Evelyn

Ten Years Later
January 2010

It was a rainy day.

A child next to me asked his mother why God was crying and added, "Shouldn’t He be happy He has another angel with Him?"

The mother smiled down softly to her son before kneeling down and straightening out his clothes before putting a finger to her lips to hush him.

There was a large canopy posted up, shielding us from the rain but the crowd was large and some stood on the sidelines under their umbrellas.

I didn't know Jimmy very well, I had only met him a couple of times when Zack and I had been dating, but when my brother died Jimmy was there and so I knew I had to be here to help send him off.

Despite the gloomy weather most of the crowd still had their sunglasses pulled to their face, shielding their glossy, red eyes from one another. I spotted Brian, Matt, Zack and Johnny sitting next to Mr. And Mrs. Sullivan. Mrs. Sullivan had her head on her husband’s shoulder.

The boys were four of the six pallbearers; I didn't recognize the other two. I wondered what would happen when they saw me. I hadn't seen them since Ryan's funeral five years ago.

My brother committed suicide. There was some speculation that Jimmy had done the same. I didn't want to believe it, I couldn't. My heart ached for everyone that was close to Jimmy, but it ached for Zack and Matt the most because I knew them well, I knew how close they were.

The man speaking allowed a select few to throw dirt onto Jimmy casket. That's when Zack spotted me. The crowd began to disperse, and as soon as he could he marched up to me. I was surprised because he hadn’t spoken to me since the day he found out about my little deal with Matt and it wasn’t for the lack of me trying. I wanted nothing more than for him to forgive me. I really did love him, even though he didn’t believe me.

He grabbed my arm and yanked me away from the crowd and into the rain. His grip was hard but I was able to refrain from crying out in pain.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He hissed.

I bit my lip. Was it wrong that a part of me was hoping he'd be at least a little comforted to see me? "Paying my respects," I said softly.

He rolled his eyes and scoffed, "Please." He let go of my arm.

"Zack, can we please talk." I asked him. I knew it wasn't the best time but I also knew I probably didn't have another chance to be face to face with him. Even at my brothers funeral he avoided me like the plague.

"I just finished putting my best friend in the fucking ground, Evelyn and you make it about you. Sounds about fucking right." Zack said.

I shook my head and opened my mouth to reply but Matt walked up.

"Hey, Evelyn. It's nice to see you." Matt pulled me into a hug.

"I wish it were under different circumstances," I told him. "I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Thanks," he pulled away.

I hadn't seen Matt in a few years. We tried to keep in touch, especially after my brothers passing but it was hard due to them traveling the world or recording and I was now living in New York and had been since a few months after graduation.

I turned back to Zack and he was glaring at us. He was eventually able to forgive Matt for his high school stupidity, and I wasn't sure if it was for sake of the band or because they had been friends for so long but I don't think he liked us together or that we tried to keep in touch.

A part of me wondered if he refused to forgive me because I accepted the deal. I knew Matt was just trying to pull two people together. He didn't offer me the petty deal to hurt his best friend, but I didn't accept the deal so I could hurt Zack either. I just wanted to get my calculus homework done, and now that I'm older and more mature I know how pathetic and selfish and stupid that was, but I never meant for Zack to get hurt. I loved him. I fell head over heels in love with him towards the end of our relationship, and then before I knew it everything was over.

Now, I knew I deserved it. I knew I deserved to be miserable and hated, but in no way did I want it. I knew there was no chance in hell that Zack and I would ever date again. I would just be happy with being friends with him.

I pulled myself out of a zone just in time to hear Matt say they should get going. I stared at Zack, silently begging him to give me a chance to talk but he turned around.

And then he turned back towards me and my heart did a flip.

"If I ever have to bury one of my best friends again, I better not fucking see you there. Stay the fuck away from me, Evelyn."

"Hey!" I exclaimed grabbing his arm as he turned away from me again. The word slipped out of my mouth and I wasn't sure what I was going to say next. "I'm here to pay my respects, just like you."

He eyed me up and down. I haven't changed much over the years but I had gotten some tattoos. I wasn't the same person I was in high school, I didn't have the same mentality and I took pride in that. "You know, no matter how hard you try you will never fit in. You don't fucking belong here, so go home." Disgust practically seeped from his mouth.

"Dude," Matt began but Zack walked off.

I shook my head, "Don't worry about it, Matt." I didn't want to cause any more problems between them than I already had. I didn't want Matt taking up for me because I knew it would only fuel the fire.

"I'm sorry, Evelyn. It's just a real tough time for us right now." He said. I could only nod. "Thanks for coming, really, it means a lot."

Matt walked away and I stood there, allowing the rain to continue pouring over me.

Notes

Sequellllll. Hope you guys enjoyed! Let's hope for a happy ending this time, but who knows what will happen!

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Title credit: Panic! at the Disco "Nicotine"