuck are we doing? Playing house?” I asked.
Zack shoots me a look. “Evelyn…”

“No, Zack! How long do you think this is going to work? I can’t do this! I need to go home.” I try to get up again but Zack pulls me back down.

His voice is clear with irritation. “Evelyn, stop! You’re not going anywhere, just calm down.”

“I’m scared, Zack!” I wailed.

“Okay, and so am I! I’m fucking terrified. I’m terrified of us having a baby. I’m not ready for this either, it’s happening so fast but…what’s done is done. I’m terrified of the future but I don’t want to let it go either. I don’t want to lose you; I don’t want you to lose this baby. God, Evelyn. I fucking love you. I love you and this baby so much already. I know you’re scared but I know deep down you know you can do this.”

I don’t answer him. I’ve begun to calm down and slowly, I start to realize how stupid I’m being. I’m almost embarrassed, but I don’t think I’d ever feel embarrassed with Zack. I really did love him and I knew he loved me. There was no reason to feel embarrassed because I knew I could be myself around him. I could be irrational and ridiculous and I knew he would still love me at the end of the day.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble. “My hormones are out of control today.”

Zack lets out a breathy laugh. “You don’t have to apologize. Let’s go unpack your bags again and then I want to take you somewhere. I have something to show you.”

“Oh, Zack. I’m really not in the mood to go do anything,” I sigh, suddenly feeling bad.

Zack stands from the couch and pulls me to my feet. “You’ll want to do this,” he whispers before kissing me. “I promise.”

An hour or so later, Zack and I have all my things put away and we’re in his car heading to our unknown destination. Zack is smiling but refuses to tell me where we’re going. We don’t drive long, and when we stop it’s at an apartment complex.

“Zack, what are we doing here? Are you kicking me out?” There’s a slight laugh in my voice but I’m rather serious. After my meltdown this morning, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Zack shakes his head and gets out of the car, I follow suit. “No, baby. I don’t want you to go anywhere with your cute paranoid ass.”

I smile and grab his hand. “Shut up.”

Zack and I walk into the apartment building and then get in the elevator. “Are you ready for your surprise?”

“Uh, a little nervous,” I answer honestly.

Zack doesn’t reply but instead gives me a reassuring smile followed by a wink as the elevator doors open. We walk out into the hallway and Zack approaches a door. He knocks three times and then takes a step back. I look at him questioningly just as the door opens.

“Whitney,” I breathe, taking her into my arms.

Whitney hugs me tightly. “How are you? How’s my baby?”

I smile, pulling away. “What are you doing here?”

Whitney grins largely. “I live here now. Come in, look at my apartment. It’s so cute!” She pulls me inside with her hand.

“What do you mean you live here, Whit? What happened to New York?” I ask.

Whitney glances at Zack and then me. “Oh, come on. You’re my best friend. This is where I need to be. You’re having a baby, you need the support and I need my best friend. So, I got Zack’s number from him when he was in New York last. Then, I asked him to help me find an apartment.”

I turn to Zack. “You helped do this?”

He grins. “Surprise.”

“You know, this is the second time you guys have schemed behind my back. The first time was in high school, remember?”

Whitney laughs. “Yes! For prom. Nathan and me helped Zack plan the Los Angeles trip.”

Zack wraps his arm around my waist. “Now, that was a great night.” He mumbles.

I bite my lip remembering the events that took place that night. And yes, it was a great night. A really, really great night! “Yeah, but I don’t know if I like how easy it is for the both of you to keep secrets from me,” I joke.

“Only good secrets!” Whitney grins.

Zack grins. “Now, are you sure you want to move back to New York?” He teases

Whitney looks at me with a confused expression. “You we're going to move back to New York? Why?”

I shake my head and nudge Zack in his gut. “He's just being an ass. I had a little breakdown a couple of hours ago.”

“Zack!” Whitney laughs, “you're not allowed to tease a pregnant woman about her hormones!”

Zack kisses me on the cheek, “Mm, I’m sorry,” he snickered. “Let’s go get something to eat. I’m starving. You too, Whitney.”

“Okay,” she smiles. “Let me just go change really quick!”

She walks out of the room and I turn to Zack. I wrap my arms around his neck and he wraps his around my waist. “You did this for me?” I ask.

Zack smiles. “As much as I wish I could take all the credit, I didn’t force Whitney to move. She wanted to, it was her plan. I just helped.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, standing on my tiptoes to brush my lips against his. I was so lucky to have a friend like Whitney and a boyfriend like Zack. My support system was unreal, I had everything I needed in life. A part of me felt like I didn’t deserve it. I wasn’t the best person in high school; I made mistakes, I broke hearts. For twelve years, I had lost Zack, the one man I only truly ever loved. I lost him and I never thought I was going to get him back.

But here we were, on year thirteen – lucky number thirteen – and I have him back. I have him back and I’m pregnant with our child and we’re happy. I have Whitney by my side and my mother, I just wish my dad could be here…but I knew he was watching over us.

I was happy, I really was. Oh, and lucky. I was really fucking lucky.

Notes

Thank you guys so much for reading. Next chapter is the last! Happy New Year!

Thank you to Kimmie and MeRi for commenting.

Title credit: Frou Frou "Let Go"